Fantastic 40+ thread - part 7

[lolfactor]

Shiny new thread - over here everyone

That's good, I've been missing her
Lovely and sunny here today, so heading out to Chester to see a 'Thomas' park that the dds say ds1 will love (big fan).
Hope everyone's well and enjoying the weekend xx

Just want to mark my place. Sorry, haven't been here for a bit, but wanted to wish everyone the best.

Goth, sounds like you could use a holiday - hope it is lovely.

Tina - it's exciting to be embarking on the next step of your journey.

Hang in there Somewhere, I know how hard the early weeks are, but FTYAP(For Today You Are Pregnant)! Repeat that mantra,over and over...

I had a really lovely, long walk on the beach this morning, which was essential as DS3 is driving us all barmy at the mo. He will be 4 in a couple of weeks, and I feel like my darling boy has been possessed by a nasty, whining,stubborn,difficult, won't eat anything mum cooks,demon. I just don't know what to do with him. If he isn't being a limpit, clinging onto me for dear life, he is angry and lashing out because I won't comply to his orders. Might need to get an exorcism done I think...Luckily DH has taken him for a long,long walk at a remote beach. Hmm, perhaps he'll leave him there

Honestly, his behaviour lately has had me wondering if I can do this all over again in about 5 years,if I have another baby. By then I'll be really old, and DH will be even older(he's 51 now, gasp!) and I just don't know if I could manage it. I think if I'd managed to get pregnant sooner these issues wouldn't really matter as much. I don't know - just trying to rationalise everything.

I also feel I don't want to take a baby on our little overseas holiday. I know that sounds silly, but I would prefer to have a relaxed holiday without the worry of a tiny baby. So if that's the case, I guess I won't be ttc for a few months. I can't really go overseas if I'm anything more than 7 months pregnant - ideally about 5 months would be fine. But how can I even plan at this age, getting pregnant is so hard anyway?

Oh, sorry, I was just going to drop in, but here I am thinking out loud.

have a lovely weekend, and enjoy the last of the olympics

Hello ladies - thought I'd tentatively join this thread. I've got a crappy obstetric history: DS born at 29 weeks due to severe PE, survived by the skin of his teeth, he's now 3.5 & wonderful.

After lots of soul-searching, we decided TTC last summer - was pregnant within a few months but it was unfortunately a molar pregnancy, requiring ERCP at 7wks.

After the compulsory 6 month wait, I got the all-clear to try again in Feb & was pregnant by my 40th in April. Had a scan in May at 8+5 with a good heartbeat, only to find that I had a mmc at 11.5 weeks (the heart had stopped a week after the scan)

The pathology & blood tests have come back clear, so we're TTC again, although I have lost so much confidence in my ability to ever have a normal pregnancy.

So here goes.....

Bless you lots of cheese, you've been through such a lot. Hopefully this thread will provide lots of support and advice for you on your journey xx
Been up for a few hrs courtesy of ds1. Must try and get some preparation done on his bedroom today - decorator has sciatica so I'm going to do it myself (painting, no paper) - any tips/advoce from any seasoned decorators out there? Have got some cute transfers to put on over paint, but seems a very daunting job at the moment.
Love to all - very quiet on here at the moment!

Meant to say Gum that if you did have another baby you would do more than cope with the tiredness etc, so don't go down that road missus I know it seems a daunting prospect thinking of age etc (my dh is approaching 51) but I do beleive that the extra experience, pateience etc that you would both have would more than make up for a few short (long at the time) months of sleep deprivation xxx
I'm going to try and upload a new picture of ds2 (9 mths now) onto my profile.

Two more recent piccies added at top of photo list

Deige, they are lovely. Just gorgeous.
Now, why did you have to do that when I'm coming to terms with not having any more??? I think you are right - I'd cope, and as I near ovulation time, I'm wondering if I'll be able to stop myself from ttc...

Lotsofcheese, YOu have had a rough time of it, I know there is plenty of wonderful support on this thread, so stick around.

goldengirl, hoping your temp stays up and you get the bfp you want.

Diege really lovely children.

goldengirl testing at 11 DPO can be too early. Also your temp really needs to be up for 18 consecutive days before it signifies pregnancy. My temp usually stays high until the day before AF . But if your luteal phase is short then i can see why you're taking the high temp as possibly meaningful- in which case i'll keep my snout out!

Thanks for your kind messages, by a law of averages I'm due some good luck - however my mindset is going to be that I have very low expectations & I think that will help me.

Goldengirl a molar pregnancy is when you release a "blank" egg, with no genetic material, which means the pregnancy is incompatible with life & m/c occurs - however the placenta grows abnormally with potentially-malignant cells, which must be removed by ERCP. After surgery, you have to be followed up for a minimum of 6 months, to ensure the cells haven't regrown - if they have, it's chemo . I thankfully didn't need it.

Gum, thanks for that.

Lotsofcheese, that sounds horrible - and I'm so very sorry. What a relief you didn't need chemo.

Blackcats, you are perfectly right, of course. I can't understand why I am still temping and scrutinising charts and doing pregnancy tests. I ovulate on the same day each month and have a luteal phase of 13 days (was 14 before the miscarriage) so I don't know why I'm putting myself through temping. I hate it. I am even more miserable after reading an article in today's magazine where a childless woman expresses her sorrow: "Mums are the luckiest people on earth...I can't tell you how painful not having a child is. It is overwhelming to know that my legacy ends with me. So no 'family gathering' photos of me and mine with my siblings and theirs; no proudly watching my kid grow up; no natural place in life's cycle. You, mums, have created the next generation. A new wonderful lineage - of children and probably grandchildren - who are yours and you are theirs. [A friend, also childless, told her]: 'You won't heal - because this is deep in you. What you're supposed to do. What's inside us to do. What we're born to do. And you didn't do it.' [The author was 46 before she seriously looked into her fertility and was told she had left it too late] She finishes: "I will never be pregnant, never be protected by the father of my child, never be loved as the mother of his child, never love like you [mums] love, and never be loved as you are loved. I will never mean as much to anyone as you do. Imagine that, mums. Believe me, you don't know you're born".

After reading this article I burst into tears and DP couldn't console me. She has written exactly how I feel. And I feel so terribly lonely. I am sick of living my life in fortnightly segments - the two weeks awaiting ovulation and then 'the two week wait'. I am afraid I will never have children - in fact I am almost certain of it. The ache is sometimes too much to bear and I don't know how not to temp & chart. I don't know how not to come on here for help or to hear other stories. Are there any other women on this thread who are childless? Please, please give me some advice because I'm seriously distraught today - particularly after reading this heartbreaking article. The loneliness I have started to feel inside is really quite disturbing to me.

i read that in the Guardian a while ago or at least it sounds just like it. Did you read it online? if not there are a huge amount of replies giving very different views, from those who completely identify with her to others who point out a different way of looking at thing. Here's the link if you didn't see it there.
www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/mar/31/mothers-stop-moaning-about-motherhood

goldengirl71 you are right you need to hear from other childless women - maybe there's a thread for it or you could start one.

I remember when I thought I'd never have children and my plan was to devote myself to environmentalism as a way of being a parent to the children of the entire planet in a way their parents were probably too busy to do.

I also know lots of women who thought they'd never have children and then do. I met a lovely woman in the park who had twins at 48. IVF I presume, and donor eggs, but it can be done.

xxxxxxxxx big hugs we're all in this together - one human race

Somehow, thank you.

Blackcats, the article I read was in today's 'You' magazine but after reading your link they obviously nicked it from the Guardian. I am so pleased to have read those replies. I feel like I've been metaphorically slapped in the face. I really must turn on its head this notion that, without children, I am nothing - and my life is meaningless.

Thanks again for the clarity.

Thanks all , we can formally approach social services next month.

Hugs to all.

Morning all

Wasn't the Olympics closing ceremony great?! Annoyed with self - missed the opportunity to play with the Olympic emoticon. Poppet has been keeping me far too busy for catching up with you lot. Scanned thread really quickly and far too much to catch up with yet!! Still, noticed my stats need updating. Angel and Hippy hope you like the categories I have created for you. Lol I have put you in the grads too.

STOPPED TTC
Twirlyagogo dc1, dc2, mc, mc, dc3, mc x 2.

ADOPTING
Italiangreyhound, 47.DD aged 7 (from IUI), MMC 2006, IUI/IVF/Donor IVF - failed. FET donor cycle March 2012 also failed. Looking at all options, including adopting.

TTC
Hopefulgum, 45. ttc#6, 3 mcs
Purple Dragon, 39. 1 adopted child; now ttc biological child.
mrscupcake, 42. First pg age 36 ended at 14 wks due to chromosomal abnormalities, ds born 2007 now 5, mmc June 2011, mmc now - ERPC.
kiwibabe, 43. DC1 at 41. TTC DC2.
TinaO99 , failed IUIs; considering natural IVF.
blackcatsdancing44 . TTC second, first is an adult . Had a MMC earlier this year and hoping to have better luck next time.
sparklysapphire, 44 DD (4) , TTC #2
Incaminka, 42. Three mmcs, 6 weeks, 14 weeks and 8 weeks.
luckyagain, 42. Conceived DS via ICSI when 41. BFP in February and told expecting twins.... lost the hb on one at 7 weeks and the 2nd at 9 weeks. Now trying naturally after ERPC.
RetroMaggie. First dd was IVF after 5 years of ttc. One mc since at 7 wks and a possible very early miscarriage.
MaisieM, 42. TTc first with DH. Came off the CP in August 2010 and DH had a vasectomy reversal last June and has been tested since and all seems ok with the 'swimmers'.
Curlylox needs updating
Somewhere, 40 DS1 2009, trying for 9 months to conceive #2. 1 poss CP.
Goth,
Cuckoo,
Pocket,

PREGGOS
MiaAlexandrasmummy, 42. Sad loss of 13-month old only DD who was conceived naturally. Now pregnant naturally with DC2.
marytheresa Due date for DS is 25/7/12.
Jollster, 44 - 1 DS (4) TTC#2 since June 2009, 3MMCs 2 early MCs. Now 24 weeks.
clickingtock (aka Beangrower) 42. DS1. BFP after 16 months TTC DC2.
Knickyknocks, 40. Had DD at 37 - had 2 chem pgs since and 1 m/c. TTC #2
irishmammybread ??
MrsWooster, 45, DS(2)

RECENT GRADUATES
Diege, 42, ds2 born October 2011, 10 months trying. Dc number 5! Samuel born happily in the snug.
Beattiebow (BB) 41 - just had #6. 2 miscarriages, several chemical pregnancies. Preg after 16 months trying. Used CBFM and Progesterone. (tried temping and clomid also).
Shandybass - 41 , 3 mcs, then DD delivered safely, if a little late!
Herecomesthesun - DS1 at 44, DD at 47 - both conceived naturally. PCOS and went on metformin, which apparently can help reduce the risk of recurrent miscarriage. Was recommended vit B supplements such as pyridoxine (B6) and B12 and also folic acid 5mg daily (DH's family have history of mild spina bifida type defects).
Hairytale - 43, 3 mcs, then DD, naturally conceived.
Fifitot, 47. Had DC1 at 43 and DC2 at 47.
spottysox, 44. DD1 - Labour was 51 minutes from start to finish.
TTT, 41. Sadly lost DD1, aged 3. DD2 conceived naturally after 15 months and delivered safely in the snug.
10000Fireflies - 43, blocked tube, x 2 failed IVF cycles. First ever (spontaneous) pregnancy led resulted in baby Fireflies (boy), born 21st June 2012. Hoping to join TTCers soon when stop BFing. Lolfactor, 46, DS1 and 2 and DD now grown up. DS3 (with new partner) took 2.5 years (on and off) to conceive naturally. 3 x cp and 1 x mc at 5 weeks. DS3, Teddy, arrived safely in June. (so that will make 4 plus a stepdaughter)

THREAD GUARDIAN ANGEL, FOUNT OF KNOWLEDGE, AND GENERAL GOOD GAL
Hippychick, 45. DS1 and DS2 conceived in 30s, then decided to ttc at 43. Successful after 5 months but unfortunately MMC; got pregnant again after 3 months - again MC. No BFP since and trying to move on.

RESTING
Angelgeorgie, 41, DD (Phoebe) born 18/10/11 after 4 years of ttc. 2 MC s & Darling Georgie ( stillborn at 41 weeks 10/10/10).

*

OMG, he eats soooo much. He was 9.5 llbs at birth. Dread to think what he is now. Combination feeding - give him two small bottles of formula a day max. Thought it might also give me a chance to start TTC again sooner rather than later, but have to say had mixed feelings when I thought AF had returned. Actually, was just a bit more Lochia as have recently started increasing exercise. Don't mind waiting a bit. Increased break from horrendous PMS welcome. Not too sure about state of insides either. Visible scar a work of art, but insides feel like a total mess. Don't fancy my chances of having DC2. Plus, am getting older... 43 on Weds....

I need to get myself to bed. Gorgeous little snuggly DS has been asleep for a few hours now in his Moses Basket which is rare, so I am making the most of a break from looking after him or doing housework.

Hugs to all! FF xx

FF - great to hear from you. Glad your little bundle of joy is doing so well. My boys were 9.5 and 9. - always big strong boys - no harm in that, my love. Just plenty to squidge. Fount of knowledge ???? LOL, not so sure!!! Take care. X

Italian - all the very best for this new journey, sweetie. X

Italian good luck with it - want to hear all about it.
xxx

1000fireflies it sounds so exciting - how is he sleeping?

thanks for the updated list

i'm preggo now (for today) - will update at some point
xxx

goldengirl i'm glad reading those replies helped you a little.

FF thanks for updating the list!

does anyone have experience/knowledge of evaporation lines?? i tested today, i'm either 11,12 or 13DPO depending on which method fertility friend uses- my signs were all over the place this month. Test was negative but i left it out, went to chuck it away an hour later and saw faint line. An evap line is meaningless isn't it? i need to test again in a couple of days don't i?

also- i never get strong positives early, my body takes a while to process hCG. i'm not hopeful though.

Blackcats, when I was pregnant, the doctor's test was negative until I got it home 30 minutes later (he just shoved me out of his surgery saying I wasn't pregnant so I asked him for the stick). How exciting for you!!

goldengirl that's interesting. i will allow a tiny bit of hope and test again tomorrow/wed. My due date for MMC was today so would be meaningful to get a positive this week.

blackcats, I know you're not supposed to read anything into lines that appear after the testing 'window', but I have only ever had a late-appearing line, or indeed an evaporation line (which tend to be very thin and grey) when I have been pregnant. Fingers corssed xxx
fireflies thanks for the list - I love your category for Hippy who is indeed very wise and an ever comforting presence . Ds sounds gorgeous - big babies rock (my ds1 was 9.8) and are super cuddly and cute. Take your time with thinking about ttc, though my instinct would be to go for it It would be a lovely age gap (15 mths between my ddd1 and 2, def my easiest and most favourite of gaps). I know things aren't quite so easy for us at this age though.
At work at the moment which is dead, as everyone on leave. Might sneak off to the gym soon and then a scout round the charity shops (my guilty pleasure) this afternoon. Better show my face in the staff office first!
Love to all xxx