TTC 10+ months, Part 11

[buzzybee123]

A very friendly and supportive thread for those taking way longer than they had ever expected to make a baby.

Madness - it's terribly stressful waiting for a lap and I'm sure everything will go ahead on Friday as planned. This time next week it will all be over. I'm glad you have in it the morning as then you don't have to hang around all day.

Sar - what have your progesterone results been like in the past? I have had several months of that weird fluttering over the last few years and i have read somewhere it is an embryo trying to implant. I don't know how much truth there is in it but I certainly never had the sensations before ttc. I welled up on my way home today as well and then bizarrely had a wave of anger which was spurred on by me thinking of a friend who has a newborn. It passed as quickly as it came. It's not very nice.

Nelly - are you going to test everyday to see if the line gets darker ? I know some people do that.

Art - yes, scented sanitary products wind me up! In fact I have been meaning to send in a complaint. As a thrush sufferer they cannot be good for you. Plus I didn't realise they were scented the first time I used them and I thought something was wrong with me. I go to a big Sainsburys where you can get their home own products which are cheap and don't have the scent. I would also just go for the interview to see if you get it. When would it start?

Critter - it must be so lovely to have your mum to support you and for her to truly know what it is like. Sorry that you were feeling blue. It will be your turn soon. Ivf is the key for you?that's of course you don't get an ironic bfp before then.

Euro - interesting you have come back positive for a few things. I'm not sure in the significance of hiddenC. That specialist Cosmo and I saw didn't think it was. However I'm pretty sure there is a link between Ureasplasma and fertility issues. It could just be adding to the unexplained diagnosis so it would definitely be good to get rid of it especially before embarking on ivf. Don't forget to take probiotics a few hours after each antibiotic dose.

Bubs - thank you for sharing your amazing story. Congratulations. It's so nice to have positive stories like yours.

Rabbit - pink cm is very strange and I am hoping it is going to be some nice birthday surprise. by god you deserve it.

Mrsd - very impressed with you sff x 2 Interesting you have found a pattern to the fish smell. I haven't noticed it since coming off antibs but we are back on the rubbers now as i am still thrush infested.

No news from me. Just winding myself up about this coming weekend. Roy's birthday and he is having a get together. We suspect an a* announcement amongst the group but there could well be 2. I've been behaving badly and telling him i don't want to go. Selfish cow that i am, it's his birthday and he is looking forward to it. Then there is a massive family lunch on Sun which i really am dreading. It's loads of Roy's cousins and 2 years ago i was asked several times 'aren't you broody yet', 'when are you going to have kids'. All six cousins have at least 2 and so they wouldn't understand not to ask. I thought my answer would be "having met your kids, we have decided we don't want them any more." [evil witch]. I hate being on edge about pregnancy announcements. You would think you would learn to deal with them but I find it is the equivalent of being given a fright?.someone jumping out of the cupboard shouting 'boo!'.

Big waves to everyone i have missed.

I don't know Joy about the testing. My plan had actually been to hopefully see the line get lighter first, not to be non-existent! At the moment I'm still clinging on to the hope of a surprise. Seeing a white stick by say Thursday will definitely mean it's game over (that will be 14DPO/EC) but that is probably preferable to waiting for the phone to ring, hoping it's going to be good news, then being gutted when it's not. especially as I will be at my works christmas party at the time

buzzy I took my trigger shot 2 weeks ago tomorrow, but then a further, much smaller, dose a week ago as my equivalent for progesterone support. I was therefore still expecting to see the 2 lines based on my shot last Tuesday. But perhaps it was too small to register and it's really the one 2 weeks ago that would give me a false positive

Oh it's too confusing. So far I am figuring I'm not pregnant, just on the basis that how could it possibly work. And also I'm too busy to think about it!!

Sorry for not namechecking more. Madness I will be thinking of you on Friday, in amongst feeling sick all day waiting for the phone call, of course! I have taken control of the buttonholes so that's ok .

Still trying to agree on first dance here.

madness I was starving so lucky I could find something to eat, I can' believe the crap I have had today I can udersatand that you are worried, it will be alright, come Saturday you'll be at home recovering with it all behind you :)

joy I had to at your answer, just tell them everyone is different and have different plans, just remember all the things that you have done with your life, what you have achieved and just think that having a baby is just a dream you have not reached yet but you are on your way to.

Good morning ladies!

The jetlag got me and I have been awake since 5, so I thought I might as well get up and catch up on the thread!

Critter a belated "happy birthday to you". I hope you had a fab day. Introducing some yanks to a bit of Pulp sounds ace. I saw Pulp last year in Hyde Park and Brixton Academy and was screaming along like a maniac. :)

Nelly I'm happy to hear that you have Tal and Laph on board.

mellow seeing the heartbeat must have been amazing.

cosmos do what you need - we will be here for you if you need us.

doll I don't envy you having to deal with little pharmacies. I love the anonymity of supermarkets and giant Boots stores for things like this.

It's nice that so many of you are feeling christmassy. It felt very odd to emerge from 30 degree sunshine into a Gatwick full of Xmas decorations yesterday. I am definitely not in the mood yet. In fact, I have struggled with Xmas the past couple of years, largely because it is so child-centric.

Rabbit I too am agast that some people think like that. If you ever venture onto the Daily Mail site when there is an IVF story, loads of the comments from the public seem to be along those lines. As someone said, it's odd that people don't seem to have the same fatalistic view about getting medical assistance for diabetes or arthritis or cancer. Anyway, they are Daily Mail readers, so they can be quite easily dismissed!

In menkul news, I spent an hour tossing and turning in bed feeling nauseous again. This is the second month running now, and it only happens after ovulation. This started on Saturday (about 2dpo) but I put it down to starting the day with a seaplane ride on pretty rough seas (I am not good with "bobbing" about on water) plus a shedload of chocolate on the flight home. I felt a bit icky Sunday and Monday and quite badly nauseous this morning. It has gone now though.

I have finally caught up with last week's posts! I'm sure I've missed people but Mr euro is finally awake so I can go and have a shower now (our shower is thunderously loud and in the ensuite so I've been waiting for him to wake up). TTFN.

Morning,

euro your holiday sounds amazing. I love that your first thought was to check mn when you heard the k mid news. I don't feel very xmassy yet, despite it looking like winter wonderland outside. I'm looking forward to relaxing and having time off work though. That's interesting about the nausea, it could just be the travelling, 2 dpo would be too early to feel anything pregnancy related wouldn't it?

joy I feel for you having to socialise and face questions. Up to now, I've answered with something like 'oh plenty of time for that', 'not just yet' etc but that won't wash anymore because we've been married over 5 years and I'm heading for 32. Family dos are the worst for these questions, it's usually distant relatives that think they can ask intrusive questions.

nelly I think I'll do the same as you and test just to say I've seen two lines at least once in my life. I'm jealous you have the wedding so close, it will be amazing and then the honeymoon. I'd love to relive my wedding day.

Dh went to see a second urologist yesterday, for a second opinion really. He was really good and confirmed what we know, ie icsi is the only real hope. He is satisfied that there isn't a genetic reason for the low count. Dh doesn't really know much about his medical history as a child for various family reasons do its a bit like piecing together a puzzle. Anyway, the urologist thinks he had an undescended testicle. Nowadays this would be fixed by the time the child is 1 but dh didn't have the op til he was 3. He remembers having an op but was told it was for a hernia. The urologist said that by 3 it would have been too late, his immune system would have attacked the sperm making tissue. He said dh was lucky to have sperm at all, as many in this situation don't and go for him for that op where they have to remove sperm directly. Although it doesn't change anything, it feels like we have more answers. gin has your dh got any idea about the cause of his low count? My big worry is that although dh does have some sperm, that they might all be damaged or of very low quality but we not know that until we try icsi. I need to try and book in for my baseline scan for next week, I can't believe it's come to this.

Hi everyone

mrsd wow - that is amazing about the second urologist's diagnosis. How frustrating that it's something that a simple operation at the right time could have avoided. But reassuring to know, at least, what is the reason behind it, and that it isn't a genetic reason. I've met a couple of ladies recently with gorgeous icsi babies, actually, and I have a really good feeling for the two of you. One of the ladies I know also asked for the new hyaluronic acid test that shows which sperm have a special enzyme that helps them penetrate the egg, that I was on about upthread - don't know whether that's something worth asking about.

euro thanks for the birthday wishes. 30 degree weather, wow! Weird about the nausea, I would be worrying about it too - it seems like things have been changing for you with your cycle. As doll said, the pressure is on pre-IVF for an ironic BFP - it's a really angst-ridden time - and all you can do is try to relax as much as possible. I've been getting a lot more spots and EWCM lately and I'm trying not to menkul about whether it means my periods are about to return - in a way that would be worse as it would mean I'd need to 'try' naturally on really long unpredictable cycles for a while and then would probably end up IVFing anyway after yet another year of TTCing. I digress. I hope the two of you had a really, really nice break and enjoyed each other's company and the sunshine. And I will be here for clammy paw holding as we in vitro it up in January.

nelly Argh, how stressful about the test. I'm sorry babe, that must be so confusing and just add on even more mentalling onto the pre-official test nerves. I am gunning for Tali and Laph to be hanging in there, cracking jokes and drinking wee drams in true tough Scots style. Massive hand hold for Thursday. I'm thinking about you a lot this week and crossing all my fingers and toes for you. I haven't spoken to my sister yet (she's away from Skype this week) but last time we talked she said she would freeze her eggs this year, and was wondering where was the best place to do it.

joy Oh I am sorry about the family thing. Just massive sympathies, I know that horrible nervous and miserable feeling so well, when you feel tense even before any plonker has asked you an intrusive question. I am sure Roy understands and we all know that you are about the farthest person possible from being a witch! This is just awful and you're doing fantastically to be keeping going. Hang in there joy, I have high hopes for 2013 for us 10 plussers.

sar that's so interesting about the progesterone supplements. It does sound like your issue is post-conception, not pre - you make amazing embies, you got pregnant on the first try - hmm, I wonder. I have never had a fluttery womb, for example, and I am very much in the problems pre-conception camp! Did they give you progesterone after your fresh and frozen cycles? Also, yum at chocolate pretzels. I love the combination of salty and sweet together.

madness oh I am so sorry about the stress of waiting for the lap. Look after yourself in the build up - I can imagine it must be incredibly nerve-wracking. I hope you had a nice hot bath and a long comfortable sleep last night, and that things aren't too crazy at work for you this week.

buzz I love the sound of your decorated palm tree! Sounds very Palm Beach.

lemon Fake hormones drive you bonkers, at least they did me. It must be stressful also starting with the IUI again after your BFP round, as in a way there's more pressure for it to work - that must be really hard, and I'm sorry you're having to go through this again.

doll how are you doing? Hope everything is ok.

Well I am working from home today, trying to write a paper for work. It's actually been really quite nice to be home as I can MN potter about and do bits of housework and cooking for the week in between attempting to write something sensible. This definitely is a strange time of year - not just all the Christmas stuff (which I love) but the new year looming, and all the hopes for it. 2013 sounds like a crap year, what with the unlucky thirteen in it, so by the law of sod, it will probably confound all expectations and turn out to be a really good year, right?

Joy - my progesterone results have all been good (excpet one ages a go). And I don't have spotting exept a tiny bit the day before AF occasionally. So I have no real scientific reason to think my progesterone is a problem. But that is what is so interesting about that other lady - hers didn't appear to be a problem really but the she got pregnant with the progesterone. And she is sure the flutters were implantation attempts all those cycles before the treatment. I get the flutters quite a lot these days, mostly in the 2ww but not always which makes me think it could be implantation but also other things such as womb linning building. For example this month I have had it loads from about 3 dpo especially around 5-6 dpo. Weirdly I think this has started since the mayan massage. My (non) thoery is that fluttering is linked to attempts of implantation as the womb is busy busy but this might not be the only reason for it - if that makes sense. Your description of shouting boo is spot on for those announcements / questions. And it doesn't reduce the sting even when we try to prepare ourselves. I think others above have suggested some good one liners. The only other suggestion I have is to practise a "what a rude question" look on your face. Sometimes it is what we do not say that is more powerful. You want them to think that you regard them as 'cheeky beggers', as opposed to them thinking you are feeling sad due to not having childen. But I can very much identify with what you are feeling. It is horrible and humiliating and we just don't deserve it. I am practically paralysed by the fear of " the announcement" post wedding.

Buzz - I get starving when going from home visit to home visit too which I do 1 day per week. Although smelly houses can dampen that for a little while .

Euro - those symptoms are 'interesting'. Could the nausea 2 dpo be due to powerful ovulation and hormones? But I could see how this could then lead to an increased chance of implantation which may have been what happened last month. How are you feeling now? Have you been doing anything different lately which may have contributed to the changes? I have fingers, toes and everything firmly firmy crossed that this will lead to something good.

Den - well that is one big positive that Mr Den does have sperm. I can understand the fear about the quality though. But right now what you do know is the sperm is there and there is every chance that ICSI will work. It's just not nice waiting to find out what will happen next. To be honest, the more I read of people's IVF experiences shows me that it isn't necissarily always people with the super sperm, eggs or blastos which have the success. I think most people can get there in the end usually (funds and desire permitting) but don't be too worried about the quality just yet as in my experience this doesn't give guarentees. I hope that helps a little and makes sense.

Critter - I can understand the confusion over ewcm making an appearance. If you did get a period in 2 weeks, would you then wait to see how long before the next one occurs and take it from there? My conception issues are baffeling . My dodgy tubes indicate preconception difficulites - that is if they are as dodgy as feared (lap soon to reveal all). But my previous pregnancy and curious 2ww experineces would indicate post conception difficulties. Do you know Critter, I have never thought about it as clealy as that. I swing between what I think is or isn't wrong. But writing it down to look at pre v's post conception difficulties is really helpful. The Dr's think I have pre conception difficulties to some extent but still say I 'could' conceive naturally. But then I have had 2 failed IVF' cycles and funny 2ww's which have made me mekal about implantation problems. There is also the theory that any embryo in my womb gets washed away by toxic fluid from possible dodgy tubes. But again no strong evidence for this yet. So I guess I don't really know the answer but maybe both are to blame to some extent which means my overall chances are very low - thank you critter!!!! Salty and chocolate together is the business .

Hello to Nelly - hold on my lovely, not long now. Really really thinking of you and will be holding your hand tightly on Thursday.

Hi to Doll, Rabbit, Pout and everyone else.

Me and DH have continued to be a pair of old miseries - but we have had some periods of humour to break it so that's ok. Yesterday I was writing a birthday card to my freind's soon to be 3 year old. It had a picture of Fireman Sam on the front and DH had bought it. When I was writing it DH said all he wanted to do was give his own son something with Fireman Sam on it. Then we both broke down crying! . We are a couple of saddos! I had to practice being a manager at work today (useful for new job). My goodness it is hard. People have very much their own agenda and give you attitude if they don't like what they are asked to do - even though it is right for the service . No big problems really but a bit of an eye opener and hats off to those who do manage teams - it isn't easy. Of course not all manager are easy either. But was a good learning curve today.

euro I get a nausea more now usually at the end of my cycle but also now at cd5-6 maybe sar is right about the hormones, who knows

critter it is actually a a rubber plant but its looking pretty good as a fake xmas tree. An old colleague came in with home made cake which was yummy, 2013 has to be lucky for someone :)

mrsd when you get your BFP how you got it won't matter

sar you are not sad, just human, its totally natural, at least the bad attitude is with the old team and not your new one, hopefully they will be more respectful

Well I have brought myself a new top for the works do on Friday I don't really need it and it is a bit much for a pub dinner but hey I deserve a treat Barry surprised me at dinner last night when he said he had been thinking about adoption and that it would be amazing to give a child a loving home even if it wasn't ours, I had a little tear, I feel we are now both in the same place about all this baby stuff

waves to everyone else

Good evening peeps. Tis quiet on here methinks? Well my period launched herself upon me on my birthday again. After a very odd week of pink on and off spotting, nausea and v sore boobs. Wondering what the hell was going on I did a wee on an opk out of interest and need to piss on anything stick shaped. I got s strong positive. I got my period 12 hours later so am writing the opk theory off as bollocks. I did get rather excited that I might get an extra nice birthday present but alas no, I got period pains instead. At this point I do not expect to ever get pregnant though so it was ok and I had a nice weekend all the same. I really have lost all faith folks and feel deeply in my bones that I will never have my own baby. It is a sad feeling but I'm ok. I feel like ivf and clomid next year will just be drawing a line under things so I can move on knowing I did my best. Not that it is treatment that might get me a baby. Is it only me that is such a pessimist?

sar I almost did a little cry about Fireman Sam. You poor lamb. You will get there. Interesting about the progesterone. I've thought that's my issue forever now. I've always spotted some months 2-3 days before af and not other months. For about ten years now? I've had low ish results and high results. I think lots of months the sequence of events just doesn't fall into place for me. Some months v sore boobs some months none. Anyone got any leftover cyclogest?!

euro gawd about the nausea to get you mentalling. Envious of the sunshine!

mrsd so interesting about the testicle (I know someone with this can't say more). But keep positive, there are sperms and no real known issue on your side - I think ivf will work its magic for you.

madness not long and it will all be behind you. I too went stir crazy thinking I'd get a cold. I didn't though! I hope you've got some big pants at the ready. And some peppermint things too.

lemon what gives with the womble thing? Was it a fibroid or weren't they sure? Remember mine just vanished as mysteriously as it arrived! Hope the stabbing isn't too horrible.

art hoping all is good and snuggly with you.

buzzy in my head you are still in your car - hope you're home!

critter I'm hoping this indicates an egg stretching its arms and coming out!

nelly try not to stress about the hcg and lines on sticks. I'm willing with everything that all is good with the twins.

doll how's it going?

cosmos I have no idea if you are reading but I was thinking of you today. Loves.

I just posted a question to Nigel Slater. Like the actual Nigel. Where is you all. Come out! Nt that I can talk. I'm working like a maniac so I can go leave on Friday for nearly three whole lurrvely weeks. Bring it on!

Hi ladies! Finally found a moment to post?

sar it must be so hard not knowing exactly what?s going on in there. I am sure the op will give you some answers. I too now wonder about post conception issues, with the failed ivf, but try to keep telling myself that it?s just bad lunch. Well done on being a manager. I manage a small team and it really does depend on those you have to manage as to whether it?s fun or not. I?m sure you will do a great job of it. Awww, that?s so sad about you and Mr Sar both crying. Big hugs.

critter a v. belated happy birthday! I do hope the ewcm is your cycle coming back. It?d be ace if the fertility drugs had sorted things out, although I know what you mean about just wanting to get on with it. 2012 has been a pretty shit year for me too, with 2 failed ivfs and some pretty hideous family stuff going on. For the first time ever, I really don?t feel like celebrating the year. Bring on 2013 I say! We got married on the 13th, so I like to think of it as lucky. I predict we?ll all get pregnant on the 13th fred in 2013?

mrsd I was fascinated to read about mr d?s trip to the urologist. So they think it was an undescended testicle, not a hernia op that caused his problems? Dave had problems with his balls when he was a kid and had to see a specialist. He thought it was undescended testicles, but his notes say they were retractable ones. The urologist thought it was unlikely that this caused his sperm issues, but it seems too much of a coincidence and the consultant at the clinic thought it was the likely cause. I don?t understand how such things can cause sperm issues, as aren?t sperms created fresh every 3 months? Maybe the blood vessels are damaged or something. Dave was told that his balls were a bit on the small side (gawd, I hope he never reads this!). He had some genetic tests and the urologist didn?t think it was genetic. Guess it?s more mechanical. That?s really exciting about the scan ? will you start the ivf cycle then, or the cycle afterwards?

euro I?m pleased to hear you had a great holiday . I agree with sar about the nausea being a sign of strong ovulation/post ov hormones.

buzzy I loved your post about eventually winning your baybee. I have been feeling like that recently. I will get my child, even if I have to adopt! Hope you have managed to escape the car.

nelly, I?m here to hold your hand and offer some nigella rocky road! You are doing amazingly well and I have everything crossed. I too thought about peeing on a stick to see the trigger shot 2nd line, but knew it?d make me mental. But I do want to produce a 2 line stick at some point, just to see what it looks like!

joy I wind myself up about events where there are going to be preggo announcements or kids questions. It is such an awful feeling. I think you should get drunk and ignore them, or turn up in a fabulous outfit and make them all jealous of your wonderful child-free life.

madness I?ll be thinking of you on Friday. I was paranoid about getting a pre-ivf cold, meaning I couldn?t be sedated. I was mental with the hang gel/ washing. I?m sure everyone thought I had OCD!

lemons well done on the stabbing. It must be hard managing expectations with this cycle, but you have every chance of it working. When we get to iui. I may have to ask you where you get yours done. I missed your post about the fibroids? I have 2 small ones, but not in the endometrium, so they tell me they won?t affect anthing.

rabbits happy birthday to you too! I hope you did something really lovely and not at all child friendly. Sorry about your period showing, that really is shitty. I too feel like the treatment is a way of trying everything , before moving onto adoption. Every time it doesn?t work for me, I feel the grieving is part of the process of accepting it won?t happen. But there is no reason why it wouldn?t work for you! What did you ask NS?

art I hope all is still well with you. The pessary story made me laugh out loud!

doll I hope you are ok too. Has AF shown yet?

cosmos dear, I don?t know if you?re still reading, but massive hugs. 6 years is a bloody long time and I really do feel for you. I hope to see you back at some point. Your support has been great and it was so lovely to meet you in RL.

Waves to everyone else and sorry for the monster post.

My brother?s wedding was fab in the end. No one asked us about when we?re having kids and I got to wear a short sparkly dress and drink lots of gin and dance to some indie tunes. I?ve been a bit less obsessed with ttc recently, which has been nice. The wedding and Xmas seem to be good distractions. I know I?m going to find January hard though?

I think I?m in the ovulation window at the moment. I do find it so frustrating, as I know there is no point swi-ing, despite my eggs popping and feel like my good eggs are just going down the drain. Dave suggested that we asked for sperms from friends for Christmas!

Anyway, there is some totty on the tv tonight in the form of Michele Roux jnr and snr (and jnr had an IVF baby, he is my hero!) and Simon Reeve, so I?m off to indulge :)

Quick post to gin Sounds like too much of a coincidence for the two things not to be linked, do you know how old he was when it was finally fixed? If corrected before 12 months then they think it's ok, after that is when there can e problems. Dh had a pretty thorough physical exam and all is normal now and where it should be. It must have been corrected, but the damage was already done. He always thought it was an op for a hernia but think it must have been this.

Whoops posted too soon. I meant to say also that it's the sperm making tissues that are damaged so their capacity to make sperm is reduced, the urologist thinks its something to do with an immune response that kills off the tissue.

I think we should start next cycle if all ok with the scan.

I'm going to write a proper post tomorrow, I'm totally knocked and strugg
Ing to keep my eyes open. Waves to everyone,

rabbit I have plenty of cyclogest as I get too much each month, more than happy to share if you want to give it a go, if it works then I'll expect to be god mother

yes I am out of the car, it was because of staff shortages, I have made it clear to the community team that I will help if short staffed and only then, at Dave's xmas suggestion, I too am reaching shag week although Barry and I are busy so trying to find the right time to be together is proving to be a challenge glad you are feeling more positive about getting your baby

Thanks buzzy. I know what you mean about finding time to sech!

mrsd that's really interesting, thanks. I'm not sure how old Dave was, but certainly over 12 months, as he can remember it. Apparently for a while when he was a kid and went to the drs, he'd automatically drop his pants, no matter what!

I think it just corrected itself, I'm not sure they do ops for retractable testicles. Dave was told sumo wrestles can retract them, to prevent them being grabbed.

Urgh, all this talk of balls is making me slightly sick. I really don't like them! There's certainly no tea bagging in the gin household (and it'd prob kill the 2 remaining sperm)!

I've managed to have a quick read but really no time to reply to everyone. But rabbit special belated birthday hugs and Oh Em Gee and I can't believe the witch got you AGAIN. Especially not after the cruel OPK test. Have buckets of .

I POAS last night (no idea what I thought bedtime pee was going to do for me) and again it was white, except I still think you can see where the line should be - but you really really really have to look for it. Anyway if I get up early enough tomorrow I might do another one. At least there has been no spotting so far but even writing that makes me nervous. I know it doesn't look like it but 99% of the time I'm not thinking about it! But the other 1% is freaking me out a little. I think I confused you all though as the test day is actually Friday, I just meant that if it's still white by Thursday it's a probable fail. Dammit I wished I'd pee'd on the stick last week and seen the double line!

On the other hand, I am craving wine. So there will be a consolation, in the shape of a hangover.

I'm sorry I can't keep up with everyone. I'm off work at the end of this week though for what my boss says is like forever .

Oh I forgot, we had sex last night! It was properly fun, and the hormones have done good things with both my CM and my sex drive . Mr Nelly was very pleased.

wonder if sechs as an old married couple will be as fun

Oh Rabbit I can't believe ERTD found your birthday again . That's not fair. Glad it didn't spoil the whole thing though.

Gin the wedding sounds great. Amused at Dave's Christmas list! at the teabagging comment. I think balls are a mixture of cute and comic, but I wouldn't tell Mr A that

Madness only one more day to wait... will be thinking of you on Friday and hoping this op makes a real difference for you. Try not to worry about the weight thing - you are within normal range and what you see as the extra 10lb is probably helpful for ttc. I am at the lower end of normal and the embryologist told me to put a bit on (though I probably shouldn't have taken that as license to eat cake ) Hoping you've avoided colds etc - I'm sure you have. I was similarly paranoid that I would get a cold and not be allowed to have EC but of course that didn't happen.

Joy I don't blame you for not wanting to go to Roy's family do. I hope the A*s don't materialise. I never found a way of dealing with nosey questions. At the beginning we just said 'not yet' but clearly as my 30s dragged on that was not a good excuse. I wish I had the guts to say 'none of your fecking business'.

Rabbit and Sar interesting stuff on the progesterone. I am grateful for it. I just got the bill for my last cyclogest prescription, they are less than £1 each so if you can get hold of some it might be worth trying post-ov. Sar it's probably a good thing that you and your DH can be sad together. It's far better than hiding your feelings from each other and pretending you are OK, that just bites you on the bum later

Rabbit what was the Nigel Slater question? And did he reply?!

Buzz hurrah for the new top, enjoy the works do . Glad you and Mr B are thinking along the same lines.

Teu I'm sure you'll get to make clothes for your own small person soon. It will be the best dressed baby around!

Lemon sorry for stabbing related bad moods. How are the follies doing now?

Euro glad you had a good holiday, hope you're adjusting to the cold - not that I am, winter is my least favourite time of year.

Critter I'm liking the sound of party tail feather styling! And Christmas treats. Don't fear the number 13, I have high hopes of it being a good year for the 10plussers

Doll how are you? Out 'in the field' or taking time out to recuperate? Hope you're feeling OK whatever. Is there much of a Christmas vibe where you are?

Mrsden really interesting that your DH's sperm issues were caused by lack of treatment as a child. I had no idea issues like that could cause permanent damage if they weren't addressed. But ICSI may be the solution for you. For me, I couldn't believe I was going into IVF either but now it's over I don't give a damn about how we conceived, I am just grateful we did. TBH I don't think Mr A feels quite the same about it but i am hoping that will change over time. I found Sar's advice to just go into it with an open heart, and the 'one day at a time' mantra, really helpful.

Nelly keeping everything crossed for POAS day. I know what you mean about wanting to ensure the trigger hormones were clear, then you'll be able to trust the final result. How are you feeling?

I'm a bit of all the sechsing. Well done ladies. I haven't dared - and I am not sure that progesterone residue dripping down my leg adds quite the right sexy vibe . I got the grumpy nurse at today's appointment and forgot to ask her if shagging was OK now as I was told not to during the 2ww. I shall stick to waving sparkly knobs but not at Mr A, that would scare him to death.

Well I went for that interview and got the work... I think it's manageable. I need to do it really as my maternity fund is looking a bit thin. I would rather do work now than later! Self employment has been a godsend through all the IVF appointments and has meant I could avoid the hassle of colleagues knowing but now I'm looking at essentially months of unpaid leave it's a bit less appealing.

I had the viability scan this morning. I was terrified they were going to tell me there was nothing there, but I could see a blob, attached to a thing the size of a grain of rice, and a little flickering pulse on the screen that she said was the heartbeat. Despite the fact that it looked like nothing you would recognise as a baby it was definitely a wow moment. There is only one thankfully! I would have coped with twins but one definitely lowers the risk. Finally it might start to feel real - it hasn't so far as I have no real symptoms other than endless hunger and sore boobs. I have another scan in 3 weeks. I still don't feel out of the woods - my mc was later than this point - and all the monitoring is a bit anxiety making but I would be anxious anyway so am grateful they are keeping a close check.

I hope you don't mind me continuing to lurk. I don't feel ready for the grads thread yet (and can't actually seem to find it ). But mainly I just bloody love you lot and I want to keep up with how you're all doing. Once a 10plusser, always a 10plusser

Quick post as am still trying to get paper done at work and procrastinating like mad.

rabbit - that is really upsetting but also really weird that you got a strong positive on the opk and then your period. Do you think it could be a chemical? It sounds eerily similar to what happened to euro. It definitely sounds like something happened this month. I'm so sorry that the witch got you on your birthday - that must have been so rotten especially after all the symptoms.

art how amazing that you saw a heartbeat. Aw, I'm so happy for you, although can understand that you'd want to be cautious. But this really is amazing. And it sounds like you didn't get the buy one get one free, which is the less risky outcome, so that is good news. On the MrA front - when the baby arrives, he will fall head over heels and won't give a monkeys about how it arrived. Open heart, open heart. You have fought for your little one and went through so much to get to this moment, and he or she will be all the more special and magical for how wanted he/she was. Also congratulations on the job - really well done.

nelly massive hand hold for Friday and congratulations on the sff - I can't begin to imagine how nerve-wracking this 2ww is for you. I have everything crossed for a good result.

sar Oh I am so sorry about the Fireman Sam tears. It's just awful. And so totally shit that you and your DH are still going through this horrible limbo. I obviously have no medical training, but in my head that's how I guess I've divided the conception issues up, to pre and post conception woes. Right now, for instance, I know I have pre-conception problems, but have no idea if I will have post-conception issues as well. Sorry, I hope I haven't confused things further and given you more stuff to worry about. I hope at least that your op gives you some answers. I'm super impressed that you're managing a team - I did a management course on my birthday and it was fascinating - a light bulb moment for me was that delegation actually required work, that you shouldn't view it as passing off stuff you don't have time to do, but have to actually put in effort to it - and that as a result you should allocate less time to doing your own work. It makes sense, but I'd never thought of management being a job in and of itself, iyswim.

gin at teabagging. Also, wow about the sumo wrestlers with retractable balls. I love your positivity about 2013, I have high hopes for it too for all of us. It's funny, I remember this time last year I was lurking on the thread and I wouldn't have believed I'd be internet pals with you all a year later. You've made this year so much easier for me. Hurrah for short sparkly dresses and late night dancing to indie tunes. Sounds like just what the doctor ordered.

buzzy the new top sounds great, clothes always cheer me up! And it's amazing that you and MrB are on the same page.

Well, my EWCM has dried up but I don't see any difference in my Rocky Mountain chart. MrC was away this week anyway for work, so even if it was ovulation, it wouldn't be a golden egg. I think now that even if I have ovulated, I'd be tempted to charge on with IVF in January (although I bet MrC would prefer that we wait six months) as I'm so sick of waiting and not knowing 'what's going on inside my pants', in the immortal words of R Kelly that I've quoted here before. I clearly need to man up! I'm researching recipes for our office annual holiday cookie contest. Anyone got any failsafe wins on the Christmas front?

Evening all. Really sorry for not name checking but I have been out of the loop for a few days and can't remember everything that I've just read.

Definitely want to say that I'll be thinking of you too nelly on Friday xx

Went away for a course yesterday - which thankfully was quite good - but was followed by cancelled flights and treks back and forth across London, a night in a hotel and a very long train ride back. Not exactly resting prior to the op! Trying to drown myself in ginger tea, eating my favourite takeaway and going to bed early. Sore throat is lingering and am terrified of postponed surgery. I feel like a broken record but can't stop obsessing about it . The evil google said that they often recommend postponing because if it's a throat infection it might spread the infection to the lungs and slow your recovery...... Just need to try to rest and stay positive I guess. Thank you all for being so understanding. Hopefully come Saturday I can switch to being more supportive instead of self-centred.

madness just wanted to say I'm so sorry that your sore throat is still hanging around. You still have 36 hours for it to go away - keep drinking that ginger tea! I'm sorry that you have this added stress on top of the worry of the operation itself. Try to get an early night, maybe MrM could make you a nice hot water bottle. And maybe some chicken soup?

Rabbit sorry to hear about AF, but I hope you managed to enjoy your birthday otherwise.

Nelly sff eh? Get you.

madness sorry about the lingering sore throat. How annoying.

I've only just got in from work, so I'm not even going to attempt to namecheck everyone. I'm far too shattered!

I am still having weird stuff happening - mega PMT now, way too early!

So I think I oved last Thursday
Saturday I started feeling nauseous but put it down to the sea plane plus junk food whilst travelling.
Sunday still a bit nauseous and off my food
Monday still nauseous
Tuesday really quite badly nauseous, only just holding it together. Thought it must be a stomach upset but no evidence of this at the other end! Big blobs of CM.
Wednesday morning woke up to zero nausea. In the afternoon, my boobs started hurting pretty suddenly. A couple of hours after that I get my usual "period is imminent" PMT symptoms - mild shivery cramps, a feeling like my cervix is opening, anxious.

All v odd. I'm only 6dpo ffs. It's way to early for this! I am wavering between menkulling and worrying that my cycle has gone to pot!

Is it worth poas euro? It does sound odd, but strange things happen on holidays!

Thanks for replying to my menkulling mrsd. I'm 6dpo! It's far too early. It's far too early for PMS too!

I don't know what is going on. I don't usually symptom spot (because I know my cycle really well and what is normal) but this cycle and the one before have been completely off the wall. And I never feel sick apart from motion sickness and severe food poisoning (9 times out of 10 food poisoning goes the other way with me - it has to be really bad to want to come up!). It's all terribly od!

I have my appointment at Create in the morning. Maybe they can figure out wtf is going on.

Hmmm, your last cycle was strange too wasn't it? Was you last period normal? Are you positive you're only 6 dpo? I think I'd be tempted to poas, just to rule it out if this snt normal for you.

Hello all, sorry yes I'm way way way out in the mud. I'm following all the talk and I'm sorry I've been crap. nelly I'm with you and waiting, art your news is just great. You are diffed for Christmas, I would be completely out of my mind, I can't imagine. Much love to you. euro sorry for all the craziness, so hard I'm sure. I've missed birthdays and a lot more and I'm sorry. I'm deep in the mud now, wishing I was diffed here but not all surprised that I'm not. Just wanted to check in to say I've been reading and wishing for the whole 10+ gang. Loves to all. gin it's like the whole Homelands deal, headscarfs, guns, the works... I have an end in sight though..leave for Christmas next week, back to the UK to see family. Holy shit, one more week... I really do think of everyone, everyday. X