Rainbow Babies. Making it through the storm, missing our Angels, loving and hoping for Rainbows.

[RainboxFX]

A shiny new thread in memory of our angels. To bring us all BFPs, sticky beans and healthy happy Rainbows.

Hello ladies

First of all can I offer my congratulations to miasmum for the safe arrival of Finn, well done my lovely. I hope you are enjoying your baby cuddles.

Also congrats to rainbox what excellant news, fx for an uneventful pg.

Also I'm so sorry poppet I wish you were not going through this, please if you need someone to talk to or ask a question about it then please email me.

Thank you all so much for your thoughts and kind words, it really means a lot. I am feeling better, I've had a long chat with DH and we have resolved some things and got something straight and out in the open. Also he told me off for trying to be a saint, of course I can feel jealous it doesn't make me a bad person.

I will read back the last two weeks worth of posts and post more later.

Love to all.

Hi Fan nice to see u xxx
Kleine sorry you re having a crap time , no platitudes just empathy xxxxxx hope stuff improves soon for u xxx
BabyH xxx
Blue hope L's ok? Xxx
Wtw how's Holly? Xx
Blizty how are you? Xx
Hi all , had a fab weekend in Bruges & catching up with friends today. So nice I ve got a lovely family ; really special... Phebs loved all the attention ... Grh... Back to work tomorrow though...
Love to all xxxx

Huge congrats to Miasmum xxxx Finn is totally gorgeous ... So happy for u all .. Kisses for Mia & u all xxx

Rainbox you sound just like me two years ago. I had started back at work 2 weeks before I got my BFP in early December and was on a phased return and doing about 3 days a week. Heavy lifting and chemicals. I decided to tell work after Christmas too and go very gently beforehand, so I told at about 8 weeks - had to by then I was really sicky! I would be breaking down 14kg boxes into at least 5 contingents personally. To be honest I hated having to do the lifting when I knew I was pg and with hindsight would have been better to tell them straightaway, as it made me so anxious. If it gives you any confidence, everyone at work, boss included, was really chuffed for me, I hope they are for you too. It would be outrageous of them to be miffed because it was inconvenient after all you have just been through.

blizy what's doing with you my dear? Have you booked to see the doc about the cycle disruption? Any sign of AF?

fan lovely to see you, have missed you, glad you've had a good time to talk with DH and he is right, you don't have to be a saint at all, look after you xx

Kleine xxxx 6 months is a hard milestone, so long and yet no time at all. Let the grief carry you, sometimes you really have to crash and hit a very dark point before you can start to have some easier days again, and trying to prematurely lift yourself up is counterproductive and makes you feel even worse. Big hugs to you and DH, put yourselves first, we are all sending you love xx I'm glad you aren't in pain and have no cysts.

Huge congrats to mias. Your little biy sounds adorable. And congrats to rainbox too.

Sorry not to be on here much recently. New job plus full time working is proving to be knackering. I'm ow 20+1. Getting lots of movement but still panicking whenever it stops! Anomaly scan is booked for Monday 17th dec, so that's the next step DH and I are aiming for. Today I am pregnant.

Hope everyone else is doing OK, especially kleine.

Congratulations Mias. So very pleased for you all. Finn is beautiful.

Babyh & Rainbox - my scan is on Friday morning at 8.45am so 2 days to go. Excited and terrified at the same time!

Fan & Kleine - so nice to hear from you both. Hope you're looking after yourselves.

Blue - so glad L is better. Bless her.

Feel absolutely shattered tonight for some reason! Another early night, me thinks!

Take care everyone, xx

Just a line to thank you all for your lovely wishes over the past few days, they are very special and generous-hearted of you all. Finn and I are at home again, and MrMia and I are learning about him. But while wonderful, it's also so hard - we spent last night being awake in turn, as he is still clearing mucus from his body, and can't properly cough it up, which is very scary. Part of the legacy of loss...

Hope you aren't cracking up too far little, not long now til the scan!

Mias so glad you are home, it must be so special. I remember the mucousy puking well, it's scary isn't it.

Feel surprisingly calm at the moment spilt. Think I've already done all the cracking up! Now just waiting til tomorrow morning to see what happens. Have taken today and tomorrow off work as can't concentrate. DH and I are going to do some DIY around the hosue today to keep us occupied (well I should say DH will be doing some DIY while I supervise, lol! ).

Glad you're home mias.

Glad your back home mias, and I hope Finn's mucus clears very soon.

Glad your scan is tomorrow little, will be thinking of you. Good luck too amy for your scan on 17th. Mine is on 21st Dec, but am having weekly midwife appointments to listen to the heartbeat which is reassuring.

fan, hi! Nice to 'see' you again. Your DH is absolutely right - you don't need to be a saint, it jealousy is normal. Glad you & DH had good talks - it can help sometimes.

kleine, just big hugs really. Have been thinking about you lots. Take care xxx

How are you feeling rainbox?

How are you doing blizy? Have you spoken to GP about your AD's? I remember when I first started taking mine they mucked my cycle up for the first couple of months, which really wasn't helpful.

Has anyone had snow yet?

to everyone else.

So lovely to hear from you Mias Yes to mucousy coughing for the first week or so Holly was like that. It's worse in c-sec babies as they haven't had it squeezed out through the birth canal. I won't tell you to relax because 4 months in I still haven't but the ultra nervousness of the really newborn days has now passed! As you say, the legacy of loss. Don't be surprised if you feel lots of grief stirring up in the next few weeks, more so than 'normal' I mean. Your hormones are all over the place and quite rightly Finn will bring back so many memories of a newborn Mia. I found (amd still do) the conflicting joy and sadness reallly quite hard. Just go with it and be gentle with yourself and if you're not feeling up to a tonne of visitors do say. How are you feeling physically after the section? Tea tree oil in your bath is good for the scar healing. Lots of love to you, MrMia, Finn and
of course big sister Mia xxx

Fan lovely to 'see' you my friend. Looking forward to seeing you in a few weeks at Holly's christening. Knotty is coming too Wish everyone was local so you could all come!

Little good luck for your scan tomorrow xx

I heard the lovely lovely news today that a lady from my sands group is 12 weeks pregnant. She lost her first dd in April 2011 at 39 weeks and has had 2 early (6-7 week) miscarriages so she is feeling cautiously optimistic. Feeling a bit panicked about organising the christening and then immediately after Christmas! I must be mad. Too how did you end up including Thea in Maia's christening? We are having it in the same church where Katie was christened and also where Erin's funeral was. I'm going to be a mess I know it!!

Sorry not to namecheck everyone - stupid iPhone app keeps crashing!! Love to all xxxxx

Evening ladies

Not finding much time to post at the moment it's such a busy time of year for everyone.

Little: Hope everything goes ok tomorrow xxx

Kliene: thanks for the huge hugs.......hugging you back....take care of yourself xxxx

Elly: Glad your being looked after with weekly appointments with the midwife xxxx

Fan: Lovely 2 see you back. Remember your only human and all the emotions your feeling are normal xxxxx

Mia's: Hope your not stressing too much over your beautiful boy. Easy for me to say sitting on the sidelines........I hope the mucas clears soon.....he's absolutely gorgeous xxxx

Whatever: lovely news about your friend from sands it gives hope to us all praying for a rainbow. I was blessed really quickly with my 3 children (even though 'A' didn't make it) but now I appear to be struggling :( I know there are lots of people who have been waiting a hell of a lot longer....but for me and I feel selfish saying it.....5 months feels like forever. In relation to the christening....do you have particular colours that remind you of Erin? Could you put some kind of little momento on the tables...maybe with all 3 of your girls names on something like the beautiful decoration that BLUE had and you could tie balloons to them for centre pieces. Just a thought xxxx

Angel:Glad you had a lovely break xxx

Nothing to report here. GP cancelled my appointment yesterday que floods of tears..... rearranged for Monday. Trying to keep busy organising 'A's headstone. It's ordered now and will hopefully arrive sometime in January so we just need to think about the wording now!

Just before I sign off I wanted to remind all of you lovely ladies who are expecting (including Rainbox, Little Amy Elly) that 'TODAY YOU ARE PREGNANT. Sleep well and enjoy your little ones growing inside you xxxx

Night night xxx

Good luck today little x

Good luck today little, thinking about you and sending positive vibes x

One of the ladies on my ante-natal thread has just lost her baby - her waters broke at 15+3 and she gave birth at home a couple of days ago at 17 weeks. I'm so sorry for her and her DH. Yet another mum who may be joining us at some point in the future :(

You are all so supportive, just want to thank you all - this place is so important to me, to be able to talk to you all, and listen to you about these feelings, fears and worries.

I hope that Holly's christening is perfect wtw - sure it will be, however you decide to remember E within it xx

Oh no Elly. It's so heartbreaking and shouldn't be allowed to happen.

On a lighter note. Thanks for all your support and your positive vibes have very much worked. All was well at scan today. Little wriggler wasn't playing ball for nuchal test though so had to wiggle my bum around to get it to move positions! Very bizarre moment!! Looked like it was sucking it's thumb at one point!

I am now slightly bemused by my consultant however. When we had the appointment with him after the mc, he said that there was an infection present but that it had not probably caused the mc - probably got in after my waters broke. We were lucky enough to have a meeting with one of his team today after the scan who had apparently looked through my notes with the consultant. Although I had a swab tested a few weeks ago and no infection was present, they have given me antibiotics to be on the safe side as they think that it was probably the infection that had caused the mc!! When I stated that the consultant hadn't said that before, she did state that it was a chicken and egg scenario, so they are going to scan me again at 16 weeks to check my cervix to see if it is holding up ok. No idea springs to mind!

At least that's only 3 weeks to wait though on 28th Dec and then I have my 20 week scan on 25th Jan.

Hurrah little great news glad scan went well xxx
Elly poor woman unfortunately we know the pain + some ... Life is crap sometimes... Xxx
Hi all : hope u re all ok? Thank god it's the weekend... Just been out for tea with an old friend I hadn t seen for 4 years ( we had a disagreement over triva 4 years ago & I bumped in to her on a night out 3 months ago ) had a fab time catching up , though a dry time as driving so next night out we re reliving our youth & lashing it up on the wine!!! However, nice night , she listened to every word about my Georgie ( tonight ; bought tears to my eyes) then caught up on my true angel : Phoebe ... Really nice [ smile] ... Now it's the weekend : time for a lie in , hopefully ..,
Love to all xxxx

I was at the lights of love SANDS Christmas service, I lit a candle for all of our angels, was thinking of you all. X

Had a tough day yesterday, this week would have been bungles due date, didn't think it would effect me but it did, I felt so helpless. Had a long chat with DH about it all, I don't think he truly understands about the mc but he trys so hard. He then said he had been thinking of Fi all day, and how she would have been speaking a bit by now, and we would be singing christmas carols. Broke my heart to hear him say it.

I'm off to see an old school friend today, she gave birth to her rainbow in august, havnt seen her for about ten years, will be nice to catch up.

Hi there, on the phone with Finn in my arms, so not sure I will be able to namecheck everyone.

fan so sorry about yesterday. It is amazing how dates and circumstances sometimes sneak up and smack you right in the heart. It sounds like your DH is a real sweetie.

little lovely to hear about your scan!

angel it's great when you rediscover an old friend, isn't it?

whatever Holly's christening will be perfect. Maybe you could say something like you said here - that the location is a very special spot for each of your girls, and you feel that it is an occasion to remember the whole family with love...

Here, Finn is a champion. Eating ferociously, sleeping well and pooing like a little poo machine!! We managed to get past the mucuousy stuff, and have properly slept ourselves these last two nights.

But thank you whatever for giving me permission to feel sad. It all hit me quite badly two nights ago, as I talked to Mia and then began to shake uncontrollably as I suddenly was freezing. I was just so, so profoundly sad that she is not here. It is just wrong, and I can never make it better. My noisy, lively, squeaky red-head is gone, and I don't know how to compute it properly. It doesn't make sense. It hurts so much, yet sits alongside this amazement and joy about Finn. It all feels desperately unfair.

Miasmum it is unfair . No other words for the situation apart from shitty & unfair. Finn sounds like he's coming along fabulously .., really chuffed for you. No words if wisdom other than I get you & empathise . I should have my 2 girls running around winding each other up ... Georgie becoming ridulcously excited at the thought of Xmas.., always comes back to " it's not fair" .... Don t beat yourself up go with how you re feeling xxx
Blizy thanks xxx how are you? Xx
Fan again , no words of wisdom just love from me here!!! Plus empathy xxxc
Hope all are ok? Having a nice weekend? Lovely to be off work .. Been shopping g with Phebs , she's been a right grump Ant comes home & totally different!!! Little monster!!! Aiming to make it to Leeds Xmas market tomorrow , 3 rd time lucky!!! Xxx

Hello to all... thought I'd pop my head in and say hi
I am absolutely, completely exhausted today, so please forgive me for not name-checking, but you can all consider yourself hugged by me! Hope everyone is ok, or at least managing to keep going.

Yesterday was six months since E was born (hence the exhaustion today; we actually had quite a nice time, relatively speaking, but it's emotionally shattering, isn't it). We went out for the day, but, first thing, we emailed friends, relatives and colleagues with the details of the tribute fund we've set up for our beautiful daughter. By bedtime yesterday, it had already raised over £1000... how amazing. How terribly sad to have to do it, but how amazing.

The MC is pretty much over now, just some spotting. So we are back on the ttc wheel, or will be soon. We're feeling better than we were, over the last two weeks, and, well, we're still here. Looking forward to December being over, though; it's just all a bit much, all the craziness, this year.
With lots of love to you all xx

Hello all

Kleine: Glad things went as well as they could yesterday.....these milestone dates are so
difficult. Pleased your back on the TTC wheel but sad your not still expecting a rainbow baby :(
Your tribute fund is doing amazingly well could you please PM me the details because I would very much like to make a small donation in memory of your beautiful daughter 'E' xxxxx

Angel: Was it 3rd time lucky for the Xmas market? xxxxx

Fan: Thinking of you and Bungle and Beanbag and Fi. Big hugs xxxxx

Little: Great news about the scan. keep growing well rainbow baby Little9 xxxxxx

Love to all its very quiet on here at the moment hopefully everyone is keeping busy with Xmas stuff and doing well xxxxx

Maybe the description 'doing well' wasn't the right choice of words at such a tough time of year but I'm sure you all know what I meant..............Xxxxxxxxxx

Hi everyone, sorry I've been AWOL, I'll say what's going on here in a minute.... But first...

MIA'SMUMMY... Congratulations! You did it! Finn is a lovely lovely name for a very special little brother, I'm sorry I've not been on sooner to say so, but I have been thinking of you all...

KLEINE. I don't know what to say. How utterly shitty. Im sorry I've not been here for you. I thought you would be ok. ( why am i still an optimist?) If there is anything I can do.... I'm just so sorry this has happened, it all wrong. Huge but gentle hugs, and soup and chocolate and just anything that might help a little...

FAN, good to 'see' you, I hope you are feeling a little better, but if not then I hope you know that's fine too, it's all just so bloody hard.

As for me, not been on for a couple of weeks, partly due to the flooding taking out our phones, so no Internet, but also I've had a bit of a sucker punch from the doctor. A while back they tested for IBS, and i got results back last week that I have something wrong with my thyroid. I didn't think much until I consulted dr google (I know, I know).
It might (not that I know anything) be the reason I keep misscarrying. It MIGHT also be something to do with why Merryn got Hydrops, and why I got pre-eclampsia. This is bad enough, but I presented the dr with many many symptoms that would have pointed to this, and could have lead to treatment, over the last two years and four pregnancies. This COULD have lead to not loosing the three pregnancies, or (and I don't know how to cope with this thought) Merryn not having been premature, and all that meant for her fight against her tumour. I always thought Merryns tumour caused my pre-eclampsia, but it might have been me, and that lead to her being prem, and having Hydrops, which never made sense before.
I might be wrong, but I've read silly amounts of research, and I just don't know. The drs should have tested me though, I have lots of symptoms.
Now I don't know what to do, we are ttc, but I might be heading for another MC if we succeed, or worse, another prem baby with problems. The dr says he wants to retest in feb (all this by letter, with no link to anything about ttc, or Merryn, or MCs. they are truly crap). That feels like a long time. I'll be 40 by then. I don't know whether to stop ttc, or not, I can't deal with thinking I could have made things different for Merryn, that it's my fault I keep MCing.

Sorry to be absent for ages then me me me. I just feel so lost, I might be responsible, it might be me. I never thought that, and I don't know what to do with it.

Oh green, none of it was your fault. You could not possibly control what (possibly) was going on with your body. You were not to know, please, please don't think that you are to blame.

Can you go the dr for a chat about it all?

I really feel for you green, I wish I could say something to make you feel better, but there are no words. I am holding you in m thoughts and sending you hugs and strength. X

Kleine, wow to E's tribute page. I too would like to Mae a donation, however it will be a small one. Hope you are doing ok.

Fan, my lovely, how are you? Of course your due dates will be hard to get through. Sending you my love. X

Well still no period for me, that's me just over 3 weeks late and I am still getting bfn's. I am trying to pretend I am ok with it, but if I'm honest it's soul destroying. I have a doctor appointment next Monday.

How is everyone coping with the Christmas build up? I'm feeling a bit teary about it all. Hope you are all ok, thinking of everyone. X