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Conception

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Original poster

TTC after a miscarriage - Wishing everyone shed loads of love, luck and babydust xxxx

928 replies

Coathanger · 22/01/2006 17:57

Ahhhhh, thats better!

A nice, shiney new thread! All fast and efficient!

Heres hoping this thread brings more BFPs, keep everything crossed it does (except legs...don't be crossing your legs ladies!!)

oh and here it is

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OP posts:
going4potty · 26/01/2006 21:06

Ok here goes and anyone of you other ladies pls feel to give advice etc.
Well as you know dh may lose his job 2morrow. If this happens i will have to give up my job which i love to take a higher paying locum job (if i can get one). I have no problem supporting dh and have done so previously while living and also while pregnant. When we came back from NZ i was pregnant we lived with my folks and i worked while he looked for work ( for 5 months) I started working post birth after 6 months part time and were now in our current situation. Dh has an interview monday for another job, much better paid plus company car too. But may involve staying away from home maybe a night or 2. He said if that is the case he wont take it even if hes been made redundant, its more important to spend time with family! I think he is being selfish, as i will have to give up my job or if no locum work available, we will have to ask to live with my folks ( his idea i dont want to, but he wont accept getting a council flat etc ie cheap housing) He says he has much right to beat home as i do with our ds and doesnt want to be a stranger to him and doesnt want his lack of presence to be an issue for ds. I think yes but your lack of responsibility will impact on him, also arent mothers and fathers roles different, he cannot cook, clean properly, have patience to go swimmng, teach etc do activities. Pls note he often has few weeks of at a time due to nature of present job and has yet to do anything with ds, who is now 3!!! He says if i want us to play man woman roles then he shouldnt do anything in house, again pls note he only does bins and washing up on an evening. He says i shouldnt expect him to take job just because he is the man!! But i do, if he doesnt i will resent him, am i being unreasonable?

going4potty · 26/01/2006 21:07

Thats while living abroad and...

going4potty · 26/01/2006 21:12

Sorry it took so long, also you have to factor in were ttc too.

kreamkrackers · 26/01/2006 21:14

no, personally i don't think so you are in the right saying he should get this job. i know it'll be hard on him being away but it'll also be hard on you but if it has to be it has to be unfortunately. it would be totally unfair to move back into your parents house, even if they don't mind it's best to try to avoid it. unfortunately try not to talk about it until the outcome on friday as it's causing too much stress on you both right now. it must be so hard but try not to worry. i hope your dh gets the job, i really do.

going4potty · 26/01/2006 21:15

Thanks kk, i have even thought about telling my parents his plans and asking them to say no we havent got space, which they havent.

kreamkrackers · 26/01/2006 21:16

btw, my house isn't fantastic but it's my own place where i can close the door and it's just my family. i'd much rather have this than live with any one else even if it is family.

kreamkrackers · 26/01/2006 21:17

yeah you should do. hopefully they'll understand, i'm sure they will.

going4potty · 26/01/2006 21:18

Exactly! Im so worried, i just feel that sometimes he behaves like a child, he genuinely thinks its ok for adult children to go running to parents all the time and it isnt even necessary.

kreamkrackers · 26/01/2006 21:21

well no it isn't. sorry but he needs to realise that you're a family now and you both pull your weight as a family and support one another. in the real world most people don't go running back to mummy and daddy for help (sorry if that sounds a bit harsh i don't even know the fella but i'm just saying what i think needs to be said)

going4potty · 26/01/2006 21:24

Im trying not too worry, but its really difficult. Dh is very difficult at the best of times, abbrasive is the best way to describe him. Ive actually gone as far to say that if he is made redundant and doesnt take the other job if offered i will still try and support us and he is still in a strop at me and sulking.

kreamkrackers · 26/01/2006 21:27

but it's an awful lot of pressure on you then. wouldn't he take up a job that doesn't pay as well if the worst happened just until he found the type of job he's looking for? (guessing not though from what you've already said about him)

going4potty · 26/01/2006 21:28

KK you are saying exactly what i have said to him obviously in a way thats more palatable to him as i dont want to stress him out more than necessary. do you think i should tell my parents what hes saying and maybe get them to have a word he does respect them. His are useless, hes already told them we may be moving in with inlaws and they dont say anything to him

going4potty · 26/01/2006 21:29

cross posts, kk the job interview monday is offering more money!!!!

kreamkrackers · 26/01/2006 21:29

yeah if you think it might help do it. would he consider moving to a different place if he could find his type of job easier there?

going4potty · 26/01/2006 21:30

Oh yes, if they were available.

kreamkrackers · 26/01/2006 21:31

i'm guessing he's in a job that doesn't come up very often. this sounds very very stressful on the both of you

going4potty · 26/01/2006 21:32

He isnt some monster or anything and i adore him, but i do feel im the only grown up at times.

kreamkrackers · 26/01/2006 21:34

yeah i feel like that sometimes (yet dp is 2 years older than me!) what are his friends like? would they reccomened him moving in with your parents or would they tell him a house is a house it doesn't matter what it's like as long as you turn it into your home?

going4potty · 26/01/2006 21:34

He moans and moans about wanting to be at higher levelmangement but only wants to do 9-5 monday to friday or at a push as his says 8-6 with occassional ie in a blue moon weekend. I just think he lives in a dream world

going4potty · 26/01/2006 21:36

This is the prob most his friends have troubled relationships or a re single and would abandon theyre resposibilites and go back to mummy given half a chance

kreamkrackers · 26/01/2006 21:36

my dp leaves the house at 8 and gets back at 7 and he only works as an assistant manager in a retail shop. also he finally gets a day off tomorrow but he's worked 8 days on the run and we had an arguement this morning over us both being so tired

kreamkrackers · 26/01/2006 21:37

oh in that case i think just talk to your parents and see what they have to say.

going4potty · 26/01/2006 21:44

Sorry to go on kk, but im actually scared as i have a difficult relationship with my mum and couldnt stand living with her. We have improved a relationship a lot in the last three years and i dont want to go back to b4. Also his final solution was "Well if its such a burden for you to take another job and support us, you live with ds and your parents and i will live with mine" He is worried about living in rough area, which i can understand as my symbols of religion are on display and he is white. We attract looks and comments and sometimes sarcasm etc

kreamkrackers · 26/01/2006 21:48

it must be so hard for you. but going back to your parents isn't the answer especially if it makes you unhappy. it might sound daft but maybe write a letter telling him how much you would hate to live back with your parents, he might take it in more then. is there any areas in which you think you could afford to live in without racial hatred?

kreamkrackers · 26/01/2006 21:52

where's the other girls when you need them? i'm trying to give the best advice i can but i'm sure somebody else might have better advice for you. i really hope your dh gets the job and you'll both find it's all been a lot of worry and stress for nothing.