TTC 10 plus months, part 6

[mrsden]

A friendly, supportive thread for those of us who are taking a bloody long little longer time than average to conceive.

Oh izzy I'm really sorry to hear that and hope that they are wrong. Am gutted for you. Big hugs

I dont think there is any hope unfortunately. I had hoped things would be ok as the bleeding stopped late last night and i've only had a little brownish ewcm but i dont think it is going to be. I was told basically have to wait to miscarry completely. If the numbers go up or are extremely high then there is risk of ectopic apparently, which i dont understand as it was clear there was 'something' in my womb. Will see what they say when i call in tomorrow for results.

Oh Izzy, I'm so sorry. Take care of yourself and like Mini said it's totally inadequate but sending you a big hug anyway.

Izzy I am so sorry to hear this. Thinking of you xxx

I wrote a long post last night but it wouldn't accept it. Not sure how much time I'll get tonight but I just wanted to say to izzy that I am so, so sorry xx

izzy I am devastated for you and so sorry. I'm thinking of you. X

Oh izzy I'm so sorry. My thoughts are with you. We will all hold your hand and support you through xx

Oh izzy I'm so very sorry to hear this :(

As Wine said we are here if you need us. I hope you have all the RL support you need, but our virtual shoulders are very absorbent too.

Huge hugs to you xxx

Oh no, izzy what a miserable news. I am so sorry for you. And I echo the others, we're here if you need to off load, but if you just want to huddle with DH and DC that is completely okay too. Hugs and cake.

Oh izzy, I'm so sorry. Thinking of you x

izzy I am so very, very sorry.

Morning ladies. How are you doing this morning izzy? (stupid question, sorry, as I guess the only answer can be "completely shite"). Hopefully you are getting spoiled by your DH. Thinking of you.

It's a horrible dreich day here today. Woke up and went to the loo for no spotting. Curious, I thought, even though I have been here several times before. Spotting starts, I think Game Over. Then it goes away, I think Ooooh Maybe. Then it comes back, full on ERTD. Yet somehow I daftly allow my hopes to be raised, then dashed again. I could have done with today being sunny, but it's not, so Meh.

Was on email to my sister yesterday and talking about my ridiculous delay waiting for my appointment. I'm not even sure what my first appointment is going to be for. I told her about the cost of HSG etc here, and she said she would investigate whether I could have it done out there, with her Ob-Gyn. We are talking about going out in May to visit. She said there is also a test she had where you are injected with saline and scanned to see if it goes through the tubes, and that is just done at the Docs and is therefore much cheaper. I've not heard of that happening in the UK, but she said she had that before each of her IVF rounds as well. So again might be possible to have that done there. She is going to investigate the possibility. Would an HSG be uncomfortable, in terms of making me feel a bit yuck on my holiday? Or only briefly?

kitty it sounds like your appointment came back really quickly, did you not just send your invasive questionnaire back very recently?

Hope everyone else is doing ok today. fatima how many POAS have you done so far

Izzy - I hope you are ok. It's a horrible thing to have to go through.

Nelly - That's a good idea to do it in the States. Obviously not the nicest thing to do on your holiday but I think most of us who have had it done , found it ok. If there is a blockage then it can be painful but hopefully that won't be an issue. I find it strange how your sister had to have her tubes cleared before ivf.

I tried to have a chat to my mum last night about stepping up our investigations and she said and I quote "it can take years especially when your are in a twist about it". It's so infruriating she honestly believes that me being in a twist is the cause! I should have pointe out that she had had two children in less time we have been trying for one. So I didn't bother telling her we are heading or ivf.

Bought a book called Ivf an Emotional Companion and it seems to be really good. Lots of stories And all the emotions of TTC just ring so true. There is a lot of consensus that friends and family just can't understand this process unless they have been through it.

Oh Nelly boo to ERTD. Your post perfectly describes the last few days of every cycle - that emotional rollercoaster which somehow I never learn to avoid. Last month I remember saying to myself "you idiot, this is your period coming, stop being daft" and nonetheless I still did a cheapy pg test remained stupidly optimistic right up to proper full on ERTD.

The saline test sounds a lot like an HSG to me? AFAIK an HSG isn't too bad in terms of after effects. Though I am far from an authority on these things. I'm hoping I'll get sent for an HSG after my referral appt next week. Let's see how long the waiting list is...

izzy hope you are being taken care of by DH and everyone. have you got the blood test results yet? still hoping that the sonographer was just wrong...

Lemon nice of you to educate those junior doctors . how's the bone healing?

A bit of a dilemma... I realise I've timed our holiday week after next quite badly. AF is due on almost our last day there, so I will be in the last week of the 2WW while we are there, which means I won't know if I am pg and so unsafe to scuba dive or not .

Anyone know what the best early response pg test is, and how reliable it is? I'm wondering, if I test 4 days before AF and get a BFN, could I safely dive after that ...?

Oh and i was quite surprised so many people's main support are their online friends. I always think DH and friends would think me weird constantly on here but people do seen to gravitate to an online community. I wonder how people coped before the Internet.

Nelly - forgot to say sorry about AF. [nelly]

cross posted joyce. Sorry to hear about your mum's response. Funny how there are so many "experts" out there isn't it . I guess she's just trying to make you feel better but used the wrong words. I agree people don't "get it" unless they have been there.

Online is my main outlet too. I would really like to have a RL friend who was also a long term ttcer but I haven't found one yet. Went for dinner with some friends recently who I suspected might be long term ttcing, I dropped a few hints but they didn't bite so I didn't want to ask!

The saline test wasn't an x-ray, just a scan, so I guess a bit less, ummm, not invasive clearly, but Medical . I guess the main benefits are lower cost, and might do the same "clearing out" benefit as an HSG, even if not so sound diagnostically. But I like the sound of it being much cheaper [scottish emoticon]

joycep that's true I'm not sure why it was needed before IVF, I will ask. Sorry about the irritating conversation with your Mum. Oh relax, you say? Gosh, why didn't I know about this amazing miracle cure for infertility. Someone should patent it .

minipie I can't remember exactly why they don't recommend diving when pregnant, but my guess would be at such an early stage you'd be ok? I have a feeling that they really don't know, because they can't exactly test it. I'd def do a test, but if it was me I'd dive if it was a BFN. But obviously you should do whatever you are comfortable with.

technically AF isn't here yet. It's still stop/start spotting. But I know it's on its way. That said, it is due tomorrow, so if I wake up to anything less than Heavy on the Euro-scale, I will POAS just because the collection I have are probably going to go out of date soon.

izzy I know that you must be feeling like the bottom has dropped out of your world today but I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you.

nelly It's a difficult call to make RE having an HSG type investigation overseas. When is your estimated appointment date? I would be inclined to advise to wait for your appointment because an HSG is, as far as I can tell, a pretty standard diagnostic tool ordered by the NHS at the initial work up. I am however basing this totally on my experiences (pre- the last appointment) and the fact that I would advise saving the money you might spend on the overseas gynae in case you aren't happy with your NHS treatment and want to get a second opinion privately. Not sure that makes any sense to anyone but me
I hate the false hope that spotting offers. I do it to myself every month too, allow myself to dream that it isn't my period starting. I would POAS just to draw a line under the cycle once and for all. God I am a bossy breaches today!

joycep It's interesting that your book discusses how many people gravitate towards an online support community. I always wondered whether it is a weird thing to have become so close to you all and get more comfort here than in RL. Glad that I am normal afterall!
I can't believe how many people thinking it is helpful to spout the relax bollocks. "Getting in a twist" is a perfectly justifiable reaction to longterm TTC'ing and I defy anybody not to get worked up if they ever found themselves in this situation. TTC on this scale is sustained mental fuckwittery and TBH personally I am surprised that I manage to keep anything together at all and some days it is a feat of self discipline to even get out of bed and get dressed and somedays to keep wanting to keep breathing. To be told on top of all this to not get worked up or in a twist just makes me want to scream.

minnie It is so difficult to plan anything when TTC. Like nelly says I guess you have to trust your own instinct about the whole diving thing though I reckon I would probably err on the side of caution and then kick myself afterwards when AF arrived

Well I'm in the 2ww (7DPO I estimate) and to be honest I don't actually want to be pregnant this month. I know that it must sound really odd & I'm not trying to call in the rule of sod I promise, but perversely I really want to have the planned investigations and in the event of there being a problem like endo get any issues fixed so that I have a clean bill of health moving forward in the TTC marathon. I also have conviced myself I have endo and kind of want to find out for sure I must sound like a basketcase but I am also thinking that I would like this reproductive MOT with a view to not only aiding TTC#1 but [ridiculous over optimism smiley] but TTC#2 as well.

Just popping on to say a massive thanks for all the congratulations! Really made me well up

I'll be back on later with a proper post

Update, the postman has just hauled his bottom up the hill and I've got a letter from the hospital confirming that my lap and HSG and that other h-thing has been booked for the 1st May. Not quite the 4 weeks wait we were told but I am impressed at the speed nonetheless. The letter also says that I have to have a pre-op assessment in the middle of April that will last half a day. It doesn't explain what this assessment actually involves, do any of you ladies know?

Hello lovely ladies!

Af is here and with it, first round of IUI. I should call the clinic to find out whether I can actually start .

I hope you are somehow coping izzy.

Pleased your appointment came through quite quickly, pout. I have read being up the duff is good for endo, so I am hoping you can't get those tests done. And sorry to hear about the level of downness you are experiencing, not good. :(

I had no real spotting this time so it was a bit of brown when getting up followed by the bright red stuff (with some old stringy brown bits, which I worry about now) by 9:30! So no chance to mess with myself. Also my DH told me yesterday I would see AF today, as I was being completely unreasonable. Isn't he lovely?

That book sounds good joycep, I might look into it. And hurrah for validating us all as normal - I had some longtime TTC RL friends and then they got diffed! Sorry for the spotting headfuck nelly. Hope it sorts itself out soon... Preferably into a BFP.

Big wave from a decidedly grumpy lemon. I bought loads of good food for tonight though and will order DH to bring a nice bottle of wine home!

ah - here you all are

minipie thanks for asking about testing. No I have not had these tests as I was about to go for them then managed to get pregnant (miscarried) so my doctor said everything must be ok then. She had previously sent me for an operation to get some polyp growths removed which were in the way. She said as I can obviously get pregnant, I should go away and keep trying and tests would follow if I miscarried 3 times. That is why I think I should go and be more forceful this time.

well done fatima!

pout my pre op involved blood test, preg test (which was daft as the op was due after my next period!) mrsa nose swap (gross) a questionnaire, weighing, blood pressure and height. It took about two hours.

lemon boo to af but hello iui! I hope that will be the thing that does it.

izzy virtual squeeze, thinking of you.

joycep interesting sounding book. MN saved me from being properly depressed. Well you lot did actually. It's been ace meeting up with kitty in 3D and a really easy transition as we do actually know do much about each other on here. I really hope we manage a 2012 meet up, I think it will do us a lot of good. And if anyone wants wine coffee sooner let us know!

Meant to say whatmess my stitches were like rope and didn't dissolve either. I took much satisfaction pulling them out myself they have left Frankenstein stitch marks, hope you were luckier with your stitcher upper than me

Um on phone and can't scroll up. Will return soon!

nelly is it a hycosy? That's what I had its aerated saline that shows up on u/s so no need for X-ray but essentially the same thing. I guess if you took the notes along to the hosp they would accept them?

I rang up to see about a private second opinion today. I can't afford it well, I could at a push, but I'm aware I want every penny for throwing at fertility treatment so it seems too much. What made me is that the gynae knows my consultant very well and apparently he could easily get my notes via him, discuss it with him, see me next week and have me booked in for the op early April. Oh to be rich. Or insured