Trying to conceive after mc? Pregnant after MC and seeking somewhere safe to hide? Recently graduated from the mosh pit? Come on down to the mosh pit for some serious metalling and cake! Part

[Dorita75]

Hi, thought I'd start the new thread. This is a brilliant thread for anyone trying to conceive or who has got a bfp after mc, full of lovely ladies, fab advice and a lovely place to metal, so called because someone said metal instead of mental and the rest is history......

you can eat soft boiled eggs cheese :) if worried stick to the lion marked eggs, they have been tested and are free from salmonella. no one in this country has caught salmonella from eggs for decades so I wouldn't worry.

sorry you are so worried about mmc. It is frightening isn't it. I was more bloated (and therefore 'bumpy') with my blighted ovum pg (that went on till 10 weeks) and very sick etc too so know what you mean.

I am actually 10+2 but the two scans have had have measured the baby two days younger so might as well put it back now and go with them as i will have no choice! means I got a strong BFP at 8dpo though so I know it must be out! so 10 days it is (tho any days is just bonza so... )

I don't think there's anyway to stop metalling after a MMC. I'll never forget the consultant saying 'have you had any bleeding' as he looked at my scan. When I next get pregnant I think I'll just have to keep reminding myself of the odds.

pixie how frustrating. I work in the NHS and the lack of communication between departments is unbelievable at times.

So 4 days late here. Am going to buy a couple of tests later today for tomorrow am. No premenstrual symptoms yet. Not feeling hopeful - I suspect everything is still buggered up post MC in August .

Off to meet some uni friends for a boozy lunch in town. Not quite sure what to do about the drinking side of things - do I abstain on the small chance I could be pregnant?

drink away jolly, if you are pg and it isn't showing on a test yet I wouldnae fret :)

Thanks Jolly I am feeling truly awful today, really struggling. I guess a day round the house is not a good idea: too much thinking time.

I just feel something has changed the last few days, physically. Had a wee cry there & that helped. It's the not knowing that's worse; Wednesday afternoon will put me out my misery. Then I can deal with it, as I have twice before.

Have a large glass of wine for me! Also, if you're buying tests, I think 1st Response are the best. Good luck tomorrow!

My cycles were back to normal quite quickly after my 1st m/c, but were off the planet for 3 months after mmc at 11.5 weeks.

Good luck testing tomorrow jolly. I gave up trying to figure out my cycle after mc, I went from a 34 day cycle to a 24 day one the next month, so we decided to dtd every day until period arrived, with random tests everydayinbetween.

cheese waiting for scans must be the most excruciating waits ever. Hope you're doing ok.

So the story goes, if you wee on bicarbonate of soda and it fizzes you're expecting a boy, and if it doesn't its a girl. Strictly in the interest of scientific research, ahem, I did a little experiment, and no fizz. So we shall see...

Evening ladies,

Thinking of you lotsof try not to read into things too much, I don't feel pregnant now, I can't explain it I just feel normal until I get these huge kicks, and then can't get off the sofa, I have everything crossed for you xx

Afm, I'm feeling strange, this time last year I was pregnant, I'd just got my bfp, we went to a local pumpking patch and I wandered round with the dcs wondering what it would be like next year with the new baby, but that never happened, instead a year later I went with my new 31wk bump, it was bittersweet and kind of confusing.

state I'm feeling a bit strange and down tonight too - there must be something in the air. I think it's just struck me that I have been actively TTC %232 for a year, been pregnant 3 times but no closer to having a baby.

I tested this afternoon and was a BFN. I'll do another one tomorrow am but think I must be out for this month. Just hurry up and come period I've had enough!

Oh I'm sorry jolly it's so frustrating isn't it. AF was 5 days late for me last month. I hope yours comes soon (I don't but you know what I mean)

BFN or should it be . Still no AF

Oh well on we go. Good luck Dorita and Mrs Poirot may this be your month x

jolly am sorry about your bfn :( did you dtd for a long time this month or might you have missed a late ov? My ov this cycle was 10 days later than usual! 10 days! I was getting used to my cycles being whack after mc so we just dtd'd EOD for a Very Long Time. It wasn't the most romantic but it worked...

As of last night we have friends coming to stay from the other side of the country this weekend and they mc'ed two weeks ago at 11 weeks :(. I am gutted for them and w are their closest friends and obviously also mc'ed earlier in the year so can share feelings etc, which is lovely. However, I am acutely aware that we are now pg and they don't yet know. How to keep it a secret without being disingenuous I dont know :(. But the last thing they want is to come and visit and have us announce our pg to them in a fit of honesty :( I don't know what to do. DH wants to pretend we are not pg even tho we will be 11 weeks when they visit, I have a 'bloat' and am like death warmed up most days!

Any advices from you wise ladies about what route would be the most sensitive? maybe telling them, gently and in strict confidence (we are not out with our pg yet) they will feel hope that they will get pg too soon... or will just be gutted as they were due in May too. oof my poor friends :(

trick situation wilde. i think if i was your friend i would prefer to be told before i came then i could decide not to come rather than get there and be told and be stuck there. they might decide to still come and it would give them time to get their feelings in order. they might get hope from your situation but they also might get jealous. Could go either way really.

if it were me in your situation i wouldn't say anything. (i am being very secretive about my current pg) one of my friends is struggling to concieve and i haven't told her about this pg yet. i feel like a bit of a fraud seeing her when i am pg without her knowing. she hasn't asked me outright though and until she does i won't be telling - protecting my own feelings is much more important to me at this stage.

i don't think i could sit with another couple dwelling on mc though if i was pg. it's not fair on them. i would probably avoid the meeting at all costs!!

i would hope that any friends of mine would understand why i am keeping my pg a secret. after my first mc i told people early next time and didn't feel this protectiveness i have now after three mcs.

i suppose it depends on how open you are going to be about this pg. if you will be shouting it from the rooftops after the dating scan i would tell them before they come to your house. if you are going to hide it as long as possible i wouldn't say anything yet - but i would try to avoid meeting up with them especially if they will want to talk about mc.

i probably haven't helped there - sorry!!

I have been in your friend's shoes. I had to meet with newly pregnant friends shortly after my mc. They emailed, kindly me beforehand, and I was so grateful it gave me time to process it all and get my emotions in order. It also gave me the option to cancel if I couldn't cope on the day.
If your email is gentle and sensitive, which I'm sure it will be, I think it would be for the best. They'd feel pretty stupid when they worked out your dates when it became obvious. And you could still be sympathetic about their mc. It is something you will share, sadly. They may even be pleased to hear your good news.

thankyou so much pebs and jaffa. You have both been wonderfully honest, thank you.

I tried to explain the issue about their feelings to DH but he is SO excited about being able to see his BF who has gone through this terrible time and is travelling 7 hours to come to see us (and the area we live in, is gorgeous)... he won't listen and thinks I am just putting a downer on their visit and being a cow. I don't think he realises that it is me that has to keep the secret, so it is me that will be effectively lying. What if his best mates' wife (we are not close but do get on and have known each other for a very long time) needs to talk about the mc? even if just a little bit? How bad is she going to feel when she finds out we were pg - and not just a little bit but 11 weeks - at that time? Like shit like you say jaffa. they don't deserve that. But then with mc you can't just gently say 'oh we are pg and will be due two weeks from when you are' as I still can't see my friend who is due two weeks before I would have been!

I think we should tell them in advance too... but i think they are booking it today! If I was them I would not want to come and see me being all pg. I would not want 'happy' endings yet :(

We are not going to shout it out from the rooftops at all pebs. DH hasn't told a soul and doesn't want to until after our scan, and thinks is fair enough reason to not tell them while they are here. I don't agree and I am the pg one! I can't lie for toffee!

I wish, I wish they were my friends, then I would avoid the meeting at all costs. But they are DH's and he is soooo excited. he will be livid with me if I put a 'spanner in the works' about the mc/pg situation.

sorry, so me, me, me. Am in knots about it, I really am :(

don't blame you for being me me me wilde it's awful being in this situation.

i was probably being a bit fliipant saying 'shout it from the rooftops' but if you are announcing the pg after the scan i think you should tell them now. the scan can't be that far off if you are already 11 weeks (can't believe it!!). and you can't tell them in two weeks or so that you are 13 weeks it would be too mean if they are confiding in you this weekend.

your dh might be excited they are coming but he isn't thinking about their feelings especially the wifes. surely he knows how bad you felt after mc - especially if you still don't see one of your own friends.

i can't lie either! someone last week tried asking me about mc, testing etc and i just had to get out of the conversation by saying butt out of my business - if i have something to say i will say it! oops - was at work as well. they shouldn't be so bloody nosey!

pebs I like your assertiveness with the person asking you about mc :) no pass agg there :)

arf am 10 weeks atm, 11 this weekend, when they visit. scan two weeks thurs, exciting terrifying times! I was told to book with the MW for my 16 week appt asap last week, which is totally freaking me out. But then again, is nice they think i will still be pg to see the MW at 16 weeks! Of course, as any true metaller would, I shall wait until after the 12 week scan and then book and they will just have to fit me in when they can.

thanks for your wise ears pebs We won't announce it as such but will come out to close friends and family, and am sure that if they hadn't mc'ed and were visiting we would just happily fess up this weekend as am struggling to pretend to be at all normal (just pale and wiped out and nauseous and picky as hell about food). And, like you say, they will know that we were pg when they visited whenever we announce it to them - they would have been due two weeks before us so will know the dates and timings immediately :( it will always be mean, but even worse if they visited, i think.

I think you are right about DH. I think I shall talk to him about it this eve and phrase it in a way that it is about his friends' feelings, not 'my' worries for them. I just don't think it would be fair on them. He can be as normal with his friend as ever, but I will need to sit with the wife (!) and be feeling utterly like a fibbing twat. I'm rubbish at it and would must rather come clean but that would be a horrendous ambush for them.

ohhhh. Am sad. I hate, hate, hate that this has happened to them.

it's not like me to be so rude but i am so protective over my secret that i can't let anyone in so being rude gets me out of awkward conversations! dh's step mum is getting it next, she is always asking 'any news' next time she will be in trouble!!

i much prefer the avoid people like the plague tactic then then can't ask me any questions i don't want to answer.

i had my 16 week appointment on saturday but chickened out of the listening in. i have a scan on friday so will await my fate for a few more days. i am hoping everything is ok. it's a very worrying time for me over the next few weeks. can't really concentrate on anything at work which is going to land me in the shit as i have things to do.

hope you can get through to dh tonight wilde.

hugs pebs and huge good luck for friday :)

I have been thinking about you Wilde. What if you said that you told them because you didn't want them to be misled, but then said you were too uncomfortable to talk about it because you haven't had your scan, and you are scared. That you haven't anyone, but you wanted to be fair to them, and thought they would understand why you were so nervous. Then they know, they know you're insecure, not going to be gloating or insensitive about it, and if you do mention mc or pg, everyone has the full picture.

I think jaffa approach is the best and most sensitive, wilde I understand your dilema as we all know exactly how it feels dealing with others pregnancy when so raw ourselves.

jaffa thanks. that was the approach I was going to take if DH is adamant they come up. I thought maybe we would not say anything but if (and when) it is either fess up or lie (like, they are bound to ask about trying again after mc so know we are ttc and therefore either have, or haven't, successfully conceived again) then we would sort of have to say really gently that we have actually got pg and that we haven't said anything to anyone in the whole world because we are really frightened, having had another mc in July but don't want to lie to them at all. And we couldn't be all shouty or annoying about it because we are shitting ourselves about the 12 week scan coming up.

Do you think that would be ok? I still think the sadness of us being pg will be like an ambush. I can ovethink things though which is why I am here asking you lovely lot :)

I can only remember going to that wedding a week after I mc'ed where they announced their surprise 'guest' and put the 12 week scan pic up on the projector screen. I felt so sick howled in the bogs during the speeches and couldn't bear to do that to anyone in the world let alone ambush friends and such caring people in our home :(

oh jaffa, do you think we should say that before they come up? that might be an idea... or set the cat among the pigeons before the weekend even started.

oh dear, confused again

I think you need to tell them too. They are bound to find out very soon about your pregnancy. I'd feel quite upset if a close friend felt she had to hide her pregnancy from me (even if done with the best intentions) particularly if I had been confiding in them the week before.

Am sure whatever you do you will handle it sensitively having been in this horrid position yourself.

spoke to DH and he is completely with me in needing to tell them. am so surprised and relieved! I thought he would say I was being a drama queen. Anyways, he is going to ring them later and say about how we are being super secretive as are worried but wanted them to know before they came up. So they can do what they need to do; tbh I wouldn't be surprised if it is all still a bit too raw to come visiting a pg house :(

thank you so much for your time and thoughts, it has really helped me

You've had some good advice today wilde the ladies on MN are wise! For what it's worth, I agree and think you've done the right thing.

Still no AF or BFN jollyb? God it's maddening waiting isn't it. I'm afraid it's not my month this time, AF arrived today, 2 days early. Fingers crossed for you Mrs HerculeP

wilde think you're making the right decision. Lots of friends I would be genuinely happy to hear they were pregnant but would still feel a bit sad for myself and wouldn't want them to see that. Much better to be told in advance so that they can prepare themselves I think.

Jolly I hope you're feeling better. I went through exactly the same thing a few weeks ago. Ds's second birthday marked a year of ttc and was also around my due date had I'd had 1st mc. I feel like I've spent most of this year ttc, being pregnant or recovering from mc. Have felt much better recently now I've got past that landmark.it has actually helped me to rather than think of us as a family of 4 waiting to happen to accept the family of 3 that we are and appreciate ds. Trying a more laid back approach and pretend to myself and dh that we're at it every other night cos we want to not because I want to get preg!