TooMuchLaptop - finally I am able to sit down and log-on properly, but now I'm so very tired I'm not sure what I even want to say! (please forgive me if this is a rambling incoherent post)
I guess I just want to say that I think I understand at least some of what you are feeling. Like you I spent years thinking I would only have one child, so it is very surreal to now be ttc. I had a real moment of gut-wrenching panic last night when I suddenly got overwhelmed by the thought "what if I have missed my chance to have another." I can't bear the idea that after DP and I finally make the decision to go for it, we may be too late - it would be such a cruel irony after all the mental anguish and deliberations we've put ourselves through.
I too have worries over having another child and our income, size of house, my career (or lack of) etc. I have been out of the profession i qualified in for so long that I will need to retrain if I'm ever going to get back into meaningful employment. I worry that I am wasting my potential and another 5 years as a SAHM will eat away at my self-confidence entirely.
I have concerns over the possible negative impact on DP and I's relationship a baby could have. The arrival of DD hit us both hard and we were very distant from each other for a long time. DP works long hours and we don't have family nearby, so all the stresses and strains of caring for another child would fall squarely on my shoulders.
The prospect of returning to the baby-stage is both exciting and daunting in equal measure. DD is now at an age where I can easily go to the loo and have a bath on my own, leave her in a room on her own without worrying and I can even cook a meal without interruption. The independence is wonderful. It is scary remembering what it was like when I felt that I just couldn't get anything done and I had to keep a constant eye on her.
I have concerns over the physical side of things too. I have a prolapsed uterus (mild/moderate) and worry about the strain of another pregnancy and birth.
But, at the same time, I cannot stop thinking about having another child and I know that if I don't go for it (even if stopping at one is the 'sensible' thing to do) I will always have this huge "what if.." gnawing away me. It's totally bonkers but I sort of feel like my second child is already 'out there' and he/she is just waiting to be conceived.
I too worry a ridiculous amount - imaging the worst case scenario is like a self-protection mechanism. However, there is a lot of truth in the saying that "worry is interest paid on trouble before it becomes due" (one of my dear old Gran's favourites)
Anyway, what I am trying to say is that you're not alone in how you are feeling and I hope this thread can act as a bit of a sounding board for your thoughts and offer a bit of support.
Oh, I think you could take folic acid every day for the rest of your life and it wouldn't do any harm (don't you just pee out any that your body doesn't need?
Had a crazy broody lady moment today - brought a gorgeous wooden jigsaw (for age 2+) to hide away in my wardrobe for the future. Honestly my DP would be [shocked] if he knew the extent of my madness..