Assisted Conception (and the bits in between) Volume 10

[MoJangled]

Our new home, hope you all find me soon...

[lucylookout]

Pocket, I'm so sorry. Have one on me too x

[sunnyg]

pocket I am so sorry. And I know sorry doesn't even cut it. mo has got it spot on, you've been so brave, always so supportive it just isn't fair. And sometimes it's okay to say that. Big hugs to you. oxo

Thank you so much everyone for the bday wishes.oxox

[Teds77]

Sorry not to have any wise words but just wanted to say that pocket mo and sunnyg am thinking of all of you. Just seems so very, very unfair. Sending you all strength in deciding what happens next but hope in the meantime that DHs/DPs and alcohol treat you well xxx.

[bugsylugs]

pocket so very sorry life is so bloody unfair at times. Here is a glass from me too . Agree there are times when only getting sizzled bloody iPad sozzled will do and at least it is warm. A friend RL who has been on the IVF route mantra is this or something better. One step at a time take this in before the next decision. I echo the others you are our support, humour etc.
Hugs

[wellerbabe]

pocket so gutted for you. You have been on here since I joined in Sep last year and you are always so supportive of everyone else we all wanted good news for you. Get smashed and hope you and DP feel positive again soon xxx

[MoJangled]

Oh Pocket ! Have just burst into tears on reading your news. Really wanted this for you. Getting sozzled is the perfect response and thinking about all the fun non-ttc things you can now get on with for a while. hugs to you my dear xxx

[Scrummybump]

pocket hope you and DH had a good old run with the last night. This really isn't fair and like others say, you've been such a great support to us all. Really, really sorry it didn't work out for you - this time.
x

[Pocket1]

Ladies thank you so much for all the lovely kind things you've said. Trying to be brave but it's hard. This is so cr*p and I know you've all been there too at some point.

I'm staying busy - just been to the gym and did a run (first one for 6 months). Today I'm going to garden and I may paint the outside of the house - seriously! Ive put so much on hold for this I feel like I need to catch up on things. And get my old self back.

Clinic want to discuss our options at some point. Dp and I need to chat first. I really don't know what we will do.

I will be keeping a watchful eye on you all and hope for many bfps and bouncing babies!!

Mo good luck with your consultant call today. Let me know if you find out the secrets to a BFP!!

[BadgerFace]

Pocket sorry to hear you were so unlucky. I hope that you keep busy and as you say get on with the things you've felt you've put on hold. It's the constant waiting for something that I found so hard at each step (and am still finding now to be honest!). Thinking of you and hoping that it stays dry for your house painting!

[maplecake]

Pocket you don't have to be brave lovely. Sometimes we need to break down first before we can start putting the pieces back together. I remember being brave for all of 3 days after my BFN back in April and then totally fell to pieces in the bath on Easter Sunday. I can't really remember it but DH said it was like crying / shrieking he had never heard before. It must have been bad because apparently he just immediately got in to the bath behind me and held me. I guess what I'm trying to say is don't be afraid to fall to pieces - it's all well and god to be brave during IVF but I really think it should go out the window in those first few weeks afterwards.

Re the clinic discussing options - do what's right for you but I found it helpful that they actually couldn't find me an appointment until 4 weeks had passed. In hindsight I was very thankful for that as in the first few weeks I was just so raw and I don't think I would have been in the right place to think logically about next steps. It doesn't have to stop you formulating a plan though and chatting through options with DP.

Good for you going for a run - good to get those endorphins going! There's nothing like embracing the freedom that in some ways a BFN gives you. Your old self will find you again very shortly :) Oh and don't forget the nookie! You just never know...

In the meantime, [biscuits] and hugs. xoxo

[MiniH]

Oh pocket so sorry to hear your news. It's totally rubbish. I really hoped this would be your turn. I get what you mean about busying yourself. After our test I went to the gym next morning and it really helped to do something normal and try and forget about it all. Unfortunately in my case I got hounded by babies for the next 48 hours (seriously, never seen so many babies in supermarkets etc) but then it did get better, slowly. Sending you big hug and enjoy the .

[sunnyg]

wow sometimes reading over posts I swear I know you all personally! It's amazing how this ridiculous fertility business creates people of all different backgrounds but all experiencing very similar feelings, thoughts and situations.

I was reading your post maple to pocket about letting yourself break down if you need to and your 'bath' moment with DH. It really resonates. I had felt okay for quite a few days. Then yesterday, my bday I just collapsed. Maybe it was the occasion, maybe it was another year on the clock, or maybe it was just my day to fall to pieces. The night before DH said he woke up during the night and I was sobbing in my sleep. I didn't even know till he told me the next morning. I then puffed myself up to go into work, but found myself again sobbing in the car on the way home and stayed the same for most of the evening.

pocket I also think do whatever you can/need to, to feel like your old self, to remind yourself that you are still you, without all of this fertility business hanging around you. Last weekend I had to go to wedding which at first was the last thing I felt like after the confirmed MC. But actually it did wonders for me. There was some good tunes, a few drinks and all of a sudden I felt like me again.

Thanks also all for your advice about MC. I was about to make another appointment to see my gp and go in all guns blazing to demand D &C but last night it seems nature has beaten me to it. currently passing some pretty unpleasant stuff (sorry if TMI) but I guess better out than in and to be honest feel so far okay. I'm just happy things are finally happening. My only question is about being sure that when it's over that all has come out and there is no retained material? How will I know this? Should I ask for a scan?

Hugs to all on this sunny Thursday oxo

[maplecake]

Sunny I just cried hearing about your 'bath' moment. It's just such a horrible, sad and heartbreaking thing to go through. And just not fair for it to coincide with your birthday! I think there's some comfort to take from the fact that none of us are alone in what we're experiencing. As you say - all of us understand and have gone through such similar emotions.

I really hope that you start to feel lighter soon. The wedding sounds like the perfect antidote though! I remember forcing myself to listen to Marc Bolan's 'I love to Boogie' which was our first dance song at our wedding and it used to do the trick - even if just for 5 minutes! I don't think you can beat good tunes and a few drinks :)

I can't give any advice on the MC I'm afraid. I think it's good news in a way that you're no longer in limbo and hope you're not in too much pain...keep us posted and no doubt some sensible advice will be along shortly...

I'm firmly of the view you can never have too many hugs so sending lots to each and every one of you to accompany Sunny's. ((((()))))

[Pocket1]

Hello gorgeous ladies

Thanks again for all your kind words - i'm chuffed to have so many lovely MN 'friends'. . Sunny you're right about feeling like we know eachother...

Sunny sweetie i'm so sorry to hear that you've been so upset and it breaks my heart to hear about you sobbing, i know just how awful this is having been right there myself in Jan but i promise you these feelings do mellow over time.

(tmi alert!) my mc was fairly light, so i'm not that surprised i had retained products and needed the op. sounds like yours is heavier, so hopefully this will be the start and end of your mc. A rescan will confirm for sure. I was told to expect a bleed for 5-7 days and when the bleeding had properly stopped, to go have another scan. Can you ask for a rescan? Will your gp refer you or can you go to your epu? Maybe you could be a bit light on the truth in terms of telling them about your heavy bleed ? otherwise they may well just assume you don?t need a scan (they haven?t exactly been co-operative so far!). If you can get one, do it and it will put your mind at rest.

AFM, I?m doing surprisingly okay. Possibly because I?ve kept myself ridiculously busy today. After my run at the gym, I weeded the front garden (just a couple of small beds), weeded some of the back garden, cut a hedge and painted part of the outside of our house. In doing so, I?ve managed to get sunburn ? this on the day when there has been such terrible flooding around the UK today. Hope you?re all safe and well.

Lots of love and more hugs ((((())))) to add to those from Sunny and Maple

[bugsylugs]

Pocket hugs

Sunny where I am in Staffordshire they scan after 2 weeks to check you have passed everything that's why I am [hmmm] about them saying wait 4 weeks I think this may also be in new guidelines when I get round to reading. I being naughty have opted for a scan week on Tues so will be 4 weeks as busy week am due at the hospital that morning to see haematologist anyway and I just cannot be arsed or have the inclination make the time or effort to get there. But I have been there know what to look for and am pretty confident I am in the clear. You could always do a preg test which is what the clinic advises need to wait at least 2 weeks. Mentally I have never done one do not want to see a negative too many of those or positive as I know it is wrong hope that makes sense

Went on a great course today has perked me up, am baby sitting for someone else and am knackered ooh for bed

[bugsylugs]

Pocket you are an inspiration.

Sunny forgot to say so sorry things are so rough I was worried when I heard it was your birthday as you would have been hoping for other things. Hugs

I could not believe there had been flooding was sunny when I walked from train station and back to it and at lunchtime. But chaos at Birmingham new street due to flooding. DH met me and we have had the rain and hail inside through the conservatory roof flooded floor v wet settee light fittings etc, we await insurance review please can I have a new floor.

[bugsylugs]

Here's hoping we all have a good Friday

[maplecake]

Bugsy Really sorry to hear about your flooding - hope the insurance comes through swiftly and with no hassle. Was really hot and sunny here yesterday - although grey,rainy and autumnesque here today. No flooding thankfully but hoping everyone else has been ok...

Pocket Really glad to hear you're doing okay - let me know when you have finished your garden - if you've energy spare you're very welcome to come and do mine! :0

Didn't feel quite right posting this yesterday but as it's Friday and we may be in need of some cheer...12 week scan yesterday went really well. Actually 13 wks tomorrow - all was textbook apparently. Nuchal fold 1.5 and just waiting for bloods but all seems dandy :) Little poppet waved at her mummy and daddy and then promptly fell back asleep and did not move (s/he looked sooo chilled out). Despite the sonographer asking me to wiggle my hips and bum so s/he could put on an acrobatics display for us! Poppet is obviously like her mum and doesn't like being told what to do!! (Or embarrassed by her mum's self conscious wiggling)

Have lovely weekends all. xxx

[BadgerFace]

Ahhhh maple that's a lovely update to start Friday with! I really hope I have a similar result with my scan in 2 weeks...

I'm excited as I've got a half day today. Going up to Cambridge with DH to see some of his friends.. Haven't quite settled on which excuse to use to explain the lemonade I'll be having with my curry, they are used to me drinking at least 6 pints...!

bugsy I hope that things dry out and you get your insurance claim without hassle.

Happy weekend to everyone!

[MoJangled]

Sunny heartbreaking to hear about you sobbing in your sleep... But I think Maple is completely right, we often need a 'bath' moment, and these things take a loooong time to come to terms with. I had a tears on public transport event yesterday, little things are setting me off and I found myself in tears on the tube, scrabbling around in my bag for a tissue and hoping everyone thought I had something in my eye... We just have to take it slow I think. I'm glad nature is taking its course without too much more waiting around for you as well.

I'm interested in the how do you know it's cleared question too. My post BFN bleed only lasted Tues-Thurs. Normally they're monsters, but this one only had one heavy day, so I'm a bit concerned that something's stuck. But I feel 'empty' again so presumably most has gone on its merry way.

Bugsy what bad luck, hope the damage isn't too awful and the insurance company is efficient.

Maple that's brilliant! Your first wave, how precious. Congratualtions on getting to the mega milestone. Do you tell people now, or do they already know? The hip wiggling - just one of the many undignified things you'll be doing for the sake of the MiniMaple along the way....

AFM, I'm moving from gutted to exhausted. Just what exactly did we do to piss the gods of fertility off this much, I wonder? Talked to our lovely doctor on the phone last night for half an hour. She says that the fact that we had an implantation followed by a miscarriage makes her suspect that either there's another factor with me preventing successful implantation, or there's an undiagnosed sperm factor. At minimum, she says I need a hysteroscopy to remove any scar tissue that could be preventing implantation before FET. So it's good to have something we can try but we're back on the treadmill... again...

[Italiangreyhound]

Pocket I am so very sorry. I wish I could offer better words but I am not sure there are any. When you want to talk more about it, and what might be next, please do. We are here for you.

[Italiangreyhound]

Hi Sunnyg I am so sorry for you my dear. Will you try again? What might be the next step?

[Italiangreyhound]

Hugs Maple. Hugs to little Poppet.

[Italiangreyhound]

Hugs to Keziah, Lissy and Lucy.

Hugs and baby dust to Teds, kitty, Vics.Beginnings, Scarlett, Josie, Scrummy, Euro, Ellie, BadgerFace, Mojangled, Bugsylugs, Lexie, Weller, chicken.Mini, BadgerFace, Pumpkinjoy, vallinnapod and all.

Healthy pregnancies, happy babies and families and chocolate boobs to all .

[Italiangreyhound]

Did I miss any nubies? please tell me I am getting daft in old age!

Me, I am doing well, now totally committed to adoption and quite happy to be able to wear under-wired bras and not think about babies and breast feeding and birth anymore! Apologies to all of you who are looking forward to that/have just come through that. It did take a very long time to get to this point! have a meeting we can go to in about 10 days and after that just another two months before we can finally get officially on the adoption trail! Hoping to lose some weight before that day so any arrow prayers for weight loss success would be wonderful, please!