Rainbow babies- for all of us holding, pregnant with and trying for our rainbows. While remembering all our darling angels

[Moominsarescary]

Hoping the thread brings us luck and that soon we will all be holding our rainbows xx

A very sad welcome babyh, the ladies on here are so supportive, I hope you find that too. I lost my DD1 Nancy on 31st Dec 2011 when she was just 2 days old, as she had been starved of oxygen and was too poorly to survive. I'm so sorry to hear about your DS, please tell us about him if you feel up to it.

blizy I'm so sorry AF arrived, it's just so crap.

WTW, I'm so pleased that H has started to put the weight back on and is feeding ok - you take care & sending massive hugs to you all.

I will second fans post - remember angel's mantra: 'today you are pregnant'. Easy for me to say, but dates do seem to change quite a bit in the early days, but it sounds very positive really.

mecha - well done for driving to work & doing a full day, not too long to go until your op and then joining us in the TTC rollercoaster. I will certainly join in with a virtual cocktail & piece of cake!

Wasn't very well yesterday - had a nasty sickness bug, and still feeling a bit weak and crappy. Doesn't help that AF due in the next couple of days, so feeling pretty shit.
Also, our buyers had suggested a moving date of 7th Sept, which was fine, but last night they called up and their buyers have given them an ultimatum to complete by 31st Aug so I'm now really stressed about that, as we have said that we'll get out asap so that they can move in quicker. Really could do without this all as well at the moment.

Too, Maia's naming ceremony sounds lovely - beautiful pic of M & MrToo!! Well done for the toast, sounds perfect. about your weird friend though, how ridiculous. I just can't believe some people sometimes.

kleine, I think people just want to think that you are starting to feel better and 'move on' as it helps them, IYKWIM (if you know what I mean babyh!). It doesn't help you of course.

to everyone else

Oh little9 what terrible timing for your consultants appointment - is there any way you can put it off? I know that I couldn't focus on anything else on the day of Nancy's funeral.

amyboo try not to worry, I know its hard but there is nothing you can do untill the next scan. Try not to read too much into others actions, in my experience most doctors are not gushing when it comes to pregnancy. Every pregnancy is different, repeat the mantra 'today I am pregnant' becuase you are. Don't think its over before you know.

Hello everyone. Thank you all for your lovely messages. Sorry I havent replied to each of you individually but struggling to take everything in at the moment. I started to write a list of all your names and then got confused and didnt want to miss someone who had been kind enough to introduce themselves. Sorry for the late reply also. I had a family committment last nite and went with my mum to the cemetary today...gutted when I got there because the flowers we laid on Monday are already dead. Is anyone else having this problem? Feel exhausted so going for a nap in a bit. (I dont normally sleep in the day but since we lost our son Ive been shattered)
I'm lucky enough to have 2 beautiful children (DD1 8) and (DS2 6) we always wanted more children and I was delighted to fall pregnant with our 3rd child. We love surprises and didnt learn that our 3rd child was a boy until he was gone : ( his name is Adam.
I went to hospital after feeling reduced movement and even though I was worried I never dreamt for a second he was gone!!!! I was 38+4 and 5 days away from my planned c-section.
The midwives faces and the docs who told me our sad news will be engraved in my mind forever. One minute 'it was just a check up' the next we were talking about his funeral.
Im sure you all understand the hell thats followed.
He was so beautiful 8lb 11oz he was perfect and looked like he would just open his eyes at any moment. His death is unexplained but I always said the dating scan was wrong from day one and measured 5-6 wks bigger for dates. We are waiting for an appointment with the consultant to come through.
Reading through this thread I cant believe how many of our beautiful children have been lost.
So sorry for you all x
Congratulations to all of those who have new rainbows (including the very recent arrival of Holly so pleased for you WTW)
Will pray for all those hoping for rainbows tonight x

Ps If I dont reply Im in bed. Had trouble sleeping x

Baby- grief is mentally and physically exhausting. Adam is a fab name.

My dd Zoe was stillborn at 41wks on 28/2/11, i went in for reduced movements. after results from the ctg it was decided to break my waters. Once I was in the delivery room I was hooked up to the ctg again but they couldn't find her heart beat that time. It was found that I had something called defective placental maturation, Zoe also had downs syndrome. She was my first child, I have been ttc for 15 months without success. we conceived Z on our first try, so this is all very new ground for me.

Sorry for any typos/spelling, cat sitting in keyboard!

babyh hello and I'm sorry that you're here. Adam is a lovely name, I'm so sorry for your loss. My baby B was born and died at almost 22 weeks earlier this year after we discovered that he had multiple severe abnormalities and made the impossible decision to end the pregnancy. I'm pregnant again and worried.

Too I think raising a toast to Thea was lovely. Our angel babies should be celebrated too

Amy my understanding of such a faint line is that it should be expected before the date of your missed period (if that makes sense) so it sounds reasonable that your dates should be put back. Clearly you'll worry though as we all would. Fingers crossed for two weeks time.

Hi to all today

Blizy - So sorry to hear you lost your beautiful DD Zoe. I feel humbled coming on here and thankful as well because I have already been blessed and lucky enough to have two beautiful children. Its so awful that there are no other rainbows to get you through this and my heart goes out to you. My DD had her Baby Alive Doll waiting in the car seat before we lost Adam so its been so hard on them as well :( Sending you big hugs x

First - So sorry you lost your baby B. Hope your coping and this preg brings new and happier times for you. I know its hard to stay stong but your lovely rainbow is on the way : )

Hi all been away to Mil for a visit... Now trying to type this on my birthday present :)
Welcome babyh so sorry to hear about your little one... I lost Dd2 last year at 20 weeks pregnant, she had a chromosomal disorder called triploidy which is incompatible with life.
I'm almost 28 weeks pregnant with DD3.
Feeling very tired and we're going to safari park tomorrow for my birthday

Oh babyh Adam is a beautiful name. The early days are so so hard, just go with it and do what you need to get through. We lost our dd2 Erin 25/08/11 shortly after she was born, she had fetal cancer. Like you we have an older DD who is 5 and we were blessed with dd3 who was born just last week. It is hard on the older children, any questions you have just ask xxx

Amyboo I know you can't help it but try not to worry. Early scans are so hard to be accurate. I think I was posting on here when I went at what I thought was 8+1 weeks with Holly and they dated me 6+2. I was stressing but by my 12wk scan it was back to my original dates. Big hugs xx

Ellypoo sounds like you're having a stressful time! I've only moved house once and hated it!!

Kleine sorry your friends have been insensitive. I think we've all come across it - I'm never sure if it's that people just don't know how to be or if they really are stupid! I kept this pregnancy quiet until 20 weeks because I was terrified of people thinking it meant we were 'over it and moving on'. Thankfully most people didn't react like that at all

First trips out with baby Holly were a success and she was cooed over by everyone we met! Both dp and I are emotional wrecks though leading up to Erin's birthday I miss her so so much but I know if she were here Holly wouldn't be. So conflicting.

AMYBOO: Hope you are staying positive today hopefully your new rainbow is growing nicely.

BLUETINKERBELL: hope you have a lovely birthday and enjoy the safari park.

WTW: Im sure your Erin would want you to be happy and enjoy your the arrival of her beautiful sister.

Thank you so much for your kind welcome everyone thinking of you all tonight x

KLiene go girl... Getting ttc'ing!!!
Blizy what an odd dream??? Wonder what it all means???xx
Fan less of the old!!! But indeed I am wise!!! Cx
Amy 1 step at a time , 1 day at a time cx
Mech & Babyh the early stages of grief are so draining as I remember... Take your time & rest... Again, 1 day at a time xxx
Blue happy birthday for tomorrow cx
Hi all ; cuddles for those who need them... Fine here just tired , again!!! Been to see " wedding video" at the flicks was ok but only just got in ... Pls let Phebs sleep tonight xxxx
Night all xxxx

wtw - glad your first trips out with H went well.

amy - got everything crossed for you. Try to keep sending positive thoughts to that little bean (easy for me to say, I know!!).

I'm leaving the consultant appointment as it is as I don't want to delay getting the results. If there's not too much bad news then I think I'll be okish. Better take a box of tissues with me, though! Will take the day off work, so will see how it goes.

Hello to everyone else. I'll join in the virtual wine and cake (even better if it's chocolate, mmmm!). I've got two rooms fully painted, only four more to go!! Boarding loft out at mo as well, so am very tired and achey but feeling slightly uplifted. Just wish I didn't have to go to work cos I could get it all done quicker!

Got our first Grade 3 agility competition with the pooches this weekend - should be interesting!!

DH's new gardening business is going very well and he is getting lots of jobs in as well as some long term customers. Not sure what he'll do over winter but I'm sure he'll find something to keep the pennies rolling in. He's called his new van Daisy. Bless!

Ooo, sorry Blue. Happy birthday and hope you enjoy the park

wtW sounds like H is doing really well now your milk is in, hope you are able to feel a bit more relaxed about her FX those bloods come back normal

Front Thank you that is a really good idea about the NCT but unfortunatly they don't do measuring round here, the NCT isn't very active round here.

Kliene Sorry you have an insensitive friend, I'm not sure what happens with some people but they seem to have a block on understanding. I was lucky none of the people round me who did this were my friends, but some people said and did things and I still can't understand how on earth they thought it was apropriate. Maybe if she keeps it up one of your other friends will be able to explain the way shes behaving is hurtful and tbh a bit wierd.

babyh very sad welcome to the thread, Adam is a lovelly strong name.

I'm sorry I can't namechack anyone else I'm passed baby brain and into labour brain I think - you know the stage where you can't actually concentrate on anything anyone is saying to you at all. Had some period type pains and Braxton Hicks have become more frequent, not labour or anything but feels like my body is getting itself ready far more than it did before. It's all good, officially full term baby's moving well andis head down with bum to left andspine in the right place. If Tiddler comes now the only downside is it's not September yet .

My grant came in and went out - my only worry now is that some of the things the final date for posting is the day I'm being induced. Can't do anything about it now though and we're as ready as we're ever going to be. We worked out what to spend our anniversary present on too - a camera! We've only got a phone camera atm and it's not totally baby related, it'll be brilliant to be abel to take photos whenever we want and not have to keep planning and borrowing everyone elses - and I can email pics to my family who live in Oxford too

Ooo nearly posted before I told you - my date is 3rd September 9am and Dh is allowed to stay the whole time YAY. Still have to have our tour of the ante/post natal wards next weds, poor DH he's got an induction day at college 10 - 2 then 2:30 we've got the tour, his course also starts on the 3rd - so he has to start the course by not turning up didn't plan this very well did we!

AND we have one dead mouse, think it's the only one so no mice for baby!

Thanks for esupport everyone. I think I might try and dowhat Dh is doing and just try and take one day at a time and see how things go. I guess I'm just doibly stressing as I go back to work in 2.5 weeks :(

wtw glad tohear thefirst outing went OK. It must be so hard dealing with the joy of your new baby and the grief of Erin at the same time. Are you planning anything special for her anniversary?

trickle So close to tue end now! Hope you're not feeling too stressed and get lots ofrest.

Sorry for not name checking everyone. Have to go and make a wedding anniversary cake for PIL and need toget started on my decorations etc. Off to the UKtomorrow to see lots of family who haven't seen us since I was 7 months pregnant. Am dreading having to talk about it allagain....

Happy Birthday blue! Have a lovely day x

babyh grief IS exhausting isn't it. Sleep when you can - oh and don't worry about replying to everyone's messages... this is a 'do exactly what you need to' type of thread.
Re flowers on Adam's grave - they do die quickly don't they. Heavy vases/small metal buckets less likely to fall over in the wind... DH & I have put a couple of low-maintenance potted plants on E's grave for now, while the earth is settling. We're probably going to buy a small 'windowbox' type of thing, too, to put another couple of plants in - hopefully things that will survive the autumn/winter. Don't know if you would consider something like that?

to trickle and amyboo and everyone else too. Thanks to all for replying re our friends, too. We're just at that stage of starting to feel a bit isolated now as everyone else - of course - carries on with their busy lives. We expected it to happen, but it's still a shock, isn't it? We both feel utterly terrible almost all the time, quite hard to be patient with all the cheery comments... But we are ploughing on. Time doesn't allow us to stand still, does it (if only).

amyboo and babyh just try one step at a time, one breath at a time... even a day might seem too huge to deal with. And allow yourself to feel. This is for you too kleine - don't feel you need to be cheerful and positive because others want you to be. They don't know the reality in which you live. Of course, they want you to be ok, because they hate to see you hurting, but they really have no concept. Not would we want them to. But please, if their words hurt, don't be afraid to say "I'm sorry, thank you, I know you mean well, but I am not ready yet. This is incredibly hard." I think they will appreciate your honesty. And basically, if they don't, well, too bad. You are mourning your child, and that is a hell of a lot more important than being polite and brave

trickle wow, you have been very efficient, so glad to hear both you and your body are all ready for the imminent arrival. 3rd September, wow!!

blue Happy birthday!!

angel not sure how you are surviving and working with the amount of sleep you have... hero!

little love the name of your van! Perfect for a gardening business too.

Oh was just quickly refreshing the page before turning my computer off and saw your lovely message miasmummy - thank you so much. That is exactly what I do, and what DH does too. In fact I have just had another message this morning saying 'hope you are ok :-) ' and I will reply later saying (nicely) 'no, I am not, but thank you for getting in touch'... There's just no point pretending, is there? Actually, I couldn't pretend even I wanted to. I'm still at the stage where I feel physically sick if I try to have a conversation about anything apart from our daughter or the two of us. It's an entirely necessary selfishness.

My body is playing silly tricks again, so who knows what my cycle is up to. But we know to expect a lot of weirdness and irregularities. Frustrating, though! Love to all x

babyh and poppet, in regards to flowers on graves, as a person who has to cut the grass in graveyards, here's some tips on how to protect your flowers. Put fresh cut flowers in a stone or metal container, you can get them from gardening shops. The plastic ones are very easily destroyed by strimmers and mowers. Also the same with plastic planters. In the graveyards I cut we don't start cutting till mid spring so early flowering bulbs are good to plant on and around the grave, like snowdrops and crocus. Daffs last too long and will end up being cut down too soon.
If they let you I would suggest cutting a head strip around the front of the head stone to plant flowering plants. Then maintain this like a little garden, the more you do this the more the gardeners will respect the grave.
If anyone has any questions regarding graves feel free to ask me.
I hope what I have written helps.

fan you really are so helpful. Thank you. How are you doing?

Hi ladies.

Well, we've got an appointment with the paediatric consultant who looked after Nancy before they transferred her to LGI in a couple of weeks. I don't really know what I want to ask, my brain is a big muddle at the moment. Does anyone have any suggestions?

Thanks fan for that, I was hoping to plant some snowdrops on Nancy's grave, my friend who's twins are buried a few 'doors' up has told me that we aren't allowed to plant anything though because of them mowing - do you think this would be ok though, as they will come up about the right time of year for her. The cemetary is so well kept, I wouldn't want to do the wrong thing, but I really would like to do that, and they don't keep well in pots.

Also, I think I would really like to go away and escape Christmas this year, as much as possible - does anyone have any suggestions? We live in the East Midlands, and I wouldn't want to go abroad I don't think in case the weather is bad. I'm already dreading Christmas (I usually look forward to it so much, but the excitement of last year and then what happened immediately after it is just going to haunt it), but I think I might want to be back to do something for Nancy's 1st Birthday on 29th with the family but I just don't know. Does anyone have any tips or suggestions for escaping and surviving? Our families totally understand (well, mine do anyway) that we want/need to get away - I just don't know where or anything.

elly I think our babies suffered similarly from oxygen deprivation, ie, they had very severe hypoxic ischaemic encephalopathy (HIE)? I know we have a 'similar' situation as well in that both our little girls died after two days
Anyway, if you think it would help, PM me your email address and I can send you the questions we asked our consultant. We had access to a fair bit of research on the topic as well and I could look up articles etc for you if it was useful.

We also plan to spend Christmas away, or if not, then alone at home. Understand totally. Obviously have no tips yet on how best to do it, but will also be very interested to hear what the others have done...

(Can anyone tell I'm having a day where I'm not doing that much and keep coming back to the thread to see if anyone's written anything?! )

Hi kleine yes that's right, id even forgotten the name of it until you put that!! Sorry that our stories are so similar, I will send you my add, thanks so much.

I had a thought of Centreparcs for Christmas maybe - we can take lots of lovely food & drink and then do whatever we like, has anyone been? Think we'll have a look tonight when DH gets back from gym.

Ooh kleine sorry but I'm not sure how to pm you, is it because your name doesn't have an underline in blue? can you pm me first instead? Sorry, I'm not hugely 'up' on mn!!