TTC after recent mc - Thread 2

[woody17]

Hi everyone - I've started the new thread as our original one is nearly full.

I really hope that this is the one where we all get our BFPs and don't have to experience any more heartache.

Hi scared.

Really really sorry. I am sure even though you knew this was coming it has still hit you like a brick. Thinking of you.

I'm sorry, scared. Good that you don't have to wait again for the ERPC though, I'm sure you want it all over with quickly. Will be thinking of you tomorrow.

Yes I am glad its getting all over and done with if thats wat had to happen I just wanted it done I sat them down and explained that and they made it happen finally nice treatment from the hospital its not actually hit me hard yet! Was sat in epau with 2 others that had same news we were just chatting and drinking coffee they were crying I'm just num from it all now I'm sure they thought I was totally heartless but I've cried so many tears for my unborn babys I don't feel I have any left right now! But why is life so cruel after the news and we went to the shop who did I run into my next door neighbor with massive baby bump that pissed me off more than anything she looked at me funny too probably coz I deleted her off facebook because I couldn. Bear to read one more happy baby status heartbeat this kicking that baby stuff grr goodbye my dh2b thinks I'm really nasty doing that why don't they understand I don't wanna hear that I'm not gonna ignore her in the street but I don't need to read all that right now x

So sorry scared. I know it was expected but it doesn't make it any less sad. Understand how you feel about fb statuses - those 'xxx's baby is 16 weeks and developing toenails' tickers destroy me! rather than delete people maybe you could just block their updates in your feed for now if you don't want to upset them? They won't know you've done it xxx

woody good luck for tomorrow! Think we're all willing you a bfp!

Right, off to spend all day sat in front of the computer writing essays! Joy... X

Really sorry scared

She's the lady that came into my house after my last mc and showed me her new baby clothes! I don't care for insensitive people like that anyway if I've upset her sorry but tough shit

Sorry Scared that you are having such a tough time.

Can I have your advice girls? So I am sure some of you have read in some of my older posts about my stressful job and insensitive boss...well I thought I would be stuck there forever more as the mat pay is great and I am paid reasonably well. But I am miserable...I have been there 5 years and bored, stressed and slowly loathing it. Well..out of the blue this week I had a very positive discussion with a customer about going to work for them. They are a charity, with a lovely ethos, amazing setting, supportive environment and 5 mins from new house (fingers crossed it all goes through) or 15 mins from current house. The job is totally different to what I do now so a bit scared about the new challenge but I practically cried thinking I had an escape plan! I wouldnt have to take a pay cut either! My dilemma lies with TTC. I think we would need to put it on hold until I was settled in the job and could guarantee getting SMP. Realistically this would be 5 months wait. Its a hard choice as I dont want to give up a great opportunity but it has been such a turbulent 6 months that I dont want to necessarily delay getting pg. The other slight concern is that I had the on the opk this morning and we last DTD on Thus so a small chance I might catch it this month...what would you guys do? It is so hard trying to balance career/money/pg/life!

Almond is there anyway you can find out their mat leave policy? I think you need to be in the company for 26 weeks by the time you are 14 weeks? Also that only applies if they pay extra on top of smp. If you only get smp I think u can start even later.
Personally I would go for the happy job. You are only 32 (I'm 38!!!!) and have plenty of time. A job you love will benefit you in the long term and even help with ttc if it means you are less stressed.
Is it more money too or just a more intersecting job? What do you do btw?

Almond where I work in order to qualify for smp you have to have been with the company for 26 weeks when you give your maternity leave 'notice'. So I think you're legally obliged to note that you're going off on mat leave sometime around 14 weeks before your due date... therefore you pretty much have to have gotten pregnant when you started at the company.... you can't come in pregnant. That's always been my understanding.

I think given the fact that you're on this thread, TTC is really important. Focus on that and the job will work out in the end. But i would def jump for the job... opportunities don't come along all the time and it's best to take them when you can and have 'no regrets'! (I've always regretted turning down some of the exciting opportunities that have come my way...)

good luck!

To qualify for Statutory Maternity Pay (SMP) you must:

have worked for your employer for at least 26 weeks up to the 15th week before the expected week of childbirth - known as the ?qualifying week?
earn on average at least £107 a week
give the correct notice
give proof you?re pregnant

From the direct.gov website.

Which basically means you can't be pregnant when you start the job, but can get pregnant straight away. I understand your dilemma though, it's a bit off to start a new job fully intending to get pregnant as soon as possible. What would your longer term plan be? Would you go back after mat leave? i.e. if you were pregnant now, is being a SAHM for a while an 'out' from your current job and then you could look for something better?

Where is woodsy with her bfp???

Erm meant woody. Stupid phone

I second that lol! Woody everything is crossed for you, hope we hear good news later!

Almond I think you need to do what makes you happy, money isn't everything. Difficult of course as I don't know your circumstances but after doing many a horrible job myself, I've gone back to uni at 30 to learn to do a job I love and am now a poor student who waitresses part-time to make ends meet. Husband had a similarly crappy job (although well paid!) and he left to start his own business two years ago in full recession. We are VERY poor. But we are very happy, compared to how miserable I now realise we were before. And if a baby comes along, we'll be even poorer but even happier . Would this customer of yours be the sort of person you could talk this over with? Perhaps they'd be willing to consider offering you a job further down the line? Not an easy conversation, clearly...good luck making a decision. Personally, I'd go with taking the new job and then seeing what happens with ttc, because you can't second guess biology also because I am not well known for making rational decisions

Couldn't get a FRER but will be getting one today so I'm going to test in the morning! FX.

My word woody you have more self-control than me. I'd be peeing on every stick in sight! and would have been since last Tuesday Good luck for tomorrow! x

Good luck Woody!

Woody Fx for the BFP tomorrow!! Report back first thing!!

Yorkshire you sound quite rational to me! I have been battling for some time the same head v heart decision you have been brave enough to make! If you take having a baby out of our equation then we will be no more financially worse off with the new job and I will have a 7 minute commute to work and get to work on a farm (which I would love). I think it would help a lot with my general wellbeing and stress levels so overall it seems like a win win situation...until you add babies.

Lol, Mess and Suzy thanks for the SMP advice. DH and I have talked and talked this weekend and have basically decided I should go for the new job. Whilst I would be loosing the great Mat Pay in my current job I would hopefully have a job that would be less stressful and something I want to return to afterwards (no option to be a SAHM for us). We have decided to hold the TTC until Spring so I could get my feet under the table at the new job (got to get it first) before worrying about it again and then qualify for the SMP. The only spanner in the works is if I fall pg this month...

Thank you - FRER is ready! Still feeling very nauseous and boobs are still very sore, tender and throbbing. Now having kind of creamy cm (almost looks like lotion). Nervous about testing though.

Yorkshirepeanut I've never tested +ve early before so didn't mind waiting until tomorrow - would rather put it off anyway if it's going to be a BFN.

almond I think that what you've decided sounds like a really good plan. I recently changed jobs/careers and it has made such a difference to me.

Good luck woody! Let's go
BFp!

scared i'm so sorry to hear what you are going through again. be sure to take as much time as you need to and don't rush back to work. my thoughts are with you.

almond i would love to be in your situation! i say go for it. i have been in my job for over 10 years (since straight after i finished uni) and i would love a way out! now that i know i'm not allowed to TTC for a year, i am totally going to get on the job hunt. before the MC i actually started to breathe out as i thought i would have the maternity leave and maybe the option of finding something else part time afterwards instead of going back - but then that dream was shattered along with the the dream of being a mummy this time. i am currently considering a pay cut if i find something new. my current job is close by and well paid, but there are too many downsides and it makes me totally miserable. we get paid weekly by cheque (on a friday) and if you aren't there, you don't get your cheque. when i was off after the MC, i had missed 2 fridays and i had to go to my boss and ask for my pay even though he knew the reason i was off. i just thought it was a really mean thing to make me come and ask for it, knowing what i had been through. so the sooner i can grow some balls (in a feminine way haha!) i'll be handing my notice in. a few people have said to me that i should just quit as that's the only way i will actually go on the job hunt!

woody good luck for tomorrow morning - be sure to let s all know asap so that you can cheer up our monday morning!!

i'm hoping to get the call from the hospital asap regarding my molar pregnancy. just so i can ask all the questions i need to and get some answers. i'm not sure if it was complete or partial etc. so just need to put my mind at rest.

Hi all. Been a busy few days with work and visiting so not been on here much.
Scared sorry your sad news was confirmed.
Woody sounds really positive. FX for you. I had lotioney CM in lead up to positives!

Hi girls, just caught up on thread after my week away, sorry to hear your news janie that sounds like a real difficult position to be put in and such a blow, sorry to hear scared that your mc was confirmed and you've had to face a surgical option again, life has felt you some really cruel blows lately
Woody my fingers are firmly crossed for you, can't wait to see your update!!
On the job front I'd say go for it, if the worst happened and you didn't qualify for the mat pay you would deal with it but having a job you look forward to is worth it's weight in gold and I think fate has played a part comming at the right time- I often think this looking back

Fx crossed for you woody you defo have a lot more self-control than I do when it comes to POAS lol

Hi everyone - I tested this morning and got an incredibly faint line - it's definitely there though. Really hope that line does get stronger and this isn't a chem pg. But I think I'm only just 4 weeks and maybe less with this being a wtf cycle.

So this is 3rd pg this year. Really hope that this one does work out and not end in mc again. Hoping that all the horrible nausea and very very sore boobs are good signs that things are ok.

Hope the run up to Christmas makes the next 8 weeks go by quickly!

yeay woody
Fx for your sticky bean this time!!
Can't believe that you've had almost exactly the same as me in regards to how things have happened recently