The big fat posifrickintivity, but only on a friday thread - TTC after MC and not lose your head

[Mummytothearkbuilder]

Ladies - a brand new lovely shiny thread for us to fill! Enjoy x

Thanks ladies - will try and dtd tonight and keep my fingers crossed!!

I am dreading my AF - I feel like its going to be a huge reminder of the miscarriage so would love a BFP instead of horrible AF!! Xx

baking please don't feel guilty about not equating BFP = Baby I'm betting many of us on this thread no longer do that. I had such a late miscarriage I'm not even sure if I will believe I'm really having a baby until it's safe in my arms breathing.

Does anyone else use the clear blue monitor I'm a bit confused it started to tell me I was on high fertility on Day 7, which didn't surprise me as I'm sure I ovulate early. But it's now Day 11 and I'm still getting High Fertility but no ovulation indication.
Aren't you supposed to ovulate after 2 days of high reading or can some people ovulate a lot later?
I've looked at all my sticks Day 8 stick seems to be a little darker than the rest.
I do have cheapie OVulation test strips I was wondering if I should use them too but worried I might then end up even more confused.

Morning all. Hi poppy, and welcome. Sorry to hear about your story, You're very welcome to vent on here.

tins, she hasn't told us not to ttc! Just said to come straight in if we get a bfp. Thank you though, I think you're right, I'll see if I can get retested after a month.

littleb it was my understanding that cb generally gives you around five 'high' readings, then a couple of 'peak'? I never used one- don't even know what they look like!- but I think the peak reading is what coincides with a positive normal opk, the highs just give you a warning that it's coming?

I also equate bfp with not a lot as the two I have had have resulted in mc. Am feeling a bit scared as now 30 days in. I have long cycles (I think can't really tell as 2/4 have been mc ha) but around 35 days so in the constantly checking pants stage. Don't feel anything really. Had sore nipples but fine now, some back ache and mild cramp but as we all know could be AF could be preggo. Am going slightly crazy as half of me thinks be better to just get AF than BFP followed by another mc. bangs head against wall me and dh had agreed not to test till 40 days in so another 10 days if AF not shown. May have gone mad by then lol

thank you thunder that's helped clear up some confusion, I've looked out the instruction book but is rather vague.

sorry for the bfn excitement, it's just taken 5 long weeks...

tins i also cried when my boss told me that he was sorry to hear my news :(
I had been doing so well!

thunder hope you're okay and hope I didn't cause more upset for you by suggesting you ask on mn. Just thought that it would good to talk to others who had been through a similar thing.

baking hope you're doing okay.

things are pretty stressful here. Went to the hospital yesterday to visit DH's Dad as they think he will die in a couple of days. DH is obv devastated. He said to me yesterday I really hope you get a BFP this cycle as not sure i can take anymore. I don't think it's going to happen this cycle as I already feel my usual pre AF crampy but I didn't have the heart to tell him that

Yorkie that sucks. Hugs to you. Stressful times xx

Hi yorkie, don't worry- information is power and it was a great idea to learn about others' experiences even though it means learning that I'm a bit screwed re ttc for now. Have had a little meltdown this morning, but I'd course this too will pass.

I'm so sorry to hear about how poorly your FIL is. What a horrible hard time for you all, sending thoughts and strength to you and his family. I can understand that he could do with a bfp as positive news at the time, fx it happens for you- if not now then very soon x

katerina if you can hold out another ten days you are a stronger woman than me! best of luck.

yorkie that's really poo. Hope there are lots of hugs all round.

for your bfn aly!

Hi all,

thunder - I read your thread too (partly because i wonder if I have an underactive thyroid - if I have another MC, it will be the first thing I ask to be tested for) and thought there were some quite positive stories on there. It sounded to me like you just have to get the levels of medication right, and to do that, you just need to push and push for them to test. But I know it must be really frustrating.

I think part of our collective obsession bordering on hysteria enthusiasm with regards to ttc is because it feels like it is the only way of us regaining a measure of control over our reproductive systems. So to loose the ability to even ttc takes away one of our crutches. (I hope i'm not offending people by saying this - maybe that's just how it is for me).

baking I don't think its disloyal to have "coped" after this mc. It is really hard to equate bfp with a successful pg, particularly when you've had more than one mc. We are given many different ways to cope with the downs in life and whichever one we use isn't wrong or bad, otherwise we wouldn't have been given that coping strategy (IFYSWIM - its a bit philosophical for a Monday morning).

Does anyone else ever feel conflicted about their feelings ttc / bfp prospects? I'm POAS this Friday and to be really really honest, at the moment I'm not sure I want a bfp? . In the whole raft of coping measures that I've come up with, (see above) of them is to plan things to do that I can't do when pg. A lot of the things that I've planned take mental, physical or financial effort and as I've now had two mcs in the space of six months, I'm not sure I've got the energy to re-plan my life again. The only thing that keeps me going is that huge aching void in me that desparately wants another baby. (Can't I just be handed it instead of having to go through the whole trauma and stress that is pg). I'm probably not explaining myself very well - I think it boils down to I really really want a baby. I really really don't want to be pregnant.

santa defo agree re TTC I'm sure I think is it as a game, POAS too early symptom spotting etc. takes
away from how sad you are and like you say it's one element you can control.....I kind of agree with your other point but would like to fast forward to post successful 20 week scan and also fast forward thru labour as once the worry gets less it is enjoyable

Hi santa, yes you are very right. Both about some of the success stories on there (I am more heartened now more people have posted!) but also I really agree about trying to take control. I don't know if anyone else does this but I feel like I'm putting SO much pressure on myself too. It doesn't help being surrounded by friends with children and babies. I know we should never compare ourselves to others (I wouldn't want to have the rest of the life of these people but conveniently covet just the parts of their life that I want to covet).

I think being uncertain about wanting a bfp is a good place to be actually. There are positives for you whatever happens on Friday (also negatives of course but I'm concentrating on the optimism!) so you can be calm until you know what the answer is?

Hi shell

Hello again everyone, been away for a bit as have been trying to think of other things as have been feeling pretty low after my bfn which I was sure was going to be a bfp. Feeling a bit more sane now.

Massive congratulations to all those who got lucky this month, just trying to catch up now but have 20 pages to read

baking it's lovely to see you again (in the circumstances, wish you didn't have to be too). And thunder I hope your medication gets things sorted out quickly. santa I feel a bit like you, desperate to be pg but know I will worry if/when I am. And we have fertility issues so know realistically it is likely to take a long time, and that feels daunting.

Hey you lot! Wow, you've been chatty recently... I've been absent for ages because I have been very much Not Thinking About It. I have had a completely pressure free cycle and have no idea when I o'd, when we dtd, anything.

santa I know what you mean, I'm definitely feeling conflicted right now. I was pretty shocked to be pg last time and had to do quite a bit of adjusting to the idea and planning how I was going to deal with it. Then... well, then 13 week mmc, weeping, general misery. After a couple of cycles of desperately wanting to be pg again immediately, I threw myself back into work and social stuff and now everything's going well again, career progressing nicely and so forth, and I've started to think do I want this enough to deal with what I know would be 9 months of utter terror? I don't know how I'd cope if I had to have another ERPC.

Which probably explains fairly well why I'm not even sure if I'd describe myself as having "tried" this month, just good old ntnp, and weirdly convinced that this will never work anyway.

Gosh. That ended up quite downbeat. Ignore me! Posifrickintivity!

it cant help if you people around you who dont have any fears about their pregnancies (though that said how do you know what is really in people's minds) - I consider myself lucky - I have a child after all (though Poppy - welcome by the way -I can understand how already having children doesnt mean you cant feel very sad about subsequent MCs / wait to get pregnant again) but I have 2 friends who cant get a break when it comes to motherhood and I cant help feeling its quite horrible how random fertility is....

watching comic relief the other day (about programmes they sponsor in the UK) I wanted to scream with rage at how there are children in this country who are abused, ignored and are not cherished at all when there are people who would never do that to children.

Ive found my MC has just exhausted me emotionally. I dont like how its made me a little mean - eg have not wished some people I know in RL the best with all my heart about their pregnancies. Thats worries and saddens me - Im a little harder, unkinder because of it and I know of course I dont really wish any harm to anyone but I have this kind of self-righteousness - like certain people shoudl be humbler about their ability to have a baby.

not nice and hope it stops soon. I disgust myself.

Spanish lady these thoughts are normal. I have them. I am actually hating myself for the pure jealousy and bitterness I feel at the moment to friends/people I know who got preg first time and have sailed. Even more so when they come out with insensitive or non thought through comments. I don't want to feel like this as it only hurts yourself. The positive thing I try to take away from it is I hope it will help me be more understanding and supportive to others in a similar position - big group hug! - and I hope it makes you a bit stronger. There is nothing else we can do but keep trying and crossing fingers

Little Bairn the CBFM gives you a high as soon as it detects oestrogen from a maturing follicle, then continues to read high until it detects LH when it gives you a peak for 2 days then back to low again.
I have used it successfully twice then last time I was TTc last summer it was never giving me a peak so just continued to say 'high' for 20 sticks (ouch £££). Since I managed to get pregnant one of those cycles I was obviously ovulating but it missed the LH for some reason.
It also 'learns' your cycle so once it knows when you ovulated this time it will ask you to start POAS closer to that day.

I feel like it too spanish, and probably in a lot worse way than you!
It's crap because on top of your own suffering you then start beating yourself up for being a bitch unsupportive.

I made a decision one day about this though. I decided it must be a very natural reaction and that hating myself for it certainly didnt help or make any difference. So while I try not to show it in public, behind closed doors I just let it happen. It's just life and I reckon we're not horrible or disgusting people, we're just dealing with a lot of shit.

Rant over.

For now...

Thyroid update: I have armed myself with some 'real' information (eg written by the nhs themselves) and have made a telephone appt for next week. Empowered!

I totally agree with everything that has been said. I want this so much, and I am terrified! I need to be PG, but like you say, its 9 months of worry.
I also hate myself for being jealous of PG people. Especially the ones who have never MC and dont worry about anything. I tell myself I should be happpy for them because they dont know the heartbreak, but theres still a little bit of me that hates them.
You lot keep me going. Making me laugh, making me cry, just listening to you and knowing you listen to me. I dont know what I would have done in the past weeks without MN.

On a happier note, I have just POAOPK. There was the faintest of faint lines. Ive just had a read around, and a good look at my app, and given my first few days of AF were very light, I could be a few days out. Anyway, its positive that there is even a faint line, lets hope it gets stronger. FX.

When I had my first MMC my best friend was PG with her first and was 4 weeks ahead of me...we had talked abt nothing else so it was so hard when I lost it.

I didn't talk to her for abt two weeks, just by text and when I did I just explained how I felt, that I was still so happy for her but so sad for me...we both knew then how to handle it going forward....so maybe it is worth telling people how it is making you feel and then hopefully they will respect your feelings?

Oh shell that's so hard- you poor thing. It must be even worse having the visual reminder of where you would've been just by looking at her. A very good approach though I think.

Good news on the line saggy, here's hoping the positive cones your way soon. I meant to say- I think it was you saying cbdigiOPK opk too expensive? (sorry if not!). I use 3 sticks a month now as I start testing on day 10 and have got smiley on cd 12 or 13. So not too pricey. Helps that I'm pretty regular though I guess.