TTC 10 + months, part 14 (eek)

[GinSoaked]

A friendly, supportive thread for lovely ladies taking waaay longer than they ever expected to win their babies

madness A proper sit down meal does sound lovely. Our dining table is more ornamental and it is good to make the effort. So glad to hear that you are more relaxed. I think actually "doing" something even if it is in the form of stabbing oneself feels so much better than the endless waiting around this TTC usually involves.

joycep I am so sorry that you feel teary. It sounds like you are going through the classic stages of grieving which I suppose (though I'm sure it doesn't feel like it) is a good and positive thing. I can't imagine how you must be feeling and send you lots of love.
It is good that you have a plan of attack going forward & a little break before putting your plan into action.
Thanks for your kind words RE my situation. I reckon the OPK in combination with all the other little tells is pretty conclusive TBH. OTD was put somewhere between tomorrow and Thurs though I think that I will just sit it out and wait for AF. I can't face the whole piss stick thing it's just too depressing!

mrsd I was the same as joy re: positivity. I was completely negative about the whole process until I got my BFP and then I dared to hope, and it all went wrong!

joy I feel the same about the family tree thing. It's kind of odd to think that my gene pool could potentially be traced back to the beginnings of mankind, but that line would end with me. I'm still uncertain about adoption. My desire to have a family didn't really come from a need to mother, but rather a pure biological need to reproduce, at least initially. I might have moved past that now, but I am not completely sure.

pout was adamant my cycle hadn't worked. I don't hear your fat lady singing yet, so it's not all over.

Just lost a post due to my own iPhone stupidity. The main gist was keeping fingers crossed for Pout and Gin

Sorry I've been AWOL. Real life has intervened.

hello ladies

pout how are you

joy glad you have a plan

gin wow not long to go now :)

euro hope you have something nice planned for Easter after all this work

critter have a great time skiing

nelly are you snowed in up there??

free how are you??

madness how are you doing??

thanks for all the birthday wishes, I feel better today but still felt rough yesterday. I had cake at work today and now I am off till after Easter, I have a couple of nice things planned for my actual birthday and then we have a family gathering for Easter at the inlaws

Quiet here recently!

pout I hope that you've had some good news. I'm sorry that you're feeling so awful about it. Don't beat yourself up about the OPK, the wait must be torture, you haven't done anything wrong. But look, even if this round hasn't worked, you have a frozen poutlet chilling on ice, and it is a numbers game. Some people are lucky on their first round of IVF, but the majority don't get a hole in one - you will get there, even if it isn't this cycle. You really will.

joy your plan sounds really good. I would want to do another IVF round if I were you - you were so close (which I know much make it all the more incredibly painful). I think doing a round abroad would be good. It would certainly be cheaper, which is important given how expensive all this business is - it's a huge amount of money, which makes the heartbreak even more bitter when it doesn't work out. And you and Roy could be away from work, perhaps, and horrible colleagues and stress. I am so sorry about this terrible period. You don't deserve to have been through this.

buzzy cake sounds delicious and hurrah for holidays and a little break, and glad you have lots of lovely things planned.

nelly it sounds freezing up where you are! Hope all is ok with you and that you're not rushed off your feet with your hobbles. Do you have a date set for your next round? I can't remember, sorry, my memory seems to be getting worse!

euro I hope you are ok... how's this week going? You must be dead on your feet after the travel schedule and the mc - both physically and emotionally drained. I hope MrEuro is looking after you and running you hot baths in the evening and bringing you Lent-approved cups of tea. I can't believe how well you have managed through this rotten experience.

doll thanks so much for the ET and EC work advice. I am definitely going to try to take a day off for EC and hopefully for ET too if I can. I actually got my orientation pack and calendar today from the clinic, am starting the pill today and they project EC around April 30 and ET around May 3, tentatively.

madness I hope your knitting is going well, sounds like exactly the sort of nice thing to do in the cold weather I hear you have been getting!

gin Good Friday for your FET has to be a lucky sign! I will have everything crossed for you. Oh I so hope this is the one for you. at the 40 year old frozen cow sperm!

sar hope you're ok my love.

Waves to sweet, mrsd, lemon, rabbit, and our grads and any lurkers. Hope everyone is doing well.

Morning ladies! Thank god it's a bit sunny this morning and not so bloody grey! Makes getting up and out the house slightly easier...

euro hope you are ok and not too knackered. Not long until those bank holidays now.

Oh pout, I don't think you can rely on an opk. I so so hope your gut feeling is wrong. You may have to do a hpt, as the fanny candles/arse bullets may delay your period. Mine didn't come until several days after I stopped them. Big hugs - I'm thinking of you.

I think it's up to your clinic whether you do a natural cycle FET. If you ovulate normally, there's no reason why you can't, but it is dependent on your clinic being open all the time, so they can do ET at the right time. Basically they monitor you and pop the embryo back in at the right point ie 5 days after ovulation for a blast. With medicated they can time it to when they are open. Tbh, I've found this cycle more intensive than i thought i would, with all the monitoring and dr's worries about whether I'd ovulate, but at least I don't have the EC fear.

As someone else has said joy, it does sound like you are going through the classic grieving cycle. Although it I'm sure doesn't feel like it, this is a good thing as it means you are processing things. I think if I were you, I'd want another go too, dependent on the test results. They do say it's a 3 cycle procedure... But I totally understand that it will be so hard to try again. I think they do ivf in somewhere like the Bahamas, which sounds nice :)

Like you and euro, I'm sad about not carrying on the family tree, although assume my siblings will do so. I have all this crap I've kept from my childhood to pass on and stuff i've inherited from my grandparents and I'm now like what's the point? My old photos are going to end up in a junk shop or a bonfire. Urgh anyway

critter it's really exciting that you are starting treatment so soon. As you say, it'll be good to actually be doing something, rather than all the endless waiting.

nelly hope you are ok. From face tube it sounds like things may have been a bit stressful for you recently!

buzzy nice birfday plans lady! I still don't believe you are the age you say you are. You look far too youthful to me .

Hope the ladies on hols -rabbit, lemons and madness I think?- are having a lovely time.

The arse bullets are making me want to eat everything in sight and also giving me a faux pregnancy, bloated belly! I was eavesdropping listening to a man on the phone last night, whilst on the train and he was talking to his 'blud', saying that all anyone wants really is to settle and have a family. I thought too bloody right, no wonder this is all so hard!

Did we ever make any concrete plans for a meet up? Once it's a bit less arctic-like, I'd love to see some of you again.

Woo hoo critter - you are on the way!

Gin I got as far as collecting names (somewhere buried in the last thread) and then got waylaid by joy's turmoil plus my own pregnancy followed by mc. I'd still like to meet though. Feel free to take over organising if you would like to as my attempt was rubbish.

buzzy your birthday celebrations sound fab!

I'm not sure that Easter will be very restful for me. I'm currently planning on working the first two days of the long weekend in the hope that I can take the last two off, but we will see nearer the end of the week what will work. But this case will be filed in a couple of weeks, and then life will become less frantic.

Afternoon all. struggling to read back on my phone but wanted to check in.

Very much enjoying being off work for a bit. the stress levels have gone down and the cold and achey back are gone. think I'd just worked myself into such a state that i couldn't see sense .

I hope everyone else is having a good day. looking forward to having some cycle buddies in the very near future .

Thinking of free and hoping all is well.

Same for you pout

proper catch up from home later.

Pout - any news? Have been thinking about you a lot and crossing a my fingers.

Mad - I am pleased the stress levels have come down.

Critter - you are so lovely. Please let us know when you are over because it would be great to meet you.

Gin - ivf in the Bahamas you say? Anywhere would be cheaper than the Argy! I hope you aren't too stressed about Friday. It must have felt like a long old wait for this month to come around. I also have stuff passes down through the family and it deeply concerns me about where it will go. Which is ridiculous as it's not like you'll care once you die!

Gin/euro - I am up for meeting for whenever anyone is ready. The Southbank seems to work quite well. Had my first drink in 4 months yesterday and it went straight to my head and i forget how much I love a glass of booze.

joining in the chorus of "any news?" from pout.

joy your plans for a holiday in the sun sound wonderful. Somewhere very un child friendly is a good idea.

I can't remember who it was that said their woo dr told them to wait 6 months? Was it madness? I wanted to comment at the time but forgot. Anyway to whoever it was, I think it's easy for someone else to say wait but I'm not a big fan. I've waited forever and I really wish we could have done ivf 2 years ago, I feel like we've been wasting time even though we had to complete all the tests. I'm very sceptical that any lifestyle changes will make a difference at this stage, our problems are more fundamental than that. On which note, I've just seen a pregnancy announcement on FB from a couple who easily have the worst lifestyle of all my friends, and they've managed it. I think it was rabbit that said this is all so unfair and I agree completely.

sar I am so sorry for you that the fet didn't work this time. My clinic said that people need to give it 4 cycles (and by cycle they mean 4 egg collections) and that you should have hope until that point. I know they probably say that because of the money but I think there is some evidence that it can take up to four goes. We have decided on 3 full cycles and then we will reassess. Unless of course I really can't tolerate ivf. Anyway, I wanted to tell you that because I don't think you should give up hope of it working yet.

happy birthday buzzy sorry I'm a bit late to wish you that! I agree with gin that you look much younger. This is going to be a good year for you

gin so much luck wishing from me to you for your fet. When is transfer likely to be?

afternoon ladies I have had a pretty relaxing day, watching TV and cleaning.

pout I hope you are ok, thinking of you

joy how are you my lovely

euro boo hiss to working, especially Easter

gin its getting closer :) FF has lots of threads on overseas ivf clinics

mrd thank you and gin I certainly don't feel my age, my actual birthday is tomorrow.

I am still keen on the meet up too

Sorry this is a quckie, ver ver busy in the sar house.

Pout -ooooo honey, I have fingers and toes crossed. But whatever the outcome, er are 100% with you. Xx

Joy -I totally agree about giving ivf another go, I know finances are always a consideration but as you can implant really well it may just be a case of waitin for the golden embryo. But I know this whole thing is so draining. Dont forget it could happen naturally too. Sorry you have been sad. Sending some winey hiccupy hugs.

Buzz happy birthday, I am excited about the year you have in front.

Gin - hooray for nearly there fet. Day 5 transfer sounds right because day 6 embryos are biologically day 5 embryos which just needed a few more hours to become blasts if that makes sense. I readsomewhere thar slow grow embryos are slightly more likley to be girls - very exciting.

Critter - I cant thank you enough for the pep talks. Needing to believe in myself is what I need to try and do.

Euro - hectic indeed, maybe book a cheeky spa day?

Den -thank you for your comforting and wise words.

Madness - really glad to hear you feel more relaxed.

Luffs to all, would still try and come to a meet up. X

That makes me, sar, gin, joy and buzz I think. Have I missed anyone?

Quick post while MrP is toileting the dogs to say that I am spotting. It is 12 days past transfer tomorrow so I plan to test tomorrow am so I can confirm that I ought to stop the Progesterone pessaries because I reckon they are stopping my period starting properly. So looks like a bust
Love and waves and will post properly tomorrow.

12 days past transfer or collection, could it be implantation bleeding??

12 days past transfer so definitely not implantation.

Pout - I am so sorry if this turns out to be a bfn. It is an odd, shitty feeling when an ivf cycle doesn't work out. I always feel a bit stuck in no mans land during this phase. If it doesn't work out allow yourself to feel whatever, there are no rules but don't supress your feelings. Tight tight hugs, this is not the end, just a minor blip. Xx

I got implantation bleeding at 13 dpt.

Pout - . i hope it isn't over. I had bleeding too & hope it's just a case of this. Thinking of you .

pout I so hope that it is implantation bleeding. If not, we are here to look after you as you recover and move forward. I have everything crossed for you.

sar Hand hold. mrsd has wise words. I was chatting to my mum tonight as I had a mini freak out when I picked up my giant pack of drugs from the chemist yesterday (which I think I remember a few people also doing)...anyway she said that she just remembers a beautiful Indian colleague from her old office who had a baby on her 9th IVF attempt which was apparently in Hong Kong as the doctors here wouldn't let her do another round in the UK... my mum said the little boy is the most handsome and clever little chap ever and that she always thinks of him when people talk about IVF children. Not saying it will take you 9 rounds of course! But just to say, there is lots and lots and lots of hope for you and for all of us. Keep your chin up.

joy I understand the pain of thinking about your family tree. And I am with you and euro on having a very strong drive to have a biological child. But I do really think that you will get there and that you will have a baby to pass on your things to. I just can't imagine that you won't. The IVF stats are against it working first time, even if you're under 35 and healthy - I think mrsd's advice about it being a 4 cycle process is really good - although I know it's incredibly costly - emotionally and financially.

gin lols at the man calling his friend 'blud'. Very street! Good luck for Friday.

euro I think a spa day sounds like an excellent plan, or at the very least a lovely massage somewhere fancy!

free hope you're ok.

Waves to madness, birthday kisses to buzz, tail feathers to sweet, rabbit, nelly, lemon, doll, art, sea and midnight. I will be off from tomorrow afternoon for a week on a family holiday and probably out of internet range so will catch up when back properly.
I'm a bit worried because I checked my calendar and I'm due to start stimming for the first time the night I fly to a super rural hillbilly part of the US for my poetry weekend. I will be staying for the first night with a friend and his wife (who I have never met)... and will probably end up mixing my drugs together for the first time in their loo. He knows I'm IVFing but I don't want to make a big deal of it. Kind of wish I could just be at home and do it there in the privacy of my own bedroom. Argh. I'm not worried about the gonal f, just the menopur as you have to mix it. I will just have to watch a lot of youtube videos on how to do it first so I feel confident!

Sending tight hugs to pout I'm very sorry this looks like it's not working out. I will be thinking of you today and hoping it doesn't go as you expect. x

pout Big hand squeeze

critter you're a strong capable woman , yes watch utube but you will be fine, are they giving you both??

gin 24 hours and counting :)

critter enjoy the hols! Are you using both Gonal F and Menopur? I'm sure youtube will make you an expert before you head there.

I agree with you about viewing it as a multicycle process. We went into this saying 3 cycles in 6 months, not thinking that a short pregnancy might scupper timings a bit. I think I will find it very hard to stop at 3 if the next 2 cycles don't work, because we know it can get us to BFP.

I'm on CD17 and still waiting to ov. I have mixed feelings about it. If I had oved at my usual time, I would have had to wait until May to cycle again as I would have beeb overseas for my April ov. But I want to ov to know that my body is getting back to normal post-mc. My acu lady thinks I will be back to normal soon. I hope she is right. And a bit of a delay might mean we can manage the April cycle.

pout and gin thinking of you.

euro an April cycle is just around the corner - and I can understand wanting to 'get back to normal' post-mc. I think you've dealt with things brilliantly.
If you do cycle in April, there are a bunch of us I think now cycling then. I will be using Lupron, Menopur and Gonal F... just the pill for two weeks, then adding in Lupron, then starting stimms with Menopur and Gonal F about 10 days after that.

buzz sounds like your birthday celebrations have gone with a swing! Yes, I am sure I will manage, it's amazing how we always do! One thing this process has taught me is that I can handle things that I never thought I could before. You realise how strong you are.

gin good luck tomorrow. Would love to meet you all and will try to sync a visit home with a meet up some time this year!

pout thinking of you and sending you lots of love and strength.