kleine my lovie, I am so sad for you. So very sorry. Of course I am desperately hoping this is a freaking scary but means nothing bleed, but here for a handhold and a hug whatever comes. Much love to you and MrKleine xxx
wtw gosh poor little Holly. Sounds like she is not entirely cooperating with the feeding tube - can't say I blame her! How's she doing this evening? I hope she's on the mend really really soon.
Freya's got a nasty cold, it sounds quite chesty and after hearing about Holly I am more worried than usual. Think will get her looked at by the docs tomorrow just to be sure.
angel I hope Phebs is getting better?
fan thinking of you lots, hope you are ok xx
elly how fab to hear the hb again and at feeling first flutters. It's magic.
bartlet I read your post a couple of days ago and haven't had a chance to post until now. But it all rings very true. I lost my first DD at 20 weeks 2 years ago, due to an infection. I conceived again very quickly and now have a gorgeous 15 month old little girl. Her pregnancy was everything you describe - so lacking in any faith or belief it would go well, hurting so much whenever things went right for other people. I felt vile about it, but it's true that you are never wishing that they experience the loss and the pain and the fear, but you grieve again for yourself and your baby. It's such a physical pain. I felt so cheated as well out of what I called my "pregnancy innocence". I knew a good 12 week scan was not a sign that we were out of the woods and getting a baby. I knew that babies and children can die. I mean I knew it, not just was aware vaguely. And I knew it didn't necessarily just happen to some faceless stranger. I was so scared (still am!) of losing her, and I really struggled to be excited about having her when I was pregnant. I felt so gutted that my mum, my friends etc were all more excited than I was, I just felt so robbed. Robbed of my missing baby, robbed of the hope and excitement of a new pregnancy, robbed of confidence, robbed of happiness. You are NORMAL. It's shit really. A rainbow pregnancy is an amazing gift but also a torturous experience, more to be endured than anything else, it's so very hard on you emotionally. But you will get there. If it helps, I rarely think about my pregnancy with Freya now, despite how fraught a time it was when I was in it.
blue your birth story was beautiful, as of course is your little Lotta! How are the nights now? have you managed to find an arrangement that pleases both L and DH?! If it makes you feel any better, Freya is still in bed with us. Infact we've brought the spare single into our room too and pushed it against our bed, so we now have an approx 9ft wide bed for us all! 
Fab. Know what you mean about loving the cuddles and having her close.
babyh thanks for asking, I am doing fine, just struggling to get a chance to post much - I read the thread every day though! I think, rather than actual broody, I have more just reached a point when I have realised that we WILL ttc again one day, not just yet, but we do want to have another, we can face it all again. It's taken a long time to get there, but I feel "right" about that if that makes sense? And thank you for the congrats on my peer supporter-ness, I am quite excited!
Docs was fine the other week, I've had most of the bloods back, will get the rest tomorrow. I have low folate and borderline vit B12. So am on high dose folic acid and have another blood test tomorrow to see if that's coming back up and have to have the B12 rechecked in a few months and may need injections of that. Doing some reading suggests that either of these things left to get too low can cause types of anaemia which prob explain why I feel like shit! Good to be able to do something about it though.
blizy congratulations on your new nephew! And welcome home 
Epic post! MN better not eat it now...