Does 'relax' and 'not thinking about ttc' actually work?

[redstrawberry]

We have been ttc for 5 months now. Several BFNs and a chemical pregnancy later, I am running out of hope.

We have tried EPO, Conceive Plus, OPKs and DTD EOD and lots of obsessive planning. I wonder sometimes if we are over-doing it by constantly trying too hard.

I have heard several women say "relax" or "when you least expect it, it will happen" or "don't think about it" - Easier said than done!

Are there any positive stories from people who tried the relax approach? I am thinking of self-imposed ban on thinking about all things TTC - what have I got to loose?

My DS (14 months) is the result of a holiday following a very stressful couple of months at work, so in my case I think relaxing did help.

Now TTC#2 and finding it difficult to relax about it! It's hard when you're ready for a LO, isn't it.

Well,don't give up hope after 5 months! Took me 18 months to conceive DC1 and 12 months to conceive DC2!

And yes, first time round I decided to take a few months off worrying - went to a music festival, drank loads of cider, and managed to conceive! Felt a bit embarrassed as I couldn't remember the date of my last period when the midwife asked - it was the first time in 18 months that I had no idea of my cycle!

My friends were ttc for 5 years = nothing.
Decided to have a break from it and go on foreign holiday= pregnant.

I am taking notes - the ban shall extend to not checking my app and maybe even MN :(

I think this month has been harder because so many people close to me are announcing their pregnancies in 5 months there have been 6 pregnancy announcements. I don't think there are any women left in my close circle of friends who are not pregnant (just me!) and they all said it happened for them when they least expected it.

So I am thinking of maybe drinking more, going to the cinema and taking up reading again - anything but thinking about OV or CM or POAS.

Maybe I put my body under a lot of pressure. 18 months is a long time indeed and I can't even contemplate 5 years. I have been waiting to be a mum for 2 years now. I came off the pill in 2010, but only started trying this year. So getting very impatient now.

Hi red :)

You already know my story but thought I would post here anyway!

I'm having a month off thinking about it but then I have been TTC for a year. It's not been that long for you but I know that's no help me saying that cause any amount of time is too long when TTC as we want it so badly!

This month we are focusing on getting healthy (eating organically and healthily), we're on hols next week, we have a couple of weddings so we have other stuff to focus on.

Def take up reading again and doing other stuff :) I know exactly where you're at as I have been there myself.

no.

you will hear lots of anecdotal 'evidence' saying it does but it's not going to help if you have fertility issues.

5 months is really not a long time though, so keep at it.

My own experience was that being told to relax or 'book a holiday' or 'get a new kitchen installed, my friend spent £2000 on a new kitchen and she was pregnant within a month' was really THE most annoying thing in over 2 years of trying. IVF worked for me in the end.

have you been to the GP to ask for spme basic tests? You and DP/DH?
If it's been 2 years since you stopped the pill they should give you simple blood tests to start with.

Okay positive story:

TTC for 3 years, taking temperature, ovulated at different times each month, had tests and then a laparoscapy showing tubes mostly blocked, we were given leaflets for IVF prices list....so I cried and mulled around a lot, so much so i forgot to look out for next period I stopped taking temperature and though ah well will start saving andnext peroid never came until 9 months later, it never came!

I did wonder what they had done to me whilst I was in operating theatre but apparently it was just luck!

Worked for me! I've been pregnant twice (one missed miscarriage and one chemical pregnancy) and was hammered during both conceptions. The first time we had decided to stop trying but not use contraception and just have sex when we felt like it. Seemed to work. I know it makes no sense but I believe when you relaxed that's when it happens. Easier said than done. I found it best to stay away from my app and Mumsnet. Have been obsessing this month though and have no idea of I'm pregnant or not. Some days I have symptoms and some days I don't.

Like Dueling says, no amount of "relaxing" will solve a fertility issue. I'm 2 years into my TTC journey, PCOS, Clomid failed to work and about to start Gonadatrophin treatment, and I could quite happily swing for anyone that tells me to relax!

Stress doesn't help, so yes destressing yourself will make your life easier but simply relaxing will not get you pregnant.

5 months is nothing.
Trying for 8 years. Gave up, went on foreign holiday- got pregnant.

I had PCOS, multiple investigations,tried clomid etc. We totally gave up and decided against IVF and accepted we would be childless. Got pregnant. So it does happen.

I'd say no. TTC 2 years. Nothing. And in that time I've been on foreign holidays. Been pissed. Never taken my temperature. Had plenty of distractions, some enjoyable some very much not. I'm not pregnant. I've just had a poor AMH result so am now as far away from relaxed as possible. But... I'm trying some woo. Reflexology, acu and even found a fertility hypnotherapist. Will it get me pregnant? No. But I'm instead thinking of it as calming time that makes me feel less stressed about not being pregnant. Lots of the stuff I'm being taught does imply lower adrenaline is a big factor in success, and I'm not sure I buy that. But as I said, if all the Woo makes me feel less like crying into my pillow, then it's a win for me.

Sort of, after 18 months I had an appointment to see why it wasn't working.

Had to cancel it because I got PG with DD1, I guess I sort of relaxed thinking nothing was going to happen until after I'd been.

DF got PG as soon as she turned their box room into a study. Her older DCs are all IVF, and she was certain her family was complete.

No for me as a) that is impossible to do if you are ttc and b) after six years they thought I was infertile but did a Prolactin test. That was way over the normal range and I got pills. Then it went below the normal range which consultant said was OK. Still no BFP. Then we moved house with a bit of lodging in-between, I forgot to take the pills for a couple of months, the Prolactin level went up into the Normal range and bingo!
So basically if they haven't tested yr blood for that, get them to do it. It tricks yr body into thinking you're already pregnant.

Tried to conceive DS2 for about 10 months with no success. After much stress, I told DH that we were NOT going to try this particular month as I did not want a Libran child (plus I'd got pissed off anyway). Told him to pull out before ejaculation.

...guess who's got a (lovely) Libran son? :)

Seriously, you are taking this far too obsessively for someone who has only just started. This is the beginning of learning that once you have children you cannot control your life, or theirs, and that you have to relax and let nature and fate play out (of course there will be times when you may need to help it - but after five months of TTC you are not at that stage yet).

This time should be fun and magical - you and the person you love having lots of sex and hoping to make a baby. Throw away those tests, keep taking vitamins, and otherwise just eat healthily and have fun having sex.

My story - spent 2 years TTC my much wanted DC3, gave up and took on a promotion at work instead - week before I started the new job had very drunken sex during my period without protection and bingo - instantly pregnant. Was very at work but personally .

I'm another positive example!

3 years of trying, then the month before my IVF appointment finally a shocking BFP - So yes I would say 'relax' and try not to obsess over TTCing.

Good luck

Thanks everyone for the positive stories. I know 5 months is not a long time comparable to most. But these 5 months have felt like 5 long years.

Thanks winkle :) I am feeling a bit better today. Had a chat with DH and decided we are going to go for the relaxed approach and try not to obsess over it. I think I have been such a control freak through the whole ttc process but I have accepted and understood that finally that there are somethings in life that you just can't control and have to let nature take its course.

It's been hard to come to this conclusion. I have decided to ditch all of the sticks and ttc obsession. Will carry on having sex - but purely for fun not for ttc. The stories really helped.

I think you are going through the stages that we all go through on what I call this crazy roller coaster of TTC!

I've tried but not tried, tried, done SMEP, tried all the various things like epo, grapefruit juice, etc, used conceive plus, OV sticks, CBFM - practically everything!!

I've resigned myself to the fact that it will happen, I just don't know when and all I can do is keep trying :)

I'm finding this month of focusing on eating healthily has been really good for me but you have to get to this point by yourself. I can't tell you to stop thinking about it or relax, etc, you'll get here - or you'll get pregnant first!!

Thats lovely 10storey. I think I am going to go for a run in the evenings and get that rusty treadmill out.

The only thing that is needed every month is sex. We can try all we like but it will happen when its meant to. I finally get it. We will go to the GP in Jan to get some tests done if nothing happens by then.

I agree with WorkingItOutAsIGo that it should be a 'fun and magical' time, however the reality is that it isn?t. My husband and I have said that what started out as being exciting and fun has turned into anxiety and worry because we've been trying for a year and haven't even had a whiff of a second line.

So I feel for you red. I know exactly how you feel.

Yes I think when people say have "fun & enjoy the process" I always feel a bit hurt that why do they think we are not having fun or enjoying it? Why are people so presumptuous sometimes?

Every month the first two weeks in my cycle are indeed 'fun and magical' in spite of the planned and timed the sex. Timing sex doesn't mean you can't have fun. And we are all grown up adults. DH and I don't feel weird about declaring in advance that we are going to have a shag later at night. If anything we understand we want to and will have fun while we do.

The bit that's painful and causes sadness and upset every month is the BFNs and AF arrival.

And I feel for you too winkle its the disappointment every month that makes ttc painful.

I have spent the day analysing what makes me stress and obsess and its always the last two weeks of my cycle when I start to get into symptom spotting hyperness and stay up late at night staring at the apps and BFNs for a glimmer of hope. So that's what I am going to cut out completely - no more hoping and waiting for AF. I am not going to check my app anymore to find out when shes due nor am I peeing on any sticks. Just plain old sex and staying super busy the whole month.