Fantastic Forty Plus, part 9, this time is our time,bring on the bfp's!

[hopefulgum]

We've filled out thread - I do hope you all find your way here. I can't add a message on the old thread to let you know it is here...

This new thread, will no doubt have its own set of bfp's and babies. I am excited to see what it brings.

How frustrating greenlizard ,very bad timing for your DP to be unwell.
I did however read an article on www.babycentre.co.uk about optimal timing of intercourse for conception. The stats for a couple with normal fertility are that the likelihood of conceiving are; 4% if you dtd 5 days before ov, 15% 4 days before ov, 25-28% 1-2 days before ov and only 8-10% if you dtd within 24 hrs of ov. It surprised me that you're much more likely to get pregnant from intercourse well before ovulation than on the actual day, maybe you're still in with a good chance!
Do the smiley faces work like a positive opk stick? I seem to still get a positive opk the day after ovulation.

Glad your first day back at work went well Jbrd, it is a relief in a strange way to get that BFN after a miscarriage.

CaliBee sounds like things are progressing but it must be draining for you ,especially if you're in a lot of pain. I hope it all resolves soon for you.

Sounds like you're sorting out a lot of issues Morien ,being stepmum to three little ones must be complicated but I'm sure must bring it's own joys too.

gum ,I hear you when you say you feel wistful looking at your own baby pictures, I thought that was just me!

Hi everyone.

Calibee, although it feels like things are moving slowly, it does sound like things are progressing. I hope you have plenty of pain killers, hot water bottle and chocolate to help you through.

greenlizard, sorry you are having timing issues with DP. God knows ttc is hard slog. Wish it could be easier for all of you.

Morien - nice to hear that you are taking a calm approach to ttc. Could you send some of your easy-going calm-about-ttc vibes my way? Thanks

I am discovering that, despite everything I have previously written, I am rubbish at giving up ttc. I was at the hair-dressers yesterday, my DS was having a haircut. Right next to him on one side, a pregnant lady was getting her hair done by a pregnant hairdresser They were comparing symptoms, names, and discovered they are both seeing the same doctor - my doctor And if that wasn't enough, on the other side, there was a lady all excited about her daughter expecting a baby in September. FFS, if the universe wants me to give up on this dream, then why does it throw this sort of thing at me???

And I have to say that I now wish I'd turned on my CBFM, because I want to know when peak day is. Grr...wish I could just let it all go. I am not taking my temperature, but still have a chart on Fertility Friend and I know I'm about day 13, so it looks like ovulation is any time soon. I have no Opks, but I have to admit to peeing on a CBFM stick and both lines are dark blue - which I think means I am having both an estrogen and LH surge, which means it is probably peak day (any ideas?). DH and I did have spontaneous sex last night, rather than SWI, so at least there's still an opportunity for sperm and egg to get acquainted.

I have just made a huge upside down apricot cake. Salivating just thinking about it. I might just tuck into a piece this afternoon. A bit of fuel for that juicy big egg that is on its way

Anyway, just ignore me. I know you must all be getting sick of me banging on about giving up ttc, then not,then trying to give it up again. It's worse than giving up smoking...

Thinking of you JBrd and Calibee and hope the meditating is going well Morien I've recently restarted gently and I think it's helping me float not sink. It's good to moan share greenlizard keep it up!

Your struggles resonate strongly hopeful. Have you considered using a CBT approach to help you handle the rollercoaster? It sounds as if some days you feel detached and accepting that you are not pregnant that day and may have had your last pregnancy and other days you feel acute loss and longing. As I understand it CBT would not be trying to make all days the same but helps to handle the ups and downs. I first came across the ideas in books (although later saw a counsellor) and found them helpful but I'm sure it's not everyone's .

I'm considering donning a hard hat and asking for Mumsnet wisdom on AIBU because I think the wisdom of the crowd might be able to help me on whether I should be forcing myself to exercise at the moment while I'm feeling quite ill. What do you all think? should I ask Mumsnet (someone may have had this protocol with DE)?

Some days I have just had to rest but I'm not sure where to draw the line as I am convinced of the benefits of sticking to my exercise plan and the bad consequences of flaking out.

DPs birthday today and if only I could fit in 72 hours catching up by lunchtime I could utterly relax and enjoy the rest of the day baking a birthday cake and celebrating with him.

I will now go away and meditate on these things x

Good Morning all. First of all thankyou once again for your mentions and thoughts. I seriously could not have have got this far without you all.

morien and lizard I'll be honest and admit that I think I would find stepchildren very difficult especially if they tended to take over my home...you are very patient both of you. lizard tose timing issues must be hellish frustrating!
irish those stats are interesting. My one and only BFP in the time I was ttc happened on what must have been ovulation day. Before that we used to dtd every day...sometimes twice ...oh I miss those days...more
hopeful I so totally feel for you right now. I think a womans natural maternal instinct is a force not to be reckoned with. I wonder if its a decision that can actual be made or weather you will maybe just continue (perhaps in a toned down way) to ttc and have a gradual acceptance of things if you dont become pregnant...which lets face it, its certainly not impossible. Arm yourself with positive stories and outcomes again. I'm prettty sure that when you are in that ttc mode its far more positve for your well being than the perpetual worrying that you are going through just now...bless and big hugs.
isabeller I confess to having missed what your going through and I'm not sure what some of your abbreviations are (aibu?)....could you give me a quick reminder?? Its not nice that you are feeling so damn rough though. Happy birthday to DP though..hope you both get to spend some quality time together.

I am braced for another onslaught of pain and bleeding today. Its so bizaare that by the evening time the pain has subsided to almost ordinary af type pains but as soon as I wake up i feel the crescendo building again...raa. Armed with dihydrocodeine today...yum. I wish DP was here ...I miss him tooso much. I feel like I have been a total drudge for all of this year so far (first scan with inconlusive news was New Years Eve) . I havent been anywhere...I am now confined to the house and I just want to get back to being the fun loving, happy bubbly me.
On the plus side....its so nice to be confined to the house when the snow is lying 6 inches deep outside. Today I'm going to re-watch the first season of Game of Thrones....

hopeful just to clarify that I mean the possiblity of you getting pregnant is not definately not out of the question. As I re-read it, it didnt read right atall...

Thank you [thankyou] for your sweet words Calibee and Isabeller, yes I think that the mothering instinct is not something that is easily switched off. I guess I'd like to be free of the longing and just be excited when/if it was to happen. I think that although I have tried to make it a conscious decision to not ttc, nothing changes the fact that I actually am not trying to avoid conception, which essentially means I am ttc What the heck...I'll just keep on doing what I'm doing and see what happens, without being to focused on it.

Calibee, I really love,love,love Game of Thrones. It is certainly a great way to while away the hours. I hope the pain killers help you ((hugs)). I think with so much snow around, being tucked up inside is a good thing.

Isabeller - I don't know about posting in Am I Being Unreasonable, perhaps better to ask in the Assisted Conception threads??I can understand your dilema, though I've not had any treatment. But I do know I have hovered,unsure about exercising in early pregnancy. I think if you feel it will help you feel better, then perhaps it is a good idea. Of course you can stop at any time if it doesn't feel right.But I don't think you should force yourself if you feel sick. Could you do something not too strenuous, like yoga,pilates or Tai Chi? I have been doing Yoga three times a week lately and it feels fabulous. I haven't been running, but I have been walking and that feels fine. I am also doing a bit of meditation, which is lovely.

What is CBT?

I hope you bake a fab cake for your DH.

My upsidedown apricot cake was delish! I ate far too much and I really don't care!

Hi Calibee thanks for the sympathy and birthday wishes and sorry about the abbreviations.

CBT=Cognitive Behavioural Therapy
DE=Donor Egg

DP and I are in the middle of our first donor egg treatment cycle. We are egg sharing with an anonymous donor who needs IVF for male factor infertility; she will share her eggs with us because she is likely to produce 10-20 and would never use all of them. We will pay both IVF costs and she won't be taking strong medication she wouldn't be having anyway. I'm having a typical but nasty lot of side effects plus have heavy cold threatening to turn into either flu or a chest infection so it might be garlic burgers and orange juice for birthday tea .

AIBU is the very robust Mumsnet Topic:Am I Being Unreasonable? Things can get very heated there but it is also very active so you can get a lot of feedback quickly and might pick up a helpful comment from someone who has been in a similar situation or one of the very wise longstanding Mumsnetters.

Hope you feel better with the dihydrocodeine, pretty strong stuff. This too shall pass xx

One of the first CBT books I came across was when I was teaching maths about 100 years ago and read "The Optimistic Child" by Martin Seligman, it definitely made me a much more effective teacher. His book Learned Optimism is also very good.

The reviews for this book are also interesting and one of them mentions the Feeling Good Handbook which was recommended to me by a psychiatrist.

I'm not suggesting for a minute you're in need of therapy hopeful! Just that a couple of the ideas in here are quite useful for handling difficult situations.

Ahhhhh AIBU =am I being unreasonable....I never knew that.
I confess to not routing around too deeply on here. I only realised there was a Miscarriage/pregnancy loss thread when I googled it and a thread came up. But have to say its been great to use it.
hopeful I love the "what the heck" attitude....good for you girl. I'm sure you will always have indecisive days but I'm thinking you are far too into your goal to give it up.....just yet :)
Ahhhh isabeller I see now why you have felt so rough. How long does the process take? I'm really very uneducated on the whole subject of IVF/donor eggs etc.
I had to make an emergency dash out for sanitary towel supplies....thank gawd for Kotex nightime in poundworld. I will need a mortgage to fund them at this rate. Alas i have also bought chocolate, egg custards, chilli nuts and a cheeky bottle of wine for when its all over. I will be needing to diet aswell soon...
It suddenly struck me as I was driving back.....I'm 43 in a couple of weeks. OMG!!!

Another Game of Thrones fan eh hopeful dare I say that I had considered naming a girl (if I should ever be so lucky to get one) after Ned Stark's youngest daughter. I managed to see season 2 and thought it was everybit as good as season 1

I love Game of Thrones too, recently introduced to it by DP.

Re: how long is process piece of string? Calibee. On the one hand it's taken us 5 years to get to this point on the other we went on the waiting list last Summer, got matched and started treatment just before Christmas. Egg & sperm due to meet next week and if they make an embryo and I make a good womb lining transfer will be early Feb. OMG.

Oooooh isabeller how bloody exciting....but nerve racking too.
I made DP watch GoT with me at Christmas....apparently all the army lads love it...some of them even claim to speak Dothrakian lol.

Very exciting times ahead for you isabeller!

calibee glad your sounding more positive. Be kind to yourself and look forward to your next cycle and enjoy some tlc from DP.

gum I know how you are feeling. I struggle daily with whether or not to go on ttc. But I've concluded that as we are not going to use any contraception anyway, just to go with the flow. However that does not stop me obsessing constantly.

AF due this day week.we Dtd plenty this month but even more irritable at this time of the month than usual. Would .ime to think this is a good sign but I've never seen that onelisted as a sign of pregnancy

Littlepink, irritability is one of my symptoms when I am pregnant. I remember when I was still breastfeeding DS and got pregnant (at 44) and I felt this unbelievable irritability every time he latched onto my boob. Poor thing, it wasn't his fault, but I was excessively irritable for no apparent reason. Having said that, I also feel irritable when I have PMS. But the pregnancy irritability was much worse.

So much for my not ttc. I had a massive smile on my face after going to the loo last night and discovering a huge amount of EWCM (sorry if it's TMI). I haven't had the likes of that amount of EWCM in years So DH got lucky again last night. Smiles all round...I also had ovulation pain last night, so I'd say today will be O day. Watch me skipping around today!

Calibee - had to LOL at the army lads speaking Dothrakian! It is an amazing story. My DH has read all the books - they are massive - I'll stick to watching the tv series. Can't wait for the next installment.It has been ages.

Have you seen the movie Anna Karenina?I watched it a couple of days ago - loved it. I know some people don't like Keira Knightly, but I love her and she was a very good Anna. I love big Sagas like that.

I've a busy morning ahead. Dropping off kids, gym class, picking up kids, meeting a mate for lunch, then out for dinner tonight. Wonder if I could manage sex again tonight? My DH would be pleased, but also perhaps a little suspicious of my new-found libido Though, judging by the stats that Irishmammy posted, then it's only 8-10% chance within 24 hours of ovulation, but that's better than 0% if you don't have sex!

How are the recovering children, Deige and Irish? I hope they are on the mend.

Jbrd, have you recovered from the Norovirus? They have been reporting doom and gloom on current affairs programs over here about how this nasty gastroenteritis will hit Australia this winter. I am guessing they are talking about the norovirus you are experiencing in the Northern Hemisphere. It does sound awful, but is it life threatening? I hate the scare-mongering they put on the telly. My DD2 (who is 12) suffers from anxiety (I think she may have inherited the tendency from me, I do worry over stuff) and all this talk of yucky illnesses gets her worried and maniacally washing her hands. She has learned ways to cope, has had counseling, but she still gets a touch of it here and there.

How is everyone else getting on?

Welcome to the newcomers.

Evening ladies, just a quick check in, then I'm off to bed.

morien and greenlizard - hats off to you, dealing with stepchildren can't be easy! All very well for your OHs, but they mustn't take you for granted!

greenlizard - I do apologise, but I have to admit that your story did make me chuckle a little bit! Love the bit with you sneaking out of work for a lunchtime shag! But how frustrating, all this effort and no result! Am I alone in thinking that ttc really does make you do the strangest things... I hope your DH recovers from his illness quickly, in every respect.

gum - one step at a time, no one expects you to switch off ttc from one day to another... After so long, you probably need a wind-down, don't go cold turkey. Isn't it always that if you want to avoid one particular thing, it jumps at you from every corner? I had a similar experience to your hairdresser visit when I was at the EPU after having passed the clots, the nurse went to get a doctor to examine me, doctor came in, young, female - and about 6-7months pregnant. Raaaaaa...! There should be a policy that no obviously pregnant people should work at the EPU, right?!

CaliBee - when will your DP be able to visit again? Hope you're not getting too lonely, it must be really hard. How are your DCs dealing with this, are they looking after you a little bit?

So tired, and it's only been my second day back at work. Thankfully, I only work half days on Thursdays and Fridays, and I have a lovely facial booked for tomorrow afternoon, followed by a long-overdue visit to the hairdresser!
And I have sent out my CV last night to apply for a job, as well as started talking to recruitment agents, to get the ball rolling. I've done a few calculations, and unfortunately, we cannot afford me quitting my job without having another one to go to, well, not without me having to heavily dip into my savings, which I don't want to do at the moment... (Still hoping we can get round to have our bathrooms done in the near future!) I could do it, if we took DS out of childcare, but as I'm not planning to stay at home for long, it would be too upsetting for him. So I need to get cracking with the job search while working

In spite of still feeling drained and washed out, my general mood appears to be improving (very tentatively), I don't feel so completely down & destroyed anymore. I hope the trend continues...Amazing what a BFN can do for you, eh?! I bet I'll be cursing it again before long .
Still quite emotional, I have to be careful what I read/watch when people are around, to avoid embarrassment. My colleague at work who knows about the mc gave me a little hug yesterday, and I started welling up...

Cross-post with gum

I've almost recovered from the Norovirus attack, my digestion is not yet back to what it used to be (but thanks for asking). However, DH came down with it last night, a week after DS brought it home. And our friends' little girl who saw my DS last week got it last night, too - it's a nasty nasty virus. Not life-threatening as such, but if you are already ill or frail, you need to be very careful. So elderly people are especially at risk. The main problem is dehydration, nothing stays down, but everything comes out, at both ends.
For us, the D&V stopped quite quickly, but both DH and I felt really rough for a few days after, achey, shivery and shakey. Wouldn't wish it on anyone!

gum ,what about the 25-28% likelihood from dtd 1-2 days before??
sounds like you timed things perfectly!
I don't know how they work out these statistics though.
I suppose it does make sense since sperm takes about 10hrs to mature and will survive a while in the ewcm so it's ready and waiting as soon as the egg arrives.It did surprise me to read there was such a good chance from 3-4 days before.Who knows!
It must be tough for your DD2 suffering from anxiety,it's a tricky age too, on the brink of her teens when they find lots of things to worry about anyway!
Your upside down apricot cake sounds lovely, I tried one with peaches a while ago but it turned out a bit soggy, any tips?
My DD1 is recovering from her surgery, thanks for asking.She's still in quite a lot of pain at times but we're doing a phased return to school this week so she's going in each morning and I'm collecting her at lunchtime so she can come home and lie down.She was getting bored at home and didn't want to have too much to catch up on at school so we're trying to get a balance!

CaliBee what date is your birthday? It's mine in Feb too but I'll be 45 ...eeek!
I don't think you should feel bad about the chocolate and wine ,it's therapeutic! Hope you're ok tonight. x

Isabeller hope you enjoy DPs birthday. Exciting times ahead with your transfer coming up!

Crossed posts with you JBrd. It doesn't seem very tactful having pregnant staff in the EPU does it? The two main midwives I dealt with in my EPU( who I got to know fairly well being a frequent visitor last year!) had personal experience of pregnancy loss. One had miscarried herself and the other had infertility issues for years and after multiple unsuccessful ivf attempts had given up ttc. They knew what I was going through and could really empathise .
I'm not surprised you feel tired back at work,especially when you're just getting over your norovirus too, it's sounds nasty!
Good idea to have a facial and a bit of pampering.
Hope your jobhunting is successful but try to take it easy and look after yourself !

hopeful no I havent seen Anna Karenina...I will add it to my list. I have so many films on my sky plus box to get through but have to confess that I am usually snoring away after about 10 mins....it drives me mad as I have a list of half watched films that I need to rewatch. Have you seen series 2 of Game of Thrones yet?? I managed to get a copy as its not been shown in uk yet (shhhhh) its fantastic. I hope you had a lovely day...sounds hectic, and that Dh didnt rumble you...hehehe.

jbrd good luck on the job front....exciting and nervous times. My Dc havent really been around too much. DD2 works 10 hour shifts (2 jobs) most days and spends a fair amount of time at her Dads or her boyfriends as I wont let her boyfriend stay here...but her Dad does does. But then he is a knob...enough said!!!. Ds goes to gym after school most days so he doesnt get home until 6ish and then disappears to his room in typical teenager style for the rest of the evening. I'm glad you feel a bit better in yourself.

Irish mine is on the 10th...how about you??

I think yesterday I passed everything (sorry if this is tmi). It started with an intense pain at around 4pm which was unrelenting and the closest thing to labour pain that I can describe. I took the dihydrocodeine and tried to sit it out with a hot water bottle. By about 6 pm I could tell it was different and was on verge of calling hospital (I admit I was a bit scared at that point).....it actually felt like something was stuck. Anyway without going into much detail...about an hour later I passed a big solid egg sized piece of tissue. I'm pretty sure this was the pregnancy products. I hope so. The pain immediately stopped and I have had very little pain since. Lets see what today brings.

jbrd forgot to add that I dont think DP will make it home at weekend . It costs £50 a time on the train aswell as being a 4 hour each way journey. I can tell he really wants to be home but have told him not to worry too much. Money is so tight just now....how ever much I cut back I just cant seem to get on top raaaa.

Morning ladies, and sorry for not being on and catching up for a few days...so much sickness in the house, we seem to be passing it back and forth between us constantly.

Firstly Calibee I am so sorry you have had to go through this, and alone too but I am hopeful that it is all over now, that nature has taken control and you can begin to move forward. I've been where you are, and it's awful.

Hello to everyone else; I haven't really had time to read all the posts since my last time on, but hope you are all well x

Well, when I told DP that AF had arrived he was so sad...it was horrible. He was convinced that I was pg, and was as disappointed as I was when it didn't happen. I fell so easily with my 3 dc's and also with the mc's I had, that I am not sure it's going to happen for us. I am so happy I found DP, he is the love of my life, but gutted that I didn't meet him years ago.

So we're back to ttc! I am going to stop obsessing (haha, if that's possible), and just see what happens. That said I know exactly where I am in my cycle and this week is bd week! CM has changed blah blah so let's see what happens.

Take care all

x

newpatches thankyou for your thoughts.
I so get what you mean by that horrible down feeling of "is it actually ever going to happen".
I called EPAU this morning who confirmed that it probably was the prgnancy products that I passed yesterday and that they will still wait for the scan a week on saturday to confirm it's complete.She also said to wait for my first AF (hope its not one of my mega long cycles) before starting the clomid again. So I have just ordered both DHEA and COQ10 from Amazon and reset my Fertility Friend chart........here we go again.
I feel so sad for what may have been...and had I been 15 years younger I may have given myself a little time before ttc again, however I'm nearly 43 ...no time to lose.
Ladies I'm back

I've just been to check out Game of Thrones too. We usually have a series on the go so I think I'll suggest it to DP.

Regarding stepchildren, I don't imagine anyone would actually want them (I may be wrong) - but that's the baggage that my wonderful DP comes with, so it was all or nothing (unfortunately the package also included a stinky old dog which I can't stand but he can't last much longer) I'm lucky in that my stepkids have been very accepting of me right from the start, in that we all enjoy spending time together, and in that DP instinctively manages things in such a way that nobody feels left out. greenlizard, absolutely! Things are improving but it got to the stage where I felt I only had 2 sentences in my repertoire - 'I'm not your family's skivvy' and 'I'm not a nanny'. As you say, it led to huge resentment and wasn't good for us as a couple...and I found it soooo frustrating that DP didn't seem to be able to see what the problem was. He does now

CaliBee, it sounds like you're getting there. I'm glad. Thinking of you - I know how horrible it is.

gum I'm sorry but I'm not convinced by your efforts to not ttc!!!

greenlizard your timing story made me laugh too, but aargh! How frustrating...

I have a group of 3 old friends from my London days, all early 40's, all childless (through just not having met the right men soon enough). One had her 4th MC in December. One has discovered that she has fertility problems and is unlikely to get pregnant (not age-related). Then there's me. And the 4th, who had been single for about 15 years and whom I suppose we'd all written off on that score, had a baby girl on Saturday...the irony, given all the ttc problems that the rest of us are having, is that it was an accidental pregnancy! One of the others thinks it's really unfair, but I think it's such a nice story - my friend is an only child and both her parents died a couple of years ago, leaving her utterly alone...and now out of the blue she's got partner and baby. (And in any case (she added more selfishly) it's not like there's a finite number of babies - just because she's had one doesn't mean that I'm less likely to).

AF due next Tuesday and have one frer left. Used it today knowing it would be bfn just so I could stop obsessing about when to poas.....but I got 2lines!! Faint,yes, but definitely a line!

Can barely believe it! This is my due date for the mmc I had in July! I hope this is a good omen!

Know however that the chances if yet another mc are very high so not even telling DP til next week if all goes well...

blimey pinkfizz! that is testing really early no? how long is your cycle? congratulations anyway! really hope you get to share the news with dh!

tina, how did your scan go?