Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

Age gap between babies - what to aim for and how to achieve it??

109 replies

Blondeinlondon · 08/01/2006 18:55

What do you consider to be the ideal age gap between siblings and why?

If you decided X months/years was best for you how much leeway did you give yourself for conception? eg how many months before/after??

OP posts:
morningpaper · 12/01/2006 09:05

Another vote for 3 years here - I have a 3 month old and a 3 year+3 month old and so far it is working REALLY well and has frankly been a bit of a doddle. I'd aim for a 3 year gap again.

Roobie · 12/01/2006 09:14

3 years here too - it was a calculated decision which fortunately came good conception-wise(both April babies). 3 year olds are pretty independent from a fetching and carrying point of view which makes looking after a newborn much easier.

piglit · 12/01/2006 09:46

I have 54 weeks between mine. The youngest is 10 weeks and although it's hard I'm looking forward to this time next year when I'll have 2 toddlers who will play together and let me have some time to myself. Ha ha ha....

carolinki · 12/01/2006 10:18

I think it depends how old you are when you start off, don't you? My mother had her first child when she was 21 then another 7 years later, then me 10 years after that. I went the other way and DD (4 today!) and DS are 14 months apart - but I didn't start until I was 35. My brothers and I are 'remote' though, although we love each other just the same. It's great to see my 2 being so very close and it makes the 'what shall we do now' so much easier - they like the same things!

2littleboys · 12/01/2006 10:19

Managed 3 in one year! Obviously wasn't exactly planned that way but 6 years on and we've worked out we couldn't have planned it any better if we'd tried. I read someone's thread which said something about, you'll cope, whatever the age gap and I think she's right. Yes, it was hell for the first year, but we got through it and now we have 3 siblings so close that we never have to worry about boredom or loneliness, the dynamic between the 3 is more like triplets so they each have 2 best friends. I would say get the nappies and sleepless nights out of the way as quickly as possible, but then I don't know any different....

northerner · 12/01/2006 10:23

So how do you manage 3 in 1 year?

PiccadillyCircus · 12/01/2006 10:25

curlygirl, I was you a year ago - had a DS of 13 months and was due again in Setember.

I was petrified of how it would work out, but it has and is. We still manage to get out and about, which is good. DS goes to nursery two days a week which is also good - it means DD and I get some time on our own.

I think I worried about DS imagining him at the age he was when I found out I was pregnant - when DD was born he was 22 months and very different from the 13 months he was.

2littleboys · 12/01/2006 10:26

dd was 3 months old when I became pregant with identical ds's. The twins came really late so it's literally just over a year, but then they were 7.5 lb each!

podkin · 12/01/2006 10:35

Piglit I have 54 weeks as well...things are a bit hairy at the moment (2 lots of teething, one stinking cold and one v hungry baby), but it's not all that bad. I just wish we could get out more, although I am sure that will come.

piglit · 12/01/2006 11:12

Podkin - I'm glad I'm not the only one! I'm afraid the only time we all go out (apart from when dh is here) is when I pile everyone into the car and we go off for a nice walk every afternoon. It's a real military style operation but worth the effort.

podkin · 12/01/2006 11:21

That's about it. I think with 2 v close together you have to accept that you aren't going to have much time for anything in the short term apart from nappy changing and running around like a headless chicken !

anniediv · 12/01/2006 12:47

I have 13 months between dd1 and dd2. Both weren't planned. It was hard work to start with but fantastic when they play together and are so close to each other. Then (another unplanned) dd3 came along with 3.5 year gap. I think whatever gap you have has pros and cons. If I had planned things better, I would have avoided having the baby a month before dd1 started school, as I found lots of attention from other people was focused on dd1 starting school and dd3 being born. Dd2 was a bit left out! But that is down to how you handle things at the time, isn't it, and people soon learned to visit and ignore the baby! Another slight drawback was the closeness was hard to deal with when dd1 started at school, dd2 really missed her. But ultimately, you get what you get and make the best of it anyway!

MamCatriona · 12/01/2006 14:03

I have a gap of 10 1/2 years between my two and it is great. DD1 is brilliant with her little sister and extremely helpful. Recommend it to anyone.

annacoach · 12/01/2006 15:43

daughter 1 is 12 years old, daughter 2 is 2 months old. it's fabulous. really the best thing.
feels like starting over again - and a chance to put into place some of the learnings!

my sister and i were two years apart and it was a nightmare, and i read somewhere that the least age gap (in terms of evolution, i.e when we were nomadic tribes) was four years - so that the first could be walking while the second was being carried.

i think - however - that the whole thing depends upon one's circumstances. we are building our families so it's up to each person to design ther as they wish. 'Homelife' is a work of Art.

sallyann10 · 12/01/2006 20:48

I had 5 miscarriages and 3 babies in 5 years. Planning was irrelevant, we just kept at it.I was always pregnant! Now I have 3 with c. 3 year gaps and it's lovely. 3 years is long enough to be excited by the next stage each one goes through. They are 3, 6 and 10 now and at 3 diffent stages so I can really enjoy each individually. Not at all what I planned but perfect.

mandi2005 · 13/01/2006 01:14

I only have one 7 month old daughter at the moment. However, as one of three siblings each two years apart, I can say I would recommend children being close together. I am the oldest, with a brother and sister (brother being the youngest). People say two's company, three's a crowd, so three children close together isn't advised. I have to disagree. There was always someone to play with and talk to, who was around the same stage. We had our own lives, but were interlocked. So it was and still is easy to do things alone and to have the support. Our parents agree that it was good for them. There were problems, but we usually amused eachother, and sorted out arguements between ourselves (two argued, the other sorted it out). Even as children. Which gave our parents a break.

PocketTasha · 13/01/2006 11:34

I've got a a 3.3 year gap between my two ds's oldest is 4.3 and the younger has just turned 1. I would have like the gap to be a little smaller, but am not devestated that it isn't, but wouldn't have wanted it to be any bigger at all. I worry about the next one (there will definitly be a next one) and the gap between that baby and my first. Not ttc yet but will be thinking about it over the next 6 months. I always said that when he as a year then we would go for it, but i only stopped breastfeeding a couple of months ago and i don't feel ready to be pregnant again yet. Although i feel ready to be expectng a baby!
I was one of two children, But there is a 7 year gap between me and my little brother. We have always been at totally different stages of our lives, this is what i really didn't want for my own kids.

moonshinequeen · 13/01/2006 19:13

DD was 6years 8 months when unplanned ds came along. Easy at first as dd was sleeping through and was at school. But now she is 15 and he is 8, the gap is too big. Great for babysitting(but i have to pay!) but he gets in the way when her friends come round, and holidays and days out are difficult as they want different things.

Emz25 · 15/01/2006 00:20

hi there is 2 yrs 4 mths between my dd and ds but my next daughter was born 5 yrs after my ds. we have decided to try again in a couple of months so there will be 2 yrs between my latest daughter and her new sibling! i think around 2 yrs is a good age gap! my first dd was nappy trained by 2.5 yrs and my little ds was trained by 2 coz he copied his sis. they play well together now! my dd is now 8 and ds is 6! baba is almost 12 mths and hopefully new baby will be conceived by june so the age gap will be same again between last 2. sayin that though my eldest dd loves being a big sis but i don't know how lonmg this will last! ds is kind to her but not as interested!

fuzzywuzzy · 15/01/2006 00:33

I was thinking about two years between babies would be good......
However the age gap between my two is 19 months.

I read somewhere that the ideal age gap is either whilst the first child is under two, or over four...dunno why, I think I may have read it in a mother and baby mag.....

expatinscotland · 15/01/2006 00:40

i have to say if i had to do it over again i'd aim for a summer baby. there's something about being able to take them out in the fresh air for hours a day that's advantageous.

BeckieB · 30/04/2007 13:40

My ds is 6 months old, I am 38, would love another babmbino and am wondering whether to bite the bullet in a few months and ttc another one therefore having quite a small gap, or to wait and have a gap of around 2 to 2 and half years, but then I would be 40ish........Help, I feel a bit lost! Everyone says its hard having a small gap, what part of it is hardest?
I also have another ds aged 9, who has shown no jealousy about the 6 month old, but would having another one be pushing it?!!!
It took us 6 months to conceive second son, will it take longer or am now "ripe and ready?"
Yours, dazed and confused and probably still hormonal!

momobike · 30/04/2007 18:46

All this talk of 2 and 3 year age gaps- my dd is 4 and I'm only just THINKING of ttc again!! I always said I wanted her at school b4 I had another but it really is personal choice.

siennammm · 30/04/2007 18:53

beckieb, i know what you mean, i am 38 too, 39 in a few days though and we have a nearly 5 year old and an 8 month old daughter - we are ttc now because i dont want to leave it any later because i dont want to be too old. Its a difficult one because the age gap between them has been fine but not sure how such a small age gap would be if we conceive again - dd took around 7 months and we have been trying for around 4 months already!

ScoobyDooooo · 30/04/2007 18:55

Only read original post.

We aimed for a 2 year age gap it did take us 4 months to concieve but then i miscarried so that was that age gap out of the window, waited a couple of months & tried again it then did take us a few months to concieve again, we now have a 3.3 years age gap but to be honest i love this age gap, i had ds toilet trained day & night, he was at nursery 5 mornings a week & i gave me time with my new baby & also it was probably a bit easier than having 2 in nappies etc.

I don't think you can plan these things to an extent because things can happen which don't make this possible but don't feel upset if things don't plan out because to be honest it works all ways, i love my 3.3 years age gap & do now believe it was for the best for me.

I went through a hard stage with ds between 2-3 years & to be honest if i had another baby is well i think it would have tiped me over the edge, they say things happen for a reason......in my case it was probably for the best.