TTC 10 plus months, part 6

[mrsden]

A friendly, supportive thread for those of us who are taking a bloody long little longer time than average to conceive.

Woo hoo kitty! Congratulations. Fantastic news, I'm so happy for you

lemons I'm so sorry it didn't work this time, hugs to you. I hope this month brings a better result x

Welcome waves to purple

Thanks lady. It has made me realise even more how difficult it must have been for you, because ivf stats are way better than iui, so presumably correspondingly more hope creating. How are you doing now? I am actually okay today (except for a stinking cold, but that has nothing to do with TTC and more with cuddling my lovely baby nephew over easter).

OMG kitty that is such amazing news!! Congrats! I'm totally delighted for you. This thread is tres fertile at the mo :)

Thanks lovelies! All your congratulations and kind words mean so so much to me. Despite being in the ardent atheist gang I am absolutely praying you all get your bfp's soon.

Yep lemons I have had a CB digi gathering dust in the bathroom for months, still not really sure what made me test.

Meant to say before, the other thing I did differently was after izzy's success last month, I made DH get into the legs on shoulders position at the appropriate time but who knows what made the difference.

lemons sorry about full blown af but glad you're moving straight into the next cycle. Onwards and upwards.

Ah, lemons nephews do have a habit of sharing splendid colds and tummy bugs with you!

It's funny how much difference a bit of intervention makes in the hope stakes so I know how you must have felt these past two weeks. It makes the fall harder. I'm glad you're starting to feel better, I guess the fact that you're into another try this month is helpful?

In all honesty, I think I just feel at a loss at to what to do next - hence us looking to move to see if another clinic would say something different. Bottom line, I don't think I have confidence in my own decision making at the moment - I want someone to come along and say 'look, it's not going to happen for another X months/years, and here is a plan for what you need to do in the meantime'. My head is a mess of 'what ifs' and overthinking the consequences of decisions and that makes for a very confusing and tiring state of mind.

Sorry, that's a pretty long answer to a simple question.

Thanks for the long answer lady, it makes me feel more normal. I am okay now, and that is definitely to do with moving onto the next cycle and knowing that our gyn did say iui is a numbers game, even more so than ivf. If nothing happens after three, they think again, not after the first or second. So that helps.
But the last week or so my mind was all over the place (hence the absence, noted by some of you lovely ladies!) I was thinking will it happen, won't it. And then quickly running through all the scenarios from pg to next iui, to multiple failed iuis to ivf, and so on and so forth. Throw job insecurity in the mix (although DH can support me a for a while and we have chosen to continue TTC, I think I would go mad without a job) and you get an idea of the whirl going on inside my head. I did find easter with its associated family things (even if it included both a cold and the let-down from this round) restful, because I knew what I was doing and there was plenty of practical stuff to be done (house full of small people who always need a cuddle, to be picked up, some food pureed, a story read etc, by aunty lemon).
But I so wish someone would come along and say by 20xx you will have 1/2/3/whatever healthy children and stop worrying now. If I could believe that person I would be in a much better place.
Right, back to you lady. I would want to be a with a clinic you felt you could trust and after their appalling treatment of you post ivf, I would be keen to move, if only for that reason. I would probably want a second opinion and see whether anything could be changed for a next round and to know whether there is anything they have overlooked. However, it is worth remembering that ivf is a numbers game as well, it is only 20-30% chance. So it could just be bad luck. I am not sure I am helping. But just wanting to remind you of that, and thus that it may well happen...

Speaking of monster-posts. Apologies!

Wow, more fantastic news! Huge congratulations Kitty and fingers crossed all goes well from now on. Good luck to gin for tomorrow, having an Easter dozen eggs surely must be a good sign! How many of your embryos will they transfer?

Lisa hope the blood test is OK. I really hate having bloods done yet ttc seems to involve having blood taken every other week. Enjoy the gelato fest. I love Italy, it's a good job I don't live there or I'd be about eight feet wide

Mrsden grr at the preg announcement. There are a number of people I'm avoiding at the moment as I suspect news is imminent. Wine I'm with you in that people need to have earned a BFP before I can manage to be genuinely pleased for them. I find facebook easier to handle now I've blocked updates from anyone with an ultrasound picture or a gurning toddler as their profile pic. I know they're not doing it to be deliberately hurtful but it can get a bit much. Self-preservation seems to dictate a lot of my social decisions at the moment.

Princess hurrah for your positive attitude, I shall take inspiration from that. I tend to veer between optimism and despair, trying to get myself on a more rational and even keel. This thread is actually helping a lot.

Nelly good news on your referral, you too Joycep but sorry you have family stress on top of everything else.

Hello and welcome to Purple and Teuchter. I too am fed up of being categorised as a dribbling geriatric. I am well aware of how old I am and I know it lessens my chances of getting pg, so I don't need them bringing it up at every appointment. The first fertility nurse I saw gave me a random and entirely pointless lecture about leaving it too late, as though I had sat down in my 20s and mapped my future out saying "I know, I'm going to wait until I'm 38 to have kids! That'll be perfect!" rather than - oh I don't know - life just turning out that way. As someone said upthread, there's no point in thinking about what might have been, we are where we are and just have to get on with it. But I might have words with the next nurse who tells me not to believe that women in their 40s can have children naturally just because I've seen beaming celebrities and their offspring in Hello magazine. WFT?? I don't know what prompted that particular comment but I've never never thought anything of the kind and I've never bought Hello magazine in my life!

Waves to everyone I've not mentioned. Not much going on here. We are into shag week in the Artemis household so MrA has that hunted look in his eyes. You'd think after two years I'd have my tactics down to perfection but I never quite strike a balance between the sneaky take-me-I'm-a-desperate-nympho approach (though I suspect he's seen through that one) and the surely equally irresistible yet pragmatic come-on "look, if we get it over with in the next 20 minutes we can catch the start of 10 o'Clock Live". Suggestions for foolproof shag week protocol welcome!!

Lady and Lemons I cross posted with you clearly I was putting off working by writing an excessively over-long post. Really sorry you are both going through stress at the moment. The most difficult thing about this whole ttc business is nobody can tell you whether or when the treatments are going to work out and it feels like months and years of limbo with no clear path ahead. I sometimes think you need a maths degree to understand the numbers and statistics along with the tenacity to fathom the workings of our labyrinthine health care system and the skin of a rhino. However the recent spate of BFPs on this thread has to give us all hope and you've shown tremendous strength to have got this far, I am sure you will be okay. Hugs and best wishes for the next cycle, onwards and upwards as they say xx

Oh my God I have missed three BFP's. Massive congratulations to minnie, mess and kitty. What a lovely Easter surprise, so much better than a crappy Cadbury's egg! I am made up for you Lots of love to you
I second the motion that mrsd starts all new threads going forward!

lemons I am so sorry that this round of IUI hasn't worked out. Big hugs.

Hello to Purple, philbee and teuchter (that is one of my DH's favourite words!).

Good news on the referrals joycep, nellie and nelly BTW hope that your heating is fixed. There is nothing quite as miserable as a freezing house and no hot water. Our boiler in the old house would break every couple of months in the Winter months. It even caught on fire one time.

gin Good luck tomorrow with your egg transfer.

frannie am hoping that you have had an implantation dip

mrsd Oh no for yet more friend preggo announcements. I agree with you and ladygee about the whole 2013 baby (well hopefully!!!) thing. I have a thing against the number 13 too and would have been really happy for a 2012, nice sounding round number baby. Didn't somebody say that 2013 is the Chinese year of the Snake too? If so, double crap.

princess Gutting your house is brave. It would be too much for me I think. I love Sarah Beannie too and am in awe of her fertility (and her clapped out Ford Granada that she drives round on Restoration Nightmare!).

joycep The time off thing is a nightmare. DH had already used a lot of his holiday what with the wedding and booking off a few days after my lap. It seems really unfair that we have to use holiday time for crap medical stuff. Also feel miffed that this is the second year DH has had to do that.
I'm sorry that you are having family issues. TTC is stressful enough without upset.

wine I did giggle a bit at you having your conception channel opened

lisa at your Italian holiday. Oh the food!!!!

I am so sorry to hear about the insensitivity some of you ladies have experienced at the hands of medical professionals. There is such a huge emotional element in this area and it isn't right that it is totally ignored. I am an atheist and respect other peoples faith but I saw one of the GPs in my last surgery and walked in to the consultation room to see a framed picture of Christ on the wall. I remember thinking how inappropriate this was in the work place and how if you had walked in wanting to discuss contraception, an unwanted pregnancy or MAP you would have been very put off because by having that picture the GP had clearly set out his opinions and stance on the matter.

DIY pretty much finished and what a bloody disaster that was! The spare room is about as far away from nursery looking as you can get. My dusky plum paint is more Cadbury's purple (thanks Wilkos!) and looks so bad that even DH suggested repainting over it in something more bedroomy. The only reason we didn't was the thought of the effort of applying several dozen coats of paint to get rid of that monstrosity of a colour. Actually I found the end result of the room and it's total un-nursery look a bit upsetting and saw it as a sign from the universe that I will never have a baby in that room. DH didn't understand that concept at all & I know I am being silly!

Ovulated at the weekend too and had to sit on my hands in an effort not to SWI. It feels like such a waste of an egg

Waves to anyone I have missed

Sorry about the DIY disaster pout. But as always you've managed to put a smile on my face. Incidentally, I don't think the universe is telling you anything through your spare room, except, that next time you might want to consider getting slightly more expensive paint When is your lap&dye again?

Goodness, kitty. Congrats on an unexpected BFP! Of all the lengths people will go to to get out of doing The Shred...

One of the women on the BESH thread got a BFP this weekend, also on her 19th month.

Welcome purple

This thread is moving so fast that I haven't a hope of namechecking everyone.

We still haven't made a decision about IUI. I was in touch with the NHS clinic yesterday and they casually mentioned (!) that in fact they will do IUI on Saturday mornings by prior arrangement. So I think we will probably stick with them.

BTW, someone was asking about self-funded NHS treatment versus fully private treatment. There can be quite a difference. We have a sheet from King's with all the prices for self-funded treatment but the only one I can remember right now (because it is topical for me) is IUI. That is roughly £350 for an unmedicated cycle. The private clinic I am looking at has quoted me £770 for the same.

Oh dear pout that is the worst- when you have spent so much time decorating and then dislike it! Maybe a few shelves/ pics/ whole wall coverings may break it up?! Bummer to lose the Easter egg but hopefully it will be worth it with your lap&dye and next month you'll be in whatmess's position.

artemis I wish I could give you advice on shag week but I am at a loss. DH has taken to making clucking noises before he goes in for the kill- not very sexy!

lemons well done for being able to pick yourself up quickly following AF, your 2ww sounds like torture. As you said though, onwards and upwards to the next round and being proactive. I have always said that if someone had a crystal ball and could say 'you will have your baby/babies by 20.. ' it would be fantastic- then I might be able to bloody well relax! Good luck with the next round of IUI. Sorry to hear about your job to add to the mix- when will you know for sure?

Sorry to hear about your other stresses joycep- it just doesn't seem fair that this isn't the only thing to deal with. Glad you had the positive news of apt-14th May will be round before you know it. Keep us posted on the nhs ivf meeting.

ladyg you must feel so confused I feel so bad for you that you haven't had the follow up you deserve. I too think you should move clinics, mainly because in the next round of treatment it is going to be so hard to put your full faith and trust in them again. I hope you have got some RL support to help you make these decisions.

mrsd boo to preg announcements- I think we all have a finely honed 'pregdar' after the months of watching it happen to others. Mine is homing in on my ex's GF who I am seeing at a party this weekend

Well, I have continued to torture myself but now at night too- lots of BFP dreams followed by arrival of AF dreams and have woken the last 2 nights to automatically stick thermometer in mouth. Nice high temps but at 2.30 in the morning! At 6am, proper time, they have then begun to drop. Despite this (duck to avoid cold, wet fish thrown at me) and only being 10dpo, let's just say that the hobnobs have been eaten and the regret has set in too scared to write the acronym of what the POAS actually said, I don't want to jinx our run of BFPs for others So am feeling pretty down, especially as I don't want to turn 35 v soon tomorrow. Did anyone see the SATC episode when Charlotte talks about being tired of dating and shouts 'I'm exhausted- where is he?' Well, I feel like shouting- 'I'm exhausted- where is my baby?!' Sorry to be a drama queen- I blame the hormones!!

I'd better sign off now as this is mammoth. Waves to all missed and a nice big electric blanket to nelly in case the heating hasn't been sorted!

lemon sorry it really was what you thought it was. Onwards and upwards to IUI #2 and the ever stacking up odds.

artemis agh the age thing. I haven't had anyone from the NHS be too judgey about the age thing but they clear that my age is a pressing issue. Not that it seems to hurry them up. You are so right, life just ended up this way for me. I didn't meet someone I wanted to have babies with until I was 31. If I could go back now, we would have started trying sooner than we did but heck we only waited two years.

ladygee the feeling at a loss is so dire isn't it. Every month I've tried to do something a bit different in a vitex/timing/pre-seed/charting/opk/snake oil kind of way but I feel like I used it all up and it didn't work. I feel stuck with a broid that no one can find and like they are at any minute about to say to me, sorry, you are inoperable and unsuitable for IVF, go away I can see how another clinic would feel like a new start. But remember the big swimmer improvement - that may well tip the balance and get you there all by yourself.

pout I second adding shelves, mirrors, hooks, pictures etc and pushing furniture against walls. I have grown to like my blue walls much better now that they are disguised accessorised. Sorry about the wasted egg. I've had to waste a few now. The two week wait does fly by though. And you get ot observe all sorts of imaginary symptoms that would otherwise have you mentalling.

And frannie 35 is a bit poop I can't lie but my acupuncturist said that it is just a number, you haven't just fallen off the side of a cliff, it's all incremental. And oh yes - I hear you on the exhausted line! Well remembered! I really am EXHAUSTED by this now. I feel like I need to summon up a bit of fight because at the moment I feel totally beaten into submission in the wrteched journey that is trying to make and have a baby. And it's actually physical tiredness too, like it takes all of my energy just to keep my head above the water and to wear a smile. And I'm probably only at the foothills. Wail. But, I do have the appointment sorted for next week and allegedly Dr Big is meeting with radiologists today to review my case. I have no hope that my fugitive fibroid will suddenly make himself known though. I feel utterly at a standstill and really rather down. I can tell I'm gearing up for ov but it all seems rather pointless.

Sorry for the eeyore post. I was feeling really upbeat last month, what a rubbish rollercoaster ride. I want to get off!

PS frannie don't worry about eating the hobnobs. Maybe it stands for Better Fun Nextup.

PPS pout oh god Year of The Snake. Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Snakes in prams after all.

you ladies do make laugh I just love it

Sorry for those who are having a rough time SUPER BIG HUGS its great that we all have each other here

pout a nursery can be any colour you want!!!! mini pout is not going to mind, well not at the beginning :)

teu where in the land of the long white cloud are you, I'm from Auckland - yes I'm a jafa and proud of it thank you

purple welcome and where in the world are you :)

Lady sorry you are having such a crap time, as if this isn't hard enough without the extra stress

lemons big hugs and fingers crossed for next time

frannie love the clucking story, made me laugh out loud

artemis irresistible yet pragmatic come-on "look, if we get it over with in the next 20 minutes we can catch the start of 10 o'Clock Live"
I can so relate to that. Someone said legs over shoulders - this is best for deep penetration also means spermies don't have to swim so far, I also make DH wait after he has DTD before pulling out just in case there are some lazy ones stragglers, then he puts a pillow under my bum while I hold my legs in the air, then he goes and makes me a cuppa I stay like that for 15- 20 mins

wine big hugs, it is such a rollercoaster ride and sometimes it can be too much, I find myself reasonably calm but tearful right now

Well I manned up and had my blood tests, they are super efficient at St Helier, there was a big burly man with tats on his arms who had passed out in the chair next to me so don't feel like such a wuss, have to go back for day 3 ones though

Waves to everyone x

lisa well done on getting the first round of blood tests out of the way. Hilarious about the big burly tattooed guy passed out next to you!

wine at snakes in prams babies. Well, I just looked it up, and the year of the Dragon doesn?t end until 9th of Feb 2013 and the rate this thread is going, everyone will have BFP?s in the next few weeks anyway so dragon babies all round, not that snake babies would be any less awesome of course so pleased that Dr Big is meeting with the radiologist today. I hope they have a productive discussion.

frannie yes I remember that SATC episode vividly! Loved that programme I?m so so sorry your hobnob situation didn?t work out for the best, but 10dpo is still pretty early??

euro at avoiding the Shred, yes it was pretty sweet that I got out of doing it I must admit.

pout I sympathise on the decorating disaster, why do colours always look totally different on the walls? We had one recently, thought it was a pale oatmeal colour but it turned out to have a very pink hue, aargh. Also I cannot believe about the GP and that picture. So inappropriate, as you say it would make it incredibly uncomfortable if you had gone in to see about contraception, abortion etc, especially if you were younger or vulnerable and less likely to be able to stand your ground.

artemis that comment about 40-something celebs in Hello magazine is so frickin patronising! at MrA having a hunted look due to the rigours of shag week!

Artemis you did make me laugh with your ?shag week protocol?. Poor Mr B also ends up with a hunted look in shag week? I find the pragmatic approach doesn?t go down too well (although if I do, all is quickly forgotten ).

Big hugs to Frannie. I?m so sorry you didn?t see the right result this time, but you will get there in the end, I?m sure of it! And I hope you have a happy birthday tomorrow soon. That particular milestone is waiting for me later this year and I can?t say I?m looking forward to it.

Welcome to purple and teuchter! I hope your stay is short but enjoyable and that this thread?s good luck rubs off on you too.

Well done on getting through the blood tests lisa. When do you get your results?

Sorry to all those who have been/are having a hard time of it lately. It really is a shitty journey. I try to remember: ?that which doesn?t kill you makes you stronger? etc. And sometimes it works, and I think what better parents we?ll be for having had to go through all of this. This recent run of BFPs will lead to some very, very lucky children indeed!

Waves to everyone!

thanks for the welcome, yeh I'll take some luck rubbing off, or just nodding my way or walking passed with a little side glance would be all right. Wow this thread is busy...greetings back to ..mmm ..everyone. Beryl I recognize your name, I wrote to you a week or two ago with some rubbish response to something. Yes, that's clear then. I'm in Beirut. 8 dpo, banned from symptom spotting after a batshit cycle last month. It's working..no symptoms!

OMG Kitty !! That is fabulous news, how exciting. I think you are number 5 and this thread has only been going for a month. I need to catch some of this babydust that is floating around!!

nelly - i always think that I am too cold to get pregnant but as MrsD says, eskimos can do it!

Gin - that's great you have a very understanding boss. I do not! He doesn't have kids and kicks up a bit of a fuss when the one girl in my office has to stay at home because her kid is ill. I am terrified of sedation, I hate feeling out of control but interesting you found it so great...perhaps it's not all that bad after all! Fabulous about your embies, good luck with transfer tomorrow.

lemon - i'm so sorry iui didn't work this time. But you have a few more to do so don't give up hope.

lady - i'm sorry you are feeling at such a loss at the moment. This process is difficult enough but to have all the added pressures of deciding what tests to get done next and where to go, it just becomes mentalling exhausting. There just seems to be lack of guidance or if there is guidance it comes from idiotic doctors like the one you had. Big hugs to you.

artemis - how dare a nurse give you a lecture about age. What is wrong with people??

pout - sorry that DH has used his holidays as medical visits. I am in the same boat and will be using all my holiday for ivf. i think I have to take 2 weeks off apparently as the clinic will require up to 3 blood tests a day. Frigging nightmare. Also sorry about the disastrous redocorating - i hate it when that happens.

frannie - sorry about how you are feeling at the moment and your imminent birthday (happy birthday btw for tomorrow). It's frigging miserable and especially when you have bfp dreams. How long is your LP? and also 10dpo is very early to get a positive test. Talking of SATC, I recently saw the one where Charlotte discovers she is pregnant after thinking she couldn't conceive. It made me ball my eyes out.

wine - you have been through the grinder not sure if that is an expression and I'm not surprised you are feeling exhausted. I just hope this Mr Big dude comes up trumps for you> You have been through far too much and I hope the tables will be turning for you very shortly. Big hug.

There has been so much to catch up on in the past 24 hours I have missed loads of people but I'm waving to everyone else.

Off to snuggle down in front of the Apprentice.

joyce can't you take some of it as sick leave???

DH has been given notice for next week.
Happy Birthday Frannie. Laughed at the clucking, at least he still has a sense of humour. Mine gets very concerned about where the cat is and what she might see! She's pretty good at knowing when she isn't required .
lisa I have nothing against jafas! And quite like Auckland. I just happen to live in Christchurch, earth moving for all the wrong reasons.
Good luck with appointments etc all.

Hi all. Congrats to kitty and whatmess, lovely news! I haven't been able to keep up with all the other posts, I'm sorry. AF arrived this morning . Usually I have to wait until late afternoon and get my hopes up during the day, so it's a relief in some ways. Oh well.

Hi again, an action packed morning on the 'still not pregnant' front for me! GP surgery has said over the phone that my day 21 test came back 'low progesterone, suggests no ovulation'. Just wondering if anyone has any good links about this and what they should are likely to do next. Forewarned is forearmed and all that. Thanks all.

I?m so glad we have each other on this thread, your words of advice, support and humour always bring me back from the brink without fail.

Lemon ? Your description of Easter was spot on, I?ve discovered I?m fine when I have practical things to do but give me any time alone and quickly get myself into a muddle. I?m also sorry your job isn?t secure, mine isn?t either but I?m just trying not to think about it!

Pout ? sorry about the DIY result, is the colour looking better with time? Agree with others who?ve mentioned accessories making a world of difference too. Also I?m sorry about the wasted egg, your lap can?t be far away now?

Frannie - Happy Birthday! Very good use of the SATC line, I love it. 10dpo is early to test, but I?m sorry for the result you got.

Your mention of dreams made me remember, this past week I?ve been dreaming of days out with our future little toddler (a girl with a mop of blonde curls!) ? so lovely but then it makes waking up harder. I?m still taking it as a good sign that my body and brain must be thinking more positively.

Wine ? I know what you mean about using everything up and it not making a difference, and on using all your energy just to function. I so hope that they have something productive to say at your appointment and that you can move on to the next stage. I really feel for you.

Lisa ? I laughed out loud at your getting it over before 10 o?clock live line! Well done on the blood tests too.

Philbee ? sorry about the arrival of AF, it never seems to get any easier. I?m sorry your GP surgery has given you those results with no explanation as to what happens next, why do they do that?!? I?d imagine they would ask you to make an appointment and maybe repeat the test next month? Other ladies with more experience of this might know better, sorry I can?t be of more help.

Waves to everyone else!