The Genuine BESH Palais. To misquote Carlsberg, we're probably the barrenest TTC-ers in the world...

[HesterShaw]

We are Barren. We are Evil, on account of having left procreating until our 30s. We are Selfish, thinking only of careers and money and cars and holidays. And lastly, we are Hags. Welcome to the BESH gin palace. Babydusters and instadiffers need not apply.

That's cos there ain't one rasp. Did you get a tan ?

rasp it does it to me too. I find it all a bit overwhelming. I think I've been so spooked by trying to get preggers that when I'm confronted by what I can't have, it sends me into this crazy pit of self-doubt. About everything. When are you home ?

twonks I mean. Damn sausage fingers.

norks you are vair wise for this time of night. Home on Monday evening. I already don't want to leave!

Twinks, I absolutely get that feeling. I look at people with kids and this huge part of me goes no fecking way could I ever do that. And then my biology goes DO THAT DO THAT DO THAT.
And then I have to drink wine until it all makes sense again
and repeatedly start sentences with And, against all rules of literature

Isn't there the risk if splinters if you shiver a wooden spoon up the areas?

I remember reading an interview once with an A&E nurse, about all the "accidents" she'd had to deal with. The best was a vicar who came in with a potato stuck up his bum. He claimed to have been hanging curtains whilst nude, fallen from the stepladder and landed on the potato.

cap'n shattttaaaaap. Really ? Ten out of ten to the vicar for coming up with that story. It's genius.

dot there's a risk of all sorts if you shove anything up the rear FOOF. A wooden spoon does seem particularly fraught with danger though.

Really Noks.
I also have a parent who worked for a medical journal. He had to edit various articles, including case studies. The most memorable was a couple who'd "wanted to get their dog involved in their sex life". The guy smeared marmite on his genitals in an attempt to encourage the dog. The dog promptly bit his genitals off.

"I also have a parent"
So, my dad, then.
Very tired Cap'n, should get to bed..

Eeeeew, Moll, eeeeeew!

Wooden spoons seems like a bad idea, but dildos and prostate stimulation is not that odd - thousands of gay (and a good few straight) men can't be wrong...

I think my brain is giving up on broodiness. Unless I'm hormonal it doesn't seem to have the same drive any more, and I can't even imagine myself pregnant. It seems like a completely ridiculous thought - both being pregnant and being a parent at all. Like children have absolutely nothing to do with me. Mind you, it's only a month ago that I was sobbing hysterically on HOTB outside our friends' house after he cuddled their baybee, so perhaps I'm just kidding myself

Morning all, interesting conversations you lot were having last night. Like the BESH equivalent of the Friday Night Bum Sex thread!

The races were great as always, but we had a hefty downpour just before the big race and I had to take shelter to protect my totally-unpractical-but-utterly-gorgeous suede shoes from the rain. Don't panic, they were fine

I get all the doubting thoughts over kids. I have them frequently, but I think hope they are normal. Lets put it this way, you get nervous/worried about the things you care about, so I think the doubts are a good thing, providing you don't let them consume you.

We watched the Star Trek reboot last night in preparation for ST:ID (sounds like a sex-disease!) next week.

Hope the weather is as good for everyone else as it is here right now!

Morning all

cap'n dog sex man is also world's stupidest man. For that, he deserves his 'ackers to be in the dog.

raff we were all a but doubtful about this parenthood lark yesterday. I think I will take hest's advice (which was exactly the same as Ma Noks's advice by the way, and she gives great advice) and put things like that out of my mind.

franks did you win ? I'm going to the races on the next bank holiday weekend and I need some tips.

So, today, i have decided that instead of the black dog of depression grabbing our legs like a sex depraved lunatic, he will be having a day off, eating marmite and happily noshing down on some man bits and will leave the BESH alone.

Noks x

I had a similar conversation with my GP (about getting pregnant, not bum sex) when he asked me what I thought was causing me the most distress. I said it was because there are so many pregnant women around I was struggling to cope with the fear that I might never experience that and become a mum, and added to the fuck up with hospital paperwork I've just lost the plot a bit. I can't even look at diffed women or children under 5 at the moment without crying or wanting to cry.

Well done on protecting the lovely suede shoes frank, although a but of rain water is better than spunk I suppose. Oh no wait that was silk shoes wasn't it

No winners Noks sadly, but I only had one bet on the day. Not sure if I'll back anything today. Let me know where you are going nearer the time and I'll see what I can do. I can't guarantee winners, but I can give you some choice phrases that will make you sound like you know what you are talking about

In my rebellion against barrenness, I am drinking super-strength coffee and eating Danish pastries for breakfast

We are ok ta Nokkie. She us currently full of milk and asleep on my chest not that I'd ever MN with one hand and hold baybee with the other!

This parenting lark is definitely two steps forward, one back. The sleep deprivation addles your thinking and I've had thoughts like some of you describe like Am I capable of this?...but there is definitely something to be said of gut instinct - no-one knows this baybee like me and no-one can settle her like I can - that is very satisfying :) I think we're getting to grips understanding what's normal and the ESH FB group has been a lifesaver/wonderful resource!

Morning Afternoon hags!

Nice image faithy-and-faithlet on MN :) Glad to hear things are improving and it sounds fairly blissful from the barren perspective!

I am having some trouble removing the other images for good from my mind. I am sorry but "involving your dog and smearing things in marmite to achieve this" Gross and stupid. If you're smearing any part of your anatomy with something, it should a) be tasty and b) be aimed at a consenting participant, otherwise you have no grounds for complaint.

On other news yesterday's slow cycle ride was about 30miles, today's slow run about 4. I am feeling pleased with myself and very sticky...

Did I kill the fred? Drowned my sorrows and feeling good but won't be tomorrow morning

Is driz sozzled ?

Anyone watching Peter Kay? Ver' funny.

Watching more Spartacus here although I do love PK.
There is ever such a lot of naughtiness in this sporticus malarkey. Tits all over the place

Is it satellite?

We've been out to see Aliens at the cinema. I love that film, and big screen is wicked

DVD Hest.