Elderberry Pavlovas And The Eternal Sausage of Wang (Part 4): a frightfully good thread for the over-30s TTC their first baby.

[viviennewestwould]

Over here, sausage-wangers!

Aquarius, 31, cycle [think its 10 now] 5ish dpo, af due 4 feb-ish, lazy so-and-so who's still in bed whilst typing this.

soph hello- are you new or have I missed something? Tell us about yourself?

Bunny, just 33 (eek), CD2, cycle 9, married, have 2 furry babies and work in a boring office job.
MotherOfCleo, 29, ttc#1, month 4, bfp due 1 feb (fx)
Sophie80, 33 ttc#1, month 19, AF due next week (not sure of date as some scumbag has nicked my phone!)
Aquarius, 31, cycle [think its 10 now] 5ish dpo, af due 4 feb-ish, lazy so-and-so who's still in bed whilst typing this.
Happylass 34 (but not for much longer boohoo) CD2 of cycle 6. AF due Feb 21st
Viv, 41 (fuck off!) 5DPO, 11th cycle since mmc, champion sausage-wanger, nice tits.

Added myself....

Bunny, just 33 (eek), CD2, cycle 9, married, have 2 furry babies and work in a boring office job.
MotherOfCleo, 29, ttc#1, month 4, bfp due 1 feb (fx)
Sophie80, 33 ttc#1, month 19, AF due next week (not sure of date as some scumbag has nicked my phone!)
Aquarius, 31, cycle [think its 10 now] 5ish dpo, af due 4 feb-ish, lazy so-and-so who's still in bed whilst typing this.
Happylass 34 (but not for much longer boohoo) CD2 of cycle 6. AF due Feb 21st
Viv, 41 (fuck off!) 5DPO, 11th cycle since mmc, champion sausage-wanger, nice tits.
2cats222, newlywed won't shut up about it & 31, CD10 of cycle 7

One for the sausage wangers... I genuinely saw a comedian last night called Phil WANG I am not joking!! www.avalonuk.com/artists/view/120
He was fucking brilliant

And (I know you old timers will have seen these before) but these help prove all the POAS and observing everything you wipe is worth it....

General getting pregnant stats vs stats for those charting CM/BBT (in bold);
1st month 30% pregnant vs 38% pregnant
By 3 months 59% pregnant vs 68% pregnant
By 6 months 80% pregnant vs 81% pregnant
By 12 months 85% pregnant vs 92% pregnant

MOTHEROFCLEO IS AN INTERLOPER 'COS SHE'S NOT EVEN 30 YET!! [chucks sausage at Mother's head for being such a nubile, young wench]

2cats, I hate your statistics, they do not apply to me. A 41 year-old has only a 5% chance of conceiving each month. In 1.5 years, when I am 43, my chances of conceiving drop to 1% each cycle [runs off to kill oneself]

The good news is I have just come back from church where I was reminded once again that Jesus loves me and there are greater things in life than squeezing a brat out of your vagina, having it hanging off your tit for twelve months and then being hated by the evil bastard from the age of thirteen

viv I'm so glad to hear your/Jesus's perspective on things I skipped my church this morning for a lie in and brunch with oh (I go to an evangelical /fairly happy clappy C of E here in Yorkshire) so will contemplate your thought for the day instead

2cats - what about by 19 months lol?

Had a lovely, calming pilates class today only to return to find AF has reared her ugly face! Looks like round 2 of clomid starts tomorrow

Aquarius!! I, too, go to an evangelical C of E (no clapping though, or handling serpents, or speaking gobbledegook). I am a terrible Christian but trying to follow Jesus' teachings

Soph, sorry about AF. Remind me - were you ovulating before being prescribed Clomid?

As if the "I got pregnant the 1st month of TTC" threads aren't bad enough. There's now one for women who got pregnant after being sterilised. Seriously!?!

Happy I hope you threw some sausages at said woman's head

Soph sorry about AF

Aquarius - a fellow Yorkshire lass eh? I am now an honourary Southerner (not by choice) but hope to move back 'oop North' someday when i find the strength to drag kicking and screaming husband up there

Viv Sausage wanging taken like a man for pissing you off with non applicable stats (I am pretending they apply to me too but being as I am not 21 they don't)

Anyone got any motivation tips for me? House looks like a bomb has hit despite lots of hidying (shoving stuff in cupboards) and I am too lazy to do anything about it argh

viv serpent handling?? We've had a donkey in once (for the nativity) ...Don't think actual clapping goes on much (apart from for the kids' worship) but there's a bit of hand waving /guitars/drums/Christian rock songs that sound like U2 songs.... I too think I'm doing fairly awful job of being Xn (and not in a fake modest sort of way) -at least we're honest with ourselves about it.

2cats this isn't something I share with a lot of people but this might motivate you- I cleared out a room that we don't use much last autumn and found quite a few carpet bugs on the floor and under things. not harmful and apparently v common, but unsightly &can eat through carpet -regular cleaning/tidying keeps them at bay, (with the help of a cleaner) and that motivates me(!) pretty gross I know.

Ps 'ey up lass and all that 2cats (have to confess i've adopted yorkshire as home for past 10 yrs odd but originally from the midlands (not brum))

I am also originally from Yorkshire (God's own country, although I am a confirmed atheist) but an honorary southerner now. I even sound posh, although I will never drop the short "a" in bath, grass, etc.

Anyway. I have today for the first time had some EWCM. AF is due tomorrow, and Dr. Google tells me this could be a sign she's on the way, but WTF? Why now and not, you know, around ovulation when it might actually be useful?

Retro snap - I say bath properly (there is no r in bath!) but the yorkshire accent comes back quite quickly when i'm home or on the phone to parents etc, OH finds it hilarious!

Alternatively your EWCM could be a symptom of something else??

Aquarius, the reference to serpents relates to those loons in America's bible belt who take a verse from the Old Testament entirely out of context and lift up venomous snakes during their services with the 'knowledge' that God will protect them. When various members are bitten and writhe around shrieking in agony - or worse, die - the congregation merely shrug their shoulders and say the victims were clearly not God's people

Retro, fertile cm can appear right the way through the luteal phase and simply demonstrates a surge of oestrogen. Unfortunately, it does usually mean AF is on its way. At this stage in your cycle your best bet is to use it to stick wallpaper up.

So...I'm 5DPO and feeling a baby kicking - could I be pregnant?

haha, viv Im galloping towards my thirtys at a rate of knots I shall hit the big 30 in March. I appologise for being a very bad elderberry, please good christian can you show forgivness

[beams beatifically at Mother]: bless you, my child.

I need help shouting out the demons (actually, not demons - statistics I masochistically devoured last night re ttc over 40) which are telling me I have only eighteen months to conceive. When I reach 43 I have almost zero chance of getting pregnant with my own eggs. We will never be able to afford donor IVF. I am feeling really, really miserable about these statistics. Yes, I know there are women who get preggo at 44, 45 etc but, really...they are very, very few and far between. I read last night that, if you read about women over 43 having babies they are most definitely not using their own eggs and had IVF. Iam 42 in August

oooh viv you MUST be. I assume you're having some BH at this stage too

Aquarius promise I don't have that much mess! Just lots of honeymoon laundry, unpacking, stuff to go in the loft post wedding that I seem just to be moving around from room to room!

and viv i wish I could say something to help/make you feel better/change the stats. Perhaps just wine / flowers / tea & biscuits and a hug. At least youre doing everything you can to make it happen and that has got to give you a much much better chance

The stats are just that, though - population-level statistics and averages. Have you had tests, viv, to find out what YOUR fertility is?

Viv - yes I was ovulating before clomid. You were right about it not making any difference

2cats - used to it now lol x

Evening ladies.
The stats from earlier just go make me think that it's all just way to distract us until we get a BFP. I wonder what the stats are for people just not using any contraception and not charting etc.

Welcome Soph, nice to have another long termer here.

Bunny, just 33 (eek), CD2, cycle 9, married, have 2 furry babies and work in a boring office job.
MotherOfCleo, 29, ttc#1, month 4, bfp due 1 feb (fx)
Sophie80, 33 ttc#1, month 19, AF due next week (not sure of date as some scumbag has nicked my phone!)
Aquarius, 31, cycle [think its 10 now] 5ish dpo, af due 4 feb-ish, lazy so-and-so who's still in bed whilst typing this.
Happylass 34 (but not for much longer boohoo) CD2 of cycle 6. AF due Feb 21st
Viv, 41 (fuck off!) 5DPO, 11th cycle since mmc, champion sausage-wanger, nice tits.
2cats222, newlywed won't shut up about it & 31, CD10 of cycle 7
Pipbin, 37, cycle 17, I think, AF due 31st Jan

Hello ladies, can I add myself to your merry band? (Soph I'm not following you, promise!!)

I've added myself to the bottom of the list

Bunny, just 33 (eek), CD2, cycle 9, married, have 2 furry babies and work in a boring office job.
MotherOfCleo, 29, ttc#1, month 4, bfp due 1 feb (fx)
Sophie80, 33 ttc#1, month 19, AF due next week (not sure of date as some scumbag has nicked my phone!)
Aquarius, 31, cycle [think its 10 now] 5ish dpo, af due 4 feb-ish, lazy so-and-so who's still in bed whilst typing this.
Happylass 34 (but not for much longer boohoo) CD2 of cycle 6. AF due Feb 21st
Viv, 41 (fuck off!) 5DPO, 11th cycle since mmc, champion sausage-wanger, nice tits.
2cats222, newlywed won't shut up about it & 31, CD10 of cycle 7
Pipbin, 37, cycle 17, I think, AF due 31st Jan
Sonics, 32, cycle 19 (1 MMC August 2012) AF started yesterday what a bitch

Helloooo! I need to get me a bit of this list action:

Bunny, just 33 (eek), CD2, cycle 9, married, have 2 furry babies and work in a boring office job.
MotherOfCleo, 29, ttc#1, month 4, bfp due 1 feb (fx)
Sophie80, 33 ttc#1, month 19, AF due next week (not sure of date as some scumbag has nicked my phone!)
Aquarius, 31, cycle [think its 10 now] 5ish dpo, af due 4 feb-ish, lazy so-and-so who's still in bed whilst typing this.
Happylass 34 (but not for much longer boohoo) CD2 of cycle 6. AF due Feb 21st
Viv, 41 (fuck off!) 5DPO, 11th cycle since mmc, champion sausage-wanger, nice tits.
2cats222, newlywed won't shut up about it & 31, CD10 of cycle 7
Pipbin, 37, cycle 17, I think, AF due 31st Jan
Boodle, 29, cycle 18, waiting for first fertility specialist appointment and queen of the short luteal phase

Before any meat-based aerial attacks come my way for being 29, I must remind you all that I asked permission to join!

Bolded all our names too...just for shits and giggles.