Round up your ghosties and ghoulies and long legged beasties, the BESH are going to scare out the BFPs!

[sinkyroselee]

Its true, NGCECOAWT, so the BESH move on.

Join us in spooky October, for a different sort of Pagen fun. Sod the lentil weaving and organic bean bags, we're channelling pointy black hats, green tinged foundation and probably a bit of Harry Potter.

Join us for cursing of the insta-diffs, moments of pure love and the horrors of the cam of the fanjo - post the Beshtionnaire and the coven will judge you.

This is not a woo thread (TINAWT)

Arrrrgh, apologies for "£100 quid". I did of course mean either £100 or 100 quid.

Ha. That's why I left the Frolickers. I was far too miserable and bitter. They were lovely though. I too never pee of sticks as I just don't see the point. All these excited threads which say "When are you testing????!!!!!!!" Er....why would you test? Unless you're late? Which I never am!

Your impressive listing of various gins impresses me. Very impressive I too lust after Cav - bless his twinkly eyes, curls, and visible package.

I say you're in.

Woooooo, a "yes" vote!

I have a very well-stocked off-licence near me. It has all manner of different spirits and multiple shelves just for gin. It's BRILLIANT.

Cav is just marvellous isn't he? I saw him in REAL LIFE during the Tour of Britain. Granted, he'd just crashed (and therefore lost the stage) so had a face like thunder, but still, it was him, and I saw him. I nearly expired with excitement.

Good thing I wasn't there. I would have leapt on him and been arrested.

I love giraffes! In an evil witchy way, obviously. And those spotty necks are just right for being a warty hag.

Hello giraffe. Tell us your tale. Or your oldie witchie legende.

Ooo fresh meat and entertainment. Marvellous. Welcome.

It was the new thread that drew you in wasn't it?

Good name as well evilgiraffe. I'm not familiar with the frolickers. I'm not sure my combination of meh and anger is what they're looking for..

What's your sad and sorry story?

Well, this tale of woe begins on a dark and stormy night...

Not actually a dark and stormy night at all. Events unfolded thusly:

I came off the pill in January 2010, took about eight months for cycles to start. During 2011 I had lots of blood tests which say my hormone levels are all normal. DH has been tested, nothing wrong with him either. Early this year I went for an HSG which was normal, though having two men between my knees looking interestedly at my nether regions was an odd experience. I also had an ultrasound which showed a haemorrhagic cyst on one ovary. About six weeks later I was rescanned, and apparently the cyst was much smaller and there's nothing wrong. So, there's nothing apparently wrong with either of us.

In early May the infertility clinic gave us an official diagnosis of "unexplained infertility" and said we are best off trying IVF. We'll be able to get that on the NHS once we've been trying three years, which will be January 2013. Hopefully our GP will put the referral in before Christmas though.

To get IVF on the NHS I need to lower my BMI to under 30 - despite being not a particularly large person, I am technically "obese" so am trying not to eat much and get out on my bike as much as possible.

That's it, really, not too exciting. I find it weird that no-one worries because DH and I are fairly young (both turning thirty in the next couple of months), so we have "plenty of time". Personally I feel that taking three years when we are theoretically of prime reproducing age is cause for concern, but apparently this is not the case.

So far, the ultrasound scans have been the most distressing - my head seems to think that ultrasound = pregnant, which is hard to deal with. DH is very calm about the whole thing, which helps.

Oh, and of course I'm surrounded by friends who are either pregnant or have recently given birth. I do my best to be happy for them, but inside my head and behind closed doors I am so jealous I can barely see.

What's everyone else's story?

In a nutshell (a special cursed one), unprotected sechs for 8 years, doctorly interventions for 3. PCOS brought under control with a killer combo of weightloss, metformin, ovarian drilling and clomid. Lots of random dildocams and shit too. Just for fun. Because everyone loves a dildocam. No actual baybee to show for it, mind. Currently recovering from second (yes that's right SECOND) ectopic. I'm 34.

Ah fuck. A woman has started to sing for money in my train carriage.

Ooh. I thought she was singing a special warbly effnic lullaby. She's now reached the chorus and it's turned out to be The Power of Love.

Well I say you're in evil [states bleedin obvious]

BTW, there are no "DH"s in here - all our other halves have amusing nicknames. Mine is HWHNN (He Who Has No Name), which I accept is neither amusing or particularly enlightening but I was having a brain-fart and could think of anything else [so there]

The warbly female singer version. Not the one from Back To The Future. I'd have recognised that one straight away.

Giraffe, you sound alright. But you need to acquire a hatred of the Droid (Beshspeak for your period).

My story is: we started trying in December 2010, once the honeymoon malaria drugs had worn off. I've never had a positive pregnancy test, but think I might have had a chem preg earlier in 2010. Since then, nada. We too are unexplained. We've had 5 assisted cycles - 3 Letrozole and 2 natural IUI - and one aborted IVF cycle because the drugs sent me absolutely batsh1t mental. We're trying naturally again and probably going for natural or mild IVF after Xmas.

I'll be 37 then, so we won't have the luxury of time.

Oh yeah, Mr euro is KFZK, kung-fu zombie killer, for his past and present hobbies.

X-posts Norf, oh dear random busker alert! Does she do requests? Ask her to sing Baby Got Back

I am an interloper here and my presence is merely tolerated! Was trying to get updiffed for 20 months, finally got a referral to a rather strange health system (live in Channel Islands you see), had an HSG, one round and Clomid on technically the wrong days of my cycle and Bob's Your Uncle I'm with child. Had a horribe first trimester with 3 weeks bleeding.

Due 16 December. Eternally grateful for the BESHes who have kept me sane and who I love dearly. I try not to waggle my pregnant belly around in an unseemly and provocative fashion but I would miss them all too much to leave totally.

I hope that makes sense.

Wow, you guys have impressive stories

I second Baby Got Back, that's a fantastic song

I'll try to think of a decent name for H...

Jennifer Rush. That's who you mean. I am so old I remember it being No1 in 1985, when my best friend and I used to sing it into spoons.

I am pretty much the same as you, evil only much older (37) and because we are "unexplained" I have been told to have a few rounds of IUI before proceeding to IVF, though I think this is just so they can practise the drucks on me. Well they say we are unexplained in the same breath as saying my AMH level is off the scale of lowness.

I can see myself at 80 pretending my current cat is my baybee :(

Ooh, I like a bit of power of love. Lots of karaoke murdering potential there.

I'm sinky. Ghj is ginger hairy jock (for he is ginger, hairy and Scottish. But also because the keys are next to each other so it doesn't tax my barren, 30-something brain too much)

I'm another boring PCOSer. Off pill late 2009. No period for about a year (got married, ignored for a bit). Have impressively polycystic bloods (my ratio is 5:1 LH:FSH) and massively cynically ovaries (I would make you guess, but, well, 73! 73 fecking cysts!). You may think I sound proud, and I am. If I'm going to be fucked up, I'm going to do it properly.

Always skinny ish, clomid and drilling no use. Waiting an indeterminate amount of time for an appointment at my local ivf unit. Was told last week I was "pestering" them. Only referred in April, so maybe I am....

(hehe, have learnt to reread my posts- cynically ovaries. Obviously should be cystic, but autocorrect seems strangely appropriate...

Oh, and peeps, anyone read Marie Claire? Sat getting hair done yesterday, saw an article on traditional Chinese medicine in infertility. Gave the usual, medical failure examples, now surrounded by their adorable cherubs, all thanks to the one woman. The usual shite, including amazing stats (>70% success in the medical failures?!)

But... Also says that infertility units in London are also using her, with nhs funding... That must mean there is some hard evidence?

I'm almost won over.

How do I get an acupuncturist? How do I remove all dairy from my diet, and should I be getting myself a herbalist? Eek. This is so not me, but...

Euro. You do the acupuncture right? How did you find your person? The only one I know is in the Trafford centre, with a big glass shop front and massage tables for all to see....

I know of one I could use and I would. But he's 34 miles away and costs £45 a session. I just couldn't afford it :(

Blimey I go out for lunch and a care funding review for my granny and the Fred has taken off!

Welcome evil! Sounds like you'll fit right in!

I too am more a lurker but pop in often. I am known as Faith. Came off pill December 2009. Slightly wobbly cycles that settled down. Investigations commenced after a year, by the following December (2011!) tests revealed male factor inferiority ishoos. Tablets for the hubby - MSB, Mr Squidgy Baybee - sorted that after a while. Specialist ha! Says we should have IVF but I was too heavy sound familiar? so I lost the 8lb to get my weight under BMI of 30, Olympic baybee conceived :) now 10+5 counting down the days til my scan (14).

sinky the first one I found from internet recommendations and I trusted because of the Harley St address, and she has definitely done something to my cycles (but obviously didn't get me updiffed). New woo lady was a recommendation from my hairdresser. I like her so far.

It isn't cheap though.

Done a bit of googling. Have found a couple that look ok, one does an evening, the other does sat. Might try one of them, but £45 a pop.. Ouch.

Will they tell me to stop drinking caffeine?

Cos I won't. I'll smile and nod, but I won't.