Angels and Rainbows - The beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. But it can provide colour and hope.

[Whatevertheweather]

“Rainbow Babies” is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn’t mean the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover but the rainbow provides a counter balance of color, energy and hope.

Ah blizy f&tx for you too. Hope you've got lots of nice things planned to make the next 2 weeks whizz by x

Right I think I'm up to speed.

wtw beautiful title, thank you. I posted that quote some time ago, it's so perfect and apt. Lovely to see it at the start of the thread to read often. Little Katie, love her, what a poignant thing to say. In a funny sort of way I know what she means. Bobbie was my first, so I too went through the "I can't see her and so maybe I'm not really a mum" thing. Very hard.

Dachs I am speechless at your boss, what an utter cow. Can you raise a grievance somehow. It is absolutely up to you when you start your ML there is nothing she can do about it. And take up the sick pay thing with HR, sure they will be appalled. Stay off as long as you can, she will cause you so much unnecessary stress if you return. (hugs)

August I so felt for you reading your post last Thurs. Know exactly what you mean about expecting each scan to be bad news. Each time it was ok I was relieved and then terrified as I felt sure that it was be bad news eventually and the later that happened the more horrific it would be and I got scared-er and scared-er. I remember being in floods of tears on the evening after my 12 week scan - fear of the 2nd trimester. I remember being angry as well at how the loss of Bobbie had totally destroyed any joy of this pregnancy and robbed me of normal reactions. One day at a time. There is always plenty of time for mentalling tomorrow!!

ciwi I too do the confused idiot look over the number of children/is Freya your first questions. Never realised before how such a simple question is such a loaded one and I never ask other people it now.

cheese sorry about the transfusions, I know how big an issue needles are for you. Hope it makes you feel a lot better though.

Welcome winnie so sorry to hear about the loss of your ds. We all talk about all of our children on here so tell us as much (or as little) as you like about him. We'd be honoured to hear. My first DD Bobbie died in the womb and was born Oct 2010, very tiny and very early. I gave birth to her sister Freya in August last year.

fan and miasmummy booo for AF, really sorry my loves, that sucks

shakey glad you and LO are both ok. I was told to try and turn a breech baby you need to spend lots of time on all fours, ... clean skirting/floors etc.

Blimey blue good luck with that! I'd be flaking out after about 8 days

Good luck blizy

to angel
All going well here, just exhausted. Been having bad nights for a while and it's catching up with me. Apparently I am all grumpy
And we found fleas on one cat so spent the weekend hoovering, grooming, carpet shampooing, disinfecting things and flea treating said cat now known as "Fleabag". Yeuck.

Love to all xx

shakey I second whatever get on the exercise ball, put your arms and upper chest on the ball and kneel, so that your bump is suspended inbetween, roll backwards and forwards, and hopefully you will give the baby enough room to move round. I spent many nights on the ball like that and it was the only position that felt comfortable. Good luck.

well i have my ball but have to wrestle it away from ds! lol

Is it wierd to say that sometimes I really revel and enjoy the pain of AF cramps? (Lots of my friends think I am uber wierd for feeling this!)

Fan - yes, you are weird.

Lol blue

sorry for not being on here a lot the last few days... been reading from on my phone, but don't like replying onto it Been having a horrible cough for the last week and doctor just advises taking paracetamol, could take 2 weeks to a month to clear up... not fun :(
Slept on sofa last night so DH could sleep well...
But we managed every day so far will have to tackle him tonight though

wtw your DD and mine are so alike... but you know that we said it before she keeps asking for a baby all the time as well!

cheese don't know whether you'll read this, but thinking of you lots! x

Hi sorry I've not been back for a bit, RL getting very complicated with a house to sell and one I'm renting, my mortgage company and the power company just can't get the hang of it and keep sending letters to the wrong place or doing stupid things - then council tax wanted 250 quid by the 7th of Febuary. Still coping though and not gone mad yet.

Welcome Winnie so sorry about your little boy, my son Sproglet was stillborn at 42 weeks, I'm currently 6 weeks - so very early days.

Too I've been worrying about what to say to that question since before we started ttc. Saying it's my first would feel like erazing Sproglet out of history, saying no leads to such an awkward moment - I want to go back to NCT classes as well - we both swear it's what got us through the birth was what we learnt at those classes and being so prepared. Where do I ask to go though? The class for first time parents, where I'd have to be totally silent about Sproglet, - or the reminder course, where everyone will have happy stories about their other birth(s) and wonderful memories of their children.

As for my electric chair needs - pregnancy exacerbates an underlying condition that means I can take about 10-15 steps a day, by the end of pregnancy I doubt I'll be taking any and it'll be many months before I'm back up and running again. The NHS doesn't want to undermine my 'walking' ability (bearing in mind I need an elbow crutch, a wrist friendly crutch, sometimes wrist splints and a person helping to achieve that much). The independant living center would much rather I was totally dependant on other people for any kind of movement.

I know of no charity that would provide me with funding as I'm over 25 and I won't be abel to get a loan once the house is reposessed. I'm hoping my mum will be abel to take one out for me once the chair I have dies and I'll use part of my DLA to pay it... only DLA will only exist until 2013 and who knows if I'll get PIP easily or if it will be a fight.

It's just the trials of a stupid disabled woman trying to start a family, we'll cope, something always turns up and we've got pretty resiliant over the years. I'm going to practice crawling for now, get some knee protection and I'll at least be abel to parent from the floor. I do have the most amazing 19 hours social care from SS, can't be grateful enough that i live where I do. I plan on lots of trips to the swimming pool - I move like a fish and should be abel to play in water properly ;)

Sorry that post was sooo loong

trickle good to hear from you. What a mess, I still cant beleive they will not provide you with a chair, shocking! Also shocking that you are going to have to revert to crawling around to get to things while pg. Im loving you positive outlook though.

I came home today to a new present from DH, hes given me his laptop. Its only a few months old and I was borrowing it to come on here when I was fed up with my blackberry. And well he has decided that he doesnt like laptops, he prefers his pc, which he was going to sell, so hes rebooted that and given me his laptop. Yayyyyy, so now I can search for things with out him thinking Im ttc mad! and also I can be on here alot more in the evenings!

Im feeling better today, took a long walk in the winter sun at lunch really helped me out, I love being outside.

Seem to have missed loads while posting

shakey I don't think we have 'met' but glad to hear you are ok, hope everything runs nice and smoothly from now on fx

wtw and blue that's really sweet of your girls made me grin :)

I can't seem to find what's happened to cheese is she OK?

I could barely move at the end of the last pregnancy but I swear all the lying on my front in the pool helped Sproglet to turn easily - never do breaststroke, but it did give him loads of room.

Fan and miasmummy here's to this cycle xx

Hope everyone else is doing fine - I've been sick so I think I'm definatly pregnant. I keep wierding the P.A. out with it though, I make no noise so she turns around and I've thrown up without her knowing - freaked hubby out last time too lol

ah sorry I've got cheese on FB, she was allowed home after her transfusion, but has to go back in tomorrow for more iron and steroids. Baby could be delivered anytime due to her blood sugar levels, so they're monitoring her very closely!

Evening all,

Good to hear from you Trickle Sorry things are so tough for you at the moment. Very impressed by your positivity with so much to cope with.

Fan how can you enjoy AF cramps?! Yay for new laptop. I only ever post from my iPhone I can never be bothered to go on the computer.

Too I really struggle with the 'is Katie your only child' question. The few times I've just said yes she is it's let to 'oh don't you want more' etc so now I just say 'no she's not my only. She has a younger sister but sadly she died'. I hate denying Erin existed anyway and saves any further awkward questions. You will find the way that feels most comfortable for you.

Blue sorry you're feeling poorly

Boo for fleas Split how is Thea doing?

Love to all xx

X post Blue poor Cheese she must be so worried. Glad they are keeping a close eye. Send her my best wishes.

Oh and Blizy thank you for the add On Fb - you look so beautiful in your wedding pics and I just love Zoe bear

blue can you please send cheese my love, I am thinking of you cheese your in the best place and Im wishing for a safe arrival of your lil one.

I have a tattoo of Ophelias name on my wrist and I do get asked what it is and what it says and I always say its my daughters name, I have been asked if I have any children and I have always said no, because she is no longer here, but I will tell people when I am next pg, that its the second time I have been pg and all about Ophelia if they can handle it.

Sorry Split just noticed my stupid phone changed Freya to Thea

Thanks for the lovely comments whatever.

I have been asked if I have children, I say yes but she died. It feels so strange, this time last year we were excitedly decorating the nursery and fighting over names. I can't believe it has almost been a year since since she was born. Dh and I want to do something to celebrate her birthday, but we are struggling for ideas.

Morning all. Quick update from my phone. I had the iron on Monday and that was ok other than a failed (painful) cannula and then the second was fine. My sugar levels have dropped a lot, as well as my insulin needs, so they decided to keep me in as it's a sign of placental insuffiency.

Had a scan yesterday and lots of ctgs, which looked good, but they're still concerned. They let me home for the evening (was dh's birthday yesterday!) but I'm going back to be admitted today for more iron and also steroids for the baby's lungs in case they need to deliver before 34 weeks!

Not sure what's going to happen, I'm really scared, and she's breech so assuming any delivery would have to be a section. Hoping she hangs in there for a bit longer. The consultant said we need to decide where the best place for the baby is after weighing everything up and that place might be an incubator. Depends how my blood sugar is looking too but they don't seem keen to leave her inside me much longer.

Hoping to get a wifi connection at the hospital later so I should be able to catch up and browser etc then too. Hope all are well xx

Oh Cheese am thinking of you. At least they are keeping a really close eye on you. The steroid injections do sting a bit so make sure you've got someone's hand to grip. She is a great size for nearly 32 weeks. Try and stay as calm as possible xxx

cheese thinking of you, your in the best place. My nephew was born at 35 weeks and was in an incubator for two and he's fine, really happy wee boy.

I'm here on my blackberry all day, so if you do have wifi then I will be here for you to talk to if you need it.

Good luck.

Thank you both. Just called in and the labour ward is full so they've told me to go in tomorrow morning instead. Had a good chat on the phone first to make sure all was well, baby is active too and my numbers are a little higher albeit without insulin so there is something going wrong but just isn't a complete emergency yet.

I have a day now to do lots of research and try to get my head around a possible section and early delivery! So scared. I've had steroids before and I remember the stinging and aching down my leg afterwards!

Trying to stay relaxed about things but it's all so scary.

cheese I would be doing the same in yours shoes. Dont have any experience of c-section myself, my brother was born that way. I'm sure angel will be along shortly to tell u her experience. I have known lots of babies born early and they are all well, and just think a little bit of pain is nothing to bare if it brings ur little one safe into the world.

Cheese, thinking of you. Glad to hear LO is still active. At 32 weeks she'd still have room to turn and I'm sure I've read tips to get breech babies to move - things like getting down on all fours, or walking upstairs sideways. Goodness, you might get to meet your rainbow baby much sooner than anticipated! How early was your other baby - was it DD1 who was premature? I was born at 35 weeks (EMCS after cord began to prolapse) and was absolutely fine, and that was in 1983 and I'm sure medical science has taken quantum leaps since then.

Am freaked out to hear that steroids hurt...I have to have them at 36 weeks. Oh well.

We had our complaint review session with the hospital on Monday. They had investigated the MW and reviewed 10 random sets of case notes and apparently she always fills in the notes really well. We weren't disputing that - we were disputing the veracity of her note-taking! Apparently she swears she took a sonic aid heartbeat reading after doing my VE to establish that I was 3 cm, and they believe her because 'women in labour may be in pain and distracted'. I said DH wasn't in labour, but they wouldn't budge. It is just not possible for both of us to have missed her doing a sonic aid reading, given that they make a noise! You can hear the heartbeat - there is just no way we could have missed that. I was in early labour and the room had only me, DH and MW in it and I was perfectly in control of myself. I'd had some co-codamol 3 hours before, nothing else. Apparently it is also possible for babies to have perfectly normal heartbeat readings even if they are discovered to be dead 20 minutes later. I just don't believe that. Anyway, we have the option of taking it further, to the midwifery council, but as far as the hospital are concerned it is case closed. I think we might take it to them. I'm just so angry that they automatically decide not to believe us and ignore the evidence. The best possible spin I can put on it is that the MW has honestly mixed me up with another patient. DH thinks she knows perfectly well that she didn't take the reading and is lying to cover her back.

too I am so sorry about the meeting it must have been so hard. I am shocked that they did not listen to you or dh, I am so on your behalf. Zoe had a normal heart rate reading and had died 30 mins later.
I hope you and bean are ok?

too that I'm sure is so hard to take, why do they not believe you, its shocking and not right. And do they really think u wouldn't remember every part of that day. What happens now? Do they think it is now over? Or can u take it further?