Right, that's it! Fabulous Forty Somethings ttc want our bfp's and we want them now! We have waited long enough!

[hopefulgum]

Here's our shiney new thread. The one where I finally get upduffed with everyone else!

drwhofan...I feel your pain. I have done the bbt experiments too...it took me a while to trust myself with them.
Af has arrived for me too today....although as I know I didnt ovulate and took the provera, it was expected. I was soooo down yesterday...to a point where I questioned everything I was doing. I'm hoping it was just pmt now.
DP announced he is only able to get home for the next 2 weekends and then he will be away for a month handy in the run up to the wedding!!....so I am very dubious about taking the clomid this month. If only the clinic would scan me and give me a trigger shot there would be a chance. Unhelpful barstewards they are.

Phew calibee that sounds tough about the very limited time that dp will have off. Do those weekends happen to coincide at all with when you think you might ovulate?
drwhofan sorry about the temp drop - have also been there with multiple temp taking, plus when desperate I'd also take evening ones which were often sky high (unsurprisingly) then af would start next morning. Don't give up hope just yet, but I know how you must feel xxx

diege I have given up trying to predict when I will ovulate to be honest.
Given this anovulatory cycle (my second on clomid) I feel pretty despondent about the whole ttc saga just now. If I ovulated as is deemed "normal" on cd 14 it would tie in well with him being home the weekend after next. But my body has a mind of its own.
How are you feeling ?? Has the sickness eased atall??

Sorry calibee,of course, I should have realised that if I had thought through your situation . I suppose you're in an even more complex situation - I would be tempted myself to take the clomid this month, although do you have a limited time scale that you can take it in?
Sickness-wise it does seem to be lifting these last 2 days. I'm 10 wks now though,so know the placenta does take over now so sickness can for the lucky few subside at this stage. Have had it since week 5 so deserve a break!

Oooo fingers crossed it is easing diege
I am thinking I probably will take the clomid. Now that the black mood of yesterday is starting to lift, I'm back to feeling a little bit more optimistic...or at least its better to try than not!! I have to take it on days 2-6, so I would start it tomorrow.
I have even considered paying the £150 for private follicle scanning just to see what is happening. But probably would be a big pinch of the purse with wedding and move round the corner.

Morning All, hope you are having great Easter breaks ( I have eaten way too much chocolate)

hopeful your Easter Sunday sounds fabulous, we went on an Easter egg hunt (proving that 11, 13 and 43 year olds are not too old to get excited!) it was lovely and sunny but at only 2c couldn't feel my fingers by the end.

Calibee I am impressed by the speed of your wedding ( I am such a procrastinator it would take me forever to get organised - I am only just selling my flat and "officially" moving in with DP after nearly 3 years!) I missed some posts - have you actually set a date? Very exciting! Sorry you are being messed about with your cycles. Do you only have a certain amount of Clomid Cycles you can do before having a break?

Sorry drwhofan that you having such a rough time. Did you ever take up the offer of your friend who cuts your hair gong with you to the dr's? It sounds like you could do with some extra support right now in TTC and in how you are feeling generally. My sister suffers from depression and even though I cannot really understand I can empathise - its a horrible condition and can be ver debilitating. She had a baby at 41 and hasn't suffered from an episode since before she was pregnant but is monitored closely (my GP and myself!) as she is higher risk of developing PND. I really hope you can get some support soon.

I have been known to repeatedly tempted to do the multiple temperature reading malarkey but we all know it is not a good idea and only raises false hope [buconfused]. Step away from the thermometer lady! Given that it seems to be yourself, hopeful and myself all appear to be out this month we will hopefully go for a triple next month! [bugrin]

I have been having cramps and some brownish spotting for the past two/three days -my temps have taken an absolute nosedive yet still AF has not started. Given that I know it is coming I just wish it would get on with it. Has anyone else had this? My FF chart is HERE

lizard...I am well known for making a decision and sorting it pronto. "If its got to be done ...do it yesterdy" is my way . Truthfully if it wasnt for moving to Northern Ireland and the British Army's rather outdated view on being married to get a house we would very probably have waited and saved . As it is the ceremony is on 1st June.
Could your spotting actually be classed as af?? Maybe worth a test just incase...I guess if its bfn you can expect af to appear very soon. Sorry to hear it's not looking good for you though...so tedious eh?
I was never really told about having a break from clomid...but due to the side effects I dont plan to take it on months that DP is definately going to be around. My consultant seemed to be willing to give me upto 12 months of the stuff!!

Morning

Calibee you sound very organised! If you can take the clomid this month and get some SWI in I would go for it...time and tide wait for no man and given you didn't seem to ovulate in your last cycle this might be the perfect time to go for it. Perhaps I could do some of my cheerleading - look what happened to Jbrd [bugrin]

Diege fingers crossed your sickness eases once the placenta starts doing its thing - sounds exhausting feeling ill all the time!

AF well and truly got me yesterday and I am having a rough one too. A lot of painful cramps and heavy bleeding (with quite large clots) so feeling a bit rough and sorry for myself. [busad] [busad]....

....but the show must go on people, so I am not moping about (for long). I am now on day 2 of my shiny new cycle with our appointment at the fertility clinic on 15th to look forward to (they better not move it again!!) I know I will be having a transvaginal scan (which DP said sounded like a railway [busmile]) and I think maybe I will have the AMH blood test done as well to establish if I have any egg reserves left and any indicative quality.

Good thing this is only a four day working week - feel knackered already.

ps. thought I would overuse the bunny-cons before MN whips them away!

YES PLEASE!!! ...cheerleading, spell casting, praying....anything very much appreciated.
Sorry af is giving you a rough ride lizard...similar here, but mine doesn't sound quite as painful to be fair.

Hello again I've been in an odd place for the last 10 days caught between GP and clinic. It emerged the lump could be a side effect of the failed cycle (so relieved at the possibility of innocuous explanation) but it still hasn't been decided whether I should have further investigations so I can't go ahead with a frozen cycle.

Also I only had a light bleed after the BFN and 5 weeks later odd spotting no proper AF which is starting to do my head in a bit.

Casting you a good luck bunny Calibee [busmile]

Hey isabeller nice to hear from you! I am glad they are not concerned with your mystery lump but it is a bit annoying that they can't seem to decide what to do about it next! Are they referring you to someone else for a look or having a think about it? I know you must be quite frustrated by not being able to get on with your frozen cycle just now. I would imagine that having IVF cycle must play havoc with your hormones (about which I might be finding out soon....) so it might take a little while to settle back down. Do you know if you ovulated?

calibee - have dusted down the old lycra unitard and am limbering up ready for your cheerleading session. Need to time it right though - don't want to peak too early [bugrin]

Its quiet on this thread at the moment (Easter holidays effect?) Where are you hopeful I always look forward to reading your overnight posts with my morning cup of tea. Hope everything is ok.

CD3 here and already bored of AF - she now needs to leave. Off to work to enjoy the lack of traffic due school holidays......

Hello to every

....err that should have been Hello to everyone !

Thanks greenlizard it is difficult being in limbo and I'm really hoping my GP will make a decision this week. I have no idea whether I ovulated but I am very ancient and only have one ovary...this is why it's doing my head in. The chances of natural conception are miniscule but it will have happened to someone on the internet

Morning all.....

isabeller that good news re the lump. However they never seem to quite understand the impatience of a 40 something lady in need of a baby imo. There's a lot of "wait and sees" thrown around. So frustrating.

lizard I would love to see that cheerleading lycra.

I had such a productive day yesterday. Think I have found a nice little venue in the town centre for a small buffet after the ceremony. Does it sound bad that I want to feed people and send them on their way??
I took my £40 bargain ebay dress to the dry cleaners only to find they wanted £70 to dry clean it, stuff that...I put it in my washing machine thinking if it buggers it up its better than paying £70!!!!. It was fine. Still struggling to get a couple of the dust marks off the train but I will take another look later when it has dried.
Dp has only just started to tell people back home in Grenada about the marriage. I'm not sure his sister was overpleased. I had a cringey moment on Sunday where I was put on the phone to her and had to endure 5 minutes of "are you sure you know what you are doing" from a 28 year old. It must be difficult for them I guess...they waved goodbye to him a couple of years ago, the baby of the family, and here he is kidnapped and corrupted by a barren old English woman. (British women have a reputation for breaking hearts over there!!)
My last day off today before heading back to the lion pit tomorrow. I am going for a hair and makeup consultation later....I am determined to look good for the wedding pics (hmmm not that we are having a photographer) even if it costs more than my outfit hehe. Dp has got the go ahead to get married wearing his full uniform (infact it was expected),.....that saves the worry of buying him a suit.

Anyway...I do hope I'm not turning into BrideZilla.
Have a good day all x

isabeller i am very happy for you that they seem to know the reason of the lump but I really do not know ow you manage to cope with the said limbo. i have fx for you over this week that your GP will step up and get moving and help you in a proactive way!! xxx

greenlizard they show have a little dance for us to make te bloody (did you see what I have done???Did you??:)) AF go away!!!

cali my pom poms are at ready and although I am a terrible dancer I make it up in goodwill!!!

hopeful I hope you are well my love. As greenlizard I also look forward to your posts with my breakfast.

diege I follow your posts on the other thread and I hope MS is easing,hun...

drwho i didn't temp but I feel your frustation as I felt the same every month!!! This ttc lark is one of the most stressful things as the control we have over things is minimal (if any) xxxxx

I am still here and wary of rejoicing as I did last summer...not many symptoms and sometimes I think I have imagined then as I did on the 2ww.... is was between the 10th week and 12th that things went wrong last time and although DH is a happy bunny I can't wait for the scan (on the 12th April). Midwife was understanding when I said I could not face going on my own for that and booked when DH will still be on holidays.

My love to all and Hello to everyone !!! xxx

Hi everyone. Sorry I haven't been posting the last couple of days. I just feel I talk so much and don't really say very much, and probably bore you. It is nice to hear that you enjoy my posts with your morning cuppa

It's great to hear from you Is, I am sorry to hear that your FT is on hold.I hope it can be resolved soon. The waiting is so hard.

Calibee, it sounds like you are very organised with your wedding plans. Don't worry about DF's family. They clearly have no idea how lovely you are and how lucky your DF is to have found you. I am sure you won't be bridzilla. I hope we'll get to see some pics.

Back at work today, but a bit like walking through treacle after a rough night with my DS. He had his 4 year old vaccines yesterday: MMR and Diptheria,tetnus and pertussis, and woke at midnight with a very high temperature, very uncomfortable and unhappy. Poor mite. I felt sooo bad for inflicting that upon him. Anyway, I sponged him down, gave him paracetemol and listened to him whimper in his sleep til about 5 am when I got up. So I'm buggered now!

My DH stayed home with him today, and he's really picked up during the day,and will be back at kindy tomorrow. Thank goodness, as whilst I lay there last night I worried he would end up damaged,perhaps even autistic. The mind really runs wild in the dark of night,doesn't it!

The long weekend was so good- loads of sunshine (I'm pretty sure I stocked up on some vitamin d) and a swim everyday in the ocean - so lovely. I really thought winter had arrived as only a few days before Easter we had some chilly weather. But tomorrow is forecast another hot day (31 - perfect). I feel very lucky.

I have been thinking a bit (whilst strolling on the beach - deep in thought - got the shock of my life when a big golden retriever bounced up on me!) about this ttc malarky, this quest for the holy grail (just-one-good-egg) and my desire for one last baby. Anyway, my thoughts are that I feel incredibly lucky to have a gorgeous family and busy life, and that I must not allow this desire, and the act of ttc, to become too consuming. I think I manage it quite well, apart from that awful feeling of disappointment every bfn and on AF's arrival. I would like to invite some acceptance into my life, so that I can move on...it is a work in progress. I don't think I'll ever actively stop trying.I won't entertain the thought of contraception, but I do think I have to try and be at ease with whatever will be.

Of course that doesn't mean I won't be shagging for Australia when the time is right, and I'll still be poas too, but somehow, I have to come to an acceptance that it may not happen, and that is okay too.

Anyway, it is dinner time so I had better run. DH has cooked me a great big T-Bone. Oh yum!!

P.S. I watched the 1st episode of Game Of Thrones (season 3) last night. Geeze, it's bloody good,isn't it? I looove it...

Hello! Back from London after my first Fetal Medicine Centre appointment. Had my bloods taken for the harmony and a scan too to confirm dates etc. Was a very professional experience from start to finish, extremely impressed by the place tbh. The dr who scanned me (not Kypros this time, he's in 2 weeks ) was lovely, and gave me quite a detailed scan that I wasn't expecting. Measuring 11 weeks today, whereas my dates = 10 w4d...Every time I have a scan due date comes closer; at this rate I'll have had had the baby by 20 weeks . I was technically outside of the harmony offer date-wise (by one day) but dr. didn't think it would be a problem, and I certainly didn't say anything at the desk when I paid the offer price - phew!!!
Sooo, all looking fine up to now and he had a guess at the sex...thinks its a girl!!!! Back in 2 weeks for nuchal and harmony results but just going to bask in the reassuring scan and not start worrying again just yet. Thinking over the experience there and comparing to the NHS care (of which I have had a lot) the main difference I could see was the way that the drs are so passionate about their work, and were really keen to talk and answer questions. I have had the odd very good one in the NHS, but I suppose because of time pressures they just can't afford to indulge their patients with leisurely chats;I was in my element
Gum I am another one who looks forward to reading your posts with my morning cuppa . Do you still do your blog? Your posts certainly have a style to lends themselves well to getting comfortable and putting the kettle on.I have a clear picture of your garden, the beach, and the farmers' market you go to! Re: ttc-ing I don't think there's any harm in accepting that you feel feel some excitement/disappointment at different times in the month, and that that is perfectly normal. It would be impossible to keep a totally flat level of emotion, but feeling up and down,as long as it doesn't become too much, shouldn't be a reason to give up xx
calibee your wedding sounds like it's shaping up to be really fab. We had a very budgetted wedding (took our own piccies etc) - came in at under £1000 for everything, inc.honeymoon and reception. I don't get how people think it reasonable to spend over £5000 on one damn day these days!!
isabeller that's reassuring about the lump - would make sense with the timing to be linked with procedures you've had. Is your consultant meeting with the 'team' to discuss and then let you know what they propose?
notsoold not long to your scan now!
Phew - long post for me..better go and tidy up a bit before everyone gets back from day out with dh..

Wow...diege so glad your experience was a positive one. Its so sad really that we have to pay privately to get decent healthcare nowadays. So many cuts have made the majority of our nhs workers, stressed and overworked and sadly this can come across as a distinct lack of care and empathy. The whole Francis report relates to exactly this. Unfortunately...once again..it seems the government expect to treat the symptom and not the cause by continuing to cut staff , salaries and there is even talk of holiday cuts (I always thought the generous holiday package as an NHS worker made up for the lack of bonus that private sector workers generally receive). I hope the Nuchal scan goes just as well x
diege I too love to read your stories. I dont know how anybody else feels but I seriously feel like I know all of you. I will never forget how you all pulled me through when I had the mc a couple of months ago when I lacked any empathy in rl.

I spent the afternoon being preened and pampered. I love what they have done with my hair, but having got home and had a good look at the make up I am thinking definately not. It was so heavy I could see lines, wrinkles and hideous crepey skin I didnt even realise I had!!! Infact right now I feel like a right ugly old bat...not quite the desired effect needed for my wedding day. I only ever wear light make up...even on a night out so I think I will stick to doing it myself on the day.

....doh Should have read gum I too love your stories...gah.
Oh yes and GoT was excellent. Monday nights have just been booked for the next 10 weeks or so :)

Deige, I am so pleased that your visit to the Fetal Medicine centre went well. I am a little bit excited that you might have a wee girl in there! I would really love to have a girl for my last baby, just to even things out (I have three boys and two girls), but after three losses and waiting so long, I would be over the moon with a boy too.

Last night I DH and I were watching telly (I use the term "watching" loosely as I was nodding off by then) and there was a preview of a tv show about couples being challenged to have sex for 7 nights in a row (these couples looked like any normal family - working, kids and totally knackered). Anyway I made some comment about I bet we couldn't manage it, and DH (who loves a challenge) said,"I bet I could", and I said,"I bet you couldn't" and so on, til we decided to see if he really could. But I said, "I will have to start tomorrow night,cos I am knackered!". Anyway, it's a timely little ploy to see how much BMS (baby making sex) we can have this month. If we start tonight then we'll do it days 8 - 14, which should cover ovulation too. Of course it could back-fire terribly if he cannot perform later in the 7 days when it is closest to ovulation

We have parent night at work tonight (as teachers,not parents), so I guess we'll come home knackered again. It really will be a challenge

I woke up at 3.30 am today (DS wanted a drink) and could not get back to sleep. I tried meditation, counting sheep, ticking off all the jobs I need to do,thinking about ttc, etc etc. So I just hope that going to sleep at 8.30 last night means I got enough sleep. Otherwise it is going to be another long day, and I have to be all professional and wonderful at parent's night.

Deige, I am also amazed at what people will spend on weddings. It is one day, and I know everyone wants it to be special, but I can't imagine how spending tens of thousands of dollars makes the love any better ( I have heard of weddings that cost over $50,000). I got married 22 years ago and had a biggish wedding and tried really hard to keep the costs down (I made my dress, my aunty made the cake, did my own makeup) but we still spent about $5000. Much of that cost was for a really nice meal in a nice restaurant for 70 people. Also, I have an Italian father so everything has to be showy (which is not me at all), so that added to the cost. If I had my time again, it would be a quiet and intimate affair, without all the long lost relatives and friends of parents.

Calibee, I think it is lovely that your DF will wear his uniform. Frankly I find uniforms very sexy If you feel they made the make-up too heavy, then definitely do it yourself. By this stage in our lives, I think we know what suits us. As I've gotten olden I tend to wear a lot less than I used to. Especially in summer as I have a nice colour from all the sunshine.

Deige I still have a blog. I don't know if I should link it here or not? Perhaps if anyone wants to have a look, let me know and I'll PM you. I actually have three blogs now. One is no longer used, so I have a newer one, that suits my life now, plus one for my knitting group, but I am the only contributor. I don't write in the blogs much because it is hard to find the time and inclination.

Well, seeings I am up at sparrows-fart, I will use the time well and get sinner started now. I know I'll be happy I did later.

I hope everyone is okay,wherever they are in this ttc journey. I would love to hear an update from Sparkly, and hear how everyone else is. Come on peeps, chime in...

that should read "dinner', not "sinner". Freudian slip, eh???

Ha ha Gum I too thought Freudian slip at 'sinner' . Re: the sex marathon you are planning, could you postpone for a few days so that any 'issues' rear their head after ovulation?
Re: baby's sex have 3 dds and 2 dss so it would be 'neater' I suppose on paper for a ds, but my personal pref is a girl as dd3 has always been left out a little with the older dds being like twins...I REALLY do not find though. I wasn't going to find out at all tbh, but when he asked if I wanted to know what his 'hunch' was I just couldn't resist although now of course that I've opened the pandora's box I will have to keep asking at subsequent scans as I will be building up a picture of a little girl!
calibee, yes agree about the make up - my advice would be to avoid powder (apart from say blush as the creams can run, espec on stressful days!). I had a 'make over' at Clinique last summer and I looked so lined and old- 100% better when I took it all off!
Right, have hairdresser here at 9.30 so had better get dressed.

Love to all xxx

at diege ...yes a uniform is always nice. I've not seen him in his full dress uniform yet. Although I think it's a bogey green one and not the red one. A little disappointing.

diege it must be so exciting getting to know sex of baby this early. You must be so thrilled. I think I will stick to my usual makeup to be honest...maybe just a touch more than usual. We are not having a photographer so hopefully anything else may be lost on a camera phone :)

Back to work for me today. Having had 3 days off last week with the uti and off until today I am dreading what I may be in for....here's hoping for a pleasant surprise!!

I did it again....should have addressed gum in first sentence above.

DOH!!!!!!

Ahh calibee maybe you have a secret girl crush on me
Good luck for work today - I'm sure it will be absolutely fine x
Meant to say too that I think you're spot on about the NHS - it's hard to 'quantify' the effects of disinterest, odd body language, lack of empathy by NHS on 'customers' but they are the very things that stay in our memory and often define how we remember the care we have received.