Fantastic Forty Plus, part 9, this time is our time,bring on the bfp's!

[hopefulgum]

We've filled out thread - I do hope you all find your way here. I can't add a message on the old thread to let you know it is here...

This new thread, will no doubt have its own set of bfp's and babies. I am excited to see what it brings.

That's fantastic news Isabeller. How exciting.[bsmile]

Littlepink, did you have some early symptoms, is that why you tested early?

I am only 2DPO and I'm having heaps of AF style cramps. It is so strange.I know AF Is ages away, and I don't normally get cramping like this. It obviously wouldn't be implantation, because it is way too early. I am worried it is some menopausal symptom[bsad]

Of course I am hopeful it is a sign of conception, but I know that's crazy thinking....[bhmm]

Calibee, I think anything can happen with your cycles after a miscarriage. However, mine took ages to normalise again. I hope that isn't the case for you. Will you use clomid again?

notsoold, I have heard of vitex lengthening cycles, it is definitely a possibility.

Hello to everyone. Hope all is well.

It is Saturday here, so I am off to the farmer's market for supplies. Its forecast to be a hot one, so I guess we'll be at the beach again this afternoon.

I've been reading, but haven't had chance to post. Congratulations littlepink, fingers crossed it's a sticky one, as you say a BFP is just the first step.

Isabeller, that sounds really good news about your lining - how exciting you could have a transfer next week! Are you feeling less sick?

Calibee, what a horrible time you've had. It does sound like you're through the worst of it physically and hopefully won't need the ERPC. Continue to take it easy and be nice to yourself, the emotionaly rollercoaster may continue for a while.

JBrd, are you over the norovirus. I think I got off quite lightly when I had, though the after effects lasted several days. And I was very relieved that when DD had it she was only sick, and not the other end too.

Hopeful, the beach sounds lovely. After all this time, I think it would be very hard for you to just stop ttc, I know you have ups and downs about it, and if your DH won't do anything about contraception, he must know there's a possibility of pregnancy, however much he says he doesn't want another DC?

AFM, I still haven't been to the doctors, because I don't want to make the appointment or go when DH is around as I'm concerned about how he'll react. I know this isn't sensible as I really need to get myself into the system or I'll miss the window for screening. I've tried to make advance appointments but they haven't had any convenient times. We haven't talked about it this week, but he's been quite withdrawn physically, which I find hard, and I don't think I'm imagining it. I'm still expecting to m/c or find that there's no baby at the scan, due to my general lack of symptoms. I haven't told anyone in RL, but I wish he'd talk to someone, one of his mates or someone - men don't tend to do that so much though I suppose. What really confuses me is that some of his more irresponsible (for want of a better word) friends have been delighted by the prospect of becoming dads, and yet he says he "can't" do it again. I very much want him to accept this pregnancy for all our sakes, and want to help him feel better about it, but part of me is cross with him for being selfish. And he's generally not a selfish person. I'm sorry, I'm rambling, I'll go to bed.

I hope everyone I haven't name-checked is well, I'll keep reading if not posting.

Sparkly, it sounds like things haven't really improved much in your DH's attitude to things? I can't see how he can just isolate himself from you, at some point he has to face this and move forward. And I guess you need to know how exactly he will move forward - will he have counseling, can you have relationship counseling, or will he have to spend some time alone to sort out his head? It is just so hard on you to be in this position. If he is so sure he "can't" do it again, what does he see as the solution? Clearly you are not going to terminate, so where does that leave you? I know you don't want to be a single mum, but I think if I were in your shoes,I'd prefer that to having my DH act as your DH is. I think I would give him an ultimatum - sort your head out or leave, but don't stay if you are going to be so negative. I know it is easy for me to day as I am not in your shoes. I'm sorry this is happening to you.

You do need to go and see your doctor so you don't miss the screening tests. If I were you I would be making appointments etc when DH is around, he needs to face this rather than be sheilded from it. You really need to put your baby and yourself first.

I'm sorry it has been so shit for you.((hugs))

hopeful, it's hard to imagine a hot day at the beach when it's snowing again here in Belgium. Enjoy!

sparkly, so sorry to hear DH is still being difficult. I tend to agree with hopeful - I think you've got to think of yourself and the baby and go ahead and make appointments regardless of whether he's around or not. He's going to have to face up to it sooner or later. I kind of understand that he might have needed a few days to get his head round the idea but now he's just being selfish, and I'd be angry with him too if i were you. Is there nobody you can confide in in RL? You must be feeling horribly isolated. We're all here for you, but even so...

isabeller great news about your womb lining! Fingers crossed it all goes to plan.

notsoold thank you for your kind words. Soul-destroying describes the whole affair pretty accurately. But I am finding myself getting back to normal slowly & carefully - my general mood is much better and the mood swings come along less often and are much easier to handle. So I'm optimistic!

sparkly I agree with what the others have said, you really should get your appointments etc sorted, regardless of what your DH is doing. Hopefully, he will come around eventually, but it doesn't look as if you can wait that long - get them in your diary, then you can deal with him. Maybe it'll be a trigger to kick him into action? My heart goes out to you, it must be so hard having to deal with his behaviour. How would he react to an ultimatum along the lines that gum is suggesting? Sorry, but I just want to kick him [bangry]

CaliBee I also had a couple of days of random bleeding/spotting, a week after the surgery, and I have no idea where I am now with my cycle. I think I will start using cheapie OPKs on a daily basis for a while, to see if anything is happening.
Fingers crossed it all settles down quickly now. How are you feeling about going back to work, will you manage? Please don't push it, if there ever was a time for being selfish and taking it easy, it is now.

DH and I had a lovely evening in London last night, we both loved the musical (and DH is not a musical person!).
I hit another all time low at work yesterday, up to the point that I decided to hand my notice in on Monday. I even made an appointment with my boss...[bshock] But have calmed down a bit now, after talking things through with DH. He's supportive whatever I decide to do, but I can tell he would much prefer if I didn't resign without a new job. So I will try a bit longer to find another job while staying in this one, although it's such a pain, argh! I'll probably change my mind again next Friday [bgrin] - our weekly group meetings have a detrimental effect on me.

I feel bad that I can't catch up with the thread properly just now but I wanted to pop in to say our donor's egg collection is going to be Tuesday xx

Hi Pink, just wanted to say massive congrats on the bfp. I'm still lurking ladies but stepped back a little as all I keep thinking about is that if I do get pregnant by some miracle, then it'll end in mc. I can't help the obsessive thinking - all part of the bipolarity I'm afraid, but I've needed to step back a bit because it was becoming unhealthy for me. I'm going to register at a new doc and get some tests done to make sure my lh surges mean I'm ovulating, cos I'm not entirely convinced and at 45 I'm starting to really panic that I have very little time left.

Sorry about the me post. I'm thinking of you all, and I will be back when my stress levels have gone down a bit.

Love to all you gorgeous ladies xx

Sparkly - I'm not sure I'd be so understanding about my boyfriend's feelings if he was doing this to me. Lots of very good advice already here but I was just wondering... How many weeks are you now? I do remember though that I waited till I was nearly 7 weeks before I saw a doctor with my daughter...

I too expected there'd be no baby on the scan or I'd miscarry. Clear Blue made a fortune out of me - cant remember how many tests I did. It was such a relief to get the scan etc but it did make it real - maybe you havent felt ready to do that yet?

Congrats to pink and a special hug for drwho, ooh and lots of luck Isabeller

Drwhofan, sorry things are a bit stressful for you re: ttc. I think it is a good idea to talk to a Doctor about checking if you are ovulating. I think they will start with checking progesterone levels, 7 days post ovulation: they will say day 21 of your cycle, but don't listen to them,it must be 7 days past ovulation (not everyone ovulates on day 14). A progesterone level will give you some information. Or they may track follicles using ultrasound. Anyway, ((hugs)) for your anxiety.

How are you isadorable? How are things going with your ttc? What part of your cycle are you on?

I really should go and have a shower. I had a lovely long yoga class this afternoon, so feeling very relaxed. During the meditation part, I was visualising warm white and yellow light around my uterus. I'd like it to be a wonderful, plush bed for my embryo to attach to. Sound like your lining is perfect, Isabeller.

I don't want to get my hopes up too high,as I know symptoms can mean nothing, and I seem to have them every single month, however, I am definitely experiencing some interesting cramps, a nasty metallic taste in my mouth, boob pains that come and go, and nausea on an empty stomach. Oh, and ravenously hungry and really not able to stick to my diet.

These may all just be in my head, but they feel real.They can also just be hormones doing a number on me. Time will tell. But I do have everything crossed for a bfp this month. The due date would be very close to DH's birthday. Won't that be a delightful gift for him? I guess I'll be testing next Monday (11 DPO) if I can wait that long. I have been known to test at 9 DPO (And have had a bfp three times testing that early).

Deige, is everything alright with you and yours? We've not heard from you in a while. I do hope you DD is better after her operation.

Jbrd, sorry your job is so shit. Can you tell me what it is you do (though please don't if you'd rather not)? I hope you can hang on til another position comes up, but I totally understand if you were to leave sooner. I have had times when I've really disliked my job, and it really can make you miserable. You have my sympathy.

jbrd Sorry to hear your not having a great time at work. I guess..like me...you were appeased by the idea of a break with maternity leave and without that little gem on the horizon now its kind of hard. My sick note runs out on Thursday but I'm wndering if it would be wise to get my GP to extend that to at least next Monday. As EPAU wouldnt bring my scan forward from next Saturday and there is always a possibility they will advise an ERPC, it would be daft to go back for one day to then to have to go back off again. In the NHS that would then mean 2 episodes of sick leave and not look good on record.

sparkly I really feel for you..you must have the patience of a saint. I would have told him where to get off some time ago.

iasabeller thats great news...I hope everything goes well for Tuesday.

hopeful omg....how exciting x

drwhofan I totally understand where you are coming from....remember we are all here for you to chat to. I know I couldnt have got through the last few weeks without you all.

Well...DP gave me the biggest surprise on Friday night. Having texted me to say he was being punished for being found with his phone on him on the rifle ranges, he told me he would call me when he could (this was about 8pm Friday evening) . A couple of hours later he told me he was off out with the lads for a drink. Ok ok...at this point I popped and called him in a furious state and told him basically what I thought of him and where he could stick himself. Following a deadly silence on the phone (I actually thought the b'stard had hung up on me ) he walked in through the front door. I was so furious for a few minutes I just stamped around shrieking and crying and thumping him only to collapse in a big heap in his arms where I preceeded to sob for about an hour. I think I needed to do that...and daft as it sounds I think he needed to see me do it. I had put on such a brave face during our phonecalls during the previous days that he admitted he thought I wasnt too bothered but said he had a sneaky feeling all was not well and he needed to be with me. What did I do to deserve this man?? Its hard when I've been used to total shitheads for 20 odd years to believe he is actually true.
Anyway bleeding has dramatically lessened in the last 24 hours and a pregnancy test this morning showed the faintest of lines which took an age to appear.......all is looking good I hope.

Oh calibee, what a lovely surprise. It is hard though, when you meet a good man at last, to believe that it's actually happening; that's what I find with my DP too. This weekend must have done you a lot of good. I know what you mean in your comment to jbrd too about the prospect of maternity leave being dangled in front of you and then snatched away. I got really down about my job when that happened to me (and there's nothing much wrong with my job!) As I said in a recent post, I'm just starting to catch myself feeling happy at work again - certainly helped by the fact that this coming week is my last full week for the foreseeable future as after that I'm going down to 4 days. My employer is wonderfully flexible about part-time - they can't refuse your request as long as you satisfy certain conditions, eg children under 12, dependent spouse or parent, winding down to retirement, etc. I've wanted to reduce my hours for ages but I don't qualify - but they're letting me do it on the basis of helping to care for DP's children

I'm still managing to be fairly relaxed about TTC, but it's impossible to turn a blind eye altogether (I mean, EWCM is EWCM, and even if I don't know what CD it is I do have a rough idea). I think I must have been more stressed than I realised though, and DP was picking up on it. I haven't told him I've relaxed about it but he must have noticed, and things between us have gone back to being very relaxed and normal, instead of me being all worried about DTD at the right time. I'm sure this last week has been key DTD time and I've done nothing about it. My lovely relaxed DP has done it all for me! It's amazing to see how he's reacting to the lack of pressure - pressure I didn't even realise I was putting on.

Posted too soon. Wanted to say hello to drwhofan too. It's so easy to get obsessed about this even without the bipolar disorder so you have all my sympathy. Hope the new doctor helps.

Praying for your faint line Calibee xx Is

Hello there
Calibee have a good day and hugs from mexxxx
Jbrd...thinking of you hun xxxx
Hopeful....any wonderful news???
Morien totally agree about stressing dh or dps when ttc...I just don't kno how to relax...
isabeller...good luck for Tuesday xxx
Drwho...hi to you (introducing myself)

Cd 21 and still only highs on my cbfm...but dtd during the weekend as weekdays dh is overworked...
So should I wait for a peak??? Anyways...good night everyone.xxx

Hi and thanks for asking about me Hopeful; we were going to start in January but didnt... I havent been well and wanted to feel better first. I know I desperately want my little one to have a sibling if I can do it but we're moving house, boyfriend is looking for work... There's a lot of stress and instability around us just now. I know time isn't on our side and it may already be too late but we won't know till we try, will we??

How lovely your DP surprised you for the weekend Calibee (though I'm not a massive fan of surprises personally!) but great you got that support. Take care of yourself JBrd. Hope you're feeling OK Pink?

Wow calibee, what a lovely surprise for your DP to turn up, realising you needed to be together. He sounds like a gem. It does sound like the m/c is/has resolved naturally, and you hopefully won't need an EPRC. Do you think you'd be ready to go back to work at the end of the week, even without the prospect of the scan? If not it's probably worth extending your sick note for a couple of days?

Drwho, we're here when you need us. I totally understand the need to step back, even without the bipolar, I did it a few months ago, and I did stop stressing about ttc so much. I hope the tests when you have them show that all is well.

Jbrd, I hope you feel better about your job this week, and the job hunting goes well. I have phases where I think that I just can't keep on doing what I'm doing, but I don't think it's equipped me to do much else and it's a steady job that pays the bills. I do enjoy some parts of it. If I had a plan B, I'd be applying for redundancy next time it comes up, which it does fairly regularly, but at the moment I don't.

Good luck for tomorrow isabeller.

Thank you hopeful, Jbrd, isadorable & morien for thinking of me. We still haven't discussed things further, but day to day DH and I are getting on fine. He's been more affectionate over the past couple of days too, which makes me feel more optimistic that if push comes to shove, he'll stay. But he's going to have to decide what he wants most and if at some point he needs some time out to work that out, that'll be ok - I think. You're right about making appointments whether he's around or not, and I was hoping to able to report that I'd been to the GP today. However despite them claiming on their website about one third of the appointments are available to book in advance, I've not managed that, nor when I phoned this morning, did they have a suitable one today. It has to be in the morning after the school run (I rang when I'd dropped DD off as the lines open just when I'm cajoling her to have her breakfast every morning), and I want to see a female GP which I don't think is unreasonable. I'll try again tomorrow - I'll be 10 weeks and now worrying that it is a bit late. With DD I saw a doc at about 8 weeks but for some reason the info wasn't passed on and I didn't have my 1st scan til 16 weeks, which of course is too late for nuchal fold, CVS etc.

Hi to everyone I haven't name checked, hope everyone is ok.

Good Evening Thread-Sisters
I haven?t had a chance to post but have been trying to keep up with everyone.

I finally got my temperature rise and appear to have ovulated on CD16 (which is quite late for me ? maybe a hangover from my previous 20 day period or acupuncture as she told me it can help lengthen cycles?) After last month?s AWOL +opk I was very excited about it but almost immediately began worrying as I had cramps and spotting from ovulation day until CD19 ? so have now convinced myself that I have rubbish levels of progesterone. Hey ho, I went to have my bloods taken today to check my levels so should find out next week. Obviously, given that my DTD timing was not great has in no way dimmed my enthusiasm for 2WW symptom spotting my next phantom pregnancy. This month?s latest dreamt up symptom is a numb feeling in left nipple?

Sparkly I am so sorry you are having such a difficult time still. Can I ask you a question? Are you so sure that you want you DH to stay whilst he is behaving as he is? I say this as someone who stayed in a relationship for many, many years when it wasn't good for me and in all that time I never considered for one minute leaving the relationship ? I was hanging on until the bitter end even though I wasn't happy. You sound like a lovely lady who deserves some support right now. I really hope things work out for you and your DD.

isabeller good luck tomorrow ? I will everything crossed for you.

drwhofan sending you hugs (even if you are not reading this!) Sorry to hear things are a bit tough for you at the moment. Think you are doing the right thing by getting the relevant tests?always best to know what you are dealing with at our age.

hopeful your symptoms sound like real ones ? very exciting. Here?s hoping for you x

calibee your DP sounds like an absolute prince! It was lovely for him to come home ? hope you let him take care of you.

Hope everyone else is doing ok?

xx

Awwww, CaliBee, that is so romatinc How sweet of your DP, I hope you had a lovely time together, in spite of everything!
I think the fact that your pg test line is getting weaker is a really good sign that you won't need the EPRC, fingers crossed! How are you feeling emotionally?

gum - any new developments on the symptom spotting?! You're getting us all worked up here

DrWho sorry to hear you are having a rough time with anxiety, I'm afraid I didn't help with going into great detail with my mc story! I also think you're doing the right thing with starting to get tested, one step at a time. Ttc is stressful, regardless of any pre-existing conditions. Have you thought about relaxation techniques/treatments etc (they work for non-ttc stuff, too!), like accupuncture, massages, reflexology, yoga etc.?

Morien good to hear that you've been able to take the pressure off youself and your DH a bit! I'm not looking forward to all that again - temping, charting, OPks, CBFM... But as it all worked brilliantly for me last time, I think I will bite the bullet. I do want to get pregnant again asap...

sparkly Do you have to go through your GP to get booked onto the system? Could you not go directly to your midwive team? That's how it works in my area, the GP has nothing to do with the routine antenatal care, all is done by the midwives themselves. Might be worth finding out if you have a community midwife who can do your booking sooner.

Thanks for all your sympathy and patience listening to me moaning about my job. I didn't hand in my notice today, too chicken
gum - I am a biomedical scientist, working in cancer drug discovery and development. Which I really loved while I was working for a pharmaceutical company, but now I am back at university, which in hindsight was a big mistake. I can't get to grips with the different mindset and attitudes, there is zero team spirit, everyone is just interested in promoting themselves. Lots of politics, too. All very counter-productive and so frustrating. And zero possibilities for career development. I should have been more cautious (there were warning signs, but I ignored them!), I was so desperate for a job, it looked good on paper, there was nothing else, it ticked all the boxes...Duh.
However, due to the economic situation as well as me being at this awkward junior/middle management level, there very few jobs out there for me. So I am having to consider a significant career change (at my age !). Which is not easy at the best of times, and terrifying... Still within science, but different applications.
I'm quite scared, which makes me procrastinate, which frustrates me, which makes me bad-tempered - it's a vicious circle.
I never thought I'd say anything like this, but pregnancy would have been a really easy way out - work for another 4-5 months, take as much time as possible on maternity leave, plus a really attractive maternity package (one of the few perks of working for a university!) and then not go back. Sigh. Not going to happen now!
Right - off to start working on my CV to see how I can best sell my transferable skills.

Hi. I've been lurking and hope you don't mind I join this thread. Am 43. Have 6 year old DD.

Have been trying for BFp for 2 years. 3 mcs over that time which is a drag. Had investigations. Nothing unusual. Just old!! And need to lose weight. Great

Trying to keep the faith but its hard. Will be great to see how everyone on this thread gets on.

Ps. jbrd I too work in university setting after years in private sector. It is bizarrely unsettling and odd envt. I hear you!

evening ladies
sparkly...gasps at you not booking your Drs appointment. Naughty naughty. I do understand though, it must be very difficult for you just now.
lizard thats good news...keep us informed during 2ww.
jbrd yes when I got over the stress of the wind up he created in order to keep it a surprise I was so glad to have him home. Emotionally I still feel very up and down. Just when I think I'm ok and dealing with it well...it all comes flooding back and I'm a blubbering mess again. How are you doing?? The work situation can't be helping...if its any consolation I am feeling exactly the same. I used to love my job, but it has become more and more difficult with all the NHS cuts. Just before I went off sick I noticed that my "holiday buddy" had already stuck up her annual leave on the calender (no discussion)...all of the days around bank holidays, every week has been cut into in August and even next Christmas. I was smugly thinking that I wouldnt even be there and should be on maternity leave so I didnt even need to get involved in the argument that I knew was about to ensue. I guess I will have to face it all next week
Hello and welcome to williamina. Sorry to hear about your Mc's .

I'm feeling quietly pleased that I seem to have got away lightly physically following my mc last week. Bleeding now appears to have stopped. I have already begun to tentatively look out for signs of ovulation. With my stupidly long cycles I'm sure I am being a little optimistic...however I feel its a good sign that I feel ready to get back to it. I will probably retake the clomid after first af appears.

Hi ladies. Lots of action on the thread which is nice.

Sparkly, glad to hear that your DH is behaving better. I hope he continues to do so.I can't believe you are 10 weeks. That seems to have flown, though I am sure it hasn't for you.

Jbrd, Sorry to hear that your work environment is crap. It would make it hard to go into work everyday. How would you feel about teaching, at Uni level, or high school? I don't know that it would pay as well, but the holidays (as a high school teacher) are great! I am surprised there isn't more work in pharmaceutical companies, but I guess it would depend on where you want to live. Hopefully you'll be pregnant ASAP and it won't be too much of an issue.

Hi williamina, welcome to the thread. I am so sorry that you've had three mc's. It's shit isn't it? I do hope you get your bfp and healthy baby soon.

Calibee, I loved your romantic story, how gorgeous. I was swooning too, Jbrd.

Hello to notsoold,drwhofan,morien,isabeller,isadorable ,newpatches,calandergirl ,irishmammyand anyone else I've missed.

Littlepink, can we have an update please? How are you feeling? Did you have any interesting symptoms before you took the early test???

I am still having symptoms,and it is hard not to be hopeful or excited. Of course this may all come crashing down very soon. I do find that I often have (what seems like) symptoms in the week after ovulation ,but not so much in the week preceeding AF. I do wonder if eggs are fertilising but not implanting. Which could be the case, particularly if the emby is less than perfect, of which there's a very high chance. So with that in mind, I shall not get too convinced hopeful about the early morning insomnia I had today (I always get this in early pregnancy, but it could be anxiety as I have to go back to work in two days), or about the weird fluttery feeling I am having on the left side low down, or the bloating (which I had banished through my new way of eating, now it is back with a vengeance, but that could be due to pigging out last week) or the very vivid dreams I have had for the last three nights or the metallic taste in my mouth, or the fact that everything smells awful or the bleeding gums and gagging on my toothbrush last night.

So, I will remain calm, go about my business and try to stop thinking about it.

As if....

Still lurking a bit. Wanted to say a massive thank you for all your lovely comments, it means a lot. I'll be back soon (hopefully), a bit like Arnie...

Just quickly, Calibee, your fella sounds amazing!

Big hugs to you all xx

Just to say hi to all xx we are a busy thread , aren't we???
Xxx

Oooooo hopeful when is af due to arrive?? Will you take the plunge and test before then??
Hi to notsoold and to drwhofan...keep your chin up chick x