TTC after recent mc - thread 3. Handholding, naff jokes and the infamous Laura Ashley skirt.

[JamesAndTheGiantBanana]

Happy new thread! Here's hoping for lots of Christmas and new year bfp's, and long healthy pregnancies for everyone.

lolling at Sally's sex life my DH has been enjoying the almost every other BD-ing I've instigated over past 2 weeks.

Thunder - it's not started totally - but if it isn't AF, then don't want to even think about it as would be similar to last pregnancy where I had spotting every few days from 14DPO.

Lucky hope your DS has had a good day, mine found going back after 2 weeks off a bit of a shock. He has enjoyed all the guests as they are all easy to wind round his small fingers. He just has to grab a hand and drag them off to what ever it is he wants. I came home from work at 6pm to find him devouring chocolate cake (after a large supper) - calming him down for bed was interesting.

Sally - just adding grapefruit to our shopping list,. Will give anything a go now.

Guest watch - we are now down to MIL, SIL, BIL & Nephew. The GP's left after lunch. Step FIL may return later or tomorrow though...

Massive Lols at chocs guest watch. Although much sympathy that they are still there! Wow! Can you not have fake broken heating? Or something?

sally what have you done?! All the supermarkets are now going to be sold out of grapefruit juice! :) good tip though, can't hurt!

Update from doctor visit. Stupid doctor said exactly as expected. Can't do anything until 3 miscarriages blah blah blah. Nothing to be done blah blah. Wait one cycle before trying again BLAH.
I will be ignoring that. Pah.

chocolate I hoped that I was miraculously going to get a BFP first cycle after mmc as well...it was strange as I have mixed emotions about it...disappointed that I'm not pg straight away but glad AF has arrived and I can get on with a normal cycle and track properly when I'm likely to ovulate.

I'm v intrigued by grapefruit juice and may give it a go. We used conceive plus on the cycle that I got my BFP on prior to mmc so will def try that again.

What are your thoughts on temping for someone who worries a lot/overanalyses everything? I only started it the cycle I got my BFP and carried on temping a few days afterwards and my temp dropped slightly one day which really freaked me - I stopped after that (not that there was any necessity to carry on anyway!) would like to try again but don't want to add further stress to an already overly anxious mind! Has it helped or confused any of you?

Right, I really think I will get a BFP this time (as since having dc1 I can feel absolutely everything that is going on inside me, and I have had some other symptoms) HOWEVER I don't want to take a test. Is that odd??? I am trying to convince myself it will be emotionally better to not know and just keep hoping it sticks on a daily basis and if the worst happens do a test just to confirm it was a MC.

Has anyone else tried this and if so how long did you manage to last with giving in???? (I think it's prob too early yet for a test to show anyway, EWCM just after crimbo...?)

Feedback appreciated!

Good morning all

Sorry I have not been around since my initial post - I have been pretending that everything is totally normal for the last couple of weeks and engaging in some thinking-about-ttc avoidance. Plus I normally MN from my ipad, typing on which drives me loopy (clumsy fingers)but today I am on a proper keyboard!!

Not much going on here. It is now 25 days since my ERPC. I think I ovulated sometime around the start of last week, but not sure (had tested wee until I got a BFN, then got a smiley face on my OPK around then, but no ov pains which is unusual for me). Sex was had on the smiley face day so in theory at least I may have a bun in my oven but am not holding my breath. As the owner of only one fallopian tube my odds are not as good as they could be... The GP didn't tell me to wait at all and given my advanced age I kind of think I should just bash on. Plus, it seemed quite important to have sex again (part of things being normal I guess).

Pink, I am sorry to hear it is over for you. I hope you get a sticky BFP soon.

Chocolate, arf @ "guestwatch" but how long are they staying for? And why are they staying so long? I think you must be very tolerant (I like my inlaws to stay at a hotel!!)

Yorkie - I overanalyse like mad and am a frequent visitor to Dr google. Am not temping this time because I can't be bothered (we want another child but I am not going to be utterly heartbroken if it does not happen), but did do so before and I credit it with saving my life! Yes, it sounds bonkers, but basically, I was a day late (BFN), then got my period (5 days long, so far so normal) and then felt really pregnant afterwards. My temps stayed high - although not as high as I knew from experience they should be in pregnancy. So I tested again about a week after my period had been due and BFP (nearly keeled over in shock). Something clearly wasn't right (the lowish temps) so I went to the GP and it turned out I had an ectopic pregnancy, which I would have not known about had it not been for the charting. So I am a fan!

Not Spartacus ooh fingers crossed for you! When will you test?

Thanks for your thoughts on temping. Glad to hear I'm not alone in the overanalyzing - it rules my life unfortunately ttc or not. Wow, temping most certainly did save your life so I'm not surprised you're a fan.

I think I'll give temping another go and see what happens.

Gardenworm - my plan was to wait as long as possible this time if AF hadn't shown her ugly head. I think it's a good plan for as long as you can stand it. As I now know I am on CD1 (properly started today) - I will be far too tempted to use OPK's to be sure when I've OV'd this time. I am intrgued how long you can keep it up!

Guest watch update - the blimming GP's are coming back tomorrow for the last night! So is the Step FIL! So back up to 8!.
I had thought I'd have my life house back so have already booked in a manicure and wax on way home in preparation for night out on Saturday, so will be home late tomorrow (DH will kill me but heh ho)

Not Spartacus - they are all staying as all skint. SIL/BIL are over from NZ and we wanted them to stay (they are normal and lovely) Everyone else lives in France (but not French and don't speak French - yes it's ) and they are all skint as rubbish at managing money and at any form of organisation. I could go on, but I like to drip feed you all with my agonies (which let's face it are really not that bad)

Now - OPK question - should I get the smiley face Clearblue ones, get a clearblue digital (which worked for DS but was then sold on ebay) or get the cheapy ones? Or are there any others out there?

choc, it sounds crazy there with all the guests- a bit of pamper definitely sounds like a necessity. And I'm sure dh would rather a chilled tea bag than what might be the other result if you don't get a bit of time out?! he'll appreciate the results too I'm sure did af show yet? No idea re opks as I've only just started and I have cheapies. I think both cb ones have good reviews though and if the digi worked for you last time....

pink sorry about useless docs- as expected though as you say. At least it's down on record now. How are you feeling?

garden, sounds like a real test to the willpower! I would need to know but I want to know everything that's going on all the time.

sparticus, 25 days? So hopefully af or pg symptoms will show up soon?!

chocolate you are a saint. I would go mad if rellies stayed for that long. You def deserve a bit of me time and your night out!

gardenworm I'm with you. I always put off testing until AF is well late, partly because I hate the disappointment of a BFN and then the faint hope that it's "just too early" and partly because it means I don't have to deal with fallout from a chemical pregnancy. My theory is that a pregancy that gets to 5 weeks and is properly implanted at least has a decent chance of making it. I tried really hard when I've been pregnant after first MC not to really acknowledge it or think too far ahead, with limited success. Do whatever helps you cope emotionally.

pink sorry you didn't have more support from the doctor. I hope you are feeling ok.

Has anyone else put any limits on their TTC? DH and I have already agreed this is our last shot and if we have a 3rd MC then we won't try again. I think I also need to put a time limit on TTC, I am spending the first half of every month thinking about when I'm going to ovulate, and the second half wondering if I could be pregnant, then terribly disappointed when I get AF. I see every future plan in terms of whether I'll be pregnant or have a small baby by then. We've been TTC a third child for 17 months and counting. I've been Googling some of the odd symptoms I've been having (mid cycle spotting, random 1 day bleed, night sweats) and am beginning to think that it's not just post-MC hormonal upheaval but I may be perimenopausal, despite regular cycles. I think I'm going to give myself until September, when we'll have been TTC for 2 yrs and if successful we'd have a 4 yr gap between DCs 2 and 3, or at the latest until the end of the year so I'd have the baby before I'm 40.
I need to draw a line after which I'll just have to accept we've missed the boat and be happy with what we have though I'm sure come Sept/Dec it won't seem quite that simple
Sorry this post is so self centred, I just need to write things down to get them straight in my head sometimes.

I've set a limit in that I want to have a baby before I am 39. Haven't agreed it with DH but I expect he'll agree. Tbh, I think if we have another loss he won't want to continue. Subject to that, I have until October to conceive (doesn't sound long put like that).

wow choc do you live in a castle!!?? i would have gone mad by now!! i think you deserve a manicure as a little break from them!

have any of you had to have blood tests to monitor your hcg levels since your mc? i was misdiagnosed with a partial molar pg in october but charing cross hospital (who manage the molars) are still monitoring my levels every 2 weeks. my hcg levels are at 9 as per my last test (following d&c in october). originally i was told that due to the misdiagnosis i was pretty much free to go (i was not allowed to ttc during molar monitoring) although they still wanted to test me (no idea why if it wasn't molar). one girl at charing cross just told me to hold off ttc although another had told me it was up to me if i even wanted to keep up with the tests.

so really my question is... if you have had your hcg levels monitored since your mc, have you been advised to hold off until you get to zero? as mine was now just a normal unlucky miscarriage, how would i have known about hcg levels if it hadn't been for the misdiagnosis? now panicking in case i'm risking another mc if i happen to get a bfp :(

baking not self centred in the slightest. This is the place to write it all down. I've only been trying since September and I have quickly realised how all encompassing ttc to conceive is. I don't know how I'd feel after trying for 2 yrs or more - I haven't got any so I really don't know about stopping without having tried every single option available. All I know is that the emotional part is much harder than I ever thought it would be.

chocolate I agree with baking - you are a saint! I've just bought a whole load of cb digital to try out and they seem simple and straight forward which I like. I did try boots last time as well and they obv worked as I got a bfp (before the mc). I haven't tried the cheapy type tests though.

tins we haven't really set a limit just yet as we have only been ttc since april. even since then it's been a strain on the heart strings... opks / af / 2ww and i guess we were so lucky to even get pg quite only after trying for about 4 months (although it didn't work out). we don't have any kids so i think we'll keep trying x

Janie my HCG levels were followed because I was still getting BFPs several weeks after MC. I wouldn't think you'd ovulate until HCG was zero, though that could be wrong? I wasn't told not to TTC before then but from length of subsequent cycle didn't ovulate until after I'd got a BFN anyway.

I agree that for those of you yet to have children it's a different story, and if I were TTC no 1 I'd be prepared to go much further down the fertility investigations etc if we were having problems. I do sometimes think I'm being greedy wanting a third child and I should just settle for what I have even though to me my family doesn't feel complete. I know I'm lucky to have my lovely boys.
I used to babysit for a lovely family with 4 children with 2 yr gaps almost to the day (10 and 8 and 6 and 4 when I knew them) and always thought my family would be like that. If only life were as simple as you'd like it to be!

thanks tins i did test before and got a BFN and then i noticed some ewcm on 29/12/12 (so jumped into bed asap!) which i was surprised at as normally my cycles were waaaay longer than normal and i wouldn't normally ovulate that soon after AF and my last AF was 12/12/12 (1st since mc).

I've got major pregnancy at the moment. There is a bump everywhere I look at the moment. A friend in our swimming class has suddenly sprouted one over the Christmas break and another mum at singing class today suddenly obviously pregnant. I thought I'd skipped this bit of the post-MC rollercoaster this time round but obviously not. I think I'd just got myself into the mindset that December was my month, I'd had 3 months for things to settle down, that's how long it took after MC1, and we'd had a good month on the DTD in the right window. Thought I deserved a good start to 2013 after a crappy 2012.
Help me out ladies, I need some positive mental attitude from somewhere shame you can't buy that on Amazon

Oh tins, I know what you mean. I'm not sure u can bring you any pma as I struggle with this side of things horribly and I feel like a bitch on top of all the hurt which makes it so much worse. Having the few friends who know about my mmc either seeding me photos of their baby or telling me how grateful I should be to be able to sleep all night doesn't help either.

Oh dear I appear to have ranted rather than soothed....sorry x

thunder I sorry to say this about your friend but I don't understand anyone that says to their friend knowing full well that you've had a mc that you should be grateful that you can sleep! I'm really angry for you!

baking I wish I could give you words of encouragement but I'm feeling pretty much the same way as well and i suspect a lot of others on this thread are too. At least we can come on here and have a rant knowing that other people will understand and be able to relate to what we are saying. Sorry, probably not much help I know...

Yeah thanks york, it wasn't the best eh?! I think maybe because I have tried to be so calm and philosophical about it- and succeeded in many ways- folks don't think it's a sensitive topic? Or something...

Can tell I was really ranting judging by the number of typos in that post! Damn iPad keyboards

I understand what your saying but I still thinking it is an insensitive thing to say regardless of how calm you're coming across - maybe she thought she was trying to be positive in a weird way...actually scrap that I still don't get it!

bakingtins I know what you mean too, smug bumps everywhere... All that makes me feel better is knowing that I wouldn't swap lives with any of them, babies or not - I'm trying to count my blessings and dd is helping a lot with that.

thundercats some people just have skin like rhino hide I think. I saw a (non-pregnant!) friend just after christmas, when my mc was in full flow, who knew about it and then talked about pregnancy on and off all evening, remembering how hard it was not being able to drink over xmas when she was pg, moaning about how tired she was in her first trimester, yada yada yada...

Yeah thanks girls, you're right it is insensitive. It's funny how the insensitive ones are sometimes those who are so quick to take offence themselves as well though eh?

diy, I think that's a great way of looking at it- its easy to feel envy for one or two aspects of others' lives when we wouldn't want to swap in entirety. I'm absolutely guilty of doing that! My life is far from perfect but I wouldn't swap it.

thunder and diy I don't know how you coped with those comments! I am über sensitive at the moment, the slightest thing sets me off!