mid 30s, TTC #1, 2 years so far, fed up. anyone else?

[CaipirinhasAllRound]

Just wondering how many of us there are in the same boat

[LouP19]

Hello, can I join? I post infrequently on these things every now and again, usually when I'm feeling down about TTC. Just been on Facebook and seen 2 more pictures of very swollen looking tummies on ex school friends and it always gets me down. :(

I'm 35, husband is 37. Been actively trying for nearly 3 years, I've had one early miscarriage. My periods can be painful and irregular, so now we've been referred I'm down to have a lap and dye, on top of the usual blood tests. I had my TV scan this week and the lady who did it said 'There's nothing too spectacular, but we need to have a good talk about you'. What does that mean?!!

Has anyone had a lap and dye and if so how did you find it? I'm very nervous as I've never been to hospital for anything before, but we are so desperate.

Whilst waiting for this we're having a break. I'm sure there is something wrong and when we're trying at the moment it feels more likely that we'll win the lottery than get pregnant. Think it's making us both feel like failures. :( So we're having a couple of months off.
Let's hope 2012 is our year, eh?

[missbrightside]

Hello LouP. Welcome and please do join us !

I'm afraid I have no experience of a lap and dye. I had a HSG at the beginning of the year which did (to my surprise !) a blocked tube. The consultant gave me the option of a lap and dye but said he wouldn't recommend it given that one tube was absolutely fine. Instead we were referred for IVF ... !

(Sorry - that is absolutely of no relevance to your question !)

I think there is definitely something to be said for having a break. We gave ourselves a 'month off' a couple of months ago and it was definitely did us some good as tension were getting a bit high and we were very close to killing one another !

I deactivated my Facebook account a few months ago. I absolutely couldn't bear hearing anymore pregnancy announcements or seeing scan/bump/baby photos. When I saw one day that the school weirdo had two children the account had to be closed ....... !

xx

[CaipirinhasAllRound]

I don't even know what a lap and dye is, sorry

Don't blame you at all LouP for having some time off. I find the whole thing all consuming, it's constantly at the back of mind. Don't think it's the same for DH at all, he still seems quite carefree about the whole thing

The christening was fine in the end thanks missbrightside. Me and my childless friends watched the mayhem of screaming kids running around and actually felt quite smug!

[LouP19]

Thanks for welcoming me and for your comments CaipirinAllRound and Missbrightside.

The Lap and Dye is where they open you up (keyhole) and have a good look. If there's any scar tissue from endometriosis it gets lasered away, as do any cysts. They then also put the dye up you to check for any blocked tubes. My consultant (a lady) said I had to look on it as an MOT for my lady parts - basically it clears everything out and removes any debris. I am unsure but I was recommended this as my history suggests I may have either endometriosis or PCOS.

Glad I'm not the only one who thinks taking a break is a good idea. We both just feel a bit defeated, and we've had 2 years of having a 'TTC week' each month, where we have lots of sex and then I lie on the bed with my legs in the air for half an hour. Really, it's just too much pressure and until I've had the operation we both just want to go to bed with a good book and a cuddle!

Agree also about Facebook - I check it very periodically and don't even use it really. Every couple of months I just torture myself with it! :(

[notnowImreading]

Hi everyone
Congratulations Dorothy
Good news about the ovulating Capirinhas
Hello LouP
Thanks for the pep talk, Brightside - no this month so did as you suggested and went to a new GP. Have had day 2 blood tests - LH, FSH, testosterone and oestrogen all normal. Just been for a high vaginal swab and chlamydia test, plus the very brisk nurse had a good rummage around up there and says I may have a 'bulky uterus' and has referred me for a scan to see what's what. Just day 21 bloods to go this month now and waiting for the scan letter to come through. I'm currently feeling a bit manhandled, like one of James Herriot's cows! Fingers crossed it's something easily manageable.

[missbrightside]

Hello all

Hope you are all well. Any news ? Exitement ? Developements ? Anything ? !!!

Really glad you have seen a better doctor Notnow and that things are moving on for you.

I know exactly how you feel about being manhandled. I've now lost count of the blood tests/internals etc I've had. And don't get me started on having to re-count your past history. I feel like I've told so many different medics (can't they just read my notes?) that now I just re-count it like a script with absolutely no feeling whatsoever ....... !

I had an internal scan at the IVF clinic last week (they do one pre treatment). As my partner looked at my ovaries on the screen I did feel like I had lost a little bit of ... err ... my mystique !! It does kill the romance - looking at ovaries and knowing exactly what cycle day you are on ....... !

On another note I went to see Graham Coxon last night (guitarist from Blur). Love Blur - not so sure about him on his own (his music is a bit too heavy for my taste). Anyhow, left before he came on for his encoure (is that spelt right - sorry - can't be bothered to look it up) and passed him outside the back of the venue having a sneeky cigarette in the rain !!

Anyhow - I'm warbling now. Must be time for bed !

x

[FabiOne]

Hi all

I am new to Mumsnet and forums in general but am constantly searching the internet for other people in similar boat to me and think this is the first thread that is perfect for me so decided to join!

I'm 30, TTC for 17 months, had day 21 blood test, all fine, OH had sperm tests all fine too. Have never conceived and now convinced there is something wrong with my tubes! Have been using Clearblue Fertility Monitor for last 6 months and still nothing Now waiting for appt with the GP to convince her to refer me (nice female doctor is booked up for next three weeks and need to try and get in with her for the fourth week by ringing Mon morning, the joys of trying to get a GP appt!).
I shouldn't be too mean as OH is a GP! He thinks I am being stupid and should just carry on trying and not thinking about it (as if that's possible!) He doesnt realise the heartache each month when you realise it hasn't worked. I am also surrounded by loads of women who only have to look at a baby and get pregnant, so find the disappointment on a monthly basis almost unbearable.

xxx

[FabiOne]

By the way, I should add, Ive been laughing out loud at some of the posts on here. At least we can still laugh at times!

[missbrightside]

Hope everyone is well.

Hello FabiOne. Sorry that you also find youself on this rollercoster of a ride ... ! I share your pain with feeling disappointed each month.

Three weeks for a doctors appointment !! That's dreadful !! I'm no fan at all of my GP or the surgery I go to - but now that doesn't make their wait time seem too bad !! Good luck with getting an appointment tomorrow morning.

It's a shame that your husband isn't your GP ! (Actually - not sure why I said that - for reasons I'm not sure why I really wouldn't like my partner to also be my doctor !! But it would be quite useful for trivial queries !!).

Hope everyone is managing to do lots of nice non-ttc things. We have an appointment with the fertility clinic next week - and am (assuming) we will pretty much start after that. I keep reading how it is recommended that you conserve your energy during treatment - so I've been taking this a bit too literally and have almost done nothing all weekend (to put this in context I'm usually very active !). Now regretting that I've more or less 'wasted' the weekend and don't even feel all that rested !! Just lardy !!

Right, better get some clothes ready for work next week.

Take care all xx

[CaipirinhasAllRound]

Hi everyone

missbrightside - good luck at the fertility clinic

I'm on my 2nd month of clomid and have had to double the dose as I didn't ovulate again last month.... Luckily I don't seem to be getting many side effects just a bit hot!

I also had my first appt with an acupuncturist on Friday! She went through the cycle with me in loads of details and gave me recommendations of what to do and what not to do - eg boys bits need to be cold so no laptops on his lap, no alcohol or coffee. Also, she said I need to keep warm and suggested warm lunches instead of sarnies and said not do anything too vigorous after ovulation as it might prevent the egg embedding. Was really interesting and I feel quite a lot more informed now. I'm going to chart everything for a couple of months and will see her every week for a couple of months. I was also quite relieved when she said we shouldn't be having sex every night!

we had my niece and nephew here at the weekend and by 6.30am on sunday the curtain pole, including the paster behind it, had been pulled down in the newly decorated spare bedroom! my 3 year old nephew also twice said 'mummy has 2 children and you don't have any children!!!' Charming!

enjoy yourselves! x

[missbrightside]

Thanks Ciapirinas. We had our appointment today. Will start treatment on the start of my next cycle (so still another two weeks to wait ...... !) I am getting very impatient in my old age ..... !

Will keep my fingers crossed that the Clomid works this month. Good luck with the accupuncture. So many people on here rave about it. I did have a couple of sessions a few years ago but just don't really get on with anything where you have to 'relax' ! I am obviously not only impatient but also highly strung !!!!

Sorry to hear about your curtain pole ..... ! As your nephew is only 3 he may be excused for his 'insensitive' comment .

Hope eveyone else is well. Not long until the bank holiday !

x

[notnowImreading]

Hi everyone. Hope all of you are well and not too pissed off today. I've just come back from a scan to check for my 'bulky' (I'm so embarrassed by that term) uterus. Apparently said uterus is perfectly normal and 'not even a little bit bulky' according to the sonographer. I could see follicles on my ovaries too. Unfortunately though, it looks as though I might not be ovulating regularly - blood test shows I didn't this month. GP is going to refer me to the infertility service as soon as the scan report comes in (next week) but thinks they will reject the referral because I was pregnant within the past year. I'm having the day 21 test repeated next month and if (a) it shows I'm not ovulating and (b) the NHS referral gets rejected, we'll have to look at going private for clomid and all its attendant joys. Caipirinhas (have spelt your name right for the first time), I might be catching up with you! Brightside, I'm in Chichester - would you recommend the Agora? It's quite getatable from here. Hi Fab - nice to have another shitboat shipmate.

As I definitely didn't ovulate this month, I shall be 'avin it large this weekend - friends are coming over to drink the cocktails we invented with all the fruit gin I made last summer. One's called a pigfucker, because we are proper classy. What's everyone up to this fine, sunny bank holiday weekend?

[CaipirinhasAllRound]

I want a pigfucker! (just made myself laugh our loud as I mistyped and wrote 'I was a pigfucker'!!!!)

I'm being very sensible (yawn) and having a sober weekend but that's because I've had a 2nd session with the acupuncturist today and she has made me believe that I might actually ovulate this weekend! Of course she has no clue but she's got me charting and if it's going to happen it would probably be this weekend

Had a barney with OH during the week as the acu woman said he shouldn't drink coffee or alcohol which he is not happy about. As he so lovingly put it, it's me that needs 'fixing' so why does he have to cut stuff out! I don't think he meant it quite as it came out but we did have words!

Next weekend we've got a house full and 16 of us are going to Twickenham for the rugby 7s and the normal plan is to drink beer all day - hmmm do I just assume that I won't be pregnant as I won't have had blood tests back by then to tell me if I've even ovulated?

[notnowImreading]

Ooh, good luck! Hope you do ov this weekend - just about long enough off work to relax properly and actually enjoy the shagging.

[CaipirinhasAllRound]

My temperature this morning was lower than yesterday so doesn't look like I will be ovulating this weekend...

[notnowImreading]

Ah, fuck it . Bodies are rubbish and should just bloody do as they're told.

[missbrightside]

Hello girls - Hope you are all enjoying the bank holiday.

We've had a particularly quiet one. It's become a harsh realisation recently that most of what we do revolves around drinking ..... ! [embarrassed] I've barely drunk all year - and look and feel absolutely no better for it ! So am jealous of the pigfuckers. Were they nice ?

Caipirinhas - too for you. I tried to temp last year and really didn't get on with it. My temperature used to go up and down quite dramatically and didn't look like the charts in the book Do you have a scan lined up which will tell you for certain ?

The argument with your OH is a familiar one here .... ! It was only when we were referred for IVF that the realisation hit him and he has dramatically cut back on drinking and (shhhh) smoking ... ! (and to his credit no one is more suprised than him at how well he has done !) He became quite complacent as his sperm count is far above the average - so much so that three medics have commented upon it. If I had a pound for every time he said (albeit really sincerely !) :

Him : It's all a lottery. I mean, you've lived the life of a saint and have a blocked tube and I've played hard all my life and am EXTRA FERTILE.

Me : Not so bloody fertile for a successful pregnancy though .... !

(Anyhow, I'm totally digressing now !)

Not Now - really glad that things are moving on for you. I used to have an ex-boyfriend from Chichester ! .

The jury is out with the Agora at the moment ... ! (I've already had a winge about them on another thread on here so won't reapeat it here !) At the moment I don't feel full of confidence with them (but really must stop thinking that !). I suppose the proof is in the pudding so if you can wait a couple of months I (should) know whether the treatment has worked (although I do know that's not a way to measure the success of a clinic) ..... ! We live in Hove so it couldn't be more ideal location wise for us but if we self funding I would definitely had a look at a couple of London clinics so as to compare. The only other NHS choice offered to us was Eastbourne (which wasn't at all logistic for me for getting to work after).

Fabio Hope you are well and have managed to get that doctors appointment booked !

Lou P - Are you any further with your lap and dye referral ? Hope so.

Right - going to go for a swim now.

xxx

[notnowImreading]

Have to say, the pigfucker is a damn fine cocktail. Have come down off my weekend high now, though - feeling quite flat at the thought of having to go through all the testing again. Most of the advice on the threads here suggests that if we do end up going private, more than likely they will make us take all the tests we've already had on the NHS again - in which case we could just as well have started on the private treatment road months ago. I thought we'd be saving our cash by having some tests on the NHS so we could use the money to pay for the bigger things. Going to wait for about 4 more weeks for the fertility clinic to reject our referral (ever the optimist!) then get set up with a private consultation. Would definitely like to see updates about the Agora, but will check the ranty thread so you don't have to write it all out again. Take care all.

[missbrightside]

I'm glad the pigfuckers were good !

That's nonsense if they won't accept NHS tests. For what it's worth I would have had exactly the same thought process as you and would have gone down the NHS route first too ...... !

I'll happily repeat my Agora rants - but to be honest they are just rants ... ! (I'll wait until I've got something constructive to say ....... !)

Take care too and chin up xxx

[notnowImreading]

Just had the call from my GP: definitely no more investigations or treatment on the NHS, not even clomid. Am being referred to local obst and gynae consultant privately on Thursday. Does anyone have any idea how much the initial stages and some clomid will cost? There's no price list for the place we're being referred to. I'm guessing about £175 for the initial appointment but the not sure what's next. Summer holiday might have to be in sunny Scarborough this year, I fear

[CaipirinhasAllRound]

Sorry to hear that Notnow and no idea how much these things cost, I would guess about £175 too though
sureley Clomid can't be that much.....

I had a call from the consultant today to say that I have ovulated this cycle which feels like a massive breakthrough!

I adopted a complete fuck it attitude on Saturday (and kept telling people I had) and got hammered! We were on the beer at twickenham in fancy dress from 11am and it was fab!

[notnowImreading]

Good for you!

[missbrightside]

Hello girls

Not Now - am for you ! Sadly £175 is about right (I've just checked the Agora website an an initial consultation there is £185). No idea how much a prescription of Clomid is - but from what I've read on here (admittedly in relation to IVF drugs) there can be big price differences so it pays to shop around. I believe that ASDA have some sort of online pharmacy service (which is apparantly cheaper).

Caiphrinhas - Yes, good for you I feel like I haven't drunk for so long now that I have probably lost my drinking power ...... ! What did you all dress up as ?

I've started taking the pill this week (as part of the IVF process). Oh, the irony of it all ..................... !!

Take care all xxx

[LouP19]

Hello all, hope everyone is keeping ok and progressing well with their treatment.

Had my lap and dye 2 weeks ago, all came back OK. Can't tell you how flat that made me feel. We've been trying for so long I wanted them to find something wrong! :(

Have follow up appointment in 4 weeks where I think I'll be prescribed clomid. Any experiences that people can share with me about this drug would be appreciated. Right now I can't be arsed with any of it, although I've got this incessant voice in my head that keeps saying 'But you'll be 36 in September',.......

[FabiOne]

Hello ladies

I managed to get my GP appt in the end after ringing up several times and being told that they were fully booked and to ring again tomorrow. When I went he was really nice and told me that I was right to come back and see what the next stage would be. He advised me that I needed to be referred to gynae so that they could check my tubes etc.

Luckily I have private cover with work and had paid the excess within the last twelve months so basicallly all the tests needed until I get a diagnosis would be included (basically if they need to repeat day 21 blood tests, do laparoscopy to check tubes etc these would be included). A diagnosis of unexplained infertility would count as a diagnosis so my cover would stop and anything else needed (IVF etc) would need to be funded by myself. Managed to get appt within a week of seeing GP and went on Thu.

Saw the lushest consultant (he was so friendly and talked me through all the options - checking tubes, artificial insementation and IVF (I didnt really know the difference between them both before then) and he was so positive that one way or another I would eventually get pregnant!! Let's hope he's right!)

Given I dont have unbelievably painful periods and being fit and well he thought best option would be to try Clomid for three months and then do the tubal investigations if it didnt work. He presecribed it there and then and I picked it up from the Spire pharmacy. Cost me £7.50 for three months supply (not sure if this is cheaper than England as we don't pay for normal prescriptions or whether this is just the cost of it given it was a private prescription). Anyway, notnowImreading thought I would let you know. Think consultant charge what they like for the initial appt so could be anything from £100-£200.

Got to wait until next month to start the Clomid but feeling positive that this might actually work - FINALLY!