The Genuine BESH Palais. To misquote Carlsberg, we're probably the barrenest TTC-ers in the world...

[HesterShaw]

We are Barren. We are Evil, on account of having left procreating until our 30s. We are Selfish, thinking only of careers and money and cars and holidays. And lastly, we are Hags. Welcome to the BESH gin palace. Babydusters and instadiffers need not apply.

Well maybe not impenetrability. More just that we are forgetting our BESHly heritage and not creating any more. I need a journey and a legacy. Because I like shit reality telly and so have come to expect these things. Or maybe I am talking shit.

norf - you are talking shit. Just to clarify

Quiet in BESH land today!

Alright, riddle me this, BESHes: I never ever get EWCM, ever. So why today (CD15) do I have EWCM - not much, granted, but that is more than usual - complete with fetching brown streaks? I don't generally get spotting between droids either, but this is the third random day of spotting since droid finished - and droid actually lasted a normal length of time (six days bleeding, two days spotting) for the first time since last July. Granted, last week's stomach bug was horrific, but it shouldn't make any that much difference, surely?

I am confused!

You're laying an egg. Shag immediately.

Wot hest sed, draf.

Maybe it's the month of random EWCM? Having not had any for almost two years, I am practically drowning in the stuff at the moment. And half a world away from KFZK. What cr@p timing.

merk what's occuring?

I went to the gym this morning for the first time since I was preggers. I am very unfit. But I like the gym in Merica. Most people in it have considerably more heft than I do!

I think it must be, euro, I can think of no rhyme nor reason for it HOTB will be late home tonight, too, grr. Still, with a week of illness-induced abstinence following a week of droid-induced abstinence, he shouldn't be too difficult to seduce

OV bleeding/spotting is A Thing. I've read it before on the internets, so it must be true.

But I never have Things! This is strange and unusual new ground!

My neighbours are having a barbecue. WIBU to squawk across several gardens the fence and beg a sausage? I've had to bring my washing in because of it, so fair's fair...

Well, it's either the squawk option or a well trained Dog/Cat/gerbil who can leap fences..
I want a sausage now.

I am getting persistent stabby aches on my womble's left side. Is this a) paranoia b)englebert lumperdinck growing bigger c) an ectopic pregnancy?
#menkuls

Votes (a). How are things with englebert lumperdinck anyway?

draf can you not bring some beers and invite yourself?

Lumperdinck is scheduled for probing and removal on May 14th. He is kinda hurty these days, so I'll be glad to see the back of him.
They're doing the dye job while they're in there.
unless I get preggers first

I vote (a) too. Stop worrying

Sausage opportunity has been and gone. HOTB having his tea out, and I can't be arsed to move so am just getting hungrier. Maybe if I get a film out I'll be inspired to cook as I'll then have entertainment planned...

I have left over risotto to eat. I cooked it on Sunday so I hope it's ok. I'll nuke it in the microwave just to be safe.

Nuke it good, Frank, you don't want no half-heated rice, that shit is EVIL.

Thanks for the flounder slap, Draf

I am doing a late shift and I am stuck at a desk by myself and all I can think about is CHOCOLATE

HWCA thinks all rice is evil, I can't remember when I last had risotto. He is currently watching The Hobbit, and I am only just paying attention. I am mostly enjoying the horses dressed up to look like Icelandic ponies.

My first two days at my new job have been great, although I am shattered. I'm on nights on Friday, then have to go get dildocammed on Saturday morning. Fun.

My period tracker suggests I am probably ovulating today. If I did ovulate today, is there any point in trying for a shag in the morning? (Other than that it's fun.) HWCA has been pretty committed to the cause this month but last night and the night before, it's been all clap and no sprinkle, which is unusual... Not that I think I've necessarily ovulated this month.

I like rice.

I like most food, actually.

I think there is point in SWI tomorrow. Sometimes you release two eggs.

Though I can't talk. Sometimes I'm just too lazy to shag.

I vote (a) too and getting pregnant before May 14th as well moll.

Yay for the fabulous new job twink, althought nights combined with dildo-camming sounds foul.

Risotto is LOVELY, when done well. Just so you know. But cold I agree it is a little vile. I just had a sandwich for tea after mental break down cos SB failed to come home - forgot to tell me his activity and then forgot to tell me the volunteering had moved to the pub.

I fancy a shag. Maybe I should shower.

I'm back in this shitty country ladies, although I'm tempted to turn round and fuck right off out of it again. Came home to my bathroom a complete shit tip because my dad started retiling it and got bored so fucked off, nothing from the hospital and fuck all else well in the world. So tomorrow ill give the house a clean, do some course work then get ready to go back to work in a job that I've got to be honest, I really am not happy in. I want to leave everything behind and never come back. Many tears have fallen this afternoon. Fucking fuck. Oh and mum has ramped her positivity up to me not getting just one baby from IVF-ill get twins??!! What the actual F? I really don't know where to start with all this. I really, really don't.

Hair strokes, Raspy. That sucks.

Sorry you've had to come home to all this deary. Don't work too hard today, be kind to yourself.

I have just returned from my first Couch to 5k run

Oh, rasp :( That is a whole pile of crap.

I'm more impressed at the time of your run than the run itself, Frank. I am so completely NOT a morning person.

evil, I have to exercise in the mornings as I have to study when I get in from work. Plus I find it makes me feel more awake for the day ahead!