The big fat posifrickintivity, but only on a friday thread - TTC after MC and not lose your head

[Mummytothearkbuilder]

Ladies - a brand new lovely shiny thread for us to fill! Enjoy x

Thankfully I got PG with DS 3m later so it could have been a lot worse, she was very considerate tho, some of things people have had said to them on here are shocking!

Wow, this thread moves fast! Been away over the weekend, and come back to, what, over 200 posts to read up on?!? Blimey...

I can so relate to the feeling of not being happy for other pg people. I was quite shocked how after my mc I just did not want to hear from anyone about being pg. It seems to have calmed down in the last few weeks, though, up to the point that I now feel able to visit a friend next week who's had a baby a few weeks ago.

Went to the GP this morning, to get a consultant referral. Hoping that the (female) GP will be a bit more on the spot with it all, she seemed at least to understand why I am so anxious to have it marked urgent. She also reassured me about taking baby aspirin, as in 'I should probably say not to take it, but if it was me, I would' which I thought was lovely! So at least the ball is rolling...
Then went and put my name down to get a booking appointment with the midwives arranged - it's very roundabout here, you go to the childrens' centre, where they take your details and add them to a list. The community midwives then come in regularly and get that list, and then they will call you to arrange the appointment... Rather than me calling them directly to get an appointment booked - what's wrong with that?!?

Sorry for not name-checking, I'm at work.

baking thanks for the info? Agree it's ouch the cost of buying new sticks! But it's worth knowing I'm at least getting a surge.
How many cycles did it take you to get a BFP?

saggy I haven't so far felt jealous but I must admit to being having uncharitable thoughts when I see a heavily pregnant women, wondering if she realises who amazingly lucky she is to be carrying her child.
I feel sad that I lost a bit of pregnacy 'innocents' that loosing Noah means I will never have the same faith in my body again.

My cousin was only 3 weeks ahead of me and is due sometime next month, she is also having a boy. We were once very close but have lost touch over the years so I might get away with just postin a present.
Mostly I feel a bit awkward at the idea of everyone 'watching' me to see how I react, the one thing that I didn't expect about loosing a baby was the amount of emotional vampirism that goes on!

Oops no idea where the ? came from that was meant to be a .

thank you for the replies I was worried I would get shouted at as know my feelings are pretty horrible but glad I dont come across as some kind of monster.

If it was one of my very close friends/known forever I could be completely honest but with recent friends (eg wives of my DH's close friends so I have to see them/get on but didnt choose them as friends myself if you see what I mean) I dont feel I can - and also what can be done? Should a new mother have to make allowances for me?

I told a friend I was pregnant the other day - I hadnt meant to but she told me that another friend is pregnant (due a few weeks after I was due with the baby I lost) and I could tell she was uncomfortable telling me and then kept saying 'you'll have another baby try not to stress' - I couldnt stand the thought of people pitying me so I told her there was no need to worry as guess what Im already pregnant again - but I felt so foolish afterwards - I didnt want to tell anyone until after the scan this time and I did out of some kind of weird pride or imagined whisperings behind my back...mental!

anyway at least we know we are just reacting because of sadness and I imagine none of us would ever by word or deed act on those feelings. Its enough to understand them I think.

sorry everyone I have been a bit blue and brought down the thread abit.

So, anyone symptom spotting??? and who again is poas on Friday?

I know exactly what you all mean as well about other pg women, and then feeling doubly bad because you feel like a bitch at the same time. While I was having my ERPC, my friend was in the same hospital giving birth upstairs. That sucked. hope she's finding it really hard with two under two

I love this thread - its so nice to hear that all my rambling, incoherent thoughts are shared by others, so I think it must be normal to feel the way we do.

I agree that the whole process has made me a bit meaner. But I like to think its also made me more sympathetic to the emotions of others and stronger. And I don't think the meaness/bitterness/jealousy is a true character trait showing through - its just because we're all hurting.

JBrd are you taking the aspirin for a specific reason, or just in case?

x-posts with spanish

I also dread the pity. Sympathy, kindness etc, yes, but not pity.

Saggy It's because of a combination of reasons - my age (41), my recent mc, and then my medical history - I had a pulmonary embolism last year, so now I'm worrying about underlying unrecognised clotting issues... Which could contribute to miscarriage...

Baby aspirin has been recommended for the over 40s with a mc history, some say take while ttc (which I didn't), some say start as soon as you get your BFP, opinions are divided.
I've just had blood taken last week (before I had my BFP) to have some more detailed test done.

Because of the PE, I will have to take heparin/clexane during my pregnancy, so until I see the consultant haematologist, I will take the aspirin.
It's one of those things where you'll get a different answer every time you ask.

Wow, this thread really does move fast!
Thanks for the welcome.

I think there's a degree of innocence (if that's the right expression) you lose after a mc, wrt pregnancy in general and your own conceptions in particular. When I got pregnant with my children, one after one mc and the second after a further two, a large part of the emotion was 'oh feck'. A lot of fear, a lot of 'I can't do this'. With dc2 I was in denial for two weeks - I even didn't test - even though I was late and I knew.

Miscarriage is so cruel and implacable, so damn miserable to go through and so hard to name and mourn the loss (not helped by all the 'perhaps it was for the best' and 'mother nature knows what she's doing' and 'oh, 40y ago you would have had to miss two periods before you'd even be considered pregnant' ) that I think envy of those who seem to, or actually do, sail through is inevitable, just human. I'm struggling with it a bit myself, tbh.

Hi little bairn I have a CBFM, I got my BFP for DS with the first month of using it, have had 2 cycles this time, starting cycle 3 now (CD5)
I found the first time I used it, the high came early but I did get a peak after about 5-6 days. Pretty sure that it also remembers your levels of the hormones so gets more accurate as you go on.

I agree, MC changes your whole perspective on pregnancy - wouldn't wish it on anyone, but it would be an idea for it to be less of a taboo subject so that people could be a little less unwittingly tactless/insensitive.

I have now got Pre-seed (non sperm killing lube) at the ready, extra sticks bought. Anything else? Any need for extra Folic acid just to be of safe side?

We are moving fast!

I agree with the feeling bad about other pregnant people it can be so hard! But think its only natural. I wish it wasn't so taboo would make it much easier for everyone to know how to act.

So I have a dilemma do I poas this Friday at cd25 or do I wait until next Friday at cd32? I don't think I ovd until around cd17 so this fri is probably too early but next Friday seems so long away!!! Will no doubt change my mind a number of times! Anyone poas this Friday?

I hate poas. Is that normal? Actually makes me feel ill lol hence I'm now all for waiting though know how excruciating it is

Sorry I'm not replying to people but I'm feeling a bit today, should have had my 12w scan tomorrow, I'm on d24 of what used to be a 28d cycle, I haven't ovulated and i go back to work on Monday, feeling a bit sorry for myself. Hope everyone is planning some fun this eve! OH has also got a bit of performance anxiety ugh, moan over, as you were

chocolate that's what I've heard too it gets more accurate reading and plotting when to test. I'm really glad I bought it, even DH is pleased when originally he was cross that I spent the money on it thinking it was a con.

kate I try and leave it as late as possible now just because I quite like the idea that I could be pregnant the chance of a BFP rather than the heartbreak of a BFN.

Symptom spotting way way to early for any in me BUT I did have a moment after I got out the shower thinking "wow my boobs look nice..." something I only ever thought when pregnant.
But I KNOW it's just my mind playing tricks on me, I'm almost surprised I haven't had a phantom pregnancy.

MrsSpencer gosh I'm sorry I know how hard milestone days can be, be gentle with yourself.

MrsSpencer, I would have been 12 weeks on the 7th. It was a real setback to my mindset when I saw the date on the calendar. I dont know about your world, but nobody in mine mentions the baby any more, so I suffered in silence.
My DP also has performance related issues. I mentioned SPEM to him the other day and really wish I hadnt! Whenever we DTD its like theres this big baby shaped issue between us! Its really starting to get to me. We've had a great sex life until recently, now its definitely not right!

sorry, that sounded really ME ME ME, was just trying to relate and show that you werent alone in feeling crap. I think our men think we only want them for their sperm now.

Thanks little, catpuss you made me smile, I do only want him fot his sperm we were happily a once a month couple so it's hard work this TTC, especially now we have to again, ugh

Little bairn - when you get your BFP (which you WILL) You can then sell the CBFM on eBay which makes me feel a bit better about the cost. Obvs I will be waiting til I have a babe in arms to sell mine "just to be sure" and not tempt fate but it's good to bear in mind.

HotCCP - I try to get some pointless DTD in here and there to make DH feel less like a sperm machine, even a slight white lie that it's not the right time yet or "too late in the month" can make the difference in him thinking we are DTD because we want to and not just to ttc (and yes I do want to but it does get you too obsessed at times)

Thats a good idea Chocolate Mr Saggy would probably be happier knowing it wasnt the righ time.

Little bairn the first two times I used CBFM I got pregnant first month of using it, after several months unsuccessful trying. Last year I got pregnant after 2 months of using it but no thanks to the monitor as it never detected a peak so I was going off other ov signs. I'm not going to bother (borrowed a friend's machine) as now I have a pretty good understanding of my cycle I don't think it will help, but I do think they are really helpful. Hope you get your peak in the next day or two.

Wish me luck. I'm going to the GP today to beg ask them to run some of the tests the consultant has recommended for me. I'm hoping she is sympathetic and doesn't say DS2 means MC1 doesn't count and I'm not entitled.

Good luck bakingtins- hope your doctor will agree to your tests.

To those struggling with reminder dates- a warm hug, I know how you feel.

I'm cd 14-no smiley face, no signs of ovulation at all.
Last month it was day 8.
I am only 8 weeks post ERPC but this is really making me feel low.
With my day and dd I got pregnant in the first month and my mc was a surprise so never had a struggle before to conceived so this is all new.
The constant negative opk just brings all the hurt back each day.

Sorry for the gloomy post- if anyone has some positivity left over please send some my way.

It'll happen. When its the right time.
Hang in there, its still early days, our bodies all react differently and take their own time to recover. We CAN do this.

jmf just because the opks aren't giving you a smiley doesn't mean you aren't ovulating, they could just be missing the surge. There are plans that suggest po 2 opks a day, one in the morning and one late afternoon/evening.

Or you could have a duff batch of opks? Are you dtd eod anyway?