Rainbow Babies. Making it through the storm, missing our Angels, loving and hoping for Rainbows.

[RainboxFX]

A shiny new thread in memory of our angels. To bring us all BFPs, sticky beans and healthy happy Rainbows.

meant to say as well, green we can be scan buddies on Tuesday :) Hoping all goes well love xx

Hello everyone, can I rejoin? I did pop in in October, but not had much to say although I have been lurking since then, and keeping up to speed !
I must say what a lovely bunch of ladies you all are, I love reading your posts,and seeing how much support you give each other. I haven't posted since October, but just reading your posts helps. I am on the clomid thread , its my 3rd cycle, with no success yet.

notso we are always here if you need to rant or let off steam.

rainbox I would be freaking out in your position too. I hope you find some peace in the nest few days untill your next scan, if not don't beat yourself up about it, pregnancy after the death of our babies is always going to be hard, we know the worst that can happen and it feels that nothing good can happen to us ever again. Just remember angel mantra 'today I am pregnant'

mumulah waves how you doing? How many cycles of clomid are you on. I'm a clomid baby, my biological father was given it to improve his sperm count, not sure if its still given to men.

Sorry mumulah I see that you said three, fx that it works really soon.

RAINBOX... Is tuesday feeling like its forever away for you too? I know you know these things anyway, but I have bled on and off through all my pregnancies (except this one so far, not sure what that means!) It didn't stop me panicking every time, but didn't seem to be a sure sign of problems really either. I am hoping the time passes quickly for us both and it's all good on Tuesday.

MUMALAH...good to have you back with us!

FAN... I hope your birthday went well for you?

WTW... You almost made me cry... Hand holding much appreciated!
I am also sorry to hear about your friends. I have found that I am aware of this kind of grief and loss around me so much more since loosing Merryn, and it's just so sad so many families have to suffer in this way. I was buying asprin the other day, and had to explain I was pregnant, then the lady asked about whether I had kids, and after saying about my three, she told me she had also lost a little girl, so many people in so much pain.

As for me, as Angel once said... Today I am pregnant, but to be honest, I've been pregnant for most of the last 2.5 years, so I'm not equating that with much! I've not bled this time, yet. This is unusual for me, but it's still early days. I don't know what to expect on Tuesday, I think I may fall off the table if there is actually a baby with a heartbeat in here! If there isn't, I'm not sure I know how to get up and dust myself down again, it's all just getting a bit much now, I guess after Merryn I can cope though. She's taught me that I'm stronger than I think.
We have a friends horses on the field right now and today while i was sneaking them carrots I had a sob into one of their necks. Its just such a beautiful creature, with big soulful eyes, and great at hugs! How hormonally crazy is that!

green hugs to you, I think I will feel the same next time I am pg, I won't believe and even if I did I will not believe it will stick. Totally understanable to cry into the neck of a horse, animals eyes do seam all knowing sometimes

I'm a little upset this morning, my good friend at work was diagnosed with cervical cancer, and its not looking good at the moment she's having more laser treatment today but it looks like she might have to have a hysterectemy. She's 30 really wants kids, and it doesn't look like its going to happen for her. Made me think well that could be me, I have to be thankfull that I am healthy and I have had Fi.

Oh fan, I'm so sorry for your friend, that is really sad news. Sometimes, however sad we are (and quite rightly so), it is important for us to think about what we have got/had - that means all our Angels as well as other stuff. For as much as i wish that what happened, hadn't (if that makes sense), I'm so glad that I carried Nancy and we have her and our memories. I wouldn't be without that, even though I wish so much things were different xx

I'm sorry for your friends too wtw - there is just too much sadness.

Will be thinking of you both green and rainbox for your scans on Tuesday. I have to say that it does get slightly easier once you can hear the heartbeat (I had weekly MW appointments from 16 weeks for reassurance) and particularly once you can feel movements, but it's still so difficult to believe it's true and that we will actually get to take our babies home with us this time.

I am on the countdown to 24 weeks and 'viability', although can't help thinking that if the worst did happen after that, it would be classed as a stillbirth rather than a late miscarriage - I know that sounds really negative, but I am scared to get excited or think too positively, just in case.

Hello lovely ladies

Thinking of green and rainbox especially in the run up to scans. I hope they are good news and wonderful magical moments for both of you xx rainbox just to add to the experiences people have shared, I bled with Freya at 10 and a bit weeks, just a few days after my first scan. It was only a little bit but was proper red and totally scary. She is here and fine. Hoping the same will be true for you. I dimly remember reading at the time that it's a common time for bleeding in pregnancy (9-11 weeks ish) as your placenta is taking over/implanting or something?? It reassured me anyway!

elly I remember very vividly those few weeks around 20-24 of pg, and what you say about after 24 weeks it would be classed stillbirth not late mc resonates - that was so very much in my mind having had a late mc. Somehow after 24 weeks I felt more "protected" - just knowing there was that cushion of guaranteed mat leave so no pressure to be back to work in a matter of just a few weeks gave me a load of peace of mind. So bloody horrible having to phone GPs receptionists 2 weeks after your baby's death and try and explain through tears why you need an extension to your sick note... and hoping you get someone with some compassion and sympathy. Gah. So glad you are feeling the movements now, they are fab

fan that is terrible for your friend So sorry. You are right, we are all so blessed already to have been priviledged to have had our angel babies. I feel so very very lucky to also have Freya, I never take her for granted. Bobbie has taught me how precious Freya is.

angel oh no, disaster re Ant's job. That is such a bummer. Lots of luck to him for his search xx

Love to all, being called by DH to get madam out of the bath so he can have a bit of a soak in peace! xx

Fan, so sorry about your friend. Its just not 'safe' this living business, so many horrible things can and do happen. I think having Merryn has very much taught me to appreciate the value of my life and my loved ones, it's so fragile isn't it?

Angel.. How are you and Ant? You sound very brave! Hopefully he will find something he soon...

Elly, even with my boys I remember the 24 week mark as a big target.... You are almost there... I set the line at 28 weeks after that, but I don't remember why!

Spilt... Oh, it's so lovely having baths with little ones! (although never hot enough)! I remember those days well!

I am becoming more and more of a nervous wreck, I just keep crying. The trouble is this time I feel very pregnant, and I really think there might be a baby inside, so if there isn't on Tuesday it's going to floor me properly, I don't have any reserves left. I really hope it's ok.

Also, today is Merryns 9 month day. Jacob stood up for the first time when he was that age, I cant believe shed be that strong and chunky... She was such a little dot of a baby! Miss you my love. Xx

green life is very fragile, we know that more than others, and your really feeling that now more than ever. I am here to hold you hand. Pregnancy after what we have been through is so tough, no time for relaxing, be gentle with yourself.

green just wanted to say aswell that I have been in exactly the same situ as you and I said the same things, whatever happens you will get through it. You are a very strong lady, you have raised what sound like two amazingly rounded young men. Much love to you.

Fan... Just thank you lovely lady. I hope I can do the same for you very soon. I hate that you have to know how this feels, but I also wonder whether I would have got to this point without the support of you and the others on here, it's held me above water so many times.... Thank you. (and, yes, the boys are amazing.... Much more sorted than their Mum!) x

RAINBOX... Is all well? I hope you are holding up and distracting yourself as much as possible. We are staying up late with our older boy and having a Harry Potter film fest tonight with popcorn. (just finished last book). Can't wait to turn my brain off for a while, today has been a year long!

Almost through today... Tommorow we are tree planting, so I will be tired out, and then only Monday to get through..... Getting there!

green its a testament to you that they are. Harry potter fest sounds awesome, rainbox I too hope you are well, or as well as to be expected, it probaby feels too far away, tuesday for the both of you.

Had a baby dream last night, was a little strange, baby was very small and the doctors put her in a sugar bag with sugar in it and passed her back to me. Very strange.

How was everyones weekend?

Morning all. Still spotting here (but a very small amount and very brown blood). Really hoping that this is a good sign and nothing is wrong but I am so knackered with anxiety. I know some women bleed all the way through, I really hope I am not one of those! We went to see Les Mis yesterday to take our minds off things, really enjoyed it. But it is so sad! I was a bit embarrased about quite how much I was sobbing, til I noticed the big burly man sitting next to me was just as bad! (Not DH, he has a heart of stone as far as movies are concerned!)

How are you holding up Green? One more sleep. Your weekend sounds lovely, it does sound like you have a wonderful family. Thinking about you and will have everything crossed for tomorrow. What time are you in if you don't mind me asking? Mine is at 4:30. I really sympathise with the fear. I didn't believe I would get pregnant again, and I can't believe this will last and I will have a baby. With Dexter by this time I felt I knew him as a little person, if you see what I mean. This time round I am scared to bond at all.

FAN I am so sorry to hear about your friend. What awful news. An exBF of mine's mother had cervical cancer, and has made a full recovery and been given as close to an all clear as you can get, but it is a scary time. And she did have to have a hysterectimy. I really hope your friend does not need to have one. I do think with younger women they try to avoid that whenever possible. You are right though, it hurts all the time, but we are lucky to have known our angels.

Spilt thank you for the reassurance! I know it is really common, and usually fine, and I am just cringing inside at making such a fuss over this! Pregnancy is a terrifying experience at the best of times! It really does help hearing about positive outcomes though. I am so grateful to have you guys to talk to, especially since not many people in RL know yet.

Elly thinking about you. Even first time round 24 weeks was an enormous deal for us. I always knew pregnancy after Dexter would be hard, but I didn't realise quite how hard, I am sure you are the same after Nancy. I know what you mean about thinking the worst though, I don't think we can help it. I feel awful admiting it, but if something is going to go wrong, I wish it would happen now and not later. I want this pregnancy more than anything, and I know MC must be devastating, but I don't know if I could go through what we did with Dexter again. SO guilty.

mumulah hello again! Wishing you every luck with the clomid. I have heard such positive things about it. And I have learnt something today from Fan, I never knew men could take it for sperm production! Everyday is like a school day!

We have about 4 inches of snow up here in about an hour this morning. It's beautiful, because I can stay on my comfy warm sofa and look at it, I don't have to go outside!

Wishing us all peaceful days xx

Fan, that is a very odd dream! I tend not to have baby dreams, I used to long for them, but now I think it would upset me too much... Thank you for holding me above water these past few days...

RAINBOX... I was just thinking about you! Jealous of your snow... We never get any here, it's rubbish!
My scan is at 10.30, they only just phoned to confirm. I am worried by how hopeful I am, not sure that's a good idea! I completely agree that I'd rather it went wrong now if it's going to though, I would never wish on anyone what my little girl went through, so I don't feel bad about that. But I do feel guilty about not wanting to bond/ believe in this baby, it can't help how scared I am! With my two boys I had such certainty I was having a baby, I was so happy and excited, this time it's just fear, lots of gut twisting fear.
It must be a good sign that your bleed is tailing off and brown... It's rubbish that it can't just be straightforward.
I don't think I'll go to see Les Mis, I need no excuse to sob right now! Happy escapist rubbish is all I can manage right now. It's a shame, because I was keen to see it... Maybe I'll risk it!
My fingers are crossed very tightly for you tomorrow, I really hope it's good news for you. Xxx

Hi to everyone else, it quiet on here these days, maybe that's a good thing, I don't know. I hope you are all ok, or as much as possible anyway.

Well, I am crapping myself a little! I hate this, I really hate it. I'm just so tired of being scared and out of control. My heads splitting!

green there nothing really I can say that will help, is Dh with you tonight? What time is your appointment? Is there anything that you can do to make the time pass quicker? Watch some crap telly? I wish I could help you pass the time. I am here to chat if you want to.

green hugs from me too. the waiting and uncertainty is awful. Thinking about you extra hard and will have everything crossed for tomorrow x

Thinking of you Lovely ladies! X

Good luck Green & Rainbow xxx
Hi all... Hope all are ok & surviving the awful weather? It's crap for travelling to & from work!!! Hope this week passes quickly & with all my body parts intact. Been dead busy at work ... Nice chilled weekend. Ant attending interviews ++ so fx something happens soon.
Can t wait for next weekend for payday & we re away for the weekend !!! Yippee ...childless ,just me & the hubby... Will be first time we ve left Phebs overnight... Eek... However, looking foreward, big time, to a sleep filled rest!!!!
Right, off to bed; shattered ... Good luck scanners tomorrow... It's incredibly hard but it can be done & survived at the other side!!! Xxxxxx

Will be thinking of you at 10.30am and 4.30pm Green and Rainbox I remember the pre-scan nerves so so well xx

Evening all

Green & Rainbox: Good luck for tomorrow I will be thinking of you both xxx

Whatever: So sorry about your friends baby losses.......its so unfair xxx

Fan: You too, thinking of your friend, it reminds us how lucky we are despite our losses we still have hope. I feel so lucky to have had 3 beautiful children even if my meeting with 'A' was all too brief xx

Mumlah: Welcome back xxx

Angel: Fingers crossed for Ants interviews, great to hear your gonna get some time alone xx

Kliene: Thinking of you, hope your ok xxxx
Waves to everyone else thinking of you all

Thinking of green and rainbox today. Praying for wriggling, jumping beans. X

Hi everyone, I've had a busy few days and haven't been online much. But have just had a quick read and wanted to send green and rainbox lots of love and hope so very much that today brings good news for you both. I know it's terrifying. Thinking of you both and will check back later xx
Also thinking of elly as you approach 24 weeks, you really sound like you're coping with the HUGE levels of stress so well...
blizy any news on dates for the investigations?
fan I too am so sorry to hear about your friend. One of our friends is also very poorly, and it's just so sad and horrifying.
Big hug to babyh, how are you doing?
Hi to everyone else! Hope you are all ok. Busy here, and trying to figure out work plans too. I was self-employed - kind of! Long story - before falling pg, but DH and I are currently trying to decide what's best for now.
Love to all xx