The big fat posifrickintivity, but only on a friday thread - TTC after MC and not lose your head

[Mummytothearkbuilder]

Ladies - a brand new lovely shiny thread for us to fill! Enjoy x

(Unfortunately) Newbie here saying hello! Been invited in by MrsExcited and recognise WillSanta from the October thread.

Supposed to be 11+3 today but had some bleeding (and something grim fall out of me) over the weekend and scan with willycam today confirmed a delayed MC. Sucks eh? Would have been DC1, but obviously not meant to be.

Hoping to thumb a lift on another bus ASAP once we get this yucky bit over and done with. ERPC booked for next Wednesday (bloody bank holiday) unless it happens naturally before (which I think it will).

So hello hello hello!! Xx

Hi Sal - sorry you find yourself here but you are most welcome

Now with practical hat on - have you found the thread on the MC forum which covers the practicalities of MC? (you'll need to have big pads ready and don't go far without a change of clothes - an earlier thread had the infamous Laura Ashley skirt which some one was forced to buy due to leak incident)

I had a natural MC in Dec, but much earlier on than you - was still a bit epic on the day everything came out and was glad to be at home.
Even if you do have one, keep you appt next week and make sure you get scanned to check everything came away.

In the meantime, hope you have lots of chocolate and hugs in RL.

Hi Sal, welcome but so sorry to see you here. {{hug}}
Mummy my first AF was light for two days light, one day medium, one day heavy one day light. I was gearing up for carnage and it never happened. Fingers crossed for implantation for both of us. X

hey all just checking in on you, this thread moves so quickly. Wishing you all sticky vibes and fx for Friday
thunders when does the doc check your levels again?
nothing to report here, still worrying and waiting...

Thanks saggy - the pad is still clear and really minimal brown stuff only when I wipe, no pain or pmt style symptoms (just a bit of backache) - just wish I knew what my body was doing - I HATE the lack of control

Lets see what tomorrow brings - hopefully some blommin answers!! Thanks for your support guys - you are fab - fact!! Xx

BOO!!!
Really good friend with the same EDD that I had has just found out she's having a girl. Really struck home that that should be me. I should be 19weeks too :(
It's not her fault, and she announced it in a very low-key way (she knows about mc as we had our 12 week scans the same day too), but that doesn't stop me from crying and feeling sorry for myself :(

Welcome sal (sadly for you)

{{hugs}} for Alyant. It does really suck. I know one or two people due around the same time as I would have been.
I am back in the world of the positive today. Our time WILL come.

Reading through this thread reminds me that there are so many more people going through the same as dh & me. I had mc in dec, and never told anyone (apart from dh). It makes me wonder how many other friends, family etc have been through the same and just never mentioned to anyone. When i got pregnant we were quite surprised- it was first month of officially 'trying'. we decided to keep it under wraps until the 12 week mark. I miscarried at 7/8 weeks.At that stage a few close family members were beginning to suspect that I was pregnant and asking questions. i continued to laugh it off. When I mc and had erpc, we deliberately made the decision still not to tell anyone. I'm not sure if this is the right or wrong decision but I didn't really want people knowing my business. Im not really sure what the point of my post is- i just have a feeling that mc is a lot more common that you would believe and here we are still ttc since. I don't think I cope very well with not knowing exactly what is happening and when and not actually being able to control if we do actually conceive at all. Just starting into the 2ww now- it seems so long yet the months are flying by

Hi all and welcome sal

bump good to see you my lovely. Have arranged blood test next week. Can ring for results but can't speak to doc til mid April as she's away for a week. Not sure what I'll do if levels still high, just exercise some self control and patience I guess. How are you doing?

peacock I know what you mean about months passing by. My EDD is fast approaching in May. Knowing I won't even be pg by then is something I'm trying and failing to hide from.

Hi everyone else you gorgeous lot.

Hi guys I'm feeling really low at the moment probably the worst I've ever felt.
Everything has been stirred back up again with my consultant getting back I touch out of the blue then being a dick by being really vague.

Basically saying I need to take Asprin ASAP after I get a BFP due to 'changes' what bloody changes he doesn't seem to realise we need further elaboration.
He also mentioned getting vaginal swabs done at booking in "like we discussed"
we never discussed that and to test for what exactly.
It may be due to me having GSB, but I didn't agree to early testing and will be turning them down.

Other than the hospital midwives I felt my care at the hospital was seriously poor particularly the female consultants and sonographers so I've been hesitant about being pregnant again and the care I may receive. The one dr I trusted I'm now really pissed off with so I'm feeling very anxious.

Not helped by the fact that I still seem to be folate anemic and Consultant says to stay on the high dosage but the earliest I can get GP appointment is in over 3 weeks away!
If I am pregnant that would take me past the all important 5-6 week gestation period.

I'm a bit of a mess.

Thunder I know exactly how you feel I'm not that far off my may Due date too it's horrible knowing what we've lost knowing we should he so excited and fed up with pregancy. Instead we have nothing but memories of our should be babies.

Oh Alyant, that's totally shite. Look after yourself tonight, with lots of compassion, chocolate and wine (or whatever else makes you feel better).

Fingers crossed for implantation bleeding saggy and mummy. That'd be very fab. Are you both poas Friday as per the rules or do we need to wait longer to find out? (Really struggling to keep up with everyone).

Sal, welcome but sorry you have to be here. As chocolate says make sure you're prepared in terms of practicalities and potentially having a bit of a plan for what you want to do if you pass the [insert preferred term here - think its quite personal] at home. I've read some stories of people being not sure what to do then regretting what they did do. Sorry if that's not helpful advice for you though. My natural mc was pretty ok really; not as bad as finding out you're going to mc in my opinion.

Tins, thanks for info re cbfm. Attempted it today; it didn't ask for a stick, is that normal for early CD days? Assume I start poas near ov? Hope you're feeling better today. X

I've been having a bit of a think re. maintaining posifrickintivity in the face of all this and thought we could share ideas. What is working for me is finding other projects to immerse myself in as well as TTC. Specifically I'm currently losing weight and learning Spanish (finally, after years of good intentions to do both) and I'm actually doing it rather than thinking about it. Hope this doesn't come across as overly smug, I've had depression in the past and really didn't want this experience to throw me off again so have worked quite hard at not letting it! I think projects that you have an element of control over work best. The way I see it is if in three/six months I'm still not pg it will be ok because I'll have achieved other things in that time iyswim. Copious amounts of wine is also helping!

We are also trying to decide if we should have DS headstone put up on his due date or some time in May but I think that might be too much to emotionally deal with. It sort of feels like closure too buy putting something down with his name on it his place is no in the Cemetray and not with us.

Dreadful spelling/typos in post fixed:
We are also trying to decide if we should have DS headstone put up on his due date or some time in May but I think that might be too much to emotionally deal with. It sort of feels like closure to by putting something down with his name on it his place is now in the Cemetray and not with us.

Bairn, sorry, crossed posts with you and didn't want you feeling ignored. That does sound like totally shabby care. I don't understand when health professionals don't get that news like that needs to be given calmly and with full explanations/time to answer questions etc. it makes me so cross because its about such important stuff when people are already feeling totally vulnerable. Understandable you are feeling mess with all that going on and approaching due date. Really sorry. X

Thanks guys. Had a big 2 glass of baileys which helped a little. In 2ww now but screw that. Two weeks without a drink for probably no reason? Bah humbug I say. Don't bag me out for lack of posifrikentivity - just being realistic for cycle 0.

thunder and bairn biggest of big hugs too. Group hug!

cam that's good thinking. I'm also on the weightloss campaign. once I get my ass into gear. Put 2kg (I know it isn't much in the scheme of things but I'm quite slim so it really shows) on while briefly pregnant and have been eating too much chocolate too messed up to do anything about it so far. Starting soon though. Promise.
I have been sewing a lot in the evenings and while I was off work from the mc to keep busy. Making things for dd and my friends' kids mostly. I love seeing them look super cute in stuff I've made them

Camomile* I am POAS on friday, although I think that technically its a bit early. My last AF was very light for 3 days, so I'm not sure whether to count them. If I count them, then Friday is the day. If I count from the day it really got started, then its Monday. Monday also works better with when the OPKs say I ovulated, but seeing as last time I got BFP on 3+2, Im going to go with fertile friday.

Thanks for pointing me in the directions of the practical tips for what is to come. Lots of useful stuff there, but I am now absolutely TERRIFIED! I'm going to ring the hospital today as soon as the dept opens and see if there have been any cancellations that I can slot into!

Felt it hard to get to sleep last night knowing that if I make it into surgery next Wednesday, its the day before what should have been my 12-13 week scan. My DP says to try and focus on the future and the good stuff we have planned rather than stew on the shitty details of what's happening at the moment. But while everything is still inside me, it feels like that crap time between when someone dies and the funeral. Limbo land. I just want the relief of when it will be over so I can move on.

I'm proper scared about it all happening at home!!

I'm so sorry Sal. I really don't know what to say but I didn't want to not answer. I think everything your feeling us quite normal. I personally had the fear, a MC us an unknown quantity which we know involves pain. But we all get through it.
If it happens naturally, keep plenty of painkillers to hand, and use them. There's no need to be a hero.
If you've had "something grim fall out" you might be over the worst. And whatever happens, the limbo will be over.
I'm really sorry you're going through this, and I can't say that it isn't going to be tough as hell, but the worst is over fairly quickly, and you will get through, and we are all here for you.
The Miscarriage board here is full of wonderful people who will listen and support, and so is this thread. I found I could say everything I needed and couldn't say in RL, and get it off my chest. It was a real help.
Stay strong my dear. X

sal I know exactly how you feel.
It's a really shitty time. DP has good advice, but I found it really hard to look forward. There will probably be some relief when it's all over, but prepare for a major hormone crash with lots more tears a few days after.
And then it will get better, slowly but surely.
I had a medical miscarriage at hospital, and I second the advice of having lots of pads to hand. I didn't need many drugs and didn't find it too painful - the painful bit was all over in an hour or two. So if it does happen at home, don't worry. It's not all that bad. (very good prep for early labour pains! so you'll have a little idea of what to come when you get there, which we all will ).

Fx for all those poas on friday. I'll be poas the following fri (unless AF comes first) - it'll be 2 days too early, but I don't want to break the system . anyone else due to be my poas buddy?

Feeling sick again.

ooooh saggy

Morning everyone (just) and a sad but friendly welcome to the newbies. Sal I'm afraid I don't recognise you from the October thread, but I beat a pretty hasty retreat and had to hide the thread. I too would just warn you for the hormone crash and descent into negativity - I was quite positive at first, but the week following was one of the blackest of my life. I think not being prepared for feeling so down made it worse. But it does get better.

Having another boo day today, as day 3 of AF has made it quite clear its definitely not implantation bleeding. And I'm worried I'm going to have a WTF cycle this month and therefore miss the 2013 bus. I'm completely fixated on this deadline and its going to really hurt when I miss it. I'm also having to come to terms with the 2 year age gap, which has also just shot past (so what if it was stretching a point, 2 year 11 months is a two year gap!!).

Does anyone else wish they'd started trying earlier, whether this is for a first, second or whatever child?? I was so naive and thought I should time it "just right" for my life - it never occurred to me that I'd be 18 months on and still not even close to getting there. Tick tock tick tock.

Sorry, no posifrickinitivity here today. I might just be able to cope with a gentle fish slap though.

santa I know what you mean about the age gap and timings.
We were looking at a 2 year age gap, which I decided was perfect for the kids, and timing that was going to be a little bit tricky, but not too bad with my career.
We couldn't really have tried much earlier as due to breastfeeding I really only had one/two cycles (hard to tell as it was a bit hit and miss) before getting pregnant.
When we started trying I thought it would take a few months to get pregnant, and as long as it did everything would be ok. Then I got pregnant straight away (actually not idea), but the fact that it took 3 months to find out it wasn't going to give me a baby, and another 2 months to get sorted after that, and who-knows-how-long to actually get pregnant again now means that we missed the ideal window and the timing is REALLY NOT GOOD now. But fuck it, we're trying anyway because who knows what will happen. Another mc is pretty likely, so....

I don't know if any of that stream-of-consciousness made sense, but I think the point is we shouldn't try to plan these things in too much detail, because mother nature will just turn around and bite us on the bum.

also I'm trying to be posifrickentive: go with the flow, everything will turn out OK in the end.

Once we've got our babies and we love them to bits, maybe in some ways we will be ok with the fact that we had the mc(s), because without it/them, those little people in our arms wouldn't exist.
Someone told me that. Waiting to see if it's true