The Genuine BESH Palais. To misquote Carlsberg, we're probably the barrenest TTC-ers in the world...

[HesterShaw]

We are Barren. We are Evil, on account of having left procreating until our 30s. We are Selfish, thinking only of careers and money and cars and holidays. And lastly, we are Hags. Welcome to the BESH gin palace. Babydusters and instadiffers need not apply.

'lo hags. I'm at the airport and feeling homesick already, before I've even left properly, dammit! Are you all enjoying the long weekend?

SUCH a good long weekend! Dinner out on Friday with friends, BBQ with friends on Saturday night, trip to see Aliens last night, and HOTB and I have been mountain biking and picnicking in Thetford Forest all day today. Glorious sunshine throughout! Although one uphill stretch today defeated me, and when I pushed my bike up it I slipped and fell, and my bike dragged me down more and then fell on me. I have grazed and bruised knees for the first time in years and years!

Don't be homesick, Twink, have a good time! (where are you going?)

I'm back draf, I was in the Motherland visiting my sister and parents for the weekend, and am just back in sunny Essex. I'm homesick for my place of origin rather than my place of residence. Your weekend sounds lovely :)

twonks where is the Motherland

raff are you ok ? Damn bike. I did my second C25k run today. Have had to start the first week again but felt good and went for a swim afterwards. I am possibly the most inelegant runner in the world but I don't care.

Well, I'm off for the hystero tomorrow. Mon foof will be on display from 12.30pm tomorrow. Lovely.

Hello to everyone else.

Norks x

Morning all.

Good luck with the hystero today Norks

I have sunburn after spending several hours doing the gardening yesterday < me.

Hope all is well with everyone, particularly those of our members who have been quiet of late.

Yeah, I'm fine, noks. Sore knees, but nothing serious. My mountain bike weighs the same as a small elephant; makes me realise how light the road bike is!

Hello hags. I hope you are all feeling ok. Soe of you seem to have had rather melancholy weekends. On the other hand, I have had a lovely weekend, but am now feeling melon collie.

I was at the in-laws' place in the South of France. It was gorgeou down there. We even made it to the beach one day! Photos to follow on FB.

Now we are back I am completely wigging out about tomorrow. I'm not sure if I've mentioned it on here, but I have a (hopefully benign) cyst on my face. It has been growing very slowly for about 3 years. It has to go before it gets too large but I have a bit of a scar phobia, so knowing that this is the last day of my life that I will be without a scar on my face is really upsetting me. I am a little ball of anxiety about it and KFZK doesn't know what to do with me. Still, at least it is distracting me from the fertility stuff.

Have a look at my FB photos. Then look again - bet you never even noticed the massive burn scar on my left cheek. You'll be fine, promise. Arnica and bio oil will do the trick.

I'm feeling less melancholy today. My Star Trek tickets are booked and dick-for-brains pleaded guilty at the 11th hour so I'm safe to go on Thursday :)

norks how was the foof prodding?

HWCA dropped off his first ever spaff sample today. I actually felt a little sorry for him - at least nobody expects me to enjoy a dildocamming. Though I bet some people do. I read an article in a shit magazine this week about some woman that gets turned on by fairground rides and 'married' a spinning teacup.

You're right, I had never noticed. Thanks for the reassurance. How did the burn happen? And do you use anything to cover it? I usually hate make up on my skin, but I will make an exception for this.

I have my Star Trek tickets for Saturday . On that note, he wasn't lying when he said the costumes were tight - check out the CumberBulge

euro my mum left me unattended in a room with curling tongs on the floor as a toddler. She still feels guilty. Sometimes I wear foundation but as often as not, I can't be arsed. People don't remark on it, and I can't say I've noticed any staring.

frank you perv, you've made me laugh out loud. I'm very excited!

Eek, she must have felt awful! You really can't see it. I think most people I know have a childhood scar of some kind. There are just not many 37 year old women walking around with stitches in their faces. By the tim it has faded, I'll be a pensioner. :(

Sorry to be away and then come back in a mememe phase. This is just really upsetting me.

Infertility, miscarriage and a head alien. I mean, what the fuck will be next? It's almost enough to make me believe there is a good, cos it's looking like I have pissed off someone important....

good =god. There is no fucking good in any of this.

I do wish MN would add an edit post function...

I feel like that Euro. I feel like God hates me, even if I don't believe in a god.

Cumbersnatch on GMTV in a minute laydees..

Good luck with the lumpectomy euro. Hoping its not as bad as anticipated.

Sorry about the mis peeps are feeling at the moment.

Euro I hope today is as stress free as possible for you.

Norks, how did yesterday go?

New BESH mantra: we've done nothing to deserve this

I feel quite resolutely atheist. If there is a god (which there isn't), he/she/it is intensely spiteful and unkind, and therefore not worthy of either my respect or my trust.

In other news, droid has arrived. This is obviously bad news, but it also means that the laparoscopy on the 29th can go ahead, which is good. Hormonal fluctuations had me leaking tears ths morning - not even real crying, just a sort of overflow, if you know what I mean Being female sucks balls, it would be so much easier if my own body wasn't screwing with my mind every five minutes.

Hope things go well today, euro. Scars are not as noticeable as you expect them to be, if that's any comfort? My gran had a mysterious growth thingy removed from her face when I was small - I couldn't tell you which side of her face it was on, it's so barely there.

Euro, I can't tell you not to fret, because you will, but scars are very rarely as noticeable to other people as they are to the wearer. And I guess it's better to get rid of it before it gets any bigger

In other news, there be no polyp here. Dildocam told me so this morning, so round 2 here I come (June).

Hurrah hest! That's great news. And thanks for the reassuring words to you and others.

I'm all done and have just rewarded myself with some chocolate. I was awake from 3.30 this morning fretting and I feel relieved to have it over. The cut is not quite as neat as I would like, but it is as small as I could have hoped and close to my hairline. I'll just have to wait and see how the scar turns out. The stitches come out in a week. Now that the local anaesthetic is wearing off, I feel rather like I have been hit round the head with a large catfish. Now which one of you hags was it, eh? BTW, being awake and chatting to someone who is digging around inside your forehead is an INCREDIBLY odd sensation.

Now there's nothing more I can do about that, I can go back to fretting about the fertility stuff. I think droid might be on the way pretty soon. So then it'll be time to call the clinic and book the first scan.

Well done Euro, chocolate very much deserved.

Hurrah indeed for being a polyp-free zone Hesty, roll on June!

Hope everyone else has had an equally good day, and if not has plenty of

Evening all

So, I went to the hospital yesterday for the hysteroscopy. They were doing all of the usual pre-op faffing about and asking the same questions they asked at the pre-op assessment last week. Which lasted nearly TWO hours. Anyway, one of the pre-op faffs had me pee in a pot (my aim is now extraordinary) and one of their tests has.....and I cannot believe I am saying this.....revealed that I have managed to get myself updiffed. I made them do three tests because I just told them that it was not possible. They were all positive. I bought two of my own and they said the same. I couldn't fecking believe it.

I went for a scan today and I am 5+5. Saw a little flickering heartbeat and everything. It's early days and I know how precarious all this can be so am taking nothing for granted. After four and a half years of absolute hell and this ivf torture, it's the last thing I expected to happen. I also appreciate what everyone here is going through so don't want to go on about it.

However, I still feel as though I have been hit around the head with a large fish, so that catfish must have been doing the rounds euro.

An utterly stunned Norks. X

Oh my Nokkie that's fan-bloody-tastic news! I'm so happy for you!

Glad it went ok euro.

Delighted you're polyp- free hesty.

good god Noks you are 'one of them' i.e. the friend of a friend of a friend who blah blah blah! They do exist! I just swirl my tassles so hard one flew off and hit MATV in the eye :) Congratumalations :) :) Fingers crossed for a massively boring and routine 9 months eh !

Oh my goodness norks that's amazing! Congratulations x