The Genuine BESH Palais. To misquote Carlsberg, we're probably the barrenest TTC-ers in the world...

[HesterShaw]

We are Barren. We are Evil, on account of having left procreating until our 30s. We are Selfish, thinking only of careers and money and cars and holidays. And lastly, we are Hags. Welcome to the BESH gin palace. Babydusters and instadiffers need not apply.

[TWinklyLittleStar]

I went running before work once, but I run through some wooded areas and nobody had broken the spiders webs between the trees. It was horrifying.

[HesterShaw]

Rasp lovely, you sound like you need a big sleep and a nice cup of tea for starters. Then your dad needs telling that if he starts a job in someone else's house it is generally considered good form to finish it. And remind your mum, as I frequently have to do with mine, that you IVF is your business and someone else regularly asking about it, commenting on it, doesn't help AT ALL. You know she's interested, you know she's concerned, but please can she wait to be told stuff, and you will if you are ready.

Sorry homecoming was shit xxx

[lovesLemonDrizzleCake]

Hear, hear hester. I agree with everything you say.

I have trained nearly everyone on the don't-ask-I'll-tell (or usually won't tell) approach to our fertility-shite. So spell it out for her and any other nosy parkers. It is not helpful, though the concern is nice, it can be given in the form of cookies and wine (or financial IVF support).

Sorry it is all shit rasp. I hope this morning is looking better.

Well done frank on the run. I love your excuse for chickening out of morning runs twink. I ran through some woods post-work for the first time this year (because I had not been out since halfway through March) so that was lovely.

[evilgiraffe]

Well said, hest

[alwyn]

Absolutely what hest said, rasp. Hair strokes for you.

I have secured employment, BESH. I am OVER THE MOON. At lovely workplace with lovely people. Can't bloody wait to start on Monday

[TWinklyLittleStar]

I fully agree with what hest said. Sorry things are so crappy rasp.

al that's brilliant news, well done!

[HesterShaw]

Look at everyone agreeing with me! I must be Very Wise.

[RaspberrySnowCone]

hello hags and thank you for the supportive messages. I actually feel no better whatsoever. MATV is cross with me for being so stressed, I have text pregnant friend about baby shower but not had a response as yet, if I get one at all. I probably don't deserve one. Spoke to the hospital, they basically said it is out of their hands speak to the funding people.. Rang them, the person in question is still off sick, they don't know who is picking up the work but they gave me a number of a bloke I can speak to but he doesn't answer his phone.

I don't feel any better so I've made an appointment at the drs for next Friday, that will get a week 'back' in normality to get my head straight on what I want to say but it will be along the lines of 'I need help, I'm falling apart'. I think I also need to look for a new job. It's a shame because the extra money is really very nice but I was happy doing what I did before. Mum wants us to go over later and tell Dad what we want doing which seems a bit weird, they must know it will be something along the lines of 'Finish the tiling'. The frustrating thing is it didn't need re-tiling, all it need was a paint, the floor to be tiled (it's only a small space!) and a new roller blind and I would have been very happy! Instead I now have three different have tiled walls/floor, a manky ceiling and manky roller blind but a nicely weeded garden. Probably the least of my issues I know but it's just the icing on the cake really.

Sorry for all me me me, I'll get back into it in a day or two when I've calmed down a bit!

[TWinklyLittleStar]

I give you permission to be as "you you you" as you like

Seriously though, even without everything else it's dreadful hating work. You have my full sympathy. Jacking in my other role and going back to the one I'm in now was the best decision I ever made. You work for too long to spend it being miserable. Also, MATV is probably acting cross because he's worried, but HWCA did the exact same thing and it was so upsetting. I had to literally yell "I'm not choosing to be stressed, this is something that is happening to me!"

[RaspberrySnowCone]

Thanks Twink. I think I've scared everyone else away! I don't think I've ever sobbed as much as I have today. Had a massive row with MATV so cried at him and then had to go to my parents and sobbed on my mum then I got a lovely text back from baby shower friend saying basically that she completely understood and would I rather do lunch on our own or whatever would be best for me sort of thing so had another cry. I really don't deserve such nice friends! Now I'm all puffy and tired and have to go back to crappy work tomorrow. At least MATV calmed down while I was out and is now being civil again. Men are such strange creatures.

[CaptainMoll]

Oh Rasps, it sounds like you've really been through the wringer today. Sometimes a good bit of full-scale sobbing helps though. I did that the other week after bottling it up for ages and it was such a relief. I hope you get some of the same. UnMNy hugs to you.

Hest, I fear you may be peeing solo on Friday. I got the first faint hint of droidal activity today. I might POTOQF anyway for solidarity.
(In my head, the BESH flag is a bit like a Jolly Roger but with skeggy kecks instead of a skull, and crossed pee sticks)

[alwyn]

[HesterShaw]

I know we don't do hugs, Rasp, but have one anyway ((((((((())))))))). I think that's the first time I've typed that :)


So to hear that Moll. I have no optimism and feel it's all pointless anyway. But I might as well

[TWinklyLittleStar]

Not long to go now hest. As you say, you might as well.

[evilgiraffe]

Oh, Rasp, I'm sorry things are so hard :( I'm glad you've made a GP appointment, it sounds like a neutral voice (and maybe a referral for counselling?) would be helpful. I sympathise completely on the job front, whenever I look back at 2012 I'm shocked and horrified - getting out has done wonders for my mental health. Until the GP, maybe a fishy hug will help :)

[Northey]

rasper, lovely, I'm sorry everything is a bit mis (massive understatement) :( Going to the GP sounds a very sensible idea - get the help you need in order to start putting yourself back together. Feeling unable to cope is just horrid, and I wish we could all come around and help you. More internetty hugs instead.

[FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn]

Raspberry, I hope you are feeling a little better this morning. Is it worth you also contacting the clinic about counselling? To the best of my knowledge most fertility clinics offer it in one form or another and you may get an appointment quicker than through the GP.

What's your normal LP Hesty, are you feeling droidal at all? Did you have a progesterone test 1 week after IUI to confirm ov? Oh, and can I ave your autograph Miss Big TV Star?

[TWinklyLittleStar]

Morning all. Can anyone tell me, when will I learn that tights with shiny pants leads to a day of tights sliding off my bum? Highly annoying.

rasp how are you today?

How is everyone?

[CaptainMoll]

Morning all. Hope you're all waking up to sunshine and nice things, esp Rasp

Alas, Hest, no pee sticks for me. Droid arrived this morning.

I thought the LP was supposed to be the same every time, but mine's all over the place. 9, 14 and 10 days for the 3 cycles that I've managed to chart reliably.

Ah well, bring on the surgery and bye bye Lumperdinck..

[TWinklyLittleStar]

Aw Molly, sorry to hear that. Stupid fucking droid. Bye lumperdinck.

[FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn]

Sorry to hear about droid Moll

I'm good, no running today as you're supposed to run every other day.

[TWinklyLittleStar]

I might go for a run after work, but my legs are achey - yesterday's horse was a lot more lively and a lot less interested in staying on the track than last week's.

[evilgiraffe]

Aww, sorry, Moll, that sucks.

No news here other than my god it's good to be back on the wagon. Illness-induced celibacy makes me a sad panda. Hurrah for being well!

I'm back on my bicycle too; rode the short loop yesterday in good time, so at least training doesn't appear to have suffered for the time off. I'll go for a longer ride today to test that theory, though...

[HesterShaw]

I actually think my natural luteul phase has ended as my boobs were agony a few days ago and now they're fine. It's only the progesterone bullets keeping it at bay now. Wank.

[KatAndKit]

I have everything crossed that you are wrong. I have been stalking for you all week. Not over till the metal fucker bleeps and all that...