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Conception

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Original poster

The Genuine BESH Palais. To misquote Carlsberg, we're probably the barrenest TTC-ers in the world...

984 replies

HesterShaw · 19/04/2013 22:18

We are Barren. We are Evil, on account of having left procreating until our 30s. We are Selfish, thinking only of careers and money and cars and holidays. And lastly, we are Hags. Welcome to the BESH gin palace. Babydusters and instadiffers need not apply.

OP posts:
CaptainMoll · 04/05/2013 13:19

Draff, can't help thinking that would make for an off putting climax. Men of HaaaaaAaaAAAAAArlech.

RaspberrySnowCone · 04/05/2013 14:34

Omg sunshine!!! Sat in the garden trying to get a tan. Typical Brit!

lovesLemonDrizzleCake · 04/05/2013 17:16

How were the races frank? Well done on the run! I am going to attempt to run more than 4 miles tomorrow. But we've been for a long and slow cycle ride and now I am completely shattered... Waves at speedy draf.

Original poster
HesterShaw · 04/05/2013 18:52

I always think I want hot weather. Then it gets above 22 degrees and I melt into a red, sweaty, ginger, rashy puddle. So attractive.

OP posts:
Nokkie73 · 04/05/2013 19:29

HOLA Hags

I have only just had a shower. I have been well fucked off today. Saw my lovely best mate last night and she was telling me about one of her mates who I know quite well who has gone and got herself updiffed, basically to keep her flaky man. After three years of him basically mucking her about (he famously compared her to a moped - handy, but you wouldn't want to be seen on one) and various reinventions of their relationship, she 'forgot' her contraception for three fucking weeks and, like magic, she has a baybee in her tumtum. However, the father is a total dick, in my book. She suggested they go all Fifty Shades of Grey in one of their relationship reinventions. His took her to a laybye and spanked her with a wooden spoon until she begged him to stop. Which is hardly erotic, it's more like dogging with kitchen utensils. This story has resulted in the ole black dog of depression humping my leg all bloody day.

Angry
Original poster
HesterShaw · 04/05/2013 19:34

Ach y fi.

:(

OP posts:
Original poster
HesterShaw · 04/05/2013 19:34

Wankers.

Put them firmly from your mind.

OP posts:
Nokkie73 · 04/05/2013 19:47

I know I should hest and I will tomorrow. Stories like these make me so damn cross though.

Lets talk about Rhod Gilbert instead. Mmmmmmmm.

RaspberrySnowCone · 04/05/2013 19:50

Noks in such situations I take consolation in the fact that I wouldn't want to be stuck in a desperate, lonely unloving relationship, baby or no baby. Agree it is a kick in the fanjo, life really is a bitch sometimes.

MATV has got me doing pad work and punching him in sequence. It's actually pretty therapeutic! Highly recommended.

Nokkie73 · 04/05/2013 19:56

Wise words rasp . I would like to punch something too.

RaspberrySnowCone · 04/05/2013 20:24

And I most definitely wouldn't want to be spanked with a spoon in a layby

RaspberrySnowCone · 04/05/2013 20:27

Although one of MATVs mates once revealed that an ex had stuck the end of a wooden spoon up his bum and apparently it was pretty enjoyable. I can think of better things to stick up there.

Original poster
HesterShaw · 04/05/2013 20:37

Euw.

OP posts:
RaspberrySnowCone · 04/05/2013 20:50

Indeed

HadALittleFaithBaby · 04/05/2013 21:03

I knew a bloke whose sexuality had always been questioned who slept with a girl who shoved a large green dildo up his bum during sex. He liked it so much he went out and bought himself one Hmm

Wotcha schlags. I'm still lurking. Sorry things are generally crappy...
bugs have a luffly holiday.

Noks having a baybee with that man will be horrendous. First few weeks are tough enough when your OH is naice, she will rue the day.

Well done on the exercise laydees :)

Luff and gin to you all. As you were...

TWinklyLittleStar · 04/05/2013 22:26

D'you ever think that this is just shit and pointless? Parenthood is hard and stressful, I'm too selfish and I'd be a shit mother anyway.

TWinklyLittleStar · 04/05/2013 22:31

The mooncup didn't leak a drop. My cousin's baby is way way cuter than the picture. My 2yo nephew threw up everywhere, I don't know how my sister copes with the worry. I don't know how anyone copes with the lack of sleep - I'm wrecked as it is.

Original poster
HesterShaw · 04/05/2013 22:35

Oh my God, Winks, I feel like that ALL THE BLOODY TIME. I shouldn't be in charge of a cat, let alone a baybee.

I get afraid that if I do ever get pregnant after years of trying, say I don't like it? Say I'm crap at it? Say I want it to go away? Say it's disabled and I'm too selfish, lazy and immature to cope?

So many things.

OP posts:
Nokkie73 · 04/05/2013 22:39

faif while I would never wish anyone any ill will (apart from Cliff Richard or Nicholas Cage) this has car crash written all over it. It's just a shame that a baybee will be in the middle of all this drama. How is Faiflet anyway ? All good with you ?

rasp what is it with wooden spoons as instruments of sexual 'pleasure' ? I use mine to stir gravy. Leave it.

twonks wassup luv ? Is the black dog of depression humping your leg too ?

Nokkie73 · 04/05/2013 22:41

hest I have those feelings too. I just have to believe that we'll all be good at it if it's our own kids.

TWinklyLittleStar · 04/05/2013 22:48

Dunno what's up norks, just not myself tonight.

TWinklyLittleStar · 04/05/2013 22:49

Glad to know it's not just me hest

Nokkie73 · 04/05/2013 22:50

twonks is it because you've been surrounded by kiddies today ?

RaspberrySnowCone · 04/05/2013 22:51

Noks I don't think there are any kitchen utensils that that would be an appropriate use of. Ick

TWinklyLittleStar · 04/05/2013 22:55

That's probably it norks. Two nephews, four cousins and one cousin-once-removed, aged from 7years to a few days Old. I felt very selfish and barren today.