Fantastic Forty Plus, part 9, this time is our time,bring on the bfp's!

[hopefulgum]

We've filled out thread - I do hope you all find your way here. I can't add a message on the old thread to let you know it is here...

This new thread, will no doubt have its own set of bfp's and babies. I am excited to see what it brings.

Morien....planning a wedding!!! As a ( normally and without caffeine) excitable pro wedding person I am excited on my sofa and I haven't met you personally.... Planning a wedding!!!!!

Irish....belgium chocolate.... Oh heaven!!!hope you are well!!!

Isabeller....hope you have the situation sorted soon..xxx

Remnant...hi honey..xxx

Diege...rest and take easy, ok???

Gum...testing again??? Darker line I hope

Sparkly...it is very hard to read your posts without getting cross with your other half. So good tou have a RL to support you xxx

Calibee...if you go during weekend what about Camden Town???

Jbrd hi there...thinking of you

Thanks for your kind posts yesterday, after Irish kind words I just broke down and took a long while to be able to come downstairs and spend time with ds (unaware of anything having a friend over). Because the gestacional sac measured around 12mm placing it around 42 daysish ( therefore a fetal pole pretty much should have to be present). I really want to believe that on the 7th there will be a progress but ( and a big but)with the information and the talk by the MW i dont hold almpst any hope...Maybe because of the upset but even my sore boobs are not as sore... I need to prepare myself for the worse because it can only get better... And true to my worries , when comforting me dh express concerns about being almost 54....
Is he the oldest here???
He also reminded me ( as if I needed) that I had a mmc in june and a cp in december and maybe my body is npt coping or ( wait for it) my body is taking slowly and remembering on stages how to hold on to a pg :(
On a lighter note , a girl came to the door asking ds out...( I am so decrepit). Girls at 13 look so much more mature than boys don't they???
He ( bless his heart) said to her no in a very gentle way but damage the effect by adding that PS3 games are his thing on a Saturday night. She wasn't happy....and I kept out of it.

notsoold, I had to smile when your DS said PS3 was his thing on a Saturday night! Bless

I am sorry that you are feeling less hopeful, but I really do understand. You really can't know what is happening until that next scan, but I know how hard it is not to notice how symptoms wan and change. It is probably not that your body has forgotten how to hold onto a pregnancy. If (and that's a big IF) you miscarry it is much more likely to be a case of age related egg quality. ((hugs))

Sparkly, I am so very sorry to hear that your DH isn't stepping up and acting like an adult. It makes me so cross to hear that he is withdrawing affection from you. I know how heart-broken I would be too. How long will you put up with this behaviour? The stress is not good for you, your DD or your baby. Please seek some counseling - even if your DH won't, perhaps you can be given some guidance on how to proceed. It seems to me that you DH is massively selfish if he cannot put his own feelings aside and consider the new child he helped to create. I am sorry if I sound a bit heavy-handed, but I am worried for you and I wonder if being in that kind of atmosphere daily can be good for you and your children. I am glad you have some support in RL, but I know you would like the support to come from your DH.

Deige, I know that the sickness is a really good sign, but I feel for you, having to deal with it, five kids and a job. Not for the faint-hearted! But so worth it, eh?

I think I may have to live vicariously through you and others on the thread who are pregnant as I feel this cycle is going the same way as the last ten. To say I am tired of the same negative results month after month would be an understatement I know it is only 10dpo, but I don't even see a faint line this morning. It is clearly negative.

Which is particularly annoying as I had a good high temperature,and very vivid dreams about two babies in my house - a boy and a girl. Clearly my subconscious has been listening in to my conscious, as the psychic said I'd get pregnant this month with boy/girl twins. Of course, logically, I know it is bullshit, but a large small part of me really wanted to prove the internet psychic right

Yesterday evening my breasts were so tender, and nipples very dark, so I really thought I might be in with a chance. Now my body is just goading me, which feels like a betrayal of sorts. If I am not getting pregnant, why the f*#k do I have to have all these clear symptoms?

Sorry for the rant. I think years of ttc and disappointment might be starting to take its toll. I shall try to remain optimistic and won't sully the thread with my negative vibes!

Here's a or a or a to apologise for my sad and selfish post [shamefaced, leaving now, but will be back, emoticon...]

notsoold the waiting is just agony isn't it, I'm sure you wish you could fast forward time to your scan next week. x
I think your DS would get on well with my DD1. She was a real little tomboy when she was younger and a keen footballer and even though she's now 13 and a bit more girly she would probably still be happier playing on the PS3 than going out on a date with a member of the opposite sex. Wasn't that girl brave coming round to ask your DS out though!
gum you know there's no need to apologise for having a rant, I for one certainly know how you feel, I find myself noticing all sorts of symptoms that raise my hopes in the 2ww and find the disappointment each time increasingly hard. I'm trying not to test each month unless my temps remain high,I keep comparing temps each cycle to my pregnancy ones. I suppose premenstrual symptoms can be quite similar to early pregnancy ones but until this last year I never paid so much attention to my body! However, 10dpo is still early to test,it's not over yet.
Diege sorry you're feeling so ill,hang in there.
Sparkly sorry things still are difficult with your DH but good that you have rl support.
remnant it's like being in limbo ,I found the two weeks waiting for my last miscarriage to start such a hard time. Booking an erpc will hopefully give you some resolution.Glad you've got a holiday to look forward to at Easter.
look after yourself x
Morien your doctor sounds great,you must be happy to be getting some tests done. He's right,40 isn't old at all(says the now ancient 45 year old!!)
Hi to everyone else

hopeful - I am right behind you on the testing front despite my attempts to pretend I was not going to today (but hey with a big bag of internet tests sitting in my drawer were calling to me).....so I did test this morning at 10DPO and it was a BFN (sigh). I seem to be perpetually freezing, still have a runny nose and my temps are higher than they usually are. Regrettably these are only symptoms of having a cold not being pregnant

But if you are getting symptoms at 10DPO that is much more interesting! I think you said that your symptoms seem much stronger in week one and here you are in week two with tender bits....mmmm.

Thanks to all who have made suggestions for the London trip...I have bought a book called "50 walks in London" which I think will come into use a fair bit with the odd stop off for light refreshments . Somebody mentioned the 2 for 1's through National Rail...I have saved a load of vouchers on there but my printer has broke so will sneekily print those out at work today...thankyou. I have been on the London eye before and yes it was a bit crammed so that cable car sounds fab....also thinking maybe the view from The Shard may be worth taking in......oooo so exciting. I've been and done all these things before but going with DP maks it all feel new again.

Remnant so sorry you're still in limbo land. Its pure torture ...I know exactly how you are feeling. If nearer the time you feel up for a coffee....

notsoold I dont really know what to say as nothing will take you away from how you are feeling. I was similar in your position though...think the worst and anything else is a bonus....if the worst happens then you are already in the right mindset. However, I still really hope to be reading that you have had good news next week. x Had to giggle at your ds though. Mine is 15... and blocked and defriended me a couple of years ago on facebook ...however dd2 showed me some pics of him from last weekend with a very pretty girl draped around his shoulders. He is constantly at the gym just lately and has muscled and toned up...at 6ft1 he actually looks like a man, oh my...what happened to my baby

sparkly raaa to your DH, he needs a bit of a "man up" shake I think. I understand he must be feeling awful but sulking isnt going to help, its just going to lose him his family. Be strong girl...whatever happens you will get through.

diege so sorry to hear the sickness isnt responding as well to the cyclizine. Has your Dr mentioned any other medication you might try??

jbrd I hope you're having a marvellous time in centre parks.

hopefulgum ...is the faint line still showing. Thats how my bfp was last time. so feint at 10dpo that I wrote it off...2days later, still feint but no mistaking it. I hope its good news for you. I found a site (sad I know) where women were posting pics of their hpt's and people voted whether they thought it was bfp or bfn...I confess to posting mine .My ds is a Charlie too...

3rd day of clomid today...headache from hell and nasty dry mouth but I think I'm lucky to just get away with those side effects.

I'm sorry if I have missed anybody...big wave to all.

lizard early days...but there is still time x

Just back from acupuncture feeling rather relaxed (despite Charlie screaming at me from the bath-he is very tired after going to school today,and taking the bus! He loves it now).

It was a lovely session. She checked my pulses and I asked how they were, she said they were strong, which she thought was really good as I've been getting up early and I am tired. She said the pulse could mean I'm pre-menstrual, or pregnant I hope it is the latter. She says the two pulses are so similar it is hard to tell the difference, though some masters can tell.

Anyway, as for the faint lines, I think my judgement can not be trusted. I think I see a faint line every single month. I think I just know where the line should be and so, it is almost a phantom line that I see. Unless the line is bright and dark, I just can't believe anything I see. And my version of a faint line is probably every sane woman's version of "it-just-isn't-there-it-is-a-stark white-space" kind of line.

So, unless I have a raised temperature past 12 DPO (only two days to go) and a very obvious line, I shall remain pessimistic...

Calibee, your plans for your long week-end away sound lovely.

Greenlizard - I hope you too get a second line in the next few days. I'd love to be a bump-buddy with you too.

I must run, DH is cooking dinner and telling me to get off the computer...

Googling in my lunch-break I stumbled upon an excellent website which will allow me to remain in my comfortable denial just for a few more days....apparently there is a 30% chance that my bfn is a false negative (that goes for you too hopeful!)

www.countdowntopregnancy.com/pregnancy-test/dpo-chart.php?dpo=10

OMG what a mad week. DPs mum had a fall at her day centre and we spent 5 hours in A&E with her on Monday and the pace has hardly slowed since, I will be so relieved to get back to the building site I call home .

It's very encouraging to read everyone's pregnancy news and fun and happy stuff like your trip Calibee. I haven't totally caught up with thread but I'm so touched by everyone good wishes. Yesterday the clinic were very positive about the chance of success with a frozen cycle but there will be a bit of a wait before we can start. I'm seeing my GP about the lump as soon as I get home tomorrow afternoon, I've hardly had time to worry about it this week which is a sort of blessing.

Time for a and relax before packing x Is

Well, another definite negative this morning. Temperature lower (though not below cover line) and boobs not very sore. So that's me out. I fully expect to see AF in a couple of days.

Despite being sick of the total rollercoaster of ttc, I still can't let it go [why isn't there a "complete moron" emoticon?]

Hopefully at some point I will be ready to let go of all this ttc. But I really thought I'd have it all behind me by my 45th birthday,and it's been more than a year since then.

Argh!

At least I had a win at work. After the debacle over my "senior" teacher status and eligibility for a pay rise, my pay roll officer asked head office to do a manual check of my service (they only have computer records back to 2003 and I've been working for the department since 1990). Well, they did the check and found out, in fact, I was eligible and they owe me 6 months arrears as I should have been put on the top pay scale last July! Although the arrears don't add up to a lotto win, it is something,and will help pay off the credit card! It means I'll get a pay rise, arrears next pay, then another (last one unless I go for promotion,which will never happen) pay rise in July. Hurray.

Greenlizard, I have read many times that a negative at 10 or 11 DPO can be false, but in my case it is just so unlikely. I have always gotten my bfp's either 9 or 10 dpo. Perhaps it was 11 dpo last time, but this mornings bfn was clearly negative without a hint of a line,and I think if I was pregnant I'd at least have a slight faint line by now. That, and the fact that I no longer have symptoms, leads me to the conclusion that I must be past my use by date and should probably give up the quest for the holy grail...If I could just convince myself

Crossed posts Isabeller, sorry to hear about your MIL's fall. How awful for her and you.

I am glad you are seeing your GP tomorrow. Let us know how it goes.

Lurking checking how Diege is doing,

Notsold - just wanted to give a slight bit of hope. I went for a scan at 7+3 when certain of dates and having had positive test more than two weeks previous to be told that sac measure 5 weeks only and no foetal pole. Went back 10 days later to perfect pregnancy correct for dates. Spotting and cramping turned out to be nothing and that pregnancy led to my now 8 year old dd. I have had many many miscarriages and can only advise that you take one day at a time and keep telling yourself that "today I am pregnant" and don't thing beyond that for now. Whatever happens you cannot alter, but try not to dwell on all the possibilities, try to keep focused on just where you are now. Hope you don't mind me saying all this , I have just been where you are now, and it is hard to get through the time of not knowing.

Galway...i dont mind at all...thank you!!!!....

Good morning...where did the week go its Friday, yay.

hopefulgum thats excellent news re your payrise. Good for you.

Isabeller...sorry to hear about mil's fall. Is she ok?? It sounds very encouraging about your frozen cycle. Is there a reason for the delayed start?

I am going to be waiting with baited breath all day for a text from DP to say weather or not he will get home tonight. I've not had any contact with him since Sunday night, which is the longest time we have ever been out of touch since meeting each other. I have soppily sent him a "good night...I love you text" with a little bit of news on each day. Lord only knows what I would be like if he goes to Afghan?

So far on the itinery for London Sea Life centre (tickets got using my Tesco clubcard vouchers) London Zoo, Dungeon, Imperial War Museum (thats me..I'm a closet geek) a trip up the Shard...lots of walking, lots of food and lots of sex ...hopefully the best babymaking kind.

Gum, that's excellent news about your pay rises, but you should have had them at the correct time. Thank goodness your service was checked out, otherwise they'd have continued to get away with paying less than you deserve. I'm sorry about your suspected BFN.

Isabeller, is your MIL is ok after her fall? I hope you're feeling positive about your chances with a frozen cycle. Awaiting news of your lump and very much hoping it's nothing serious.

Calibee, I hope you're DP can make it home this weekend. Your London trip sounds great. The Aquarium is really great, DD loves it as she's into all things fishy.

Diege, how are you feeling?

Remnant, I hope you've managed to find somewhere to do your ERPC, at least it eliminates the waiting for the m/c to start naturally, which must be horrible.

Notsoold, it must seem like a long time til your next scan and not knowing what's happening. Fx that it'll be ok.

DH just texted me to say how miserable he is - we both are, I wish I knew how to help him, because I feel responsible for him being so unhappy and want to make it better, and because it's making me miserable too.

Hi to everyone I haven't name checked, have a lovely weekend. xx

Hi, want to join in but not sure how this works. Will check back in when I finish work and see if anybody has explained how to join in!!!!!! Bit of a technophobe!!!!!

Hi Stephanie.... You have joined us!!!! Welcome to out thread...
As my brain never works anyway, I can't remember the order of things if you want to add your details to the list and I know someone else will jump in and tell you, but make youself comfortable, have a cuppa and again welcome! :)

Sparkly..sorry about your DH... I do think you are very good dealing with him....as I can not give him a kick on the shin and show my tongue ( very mature,eh???) I send you all the good vibes . well done you hun in not doing something you did not want to..

Calibee the Aquarium...oh I am jealous now!!!

Gum does extra money means extra chocolate??? Hope so! I am happy for you the situation about work is sorted! I read few times yet ur last posts and it resonates with me. The lack of peace and seeing oneself pushed to a decision...hold on there in keeping true to yourself ( I know, I know too psychobabble right? I mean it though).

Isabeller...poor MIL !!!

Diege...hope year u are ok

Galway...I keep reading your post to help me as positivity is my motto butdoes not work when is about pg and ttc....

Hello to everyone else and have a great Friday. If you are in the north and want a cuppa and a blueberry muffin hurry to ours before ds eats them all

So do I just carry on like this then? Posting messages or do I reply to a particular message? Thanks for the welcome notsoold. Am I in the right place for some understanding and empathy for a 40 year who is ttc after a miscarriage and surrounded by work colleagues, friends and a sister who are all pregnant and all in the last 2 months!!!!! Have got serious baby envy and beginning to wonder if I will ever have a successful pregnancy at my age and also do you all have partners who don't make things feel any better when you're down by saying, "we''ll get there, don't be silly, you think about it to much" AAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! Rant over! For now anyway :-)

Hi Stephenie, yep, sounds like you're in exactly the right place - welcome Sorry about your MC - when was that? I'm 40 too, and like you ttc after an MC (in August, at 11 weeks). I don't have children of my own although I do have 3 wonderful stepkids. How about you?

Hi Morien, sorry for your loss too. I mc'd in April 2012 at 9 weeks (baby had stopped growing at 7 weeks), boyfriend wasn't over the moon that i fell pregnant after being together for nearly 2 years but we weren't using contraception and I made no secret about the fact I was desperate for a baby. Anyway, we had a very troublesome first few weeks of pregnancy, late implantation, hospital not sure if i was actually pregnant or not at first then lots of bleeding episodes, 5 scans later at nearly 6 weeks we saw the heartbeat and were over the moon but then sadly lost little bean. I bled for nearly 2 months with the mc but boyfriend kept assuring me we'd try again as soon as we could then decided he didn't want to try again when it was safe for us to do so!!!! I was devastated especially after hearing the best time to try again was after a mc, we nearly split up but thankfully I managed to bear to be with with him hoping he'd change his mind again. He did change his mind in November last year and I decided to not actively ttc until January so I could relax over christmas and new year. Anyway......... that's where we are except that I keep finding out people are pregnant every bloomin' week!!!!!! BTW, he has a 5 year son from a one night stand with a girl he can't stand and we have him every weekend which also made everything even harder for me. We have an appointment with a fertility consultant in a weeks time which has given me some hope and also encouraged me to stop smoking all together, haven't smoke for 1 month now. (Didn't smoke from the second I found out I was pregnant either but all the stress after mc and i caved in and started again) Apologies fir the long essay!

Morien Congrats on your wedding to be, i'm just trying to read over as much of the posts on here as poss to give me some sort of background on everybody, it really is a comfort to know that I'm not the only person feeling like pants about everything and can let of steam on hear without being made to feel stupid or over dramatic or like a 'drama queen' BTW, how do i do the emoticons?!!!

Have I missed something? No other posts after mine since 7.33pm!!!!!

Stephanie....you havent missed anything.... Sometimes goes quieter...:)... I am sorry for your mc and for the difficult time you had. Ttc is very stressful, isn't it???
I have my fx for you for next week when you are going to the fertility consultant...
I had a mmc last year around June/ July and an ep last November... Right at this moment I am as far as I know,pregnant again. But I had a early scan and things are ( according to MW) not very good. That is I one the reasons I am so quiet:(

I found going thorough mc a very difficult time ( dh and I have been together 16 years..this it the toughest). We still had days when dh is ok and I struggle with the fact that I don't t have a baby.... So take care hun xxxx

Hi Stephanie and welcome to the thread. I am sorry about your miscarriage. It is awful isn't it? We finally get the bfp (big fat positive) we want, see the heartbeat then lose the baby - it's just almost to much to take. But we do pick ourselves up and try again.

I had a similar situation to yours. I had a healthy heartbeat at 7 weeks, then at 10 weeks found out the baby had died shortly after. I had an ERPC. I got pregnant again and had the exact same thing happen, healthy heartbeat at 7 weeks, then bleeding at 9 weeks.

But I stay hopeful, miracles do happen and we see them all the time on this thread. I hope your appointment with the fertility consultant goes well.

notsoold - the post from galwaygal was very heartening. I think at such an early stage it is very hard for them to see anything. Hang in there (I know - so hard!).

Calibee - did your DP turn up? I hope so

sparkly - so sorry you are both feeling miserable. At least, by texting you, it is communicating. Perhaps he will now open up and you can talk about how to perhaps help each other? I wish he'd agree to counseling with you, I really believe it could help.

As for me - temperature took a dive this morning and I expect I'll get AF tomorrow. My body was just playing tricks on me again. And to top it off I have a sore throat and snotty nose. Ironic, as on Thursday night my acupuncturist was saying how good my energy is and how healthy I am! It is a long weekend in Western Australia, so the whole family will be home on Monday. I am happy. It means a nice relaxed weekend without much to do,and that suits me. I will wander into the farmer's market this morning, have a cuppa with my sister and probably hit the thrift shop too ( don't want to blow my holiday money)