Fantastic Forty Plus, part 9, this time is our time,bring on the bfp's!

[hopefulgum]

We've filled out thread - I do hope you all find your way here. I can't add a message on the old thread to let you know it is here...

This new thread, will no doubt have its own set of bfp's and babies. I am excited to see what it brings.

Hi Calibee, it all sounds so crazy when I am only 5 or 6 DPO today. But I am having some pretty clear symptoms. Today I feel tired and a little nauseous. So I think I might test at 10 or 11 DPO. But if I get my hands on a First Response test (couldn't today as DH and the kids were shopping with me) then I might just do it at 9 DPO.
Wish I had the balls to hold on til AF is due (usually 13 DPO).

Hi everyone, its blackcatsdancing here, also posted once or twice as Bluebird68.

I've not been on here much recently so haven't followed people's stories . I have noticed some sad Mcs recently and am so sorry for the pain you are going through.

I've reached the end of the TTC road and wanted to say goodbye and say its ok for me. I turn 45 next month and unless i have a miracle baby i know its just not going to happen. I've stopped everything now bar some half hearted temping around the time i tend to ovulate, i guess i still want to know i am as i like to know what my body is doing. Maybe i'll stop that soon though. I temp for maybe 5 -6 days a month. I don't use contraceptives .

After my MMC last early- almost exactly a year ago i was desperate to get pregnant again but bar another MC at just before 5 weeks there's not been anything at all. As time went by the pain lessened and I had to face the fact that at 44 there was a very good - almost certain, that i would not get to have a live take home baby. We can't afford egg donation, partner doesn't want that anyway, and adoption isn't something he is interested in. If i were single i'd consider adoption an older child. DP has a child who he is starting ,via the courts help, to gain more contact with and that has helped us both. I suppose i wanted to have baby partly to help him cope with the loss of a proper relationship with his child.

Another thing that helped was a change in my work. My job is now more interesting, i meet and work with more people. I enjoy what i do. I never really thought i'd say that as my identity was so wrapped around being a mother, and i've never been career minded- and still aren't, but work is rewarding. (for those who don't know me i have one grown up child).

Something i hope helps everyone; Someone was telling me their friend got pregnant at 43, had a MC, got pregnant again (naturally) soon after, and carried to term a healthy baby. Now a few years down the line her and her DP love the new child to bits but also wouldn't advise others to go down same route, they both long for the relative freedom they had reached with their older 2 children and feel they've added on another 10 years of childcare to their lives when they would have been starting to enjoy their freedom.

I wanted to retell that story for those who are mid 40s and want stories of success. But i also wanted to say that no one route is ever all good or all bad. I realise they had children anyway so their story won't resonate for everyone.

Its odd how removed I now feel from the TTC journey. I guess i really have moved on. If i get pregnant it won't be a time of joy or even hope as i will just feel that inevitably it will fail, but should it happen and should it work out, then i will learn to deal with that and make the mental shift once again.

Good luck to everyone on here and i do hope you get what you want .

Hello! Just popping in to say that I haven't forgotten you all but am just overwhelmed with work/sick kids at the moment so reading but finding it impossible to post. Dd3 much better now thanks after her op. Back at school and just a bit sore now which is to be expected. To keep life interetsing ds2 off nursery with vomiting bug and dd2 has broken her toe...
I'm so sorry for the all sad news recently, but cheered too by your bfp pink. Sounds pretty hopefuly Gum too - will keep lurking/posting as and when I can

Thank you so much to everyone for the good wishes. We've had an exhausting 24 hours but the end result is that the embryologist has now tried to fertilise half our sharer's eggs with DPs sperm and we will know tomorrow if any have become embryos.

To my complete astonishment the dear lady produced 32 eggs! I'm sure this must mean her IVF is likely to work and it certainly gives us the best possible chance. If we have 4 embryos doing well by Friday they will be cultured until Sunday then one transferred and any others frozen. I know in my head that there's a possibility none will take but the embryologist was so positive I can't help being hopeful.

She also discovered, with her incredibly high powered microscope, a minor defect in most of DPs sperm which she can select out.

I'm still feeling a bit rough and now started on extra meds so preparing for whatever comes next.

I'm thinking of you all and hope you are ok Pink, Sparkly and Drwho and hope your job hunting is going well JBrd.

You've made me think about the pressure to test, Hopeful, I know I'll be distracted some of the time but apparently the medication can produce false positives so I'm going to have to have an avoidance strategy .

Good luck williamina, Calibee, Morien and everyone

xx Is

Isabeller...32 eggs!!! I have everything crossed for you...xxx

16 each - just to be clear . It is an astonishing number. I did ask if she was ok ie no problem with OHSS, they can't really tell me anything but were vaguely reassuring so I think that means she is fine. Ah to be 30 again...

Wow! Isabeller! Such exciting and encouraging news. I can't wait to hear how many embies you have.

Incicdentally one of my close Uni friends had IVF at 41 and produced 20 eggs on her own. They told her that was the most they'd seen in Australia in a woman of her age. Her baby was the result of her first transfer. He's a lovely little boy and has no health problems considering he was born at 33 weeks - but that was due to her have a rare for of placenta acreta. He is her rainbow baby - born after a still born daughter and two miscarriages. She was actually falling pregnant herself but she felt she'd have a better chance of quickly falling pregnant again with IVF. She encouraged me to do the same, but we managed to conceive Charlie au nateral.

It is nice to here from you Blackcats and nice to hear that you are at peace with everything. I do hope I will come close to that one day. But I'm still chugging along hoping for a golden egg. It is good to know what happens to people when they stop coming to the Snug(our thread).

Deige, glad you are still out there. Sounds like you are having a tough time with all the illness. If I lived nearer you I'd pop around with some hearty vegie soup and freshly made bread rolls. I'll have to do it virtually and here's some too.

Today is my last day of holidays and I am getting my hair done. The grey has started to reappear and is so aging. I'd love to grow old gracefully, but struggle with the grey. So I'll have about three hours of pampering. How lovely. I plan to take my Rebus novel (gotto love him) and relax. Unfortunately I've been mostly awake with a bit of dozing since 3 am (DS fell asleep at 5pm last night so didn't so the usual bedtime routine and despite putting a nappy on him, he wet the bed and woke me, then he wanted to get up!). So I'm feeling rather sleep deprived and will probably spend the second part of my day having a nanna nap!

Still having very vivid dreams. Last night I was watching dolphins being chased by tigers on the beach (in my dream). I'm enjoying all the nighttime entertainment

I might have the chance to pick up a First Response test today, which means I could test Sunday morning....

6 eggs were mature and 4 have fertilised . We are very lucky but also nervous hoping they will all survive. Provisional date for transfer Friday. Eek!

IsabellerIsabeller I don't understand much ( or anything) ....but 4 seems such a good number!!!
I am keeping everything crossed for you xxx

Diege...poor you!!! I hope everything goes back to normal soon!!! Any chance of help from relatives and or friends???

Gum..
I loved hearing about the dreams. That always was one of my symptoms. You show restraint not to break into the Frer before Sunday!!!

And why is the thread called Snug???

A nce cuppa to jbrd and calibee and all the girlies here...
I still annoyed at my cbfm. Cd23 and only highs and no peaks! On my ic opks ot was faint positives few days ago ( never got a noce and dark positive ever)and now is back to negatives. I am spending time telling the machine off....
Went to see my dd and her fiancee yesterday. Had some food and was feeling nauseous and crampy for hours.

Sorry....did not spellcheck!!!!

Isabeller congratulations on getting such a great response from your donor! It really bodes well for you. Getting past each barrier is a major hurdle - firstly preparing yourself successfully then the worry of how many eggs your donor will produce, if they fertilise and then if they divide well and keep growing, every time you get over one of these stages your confidence will grow! Hope all goes well with the implantation, I had 4 fertilised eggs too. Do you think you'll let them go to blastocyst stage and ill you have more than one implanted?

In terms of my news thought you all might like to know I'm having two little girls! I was convinced one was a boy but I'm more than happy with girls as long as they're healthy. I was a little worried my bump wasn't very big but they seem to be growing well so I'm trying to stop fretting now! Just feel sorry for my dh as he will be outnumbered 4 to 1 by girls in the house lol

hope everyone else is well? Congrats to pink and gum crossing my fingers for you - all your symptoms seem to be pointing to a bfp!

Wow isabeller very excited for you.
Hmmmnotsoold I had that exact same problem with my cbfm. I probably wont be using it again as I'm confident enough withmy clearblue smiley and cheapy sticks now (I reserve the right to retract that statement at any time..)
hopeful...honey I so hope this time is "it" for you.
and tina...thats lovely news.

So for me time is moving on to when I have to face the world again (work next Monday). I'm just a little worried by my general wanting to" stay safe at home" feeling that has taken over me. I find myself wanting to get out and about and making plans and then when it comes to it just wanting to snug up on the sofa with the tv. No conversation or company. I have offered to drive my mum to see her sister in hospital in Birmingham today. Yesterday the plan seemed great...today I can think of nothing I would rather not do. Is this a normal reaction ladies?? I'm a bit worried.

Calibee, it sounds like a perfectly normal reaction to me. I remember feeling just like that. I didn't want to go out, nor see friends and family for quite some time after the miscarriages. I think we crave security after our safe little world has been rocked by our worst nightmare. At least that is how it felt to me. I recall after the first miscarriage and the ERPC, a few days later I thought, "I really should get out and get some fresh air and exercise". So I headed out for a walk on the beach, not only did it feel physically difficult, I was paranoid I would see someone I knew and have to engage in small talk. I turned around, crying my heart out and went back home.

I also found socialising difficult for a while. I couldn't understand how everyone I knew could go on with their lives so unscathed, chatting happily about unimportant stuff, when my world was shattered. It felt somehow brutal and hurtful.

Thankfully I can tell you it didn't last,and I'm just as much a social butterfly now as I ever was.

Just be aware that you can't expect to feel "normal" for a long time (perhaps sooner, it depends on so many things), but your body has had an ordeal and emotionally, there isn't too much worse than losing your hopes and dreams through miscarriage. Be kind to yourself. I hope your aunt is getting better?

Tina, I am so, so happy for you. Two little girls. How fabulous. I'm so pleased for you that they are doing well.

Isabeller - such great news about your fertilised eggs! So exciting!

I am hoping that my symptoms don't turn out to be nothing, but I am aware there is a much greater chance that I am not pregnant, than I am. However, I am a bit worried about all these symptoms. Especially feeling nauseous in the evenings (which is a classic symptom I had with all my pregnancies), because if I am not pregnant, why all these symptoms? I guess it could just be progesterone symptoms??? Surely it isn't menopause? I F*&#en hope not!

I had my hair done today, came out of the hairdressers feeling lovely, it was worth every cent! Would you believe I was seated next to a preggie lady again!? For Pete's sake, do all the pregnant ladies get their hair done at that hairdressers?? She is going into hospital tomorrow for her cesarean. Lucky lady, to be having a baby. I am

Well, only about three more sleeps til I test. Who knows, maybe by then I will realise I should wait til AF is late (unlikely)

Calibee that sounds very normal indeed to me. I felt very similar after my mmc at 10 weeks; I think you instinctively want to block out the world and feel safe and in control, and getting out and about sounds great in principle but in reality there are many 'what ifs' that your mind might be subliminally focusing on. Driving your mum seems quite a 'big' outing in my mind - maybe start off wth smaller things? Is your dp back at work now?
Isabeller that is truly wonderful news
Gum early morning waking is a dead cert for me and pregnancy. Really hope it's your time xx
Dd2 at home today with tummy ache (nothing sinister, just the usual bug I hope) so am trying to mark at home and getting hopelessly distracted. I have 249 exam papers being delivered here over the next few days too, so fingers crossed no more illness in this house!
Love to all x

CaliBee I am feeling exactly the same. Very happy to stay at home and potter about, in my little safe bubble. I did not socialise during and after the mc/EPRC, kept thinking that I would quite like to, but never managed to gear up to it. Then the last week of my sick leave we had the D&V bug, so that ruled out any social life anyway. I'm finding it quite hard to get back into the world 'out there', if I'm honest! Keeping a very low profile everywhere.
As it turns out, I'm home again at the moment, as I have now come down with the 'flu - it just doesn't stop with all the illnesses And even though I feel really rough, as you do with 'flu, I'm quite happy to be at home again. It worries me a bit, too, as I am normally quite prone to cabin fever if I stay in for too long... So I am trying to start arrange meet-ups with (selected) friends - hopefully, I'll recover in time.

Isabeller that is excellent news! So exciting, fingers crossed that it will all go smoothly! Hope you are feeling OK, are you getting on with all the meds? How long after the embryo transfer do you have to wait before you know if it has worked?

notsoold I find that with the cheapie OPKs, I often got only faint lines for positives, rather that a nice fat dark one. I've started to go with those, since instead of getting a dark line next day of testing, I'd get nothing! I think that the test results can be affected by too diluted urine, and since I usually do the OPKs in the evenings, after trying to get as much fluid in as possible during the day, it could affect the readings.

Hello williamina Glad to hear I'm not the only one struggling in a university job! What are you doing, if you don't mind me asking?

Tina Lovely news! Is your DH resigned to a life surrounded by girls then ?

gum When is AF due? Your symptoms don't sound af-related to me, they are odd... How on earth will you be able to distract yourself over the next couple of days?!

Well, feel ashamed. Seems it was a chemical pregnancy. Period arrived full force this morning. Preg test negative. What a fool I have been. Good lucj to everyone. I'm through x

littlepink....I'm so sorry to hear that.
hopeful diege and jbrd...it really helps so much to know I'm not going loopy loo and that you all felt/ are feeling this way too. I made the trip this afternoon as I know how much it meant to my Mom....however I have scuttled back home as soon as was politely possible and am now languishing on my trusty sofa once again. It was a tough afternoon all in all...my aunty is my Moms twin sister and has had health problems over the last five years starting with breast cancer and then last summer she had an episode of twisted bowel...she went in for a resection op 3 weeks ago but ended up the week later having another op and a temporary colostomy bag fitted. She knew nothing about my miscarriage...infact I doubt she would even know I am with my partner so it was all kept very under wraps for this afternoon. I felt like I was pretending...which kind of is what I am going to have to do for work next week.
I am finding myself counting down the days until I return to work with a certain amount of dread and am feeling resentful that tomorrow morning I have to be up and sociable for a workman to come and fit a loftladder.
diege DP can only come home from Friday nights until Sunday lunchtime...this week he has been on some outdoor exercise so I havent even spoken to him since Monday. He may or may not be able to get home this weekend.
jbrd you poor thing. I have heard after mc that the body can pick up everything going. I know what you mean about keeping a low profile. I just dont want to see or hear from anybody. I really hope you start to feel better soon x

not a fool pink, how disappointing for you xx

Sorry pink, what a let-down. Don't feel ashamed.

CaliBee I felt like that too. At least you're not doing what I did - spent a week 2 weeks post-MC on holiday with DP and his DCs (that bit was fine), and my SIL (DP's sister) and her husband and 3 children (that bit wasn't). I didn't want to cancel because I wanted my DSCs to have their holiday, and I didn't want to stay at home on my own - and I thought I could count on SIL and her DH to be supportive and understanding. Big mistake! I moped in our room most of the week, partly because I didn't feel sociable and partly so nobody else had to see my long face, although I made a super-human effort around my DSCs (who knew nothing) as I wanted them to have a fun week. DP told me recently that he'd heard from other people that SIL had been complaining to all & sundry that DP & I had ruined their holiday DP & SIL have been too really close all their lives, and I used to get on with her very well too, but DP & I have found it hard to see them since the holiday.

tina two little girls, what wonderful news.

isabeller I've got everything crossed for you! So pleased it's going well so far.

gum I hope you get a BFP in any case - but I'd really like you to get it this month, after you said you were giving up ttc. It sounded like it was such a hard decision to make, so there'd be something right, somehow, about this being your time.

And hello to everyone else!

morienthat sounds like a holiday of pure torture...must have been vile. I've heard of so many friends who have holidayed together and it ruined their relationship.....usually arguments over kids behaviour mind you.

Sorry littlepink ,what sad news. You've nothing to be ashamed of though and you're not a fool, life's just rubbish sometimes. x

Oh pink so sorry to hear of your disappointing news ? I am not surprised you feel upset but in no way are you a fool!. Hope you are OK.

isabeller I can?t believe your lady donor has managed to produce that many eggs! With four fertilised! Wow! I hope you womb is becoming spongier by the minute (if that is what is supposed to do ). I have got everything crossed for you?.so very exciting!

Tina how lovely to have twin girls and to see them twirling about on the scan must have been very reassuring for you. Hope you can feel a bit more relaxed now?as for your DP ? ha, he is not going to know what has hit him with all those girls in life ? does he have a shed?

Calibee I have never been in your situation but it sounds perfectly normal to me. But even if it wasn?t ? who cares?! It is how you feel and that?s important. You are recovering so don?t try to do too much too soon.

morien that holiday sounds like a hellish experience?.and SIL sounds like a truly sensitive little soul! You should get a medal for that.

My two week wait is now in s-l-o-w-m-o-t-i-o-n. I seem to have been at 8DPO for about a week. My symptoms (of what I couldn't say) are numb and tingly nipples (my right one has joined in now). They are not sore just super, super sensitive, in addition I have the worse wind I have ever had ? not only plentiful but really, really foul too . I am mortified and knackered from running backwards and forwards to the toilets at work and in/out of the lounge so my DP isn't gassed! I went for a swim after work and apart from being so bloated I looked about six months pregnant I was trumping along whilst swimming ? I am not kidding they were getting trapped in my swimsuit ? ah the shame!!

CaliBee ,I felt the same way about wanting to shut myself off in the safe haven of home, especially after my first miscarriage. I struggled to cope with seeing people and going places and felt panicky sometimes for no obvious reason, once in Tesco which was really disconcerting.It seemed to be a separate issue to the actual grief and sadness, I thought I was going a bit mad! I actually had about 4 weeks off work,partly because the miscarriage took a while to be complete and partly because my job entails dealing with people and I knew I couldn't be professional in the state I was in.
I wouldn't go back too soon if you don't feel ready. I also found with each miscarriage in the weeks that followed I had faint and dizzy spells so the physical recovery can take a while too.
I've not posted for a few days but meant to say how lovely it was for your DP to surprise you at the weekend. Sometimes it really does make you feel a bit better being held in the strong arms of the only other person who can really share the loss. I know for us sometimes there are no words and it helps to just hold each other .x
JBrd can't believe you now have flu on top of everything else! You must feel drained physically as well as emotionally. Good that you have some rl friends to support you.I think as time goes on you get better at coping though I do feel for me life isn't quite the same again.
Isabeller how wonderful to get such good results ,hopefully all will continue to go well!
Tina lovely to hear you're having two little girls and the pregnancy is going well.
Morien your SIL doesn't sound like a very sympathetic person, just when you needed a bit of support too!
Diege you seem to have a succession of illnesses and injuries to deal with!
I was back at Alder Hey with DD1 today and the consultant is happy with her progress so fingers crossed the surgery will have been successful.
Gum will be waiting and hoping to hear if this is your month!
Welcome Williamina.
Hi to notsoold and everyone else.

Hi everyone. I am up early (again, early morning insomnia - yippee) and have to get organised for work. I am glad we don't see students until Monday. But I don't work Mondays this year, so I will see students on Tuesday. God, I hope there aren't any newly pregnant women at work (fortunately,most of the staff is older than me), unless it is me of course.

Pink, I am so sorry you had your hopes dashed. You've nothing to be ashamed of. Please don't feel foolish. Are you sure you are done? The chemical pregnancy shows that you can conceive.

Oh Deige, I really don't your exam marking. I find it one of the more annoying parts of my job,and I only teach high school. I imagine University level would be worse.

Greenlizard, your symptoms sound quite encouraging! The nipple sensitivity, particular if it is unusual,sounds very promising, as does the bloating and gas. I can't believe how bloated I have felt, but then remembered with all my pregnancies that I've experienced it from very early on,and had to disguise the bump way before it was a "proper" bump. It would be great to just slip right into maternity clothes from the get-go, but with a history of miscarriages I wouldn't want to be outing myself until at least 12 weeks. I had to have a giggle at extra gassy propulsion in the pool, I really can relate. Fingers crossed it is all due to a little bean on board. So if you've been 8 DPO for a week, that means you can test doesn't it???

C'mon...you know you want to

I bought some First Response tests yesterday, and I'm sure I'll test on Saturday morning at 9dpo.It may be too early, but I'd rather prepare myself for the red tide of doom if it is coming. I think AF is due next Wednesday, so I will be testing quite early.Perhaps I should hold off for a couple more days. I guess I won't be able to control myself.

Irishmammy, glad to hear your daughter is doing well.

9DPO and hopeful you are a very bad influence - please do not encourage me!!

I forgot to add to my symptoms that as well as sensitive nipples they are permanently erect which is very embarrassing (as well as a bit uncomfortable). Even in the middle of the night they seem to be on red alert! I am going to wear a padded bra to work today as yesterday I had to sit with my arms crossed in meetings - ridiculous

ps. I tested this morning with an IC and a BFN....

pps. I got up at 05.20 this am temp 36.41 went back to bed at woke up at 06:50 temp 36.96!! Given I am on CD9 this makes a big difference - do I go with 05:20 temp: implantation dip or impending AF? Or 06:50 temp: still in the game!