Elderberry Pavlovas And The Eternal Sausage of Wang (Part 4): a frightfully good thread for the over-30s TTC their first baby.

[viviennewestwould]

Over here, sausage-wangers!

Yes I'm afraid to say I have never stopped drinking... Although I think about it a lot. A bonus of stopping now is that i will never be able to keep a bfp secret if i suddenly stop drinking, but if i do it for a long time it won't be so obvious!

NotWithoutMyMerkin...snort! and how would you like us to shorten that? Can we just call you Merkin?! Do you consider your name to still have a cat link? I can think of two possible links...not sure I want to write them down though...I'm a bit of a prude!

Yes am happy to be called Merkin! There was no intentional cat link but I see where you're going

Captain any news?

Unless you made your merkin out of a cat... ! Poor pussy! (Oooops...I went and did it anyway.)

I contemplated thecatsmerkin but decided it sounded very wrong!

I don't know, I'm looking at my pusscat lying here on the sofa with her legs akimbo, no modesty whatsoever, and I'm thinking a merkin is EXACTLY what she needs!

Girls do your OH's still drink as I think that's the key. Alcohol doesn't affect out fertility the same way it affects men's sperm.

fortunately my OH doesn't drink anywhere near as much as I do I suffer from a sad lack of will power/self-control on occasion!

OH caught me lying with my legs up the wall post the sechs last night - quote "oh is it that time again already?" -

God i'm feeling shitty today. Apologies for moaning without any real reason. I'm just feeling really down about not being pregnant. And feeling like it will never happen no matter what I do. And (selfish bit) I don't just want 1 baby I want lots and I feel like time is running out (again apologies to everyone older than me who has been trying longer than me) to get a family (not just 1 baby iyswim). And i hate my cycles because despite AF having left the building I have another 2 weeks to wait before O. Its a frigging cycle of waiting for AF to end, waiting to O, waiting for BFP then starting again. I think about it all the time. I'm so fed up and HATE not having any control over this.
I appreciate that I have not been trying that long by most people's standards/efforts, that I do not have any diagnosed issues, and that some people everyone on the conception threads has much more to be mad/sad/worried about than me and therefore have little right to moan. However I can't pick myself up today. It's the first time it's all hit me all at once like this and it's crap. Admittedly I am on the job hunt which is also getting me down (hardly any jobs in my specialist area) and I do have a hangover (which always makes me feel miserable) and I have post wedding blues BUT i'm not normally a negative / miserable person so it's a bit unusual for me. Have spent all day on the sofa moping in my PJ's, poor DH has been at work all day yet I have just texted him to ask him to stop at the supermarket because I am a lazy cow and didn't go and do it earlier. Can somebody please slap me round the face with a sausage, give me a good talking to and reassure me that everyone has days like this

Or alternatively somebody getting a BFP would cheer me right up

bunny or fairy any symptoms i can obsess over?

Oh dear merkin (great name by the way) I expect we all have days like this, i know i do, whether we have been trying 3 months or 3 years! Once you make the decision to actually TTC that's all you want and all you can think about!!!

Only symptoms here are pre-AF ones I'm afraid , even though we only DTD twice on the wrongs days you always have a tiny glimmer of hope I guess!

(slaps merkin round the chops with a pork and Stilton sausage just for fun)

Merkin - I know EXACTLY how you feel, and anyone who's been trying longer than a few months is lying if they say they don't! I too have those thoughts about wanting more than one baby but there's so many other things to worry about, I just can't let them in. In my experience at least, when these thoughts come along, I wallow for a day or three and then it passes and onwards I plod. However, and this is of no help to you, I am terrified that one day I'm going to go into that mood and I'm not going to be able to shake it. What then? (Boodle opens can of cheap frankfurters, only to find it full of worms and quickly tapes it shut and flings it to the back of the mental breakdown cupboard...)

I will of course slap you around the face with a sausage if you want though - would never pass up that opportunity! (Kneels on Merkin's arms and slaps her around the face with a bockwurst whilst repeatedly shouting "I challenge you to a duel!")

Now then, I'm just going to say it...would you really be cheered up by a BFP from someone else?! I wouldn't...! Don't get me wrong, Elderberries, I will be absolutely chuffed to bits FOR you, but I will also be insanely jealous and will want to instantly banish you to the graduated elderberries! (Waves to the ones who come back and check on us to make sure we're not causing any more trouble.) Does that make sense or do I now sound like a horrible green-eyed little monster? Probably...!

Hi Kerry, great to have someone completely new on board!
Did you hear that they have upped the IVF age?

The next thread has to be the Elderberries and the hunt for immaculate conception. Can't remember who suggested it but we all seem to be shagging at the wrong time! From now on I am offering an incentive. The Elderberry deemed to have done the bestest amount of well timed shagging shall be henceforth awarded the Super Shagger Crown of Glory and must be addressed as Lady Super Shagger. You must always courtesy in Lady Super Shagger's presence. You will hold the crown until another Elderberry is deemed to have achieved more/better shagging.

Someone best claim it quick because in 2 weeks time that crown is mine!! I am planning on staying nekkid with my legs apart for at least a week

Thanks, Pipbin, yes I've read all the blurb. Unfortunately, the cynic in me believes this will not make a scintilla of difference with the postcode lottery which already exists in this country. These guidelines are just that - guidelines - they are not mandatory. Pip, I know you had a lap & dye recently; I had mine two days ago an they found a blocked fallopian tube and a bit of endo behind my right ovary. Doc did not (and will not) unblock the tube. Do you think IVF can help me?

P.s..the 48 hrs after the lap & dye were fucking horribly painful - particularly the trapped gas in my shoulder and diaphragm. So glad I had the procedure though.

Merkin, may I suggest that the Super Shagger also be awarded the aluminium-plated sausage to hold aloft as a phallic symbol of her shagworthiness? It could be fashioned to match her Crown of Glory.

welcome kerry please join in on wanging me as i need it right now. (Re-read that and it sounds so and and [dirty emoticon]

Boodle you don't sound like a green eyed monster, I know exactly what you are saying. I have a weird fear of being the last non graduated Elderberry ever... I would have to create a dummy account merkinsfriend and hold conversations between my two accounts to keep myself company on here. However weirdly I think we just need one BFP and it'll be like a tube of pringles hence my hoping for one to arrive so I can catch a piece of it!

Hello, Kerry! Well, as an absolute newbie, obviously, you have definitely chosen the right thread to drop in to! I just get a feeling we'll suit you down to a T!

Damn it - I want to be in with a chance for the Super Shagger Crown of Glory. However, DH is away at the moment I'm going to have no chance this month unless I ovulate SUPER late - quick, someone stress me out!

Nevermind, I will bask in the glory of the thread title idea!

Sounds quite normal Merkin! I (with DP) have a doctor's appointment on Monday to finally get our results from our initial tests, and I am currently obsessing over whether I would prefer there to be a problem (which could hopefully be fixed) or no problem, which leaves me with no explanation of why nothing has happened for 14 cycles, but also no reason why it might not happen in cycle 15.... I've also persuaded myself that my short luteal phase is a bad problem, the horrible acne I've had since coming off the pill plus the irregular cycles mean I have PCOS, and the cyst on my ovary I had about 10 years ago probably means I've only got one working.....

Oh, and last time I had to spend a weekend away with two pregnant women I burst into tears. A friend announced her pregnancy at a meal recently and I just wanted to leave immediately and go home.

And I was rationally irrationally angry with my mother when I texted her to tell her my DP's brother and wife were pregnant again and she texted back "that's good". NO THAT's NOT GOOD! I wanted to text back, THAT's BL**DY UNFAIR, SHE'S ALREADY GOT ONE!!!
Ahem.

See, bad days are perfectly normal...

Kerry I love the phallic sausage. I shall get it created in bronze and attached to the front of the crown, which shall henceforce be known as the tries hard to come up with clever / funny name and fails Super Shagger Sausage Crown of Glory

Boodle are you not getting married soon? (Or have I mixed everyone up again because I have a brain like a fish). There's nothing like a wedding for some stress. I can tell you all sorts of horrible stressful stories....