TTC Myths Exposed!

[CaveMum]

I've been hanging round on the Conception boards for quite a while now (far longer than I ever expected) and have noticed that the same myths/theories/whatever you want to call them, seem to keep cropping up.

As a nation we are useless at talking about fertility issues and as such these myths can perpetuate and end up being taken as fact, so I thought we ought to do a myth busting thread that might help some people better understand things and, hopefully, feel better about the whole process.

So here goes:

Very few women have a 28 day cycle. If your cycle is shorter or longer than this don't panic! It's just a number that Drs like to use.

Most women do not get pregnant straight away. It can take a perfectly healthy couple up to a year to conceive, so again, don'tpanic if it seems to be taking longer than you first expected.

In the same vein, most GPs won't investigate potential fertility issues until you have been trying for 1 year. They really won't be impressed if you make an appointment after only 2 months of trying!

There is very little point in POASing before at least 13dpo. HPTs are only up to 60% accurate before this date, so why waste the money and upset yourself with a potentially false result?

OPKs as HPTs are very unreliable. Just don't go there!

Feel free to add your own

Incidentally, I am in the 2ww at present (testing on Monday) and this thread is both keeping me sane and driving me nuts simultaneously!

In the general population it is most accurate to say that "symptoms" at 2+0 to 3+6 are due to progesterone. In an individual though the main concern is whether symptom spotting is fun or frustrating. And once one is safely pregnant it is fun or comforting to say "ah well yes I knew from 3+3 because my left thumb was squirmy".

You assume that "early pregnancy symptoms" should be attributed to every women

I didn't say that.

I think it's unfair for you to tell me that if I experience these symptoms then "you are DEFINITELY pregnant because I TOTALLY had that last time" is failing to grasp that everyone is unique

And I certainly didn't say that (loving the way you're making me sound like a bimbo though ). In fact, I privately thought you were guilty of the same thing - assuming because your early pregnancy "symptoms" were very similar to premenstrual symptoms that must be what every woman is experiencing. In fact, I think (and have long thought) that this is one of the mistakes many women make - assuming their own experience of pregnancy / childbirth / parenting is universal. I mentioned my own experience simply because it was a non-PMT-like symptom.

The line in your post which made me assume you thought you were more intelligent than other posters wasn't your use of the term "common denominator" (I'd have had to have misunderstood your sentence to have assumed that). It was the three preceding sentences.

^I think it's unfair for you to tell me that if I experience these symptoms then "you are DEFINITELY pregnant because I TOTALLY had that last time" is failing to grasp that everyone is unique

And I certainly didn't say that (loving the way you're making me sound like a bimbo though)^

Oooh sorry that wasn't directed at "you" per se. That does sound like it but I didn't mean for that. I've seen many people tell women in the 2ww that they are "definitely pregnant" because of similar symptoms.

See my previous post. My only suggestion here is that we should all be left alone to experience whatever it is that we experience. I was told that I was "definitely pregnant" because someone else who had had three kids had the same symptoms I had so I was a definite. I obviously wasn't.

My issue is that I have no children and have been trying for one. My biggest hurt is being fed false hope by women who believe that everyone experiences symptoms in those 2 weeks. All I am trying to do it mitigate that hurt. I've read a lot (and fair enough, it doesn't replace your personal experience - but thats still what it is, personal) and in a large portion of women, there are no symptoms. I still think it's more fair on each other if we don't feed that false hope until there is a certainty either way.

What is two weeks in the grand scheme of things? Waiting for a positive test with bated breath. Or being told that you can experience and feel symptoms for that time? Especially knowing how high the chemical pregnancy rate is.

Do you think that by encouraging all women to look for symptoms every month that it's fun after a year to carry on encouraging that? Or do you think some form of practicality should be more in line and the realisation that perhaps one day if a woman does fall pregnant, that the next time around she will be able to recognise her own patterns and symptoms without telling everyone else that their symptoms are destined to be the same?

I nearly killed myself thinking I had pregnancy symptoms. And a lot of pregnant women or women with kids GUARANTEED me that they were 2ww pregnancy symptoms.

Oh, bless you. What's two weeks? Bloody everything when you're TTC, I'd argue

I think that some women do have symptoms. Well, I would, wouldn't I? I had the same ones both times (and an implantation bleed with DD1) So obviously I believe some do. But is a uterus expanding any different from period pain? Not really. And would it drive you mad examining every twinge every month? Most certainly.

Having spent a fair amount of time ttc in total, I really don't think the general feeling of this board is that of giving false hope to women and encouraging them to think they are pregnant. I'm sorry that your experience of people telling you about pregnancy symptoms has been negative, but that is just one person with three kids that you chose to listen to at that time. Only a positive test will tell you if you are definitely pregnant. If you look for symptoms you will find them. Its up to an individual if they want to spend two weeks poking their tits to see if they are just PMS or possibly slightly different to usual - yes if you have been trying for ages this behaviour can drive you up the wall, but if you don't want to do it, that's up to you.

That's my argument. We've been TTC for over a year and I've eventually come to realise that there are no symptoms - because I've had all of them! And yes, I don't know what they are because I've not been pregnant before so I am looking for...well, like a ghost.

And after TTC for a year, I had a shit diagnosis and now, I've got to stop TTC and wait for my body to come back down into alignment. So you want to know shit? I get an indefinite amount of time before I can TTC again - 2ww and all.

To be honest though, the best month I had was the one where I firmly told myself that I can't find any symptoms and they don't exist. It was the one month where I wasn't a complete wreck by the time AF was due. It was the one time where I didn't spend a week crying my eyes out because I was a failure YET AGAIN

Fine if you've been trying a couple months and you fall pregnant. But the biggest let down is when you have to try for months and months and people are still trying to encourage you to look for symptoms... :)

#justsaying

Kat - sadly, it's so common on these forums that women say "you're definitely pregnant".

It wasn't just one person. I see it at least twice a day.

Sorry to hear about the diabetes and ketoacidosis KicktheGuru. I had multiple experiences of ketoacidosis earlier in this pregnancy because of the hyperemesis, I was stuck in ketosis for weeks, and it was really really grim. I hope you are feeling better now and that they've got the diabetes under control.

Getting there slowly, Kali
More depressed about the lack of TTCing and the random indefinite wait

13 months for me for my second pregnancy so I do understand. Although as it was my second I wasn't as upset as the months I didn't manage it with my first (this is a controversial thing to say on MN, another example of experiences not being universal!)

Anyway - I do totally understand. Just promise me that when you do get pregnant if you have a disgusting metallic taste in your mouth before your period is due you will come back and tell me?

Hehehe I promise that once my pregnancy is confirmed, I will create a thread and jump up and down about how badly I lied but how you will ONLY get symptoms in the 2ww when you know you're already pregnant :)

I am hoping they put me on the fertility drugs so I get metallic and vitaminic tastes in my mouth and my boobs not only get sore, but they start dancing with top hats on.

:)

Sorry for the crappy diagnosis kicktheguru - fingers crossed that those levels might fall quicker than you think. It sounds like it has been a really tough time.

Obviously the arguments you have made about the progesterone based symptoms are perfectly valid and the point you are making, that symptom spotting is mostly a cruel and pointless way of building yourself up for disappointment and is even worse when encouraged by others, is also absolutely fair.

I think people have mostly reacted to your opening style statement, that 'there are NO pregnancy symptoms in the 2ww' and the implication that if you have them, you are, by extension, imagining them, as that is the only scientific explanation possible. That's just too categoric. As others have said, I don't buy it. I partly recognised mine in retrospect admittedly (wasn't trying to spot symptoms particularly) but for 2 days before doing a test at 11dpo, I was shattered and exhausted in an absolutely unusual way (think getting into bed at 9.30 for someone who never goes until 11 or 12), which continued for the next 3 months.

The other thing with the encouraging of symptom-spotting and so on on forums like this is that a lot of people come on here looking for exactly that! They just want to obsessively swap symptoms in a way that isn't possible in RL, because that's what's on their minds. I don't have a problem with it. But I agree that it becomes soul-destroying where there are other problems and I think it's up to the person themselves to step away from this kind of conversation in that case.

Agreed. I know I have an alternative theory because I've seen a lot of people fall prey to the symptom spotting thing. It should definitely be a hindsight thing. I joined the forum for the same reasons - I wanted someone to tell me that I was pregnant. And they did! In their droves!

I think it's a protection thing for me. If you are pregnant, it's not going anywhere. So try not to symptom spot in those 2ww because it does drive everyone crazy.

I think the only people who may know are those who have been there before. Certainly the women I know in RL say that they best symptom they had was a tweak the day before AF was due (for a day) and that was their biggest symptom. Bar the positive pregnancy test :)

Either way, I hate seeing people suffer when there AF arrives and they've had all the symptoms. So I will keep telling them to focus on the prize at the end of the 2ww. The pregnancy test. That's the most conclusive proof of pregnancy. Especially for us first timers :)

"Their" not "There" in the last paragraph.

Spelling mistake :)

For what it's worth, I've never in my life experienced a horrid 'metallic taste'.

Don't know what everyone's going on about

I do agree Kick that obsessive symptom spotting can set women up for terrible disappointment. I'd never come on to these threads before - only did so because I suspected I was pregnant and put a specific question into the search function - but I have got sucked in to the two week wait threads and I find them concerning at times. I realise this may sound a bit rich (patronising?) coming from someone who already has three children, but the level of obsessing is unhealthy in my opinion. I do know how all encompassing it feels to want to be pregnant, but I've read about women taking pregnancy tests at just three days post ovulation, and continuing to take them after their period has arrived! That way insanity lies...

And it's any kind of symptoms as well - especially the ones that are masked in the form of higher progesterone.

I don't think the mass obsessing is any good either. I was one of them and it really was just a big disappointment.

I try to encourage sane thought in the forums with those who are TTC (especially their firsts). I don't think it's healthy to sit and look for twinges and tweaks because it really does make you go nuts! I never used to work in those 2 weeks. I spent all my time thinking about what symptoms I would have next and what was everyone else doing?!!

I have an 8 month old and I had symptoms during the 2ww tht were different to af....increased cm, sore boobs (don't normally get this during period) and tiredness. I lo's got cramps which I normally get and runny poo which I on't normally get during period. I guess everyone is different.

I have started to get sore boobs before AF in the last three months. Very sore nipples - burning almost. Increased CM and tmi alert, my DH once noticed such an increase in my lady bits (engorged) that he actually couldnt get it in.

I have been 3 - 4 days late every single month (normally dead on regular). Never had sore boobs before.

Exhausted - like coming home from work and sleeping on the couch.

It is a sad truth that we humans have a great capacity for self-delusion. Insofar as it's protective and keeps us happy or stops us from going insane, is it really such a bad thing that it needs to be "corrected"? I think that, deep down, we all know the truth of most of the myths on MN.

I agree with a lot of what Kick says but when I was pregnant for the second time, I "knew" before I reached 14DPO. That said, I am the sensible sort who waited until week 5 to test. I think there's something in the suggestion that if you've been pregnant once, your body notices it more quickly the next time. This is, of course, no help to someone TTC #1.

people do get overexcited about symptom spotting in some threads it's true. BUT it is all part of the fun! TTC is meant to be fun, and sharing the highs and lows for a couple of months before you get your BFP and begger off to the AN thread is part of it.

When the BFP doesn't come then obviously it starts to get less fun, but then obviously the onus is on the poster to move threads and find a more suitable place to hang out with less shouty, excitable 'new' ttcers who might bug with their symptom spotting shenanigans. This might sound harsh but maybe it is unfair to impose more 'realistic' (or just plain unfortunate/sad) experiences on the shouty newbies

I, for one, love a good symptom spot :) If I am not in the mood to read the more excitable optimistic threads, I don't. And if someone says 'oooh you are definintely pg' I don't really listen, though it might be nice of someone to say that.

but kick your symptoms were real. But diabetes, not pregnancy. (sorry to hear about the diabetes btw.) YOU were the one who attributed them to pregnancy? At the same time saying there were no symptoms (didn't you even start a thread about this?)

I do agree with you kick of course not EVERY woman who is pregnant experiences symptoms in the 2ww, but I'm sorry I have to say this this, you are wrong if you are saying that 100% all women do NOT.experience any ymotons during the 2ww because I for one did.

Yes it MAY sound like af symptoms or symptoms you have experienced yourself but my symptoms were unique to me and I had a strong suspicion I was pregnant as I didn't have those particular experiences before.

It's like saying that someone is diabetes like yourself has to have had the same experience you had. You're right in the sense that most of these 2ww wait symptoms are bull but SOME are true, at least for SONE women.

The caps are meant to be italics btw not shoutyness.

I don't know if the hormonal things were the diabetes. But the thing is that it's all hindsight isn't it?

When I was in it, it was pregnancy.

Only afterwards you get to say "Ah yes, it was definitely the diabetes"

Is it not the same with pregnancy? So many women are so sure that they are pregnant but none of it unequivocal until you get that positive pregnancy test.

Simple question:

Would you tell someone that the symptoms are 100% accurate to monitor and watch out for?

Or would you tell someone that a positive pregnancy test is 100% accurate to monitor and concentrate on?

Why are women telling others that they can RELY on symptoms? Is that not a falsehood in itself?

I realised after 3 months of fairly avid MNing, obsessive symptom spotting and doing everything "by the book" TTC-wise that 95% of 2ww "symptoms" are wishful thinking / PMS / pre-AF. And tthat if you type "is X a symptom of pregnancy?" into google you are guaranteed to find people who experienced X and were pregnant. No matter WHAT x is!! Once I realised that, I realised it was pointless googling anything and also pointless symptom spotting. Then I also stopped going on MN and took up a couple of new hobbies and the last 5m of TTC have been SO much more bearable than the first 3.
Not sure why I'm on here again now but i know if i keep it up I'll be devastated again in 2 weeks time rather than just mildly disappointed. But seeing this thread did make me giggle and I hope everyone reads it! I couldnt resist posting.
Over and out and good luck everyone.