Fantastic Forty Plus, part 9, this time is our time,bring on the bfp's!

[hopefulgum]

We've filled out thread - I do hope you all find your way here. I can't add a message on the old thread to let you know it is here...

This new thread, will no doubt have its own set of bfp's and babies. I am excited to see what it brings.

DrWho...he lives alone. Both houses are privately rented, so I could go to the letting agents but from what I have witnessed he is VERY unstable. Looking out of my back door I can see his back door window and he runs up and down past it at high speed when he's 'on one', he screams abuse at his dog, used the 'c' word a LOT, and will screech things like 'it's all your fault, you c**t' but there is no one there!
He came to my house after he moved in and told me he was very ill, and the dr had not got his medication right so there is obviously a big problem. But I don't know how he would react if I spoke to him, or the letting agents etc...he would know it was me as no one else overlooks his house (we share a courtyard garden).
I've never seen anyone with him, just him and his dog.

Calibee thanks. I'm ok about it, if it's meant to be it will I guess. DP told me today that he is thinking about liquidating his company so perhaps this is not the right time anyway? Or maybe I am just trying to make myself feel better about it? If it's any consolation, as soon as I woke up after my mc I felt a million times better. I hadn't realised how ill I had been until it had all gone iyswim?

JBrd hello...(waves) are you ok? I have also heard tell of these people who clean ovens! Who in their right minds would do that as a profession??? It is one of my most hated jobs!

xxx

newpatches seriously is there ever a good time.

Financially I am at my worst since becoming an adult and Dp being in army is not just as I would have liked it.

jbrd I had my the oven professionally cleaned before I moved out of my old house. They had hot tanks of something in the back of their van which they dipped the racks and trays in...came out like new. But it did cost me £80

Calibee no, there is never a good time, I am just trying to make myself feel better! I am also at my worst financially, and at the grand old age of 44 I should be well and truly sorted! £80 would be money well spent IMO for a detested chore, I loathe it.

Well, the snow is starting to fall again and it hasn't disappeared from the other day so I am fully expecting to wake up to a blanket of the stuff tomorrow. Just stocked up in Iceland so I can hibernate for the next few days .

I know that feeling...this time ten years ago I owned a largish house, 3 horses 2 cars...I gave it all up because I found out it was all built on lies.
I would much sooner have my tiny 3 bed rented house, my old greyhound, and my DP's and DC's happiness....off course an adorable little baby with his/ her Daddy's eyes would just put the icing on my cake.....raaa sniff here I go again.
Snow here too....I'm in my pj's and dressing gown. Finny the dog has been allowed onto the sofa (DP would have a fit!!!)to keep my feet warm
DP what'sapped me a bit ago saying he had a word with his sergeant and he is allowed to catch the train from Lancaster tomorrow rather than having to travel back to Catterick....so hopefully he will be here sooner rather than later.

I'm the same. Had a really well paid, but stressful job in the City of London, a nice house etc., took voluntary redundancy, sold my house and have been renting up here ever since. Despite suffering badly with my mental health in the last year, I am in many ways a lot happier than at any other time in my life. Mostly, due to my DP and the fact that I have a relationship where I trust the person I'm with and don't feel like he's going to run off at the slightest difficulty.

Glad to hear your DP is catching the train tomorrow Calibee. There you were thinking that he wouldn't be able to get away, or that he wouldn't ask...see? Ye of little faith

Delighted you'll have time together with your dp over the weekend Calibee. I think it takes a certain sort of person to want to have kids in their 40s and persevere when it can be so very hard. I am still an optimist despite all the knocks I've experienced and I think you need that curiosity and joy in living life to help carry you through the rough bits. Sounds like you have a life that makes you happy which is something money cant buy! I love being a mum in my 40s, it keeps me young, though it is tiring sometimes. Anyway, so many messages today, so much I can relate to but I'm busy working and dealing with a stroppy toddler so cant reply to you all. Thanks for the welcome, will try and post more often.

We've all been through the mill!

Re the holiday, I was really dreadful to dp's DD. I had very bad antenatal depression and was advised by the psychiatrist not to go on holidays. But I didn't want to let anyone down as no one would then have gone. I was extremely irritable and snapped and said things that I had previously kept in. The problem with his DD was that she has been smoking with her mother since 14 and had told DP one w/e that she wouldn't see him unless he bought her cigs(at14). He works away and had travelled 4 hours every w/e to see her. So he bought her the cigs! I was and still am outraged that he would do this and questioned his parenting skills . He spends loads of money on her( with no thanks) gave her £1000 for her 18th...... The list goes on.

So it all came to a head when I saw her and being unwell I let it all out. Unforgivable on my part I know. I wrote her a letter last month to apologise for my behaviour.

The final nail in the coffin was on our way ho e, he bought, at her request cigs from the duty free. I ended up having a stand up argument in public( of which I am deeply ashamed) . This was why he did not come to the hospital with me. His DD said she never wanted to see me again, and who can blame her.

In my defence my behaviour was totally out of character and certainly down to my illness.

But it hurts badly that I got no support from him.

Have to say pink i may well have struggled to keep quiet on that one too.

Isn't it a testament to our spirit though, that despite having been through the mill here we are, still believing in love and the future? I too am happier now than I have been for a long long time. of course I have (like today) crappy days but they are just minor niggles (except for the BFN...that is a huge disappointment despite my brave face) and in all honesty I am fully at peace with myself and who I am. My 'bubble' consists of myself, my DC and DP...everyone else outside are inconsequential. I get a lot of flack from family (long and boring story), and money is really tight but life is gentle and calm for the most part.

Pink I would have been appalled at the whole cig thing too.

Calibee so happy for you that DP is coming home for the weekend to be with you. Everything will seem 100 times better once he's there with you.

xx

Ditto to what newpatches said. My family are ace though they forgive me all my unconventaility.
I so wish DP was coming home under better circumstances. I was just remembering his last dash back at the end of October when I was ovulating....sighs.
I have the nastiest headache...I'm sure its stress and central heating.

I fear I may have hogged the thread a little ...I'm so sorry.
It is afterall a ttc thread not a "support calibee through miscarriage" thread.
Apologies x

This thread belongs to us all calibee , most especially when we are going through a rough time and need to hog it.

We are all happy for you to be able to ventilate here x

I'm really sorry it went this way for you Calibee and you have to go through so much sadness and pain. But as you said earlier, if it didnt feel right, perhaps better now than having to face difficult decisions later. So hard though x

Don't be silly Calibee...the thread is a support thread, and yes, we're here to talk about ttc, but sadly miscarriage features strongly for women over 40 trying to conceive, so we're here to support you in your hour of need. We were all worried about JBrd going through hers the other week, and still worry about Sparkly and all she has going on (poor thing)...this is a place to vent, and you have been doing that which is good. Especially as you don't seem to have too much RL support at the minute.

Am I right ladies?

Absolutely! Dont think you're hogging the thread - we're here responding cos that's what this thread is about... Supporting the ups and downs of trying to become a mum after 40 (some more fun than others!).

...thankyou all so much. xxx

DrWho 100%...and I know if any one of us needed your support you would give it unquestioningly Calibee, it's all part and parcel (unfortunately) of this journey we have all decided to embark upon so we're all here for you, good times and bad.

xxxxx

Ok ladies...AF has just come a knocking, so that's me well and truly out this month. Damn it. x

Yes, don't be silly CaliBee - it's a support thread, and sadly, mc is often a part of ttc. A couple of weeks ago, everyone was helping me, you're not hogging the thread!
Glad to hear that your DP will be there at the weekend.

sparkly - sorry to hear that your DH has had a setback. Sounds as if he's doing one step forward and then 3 back. It must be so hard for you. I would be so angry at him! He needs to get his act together.

remnant - are you OK? You've been very quiet... Hope all is well.

goth - sounds as if your cycles are quite erratic at the moment, sorry to hear that! And I can imagine that it must be tough to get to your due date after a mc, esp with other babies being born at the same time... That mus be so hard, hope you'll feel more upbeat soon!
I'm not looking forward to July - everyone will be gushing about the Royal Baby, when I should've had mine, too. Kate Middleton and I would've been bump buddies

Patches - Sorry about your BFN! But as CaliBee said, there really is no right time, ever - you might as well get on with it
I found out that I was going to be made redundant when we were ttc last time, fell pregnant the minute I stopped working. Four weeks after DS was born, DH got made redundant! Scary, but it all worked out OK in the end. You never know what life will throw at you. I'm glad that I listened to DH because I wasn't sure that ttc would be a good idea with redundancy looming, but he said exactly that - is there ever going to be a 'right' time?
(Or he was just scared that I would change my mind again after taking to long to come round to the idea of having children in the first place )

Personally, I think that there is a lot to be said for having kids in your fourties! I know a lot of people who've done it with great great success and happiness. Yes, you're tired, but are you truly less tired when you're in your twenties? I can't say, I was 39 when I had my first, but I really believe that it depends well and truly on the child! My NCT friends in their twenties and early/mid thirties have been a lot more tired than I ever was since we had our DCs a year and a half ago - my DS slept through from 6 weeks, a lot of their DCs are still waking 4 times a night at 20 months. So it's all relative... Luck of the draw and all that!

I also have a headache, probably due to low blood pressure. I've also been bleeding again today, no idea why it suddenly started again It was quite strong in the afternoon, but seems to have slowed down a bit. Bleurgh...
I think I will also snuggle up on the sofa in my PJs, strategically drape a couple of cats around me and read - with a cup of tea and a sneaky sweet treat (don't tell my Weight Watchers group leader!).
On the plus side, my oven is now superclean and shiny! And I can actually see through the window again! So glad I had it done, worth every penny. Let the baking (re)commence.

sorry newpatches x

Waving from the land of migraine (2nd since Gonapeptyl injection) baseline scan tomorrow if we are not snowed in. Nurse said headaches normal and should start to get better once on next meds.

Thinking of you all and wishing for strength, courage and wisdom all round, and some good news soon xx Is

Awwww, Patches, sorry about AF the bitch !

Oh yes, pyjama bottoms, old baggy jumper, fluffy socks...my comfort clothes. May have a cherry hot chocolate in a bit...whittards special, very decadent but oh so yummy

thanks everyone, I have to tell DP now, he will be gutted. He was convinced I was pg.

x