mid 30s, TTC #1, 2 years so far, fed up. anyone else?

[CaipirinhasAllRound]

Just wondering how many of us there are in the same boat

There are many of us . We are legion. May I point you in the direction of this thread It's ongoing and the current theme is kind of French (but ignore that bit). We are a bitter, twisted, rude and fed up but may I say rather amusing bunch of women in our thirties who are trying to conceive with varying degrees of success or otherwise. Have a read through and see if you want to join our merry band.

Actually this current thread probably isn't the best to start reading. Persevere.

There are loads of mid 30s long term ttc-ers on the 10+ months thread too. Unfortunately, we only seem to exist on the interweb. Everyone in RL pops a baby out every time they so much as look at their DH

Add me to your list ... ! Your thread title describes me to a 'T'

As with others don't know anyone in real life going through the same thing. This TTC malarky can be a very lonely time .... !

But have high hopes that 2012 will be a good year for us all ! (she says, optimisticlly !)

I'm in the same boat, and it is a shitty boat. I have taken folic acid every day since October 2009. That alone makes me really cross!

Me too! Hitting the 2 year mark in about 6 weeks, almost on the point of giving up, but hoping 2012 brings better things!

I'm in your gang too, and what a shit gang to be in. Hoping I might graduate from it this year...just as everyone in RL who started trying same time as us starts popping out #2.

Don't know about you, but I'd really like my life back. About 18 months ago I was sane, fun and normal.

I agree with the suggestions of looking at the BESH and ttc 10 months+ threads. I have found both of them helpful in terms of information and support.

highlove your comment about being sane, fun and normal 18 months ago really struck a chord with me. I feel exactly the same. I want the old me back.

With you there euro. I think DH would like the old me back too.

I'm very impressed with anyone who's been taking folic acid religiously for 2 years! I occasionally remember to take them....

Am having an HSG next week so can't TTC this cycle and I have now worked out that I'll be 35 at the earliest when I have a baby, depressing given that I stopped taking the pill on my 32nd birthday.

I sort of do want to join the BESHes but there are already so many in-jokes. Anyone want to form a splinter group? The ShitBoat group...?

I'd love to join your ShitBoat group. Sums it up in one word really !!

Any more crew members ready to set sail on the ShitBoat?

Avast, brightside (may not have an eye patch but close enough)

Ooooh the ShitBoat group....I like it, count me well and truly in..

By the way, lovely fellow ShitBoat crew members, who the buggery fuck puts a photo of their bump on facebook? Oh yeah, probably the same person who announced 'bumpy approved of the Christmas dinner'. No love, bumpy did not approve because bumpy is not capable of rational thought.

Oh, do I sound hard done by?!

Aha me hearties !

No, you don't sound hard done by at all. I commited the ultimate facebook crime and ... wait for it ... deactivated my account ! I really did find that the constant stream of pregnacy announcements/scans/baby photos/general smugness/cupcake pictures (you know the score !) was wearing me down ! It really was liberating (and I couldn't stop telling people I'd done it for days after !)

(Actually, I'm lying a bit as I did pick the 'This is temporary - I'll be back' option and do re-activate it to have a sneaky peak every now and again ... !)

Anyhow - I'm 34 and my partner is 40. We stoped using contraception about 3 years ago and initially took a relaxed "lets see what happens" attitude (oh, if only we'd known) and in fact weren't overly concerned when nothing happened. After 12 months I got a BFP only for it to end as an early miscarriage at 5.5 weeks. Naively this made us believe that all must be well - that we had just been unlucky - but prompted us into 'upping our game' (so to speak). Another year passed and, again nothing, so I went to the doctor for blood tests. Had my day 21 test and then - you've guessed it - never made the day 3 test as by that time I had another BFP. This ended in a miscarriage at 7 weeks. Again, I still believed that this was obviously evidence that we could conceive and so we plodded on for another 6 months before returning to the GP and being referred to the fertilitiy unit.

My partners SA was fine and my bloods were fine. But - to my absolute surprise an HSG and ultrasound (which I've only had done this year) show a blocked left tube and a small cyst on my left ovary. I had really thought that they would just be elimination exercises given that I've had no symptoms for either. I also had a blood test for AMH levels and am convinced I'll now also be told I've got really old going off eggs ... !! My appointment to discuss the tests with a consultant isn't until 20 February - but as I understand it, irrespective of the outcome of the tests we now meet all the NHS criteria for IVF and so will get a referral at that stage.

So although all the wheels are now moving I still can't help feeling totally fed up about the situation. I really related to the comments above about wanting the sane, fun and normal person back .... !

Anyhow, must apologise ! I really didn't intend this to be such a long post all about ME !!

(I'm doing anything to resist the temptation of having a watch of One Born Every Minute. I don't need to torture myself like that !)

I do look forward to hearing your stories.

x

I'm in a similar but not identical position. I'm 35 and my DH is 47. I came off the pill in Nov 2009 and we were a bit tentative about trying at first, then we got engaged and we tried NOT to get pregnant before the wedding (hah!). We started trying properly in April 2010 but had no luck for a year. I had the day 21 test and DH had a sperm quality test and all was normal, then I got pregnant for the first time in April 2011 followed by mc just before six weeks at the beginning of June. I thought it was just one of those things and got pregnant again in August. That was a weird pregnancy as I knew straight away but also had very strong sense that something was wrong or would go wrong - basically felt that I had caught some disease that would result in mc instead of being excited about being pg. I had second miscarriage in September at 7 weeks. Since then, zilch.

I'm really fed up with the whole thing. It took much longer to feel better the second time and the sad stuff hasn't gone away. I keep bursting into tears when I spend time with any of my (many many) friends with small children and generally have the blues. That might be just January as well, though. I know our ages come into it and I also know that if it takes much longer (assuming it happens at all) the chances of having more than one shrink considerably. I've always wanted a big family.

I promise I won't always be this gloomy - will get it out this once. And try to cheer the fuck up.

I hear you not now and I really do emphasise completely with everything you are feeling. I don't think I really cried about anything up to the age of 32 (being the hard cow I can be) but now I'm an emotional wreck. Anything and everything can set me off ... ! I really had no idea how completely draining and all consuming this would be. If things in life do really happen for a reason then I have no idea what the reason is. Whatever the outcome is for us I think I will always feel really bitter about the last few years and have a very different view on many things. I feel really cheated that I've put my 'normal' life on hold for so long and in doing so have missed out. Who can I complain to ... ? !!

(Oh god - I actually meant to write something a bit more uplifting - I'll shut up now and cheer the fuck up too !!)

x

Well here's mine...

DH needed a vasectomy reversal and we were advised to have me checked before he had the op. So 18 months ago we went to a private clinic (NHS won't investigate if you're not actually trying) who performed ultrasound and very unceremoniously, with dildo cam still in place, advised that both tubes were irreparably blocked with hydrosalpinx and I'd only ever conceive via IVF/ICSI. We were told I needed both tubes removed to ensure the hydros didn't damage our IVF chances. Hideous, hideous day.

I was very lucky then to get a referral to a great NHS consultant who angrily felt we'd pushed to IVF too soon and via HSG established one tube was clear. So DH had the reversal just over a year ago and we got on with it, so to speak. I got a CBFM which indicated I wasn't ovulating every month and I already knew my cycles varied by up to about two weeks and I had between 2 and 7 days of spotting prior to AF. Needless to say, not a hint of a BFP. So back to the consultant for a lap and dye when he was planning to remove the one hydro but discovered it was just a tubal cyst and removed, so in theory I've got two functioning tubes, though one might be not be perfect as a result of the cyst. Since then I've done two cycles of Clomid at 50mg which gave inconclusive results so I'm now on CD4 of a cycle using 100mg.

Like others, all but one of my close friends has had a baby in the last year or so and no doubt 2012 will result in some second pregnancies - in fact in one instance it's already happened.I've not been trying quite so long as others but hope I can stay aboard. TBH it's taken me most if the last 18 months to get over being told it would never happen naturally - to go from all fine and not even having had chance to try to no way, not ever, had such a massive impact on me that even though it turned out not to be the case i've really struggled. So stressful I do wonder if that's not helping.. On the other hand, that hideous wrong diagnosis did fast-track me for NHS treatment - had I not got that I'd probably only just getting basic GP bloods, and since there's proved to be a different problem maybe that's for best.

Oh I'm 33.

My god what a long story..

Missbrightside, I totally get that feeling that you'll always be bitter about this. I will. I didn't mention - that hideous misdiagnosis happened the day after I returned from my honeymoon... I just feel as if the early years of my marriage have been damaged...we can't ever get that time back and I'm very sore about it. Like i said in a post a few days ago, I want my life back..

Sorry last one from me. You might be interested in this thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/1385424-Pg-after-long-term-TTC I started over on the pg board...some stories that really lifted my spirits and made me blub like the baby I can't seem to have

Highlove, your story is awful - I'm so sorry. Fucking ShitBoat.

highlove - I'm sorry that you have had such an awful time of it all too. Having a 'bad' diagnosis is one thing - but a misdiagnosis is something else ! It's stress you just don't need ... ! Fingers crossed for the clomid.

Right - I've now wasted a whole evening on the internet (v. bad !) - so am off to bed ! Night night !

Hi notnow and missbright, thanks I appreciate it, though I don't think my story is any more or less awful than others...it's a tragedy for each of us no matter how it all comes about. It's been really tough but then again I've only really been trying just over a year and I'm already on my third go at Clomid and have had the lap and dye etc...if that hideousness hadn't happened it could easily have been another two years before I got to those, and then I'd be that bit older, etc etc etc. Whatever, it's ShitBoat for us all.