Does 'relax' and 'not thinking about ttc' actually work?

[redstrawberry]

We have been ttc for 5 months now. Several BFNs and a chemical pregnancy later, I am running out of hope.

We have tried EPO, Conceive Plus, OPKs and DTD EOD and lots of obsessive planning. I wonder sometimes if we are over-doing it by constantly trying too hard.

I have heard several women say "relax" or "when you least expect it, it will happen" or "don't think about it" - Easier said than done!

Are there any positive stories from people who tried the relax approach? I am thinking of self-imposed ban on thinking about all things TTC - what have I got to loose?

I'm a reasonably relaxed person. Two and a half years of relaxing has not yielded even the sniff of a diff, so I'm now going to try Medical Science :)

Good luck OP.

Red because my cycles are never the same and because of the length of time I've been trying I never symptom spot - I just don't allow myself to do it!

I firmly believe that when I'm pregnant I'll 'know' I'm pregnant.

Tried for 10 months, used ovulation kits, bought loads of books, googled all day, completely obsessed with all baby making matters. Despaired at my long cycles, decided it just wasn't going to happen until we got some help. Stopped using ovulation kits, stopped testing each month and just got on with life while waiting for referral.... Bingo pregnant!! I know it's really hard, but it happens when you least expect it....good luck!

Yes and no. We TTC'd for 2 years 8 months. Investigations found DH had previously undiagnosed health problems causing a low sperm count. He started on treatment when we were at the 2 years TTC mark. 8 months later I got my BFP. But I also got my BMI under 30, started exercising more frequently and he cut down his alcohol intake. I'd charted, used OPKs. The month I got pregnant we were on holiday (but camping so not massively relaxing!) and we just had sex a couple of times around the right time.
So in a way, yes, when we relaxed it happened. But it would never have happened without the fertility investigations and treatment, so no! :)

Paradise I wish sometimes I would stop expecting it to happen. But my mind doesn't want to stop hoping yet.

I am a week away from AF and I managed well to not think about TTC for 3 weeks after this thread. But today has been a bad day. I can't stop thinking about it.

No, I don't believe in the "relax and it will happen" approach based on my experience.

In my case I went to the GP after 8 months of TTC and DH and I had basic tests a couple of months later. Many people would say 8 months is far too early to worry, and indeed the NHS guidelines would often not recommend tests at this "early" stage (luckily my GP is lovely ).

Those tests revealed that I had undiagnosed, unmedicated hypothyroid. I had no symptoms. I got pregnant the second month after starting medication for it (the first month I believe I had a chemical pg), so the 11th month of TTCing. I'm now 28 weeks pregnant . Perhaps I am unusual in having such an easily diagnosed and fixed problem, but in my case it was certainly worth taking action sooner rather than later.

I also have irregular cycles (due to PCOS), and DH and I work long and unpredictable hours, so the EOD approach wasn't going to work for us. I needed to use OPKs and have timed sex!

Had I "relaxed" and waited for nature to take its course, I believe I would still not be pregnant now.

strawberry I wouldn't say "relax". But I would say, try not to let it change your personality if you possibly can, try not to let it ruin your enjoyment of other things. Easier said than done I know. I was a proper misery for months and it was pretty horrid for my DH .

Been trying for 6 cycles now and am just wondering how long other people have been trying for so far?

Hi Strawberry,

I am so sorry you are feeling so down.

As others have said before me, if there are medical problems, relaxing won't fix them, and weight / lifestyle issues can't be ignored. However, stress, anxiety or depression can impair fertility and affect baby's development. As someone who is prone to stress and anxiety, I can sympathise, and appreciate that 'just relaxing' is easier said than done!

Have you considered counselling or 'mindfulness' courses? I know a number of people for whom the latter has been very beneficial.

Myself, I am on cycle 2 TTC. I'm not doing OPK or temping. There is no limit on sex, so I don't think it'll make a difference, and it's one less thing to think about. What I am doing is: marking down AF and DTD on a calendar, not drinking, taking pharmaceutical drugs or eating Brie (except for AF days!), making sure I eat healthily and exercise. I have not been making long term commitments such as holidays abroad, although we are still dong everything else such as UK breaks and camping. I have had to step away from auditioning for plays at my amateur theatre group, but I see no reason at all to give up things like reading!

Good luck everyone and take care

Strawberry sorry to hear ttc is getting to you. I'm sorry but the relax and it'll just happen hasn't been working for me!

Since starting out on this ttc journey just over a year ago the fiancé and I have had excessive amounts of relaxing holiday time and have been to LA, Miami, Dubai, Ibiza and Mauritius. If going on holiday gets you pregnant then I'm obviously doing something seriously wrong!!

I do think however excessive worry and anxiety isn't good for you, the mind affects the body after all. Anything you can do, yoga/ meditation/ cooking/ anything you enjoy will help you relax and take your mind off things.

In my case, my cycles are so mad that I feel I can't get away with not tracking my cycles, doing OPKs and temping - how can I just relax and let it happen if I don't even know when I'm going to ovulate? There is however an argument for just doing the business every other day from as soon as af stops until it comes back again......

Anyway best of luck to everyone, we will get our BFP's!

I got pregnant on honeymoon when I'd ditched the opks etc and just drank gallons of rum cocktails and shagged solidly for two weeks.