Rainbow Babies. Making it through the storm, missing our Angels, loving and hoping for Rainbows.

[RainboxFX]

A shiny new thread in memory of our angels. To bring us all BFPs, sticky beans and healthy happy Rainbows.

poppet lol, yes I did manage to flush and run. I'm glad you are meeting RL that know what you are going through. I'm sure it is all very tough.
Here's hoping that your LH phase lasts that little bit longer or its something else. (Always have a bit of hope even if its so hard to try).

little thinking of you today as it is Daisy's due date! Hope you have a gentle day! X

little thinkning of you also, got a bit caught up in my own drama.

I think I've started spotting. I'm just so fed up, when am I going to get a break. I'm fed up of people saying it will happen, how do you fucking know that. Why does my whole life have to be a struggle. I'm so fucked off!

Fan, I wish I lived closer to give you a huge hug. You are right it is shit, I have nothing to say to make you fell better because I know it won't.

Kleine, hugs for you too.

Oh fan that is shit No platitudes from me just a hand to squeeze and someone to rant at xxxxx

Hope today is gentle on you little xx

Well done going to the sands meeting kleine we went to a few and found them helpful but I stopped going when I fell pg as I thought it wasn't appropriate but actually I think I might go again

blizy I do so wish sometimes we did live close to each other. I'm just so fed up, my DH is home soon, this is not the birthday I was hoping for him.

I think I might give Mumsnet a break for the weekend. Talk soon.

Fan, we are here for you anytime. If you need to talk pm me. X

Fan: Have been thinking of you all day and hoping it was gonna be your turn.....so very sorry its not :( Take care chick xxxxxxx

Little: Thinking of you and Daisy today xxx

Kliene: Glad your finding the SANDS meetings helpful.....its good to talk to RL people and hopefully meet new friends. This cycle business must be getting on your nerves.....its grinding me down too TBH. I hope more than anything its not your AF :( xxxxxx

Angel: Bad luck with holidays and sickness seems to be following both of us doesnt it! Hope your feeling much better today xxxxxxxxxx

Whatever: Hope everything ok with you : ) never really linked going to those meetings with pregnancy but it makes sense I suppose. (I've never been to a group but just got me thinking about it) xxxxx

Blizy: You and Fan are so similar in that you have both been hoping for a rainbow for so long now and life just carries on being cruel.......thinking of you your so brave xxxxxxxxxx

Love to all xxxxxxxxx

Little love to u & Daisy xxx
Kleine hope the meeting helped ? Xx
BabyH we do seem to be twinnies with holidays & illness... Feeling a little better today , ta xxx
Spilt indeed is hard work being ill with a child... Xxx
Fan xxxxx so sorry wish I could make it better for u xxx
Blizy sounds like u ve got a good November lined up xxx
Miasmum is Mia's goodbye day the 1 st then? Hope u re ok? Xx
Feeling slightly better here , resting off to a bonfire later with Phebs ... Take it easy ladies xxxxx

Angel, im glad you are feeling better. How are things with you and Ant now?

babyh, not brave at all. Just have to deal with crap life keeps throwing at us. How are you?

Mias, I do try with the mindees. I love to see the joy and excitment on their little faces.

Hope you all have a nice weekend, love to all. x

Happy birthday mrfan! fan big hugs to you, I'm so sorry xx

fan I'm so so very sorry. It must be so exhausting for you and your DH, to keep going, keep on. I know what you mean about people saying 'it will happen' (and I'm not nearly as far down this path as you). Sending you lots of love, and happy birthday to your DH from me xx

little I hope that your due date yesterday was bearable - that you managed, somehow, to celebrate Daisy's life, even amongst your grief and sadness. xx

Love to all, and also I hope that those of you who dislike fireworks now - elly in particular - are surviving the weekend ok. xx

Hello all, sorry I have been so out of touch. I have just been so down. I am okay, I am not in danger or anything, I am just so very low. Going back to work, Dexter's "half birthday" and then AF the same day has been a bit much for me and I have gone into hiding a bit. Been staying away from the thread because I don't have anything to give. I just feel like a black hole and I don't want to be a negitive force when so many people are having a far tougher time than I am! I was able to really, properly cry the other day for the first time in weeks, and I think that did help. Trying this time round is so much harder. I thought trying for Dexter was getting difficult and sad, but this is just a million times worse. It's like I know what I am missing now.

Sending us all love this weekend. I do think about us all often, and I have missed everyone! I will try to pull my head out of my bum. xx

rainbox, sweetie, you are having such a rough time. Please don't stay away from the thread just because you feel so low. There's NO need for you to help anyone else, or worry about not being able to. We all have black times, we're here to hold your hand through yours. So sorry about AF, and what terrible timing . I'm glad you managed to have a cry, though, a proper cry can be good, can't it.
Big hug from me to you xx

Oh and on a lighter note, while I am very admiring of your flexibility, I would have thought that pulling your head out of your bum can really only be a helpful thing to do

Thanks ladies for the support and kind words. Feeling ok today, DH has had a great bday. And I've just spent a couple of hours buying christmas pressies from amazon.

rainbox we are here when you are feeling down, please don't stay away. Rant all you want on here, or just scream.

Just popping in to see how you are doing today fan? Mrfan's birthday treats looked fab - well done you. Lots of love xxx

Rainbox this is most definitely not a fair weather thread. If it would help you to post and get support when you are low then you most definitely should. Sometimes just writing it down helps. Our bodies can be particularly cruel when it comes to AF timing - my first after Erin arrived on her due date of all days. Always here to listen - to the highs and lows xxx

Spectacular cross post fan Teach me to start a post whilst eating crumpets! Glad you are doing 'okay' xx

Hi everyone, sorry I've also been absent, trying to get through half term and just not think too much about anything....

FAN, glad DHs birthday went well in the end, and the retail therapy sounds fun!

RAINBOX, if you can't tell us lot how things REALLY are then who? I'm sorry you've been struggling, it's just so bloody hard sometimes though isn't it? Xxx

KLEINE, your DH is indeed lovely going to a potentially all female meeting with you! How are you lovely lady? Have you been getting yourself out into this autumn of ours? I'm worried you are shutting yourself away.... But I understand the temptation to do just that. Not easy, no solutions, just a big hug if you should need one....

Everyone else, much love from me....

We are not out to fireworks tonight as planned, my friends cancelled their party, which TBH was a relief. last year, not long after a MC in August that all my good friends knew about, I was at this friends firework party knowing I had Merryn growing in me. Such a lovely secret, and such a happy time (before we knew about her tumour). To go their this year, just after MC but without Merryn would have been very difficult. We will find a local display to take the boys to tommorow.
We spent the day on our land planting daffodils, and other spring bulbs. We have planned what trees we will plant this winter, which one will be Merryns. The boys made a den in the hedgerow, and we only came in when it got dark. Very therapeutic, but I think I overdid it, and am bleeding again. Just sick of it now, and want it to stop. Preg test still not neg, although not very bright anymore, so hopefully nearly over! Going to watch mind numbing tv, and go to bed early. Xxxx

Hi everyone, quiet on here! Thinking of you all xx

green I can't believe you started bleeding again... has it been almost two weeks now, or am I making that up? I REALLY REALLY DO VERY MUCH HOPE IT WILL BE OVER SOON (I thought I'd shout that, in case it helps!). It's been, oh, just so awful for you.
Your day of planting and planning sounds lovely, though. I love waiting for the winter and early spring flowers to come up in our - very tiny - garden.
Thank you also for worrying about me, you are lovely I am ok, seeing friends and getting out when I can. It'll be five months since she was born this Friday. I do still find it much harder to go out by myself, without DH. I basically feel naked and really exposed, without a pram/sling with me; and I find the unpredictability of what other people will say and do very difficult to deal with. It's always a bit of a struggle! But getting easier, slowly, with time. I have to go out and trawl some charity shops' bookshelves this afternoon - I've run out of books to read I think I will brave the library at some stage, too, but I was so looking forward to taking E there... so I'll leave that one for a bit.

Hi KLEINE, yes it's over two weeks... But it's not been as bad as many women have it, so I guess that's a blessing.
I know what you mean about feeling 'naked' when out, and being at the whim of other people, I still feel like this now, but less so. Today I had coffee with some very dear friends, but they failed to tell me another friend who is 28 weeks pregnant would also be there, so I had no time to ready myself for her, and ended up close to tears. They also asked why I don't do FB anymore, and i had to explain that! Everything is touched by loosing Merryn, everything. I wouldnt want her not to be affecting my life, but it's so bloody hard. Did you manage to get out and find some new books? I need to do the same soon! I hate not having a book on the go...

We have some yucky bananas, so Im going to make some banana bread now, (I hate bananas, but the kids and Dp will guzzle it)!

Sorry that your friends didn't warn you who would be there today... even the very best of friends, with only good intentions, can get it horribly wrong, can't they? And do you find - like I do - that constantly having to explain yourself, and why you have to do things, is just exhausting? I would have thought your friends would understand certain things, without needing to ask you... but then I would have thought the same about my friends, too, and I seem to spend half my time with them saying, 'no, it's not like that, it's like this...'.

Yes, I got books, so I now have something to read again! I am a bit of a bookworm. It's been very helpful, these last few months, to be able to disappear into a book for a little while each day.

Hope the banana bread is a success! Mmmm banana bread...

Green, how are you today? I have been thinking about you often. How was the banana bread? I couldn't seem to get it
Right when I made it.

Fan, how are you doing? Glad Dh had a good birthday? Did you enjoy the haggis?

Wtw, Holly is adorable, she is getting so big! Katy looks fab with her, so lovely to see. I also had to wipe away tears when I read about her asking if Erin
Could see the fireworks. Such a beautiful thing to say.

Hope you all have a good day, love to you all. X

Hi Blizy, I'm ok, I think. I'm swinging a bit emotionally, Hormones are racing around a bit...today Im having one of those very high energy days that usually mean I will ovulate in a few days, but it might just be because of the MC, I'm going to start using Ov testing sticks now I have got a proper neg. on the preg tests. I always seem to be peeing on something! The Banana bread didn't happen in the end, no eggs, so the bananas are still festering in the kitchen, they should last for me to do it later.... How are you?

FAN, did you have haggis??! I love haggis, used to have it quite often when I was a kid, but DP and boys are not at all keen. I subject them to it on Burns night! Did you have it with neeps and stomp't tatties?!

We are quite excited in the greengoose house right now.... A friend is going to be using our field to put her weaning foal and a child's companion pony on (for the winter), and we are also getting Jacob some new runner ducks. (he has always kept ducks, but the week we returned from London after Merryn died there was a freak flood on the lane by our house and the ducks all followed the water to the river...he lost all ten of them. Not great timing, but he wants to replace them now, which we are really pleased about). I love going to livestock markets...It will be great to have more animals on the field again, and give me a distraction! (never thought I'd look forward to poo picking)!