Fantastic 40+ thread - part 7

[lolfactor]

Shiny new thread - over here everyone

Everyone here, all my friends, thank you so much for your love today. I have been brought to tears by you all. It has been a beautiful day, sunshine and laughter, love and friendship. And sadness, of course, but the greatest feeling I had today was that I felt blessed - by having the enormous and amazing privilege of having had Mia in our lives, but also for the wonderful friendship which has been shown to us, yet again. xx

Just popping in to give miasmum a virtual hug. I cannot begin to imagine how you must be feeling today. Wish so much that I could think of something useful or helpful to say, my love. XXXXXXX

Dropping in to send hugs to Miasmummy and positive vibes to Cheese.

Gum - I get baby dreams as well sometimes. Had one last night but I can't remember too much about it. Sometimes they have been very vivid indeed and quite distressing (i.e. something goes wrong). I hope it is a positive one for you :)

Goth, I hope it is a positive thing too. Incidentally, I feel like I may ovulate today. Don't know if there will be any shagging though as DH hasn't been very well, and I not supposed to be ttc. Like I said in an earlier post, if it happens,I'll go with it, but if it doesn't,I'll cope with that.

I hope everyone is okay.

I just wish we could all have the baby we want. If determination was the winning factor, we'd all be holding our precious bundles by now.

I have to rush off now and make dinner. Meatball soup...yum.

Congratulations on your BFP cheese, sending you positive vibes for a straightforward pregnancy.
Hugs to miasmum, I can't imagine how you must be feeling over these few weeks, but you sound so strong and eloquent in your posts.

No luck for me this month, AF arrived yesterday, despite plenty of well-timed shagging. I knew for at least a week before that I wasn't pregnant though, not sure why. This has been a normal cycle, after the last two unusual ones, which makes me feel a bit more positive. As as has been said here before, now each month counts - it's 4 months since my 44th birthday, and the odds are so low of having a baby, I can't help thinking if I'd been confident enough to talk about it earlier, I'd have my baby by now, but I'll never know. Sorry for the woe is me. Just off to pick DD up from her first full day at school, so the whole starting school thing isn't helping either.

hope everyone is ok, especially those who have had recent losses. Welcome to the newbies, sorry not to name check. Love to all.

Goldengirl I roasted a chicken for tea today and thought of you!

Galwaygal thank you for the advice. 12 miscarriages must have been heartbreaking, you've been through such a lot.
I'm originally from Ireland ,came over to the UK when I was newly qualified, met DH in the first week of my first job(he was still a student!) and the rest is history. We're in the North West. I looked up Dr Raj Rai and phoned to enquire about a private referral ,apparently he only has appointments on a Wednesday so I'll have to think about logistics. A trip to London wouldn't be easy at the moment, DH has just started a new job and will be away a lot for the next 6 weeks. I'll certainly consider it though.In the meantime I'm taking my pregnacare conception...just in case.(And I've got some 75mg aspirin).

Sparkly sorry to hear your AF started.
It is difficult when your little one starts school , it's a milestone and a step towards independence and away from babyhood,though it is lovely to see them growing up too.I must admit I found it a wrench when DS started University last year,even though he was only going to be an hour's drive away and he could come home at weekends, it's the end of an era and moving on to the next lifestage.

I have finally stopped bleeding, though when I went for a scan last week my MC was still incomplete so I have to go back for another scan next week. I had been getting daily headaches and feeling faint but that seems to be settling so I think physically things are settling down. Emotionally/mentally it will take longer, I don't feel like I'll ever feel quite the same as I did before my three MC, but you have to keep going. I'm going back to work this week so will try to get into a more normal routine.

Love to everyone else,Miasmum hope you're ok
x

Hi girls.....I'm feeling a little down.
Waiting for any signs of ovulation on cd12...absolutely zilch, no highs on my cbfm ( 3rd month of using it and first month showed highs from day 9 follwed by peaks on day 13 and 14). :(. Augusts cycle ended up as a 40 dayer , I so hope its not going to be another long one. We only have 6 weeks before my man goes off to basic training.
I guess we all have those days where we feel its just not going to happen.
Love to all those going through difficult times just now .

Sparkly, sorry your period arrived It's shit when you've had plentiful and well-timed intercourse. When, when, when is it going to happen for us??

Calibee, I suspect you haven't googled the Sperm Meets Egg Plan as you were advised (naughty girl). Start it tonight. This way, you will cover all bases when you do ovulate and plenty of sperm will already be in situ. I'm sorry to sound bossy but I ,too, am wallowing in the doldrums/sitting on rage.

I've had a serious falling out with my sister and it's been coming for a long time. I don't care anymore. I am too wrapped up in how little I think of myself to actually be concerned at how little others may think of me. Despite DP leaving me a note on the pouffé this morning which said: "Just to say that I love you so much. Please don't think that you're a bad or horrible person because you are NOT!! Try and relax and enjoy your day - don't exercise too hard if you're going to the gym but most of all, remeber that you are much loved by those closest to you so forget about anyone else. You're my hero!" I am miserable. I feel like I need a month with the Dalai Lama with him reminding me what I'm actually on this earth for and what I'm actually giving to the universe. I need to be reminded that having a child is not the be all and end all of why I was put on this earth. But most of all I need to be told that I am fucking gloriously fantastic, witty, kind, intelligent, uproariously good in bed, a master chef, slim with fab tits and a tight fanjo Oh...and that I will have a baby

It's not all despondency in our house: on Saturday we bought a kitten. He is 12 weeks old and utterly adorable and very, very naughty. We've christened him Little Ted (sorry, Lolfactor!) He is being regularly bitch-slapped by our other cat but is proving to be very brave, resilient and lots of fun. We love him

IrishMammy, the shoplifted whole roast chicken has been paid for! I slunk (is that even a word?) up to the Customer Service desk yesterday and told them the whole story. They all had a right laugh about it and said they would never have been brave or lovely enough to come back and pay for it. So...in the space of 24 hours I have been called brave, lovely, a hero and a twat My life is too weird.

To add to my feelings of self-loathing, I had an abortion some years ago and s/he would have been 10 years old this month. I have so many regrets. Maybe I'm just not worthy to be a mum.

goldengirl i have sisters too - i know how difficult it can get. those rows are killer. in fact you don't half remind me of elements of my sister experience. i am always telling both of them to get therapy (i've done it, it is one of human civilisation's true miracles in my opinion) but they hate me saying that. they think im insulting them in some way which i don't get given i'm in therapy myself and i think very highly of myself for having done it.

definitely not logical to think a termination makes you not worthy to be a mother - no enlightened thinker would truck with that!

also i feel moved to say one of my sisters also terminated and then had a kid at 43 after months and months - over a year, possibly more like two - of trying inc a miscarriage.

i am sure there are lots of other stories like this.

hugs to all you wonderful brave women.

xxxx

Somewhere, I feel very grateful for your reply (in fact I blubbed). The trouble with me and my sister is that we have been incredibly close all our lives and have acted as each other's therapist for the longest time - until recently. And I cannot escape the fact that [whispers] I have changed into a more imperious, less tolerant and wholly dissatisfied-with-my-lot kind of girl since my miscarriage and the subsequent long months of TTC. I am resentful, dogmatic and am suffering from what I can only describe as a constant, low-level rage all the fucking time. I hate it. I want to feel light and fluffy and generous-spirited and relaxed and optimistic about life again. I sometimes feel like I will burst

golden that's a beautiful, human, honest and open reply and you are so going to be a good mum.
you remind me of my sisters with the intelligence, the endless yakking (but really good, interesting yakking) and neurosis (although i'm the neurotic one).
xxxx

yes my sister was my therapist for ages and when i actually got a real therapist i realised what utter bollocks she talked. she's not neurotic - she is teflon - so she just takes life's flak, rationalises that what is a really terrible situation is just fine. but i couldn't do that - much too sensitive - i needed to make my situation less terrible or i'd go under. and it worked beautifully.
anyway i'm going to lurk back but hugs
xxx

Ah, Somewhere! A yakking neurotic: you have summed me up superbly, my dear girl! In a nutshell, my sister and I were brought up in a deeply religious family and so all our analysis and observations of one another remain entrenched in 'The Spiritual'. Of course, our spirits should be loving, kind, tolerant, slow to anger, blah, blah and of late mine has shown none of these traits (according to my sister, who has shown only a passing interest in my life for months and lives far away enough that she doesn't have to be arsed coming to see me). So, her admonishments to me this time around are as ever: I am just not being 'nice' enough. I am antagonistic. I am unnappreciative (I shouldn't be demanding a baby when it may well not be the will of God - especially as DP is a non-Christian and I shouldn't even be in this relationship). The problem is, these attacks on my personality are wounding (although I will not show it to her - DP is the only one who sees my misery and self-doubt) and I end up suspecting that I am, in fact, A Bad Person.

Somewhere, please don't simply lurk because you're pregnant. You are lovely and interesting and wise and I promise not to use you as my therapist

Apologies to you other ladies for venting my existential angst. I promise to be more sanguine tomorrow

golden...aha you got me. Sperm meets egg plan now thoroughly revised. Its not too different to my current tactics however. My cycle seems to be seriously messed up. I seem to remember always having 28 day cycles....I'm guessing 15 years on mini pill/mirena coil hasnt helped :(.
Sorry to hear about nastiness with your sister, sounds like it was due. Had to laugh at my sister a few weeks ago. As she is nine years older than me I was quzzing her about menopause etc (wondering if my late periods/long cycles were to do with it!!!) after I explained I was nearly two weeks late. A few days later, after af arrived, she said "oh well...at least your not pregnant". Hah...if only she knew, However I choose not to tell anybody, which is why this thread is so important.
Soo, its off to work I go. Big weekend ahead....we are moving into a brand new hospital. My boss was not impressed when I told her I had to finish by 2 on Saturday due to my boyfriends birthday....face like thunder. I had to smile to myself, would have loved to see her face if I told her I had to get away early as I plan to primp and preen a little for my naughty night away :)

yes I hope i'm not using this thread as a therapist - i have tried not to. had a bit of a blurt back there but it happens.

Calibee you are so naughty!

xxx

Calibee, when did you come off the pill/coil? If it's three months I would say your crazy cycles are normal at this stage (but what the buggery do I know?!) Enjoy your grooming and subsequent seductions

Somewhere, I'm sorry you feel you have to curb your advisory gift; you helped me alot t'other day

Just got back from the doctor whose shoulder I bawled on (not literally; he favours cashmere and I wouldn't want to slather his lovely sweaters in snot - and what would his wife(s) think?!) I told him I was thoroughly miserable/angry/desolate/afraid/panicky and that I had been trying to quit my antidepressants to increase the health chances of any potential embryo. He told me to increase my meds immediately an that they will do no harm to a baby and that he is referring me for counselling I asked him if it was true that GPs have the authority to prescribe Clomid. He wasn't sure and said he would look into it. I bawled again and told him my fears that my eggs are shite and how wonderful it would be if he could oooh, I dunno... just give me some fecking Clomid so that I'm popping more eggs out each cycle and increasing my chances of octuplets then that would be simply sublime thank you very much.

Eire, I wonder how you are? And Blackcats, I wonder how you are doing, too.

Oh, and if there are any secret lurkers out there can I cordially invite you to speak up and say hello as I am, without a shadow of a doubt, beginning to bore the pants off these poor ladies...

Tina, love, what stage are you at now? Is anything happening re your donor? And what about you, Pocket?

golden well done re talking to GP about all of it - i'm sure they can give you clomid??
xxx

Thanks, Somewhere. If GPs will happily prescribe Clomid why aren't we all on it? Or am I missing something?

Good evening ladies! How's everyone doing?

golden I hope you're feeling better after your Dr's appointment? Hopefully getting it all off your chest & a higher dose of AD's will have you feeling a little better soon - and hoping he has good news for you about the Clomid - will be interesting to hear what he has to say.

I'm at the Dr's tomorrow. Will do a CBD test 1st thing, to see if things are progressing as they should & will use the results to have a discussion with her either way. It was the same GP who confirmed my pregnancy the last time - and I saw after the m/c, so she knows my history. Unfortunately I'll have DS with me (can never have a decent conversation when he's around as he's such a monkey!).

Am feeling much less anxious than I did a week ago - I'm actually fairly relaxed now, as my expectations are low & I don't expect NOT to have a m/c -so if things actually do work out, then I'll be very pleasantly surprised.

Good evening all, thought I'd pop back onto the thread so the resident therapist somewhere and the newly-reformed chicken criminal golden didn't feel too alone... (btw, have an excellent recipe for chicken in homemade spicy plum sauce!) Hoping that Clomid will eventuate for you, my lovely!!

lotsof yes, sometimes it is simply mentally easier not to believe you are pg. I banned my family from making any reference to it at all, as I had shared the good news because we all needed it, but it was too hard to have them asking me every day how I was.

calibee enjoy your Saturday seductions , and learning more about the SMEP plan!!

irish glad to hear the physical symptoms are disappearing, but hope you are being gentle on yourself mentally too. Sadly, these experiences do change us, even when we are strong and courageous like you.

Coming down from the weekend still, having had MIL and her sister to stay. It's weird, they simply will not mention Mia's name - they "refer" to her, they happily visited Mia's Wood, but they don't actually talk about her, even when we do. I think I will have to be completely direct and say we would prefer that Mia is talked about that not... although I have said this before! Somewhat upsetting. What can hurt me now more than losing her???

Bump is out and proud. I was still in a pair of normal (biggish) jeans until I finally admitted on the weekend that they were giving me backache, and was forced to buy a lovely stretchy comfy pair, as well as some pretty stretchy, non-maternity tops so I didn't feel quite so frumpy.

Oh yes, my 44-year-old friend has had her 12-week-scan and has proudly announced "We have a wriggler!" Very happy for her.

Mia, it's lovely to hear from you. I'm amazed at your MIL and Aunt-in-law - surely not mentioning Mia is more hurtful than mentioning her?

Lovely to hear that your bump is out.How lovely!

Golden, glad your GP is listening to you. Have you looked into what happens when you take clomid? It might be a good idea to get some information about it before you take it as it can have some side effects. I would never say to you "don't take it", but after a bit of reading I've decided I wouldn't go down that road. One of the reasons is that (for some reason which I don't know) it isn't recommended for over 40's, and it will seriously dry up your fertile mucous (something that I didn't want to fool around with) and I worried about hormones getting a bit out of whack (another thing I didn't need).

Hippy took it for a while, so she may have some words of wisdom about it.

Well, I am pretty sure I am peri-menopausal. Last month I didn't ovulate til day 16, the month before, day 7, the month before that, day 20.This time it was day 11. I used to ovulate day 14/15/16 regularly.
Then yesterday I had my eyes checked, and, yes, it is as I expected, they are aging (I now need multi-focals which set me back $570-gasp!!). I noticed on the paper work that my age is 45 and 10 months. Til that moment, I just though of myself as 45, now I feel it is more like 46.If I get pregnant it really will be a huge miracle.

I have to run, getting all sorts of hassle from members of the family, and must get out of pyjamas for work...