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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

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Original poster

Age gap between babies - what to aim for and how to achieve it??

109 replies

Blondeinlondon · 08/01/2006 18:55

What do you consider to be the ideal age gap between siblings and why?

If you decided X months/years was best for you how much leeway did you give yourself for conception? eg how many months before/after??

OP posts:

Twiglett · 08/01/2006 18:59

ha ha ha ha ha

if only it was an exact science

We aimed for 2 years gap (took 2 months to conceive first child) .. so we gave it 6 months.. ended up with a 3 year 3 month gap due to unforseen fertility issues

I think 3 years is fab .. DS always been great with DD and caring, he was fully toilet trained when she came along and very very helpful

will aim for similar gap again

jalopy · 08/01/2006 19:00

You'll get lots of replies with different opinions! I loved the three year gap between mine. The toddler was toilet trained and fairly independant when the baby came along. It worked really well for us. I loved it so much I waited for another three year gap with the last one!

hunkermunker · 08/01/2006 19:01

There'll be 21m between ours (DS is that now - due any day!) - I'll let you know whether it works

Twiglett · 08/01/2006 19:02

(oy sneaky .. DH has given the nod towards no. 3 )

Jasnem · 08/01/2006 19:02

First time I just knew I didn't want DD1 to be an only, and ended up with a 15 month gap.
This time decided I wanted DD2 to be in school (5 year gap)and didn't allow any time before , just assumed I would fall as quickly as the first two. It took 6 months and am now 8 months pg.

Small gap has resulted in two very close daughters. Was hard initially, but really glad I did it now.
Bigger gap is me not feeling able to cope with 3 under 5, and wanting to have time with baby alone.

tribpot · 08/01/2006 19:03

Interesting topic. I am wondering about number 2 (ds is 6 months old) because I think a smaller age gap might work better for me, in terms of the number of years when both mini-tribs are pre-school.

I've spoken to the Junies about this and the consensus seemed to be that there are pros and cons of any age gap, so probably best just to go with gut instinct.

Before ds was born I was planning a 2 year age gap so was going to start ttc again this June, giving me three months to crack it. We conceived in our first month this time although that's no guarantee of how things might go second time around.

hunkermunker · 08/01/2006 19:03

(I know, Marmitey one, I posted on your thread offering newborn Munker for broodiness purposes )

Twiglett · 08/01/2006 19:04

( .. will have a look)

Aloha · 08/01/2006 19:04

I had exactly teh same gap as Twiglet and also like it. My ds has dyspraxia so isn't quite as independent as most children his age (wasn't toilet trained at 3.3 and still can't dress himself a year later - or even put on his shoes) so a smaller gap would have been really, really hard.

lockets · 08/01/2006 19:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

fisil · 08/01/2006 19:08

I wanted very small gap but it took a year to conceive ds2. Well, we conceived after 6 months but lost it at 9 weeks and then couldn't face it for a bit.

So now I realise that actually what I wanted was 2 beautiful healthy babies and that's what I got!

Miaou · 08/01/2006 19:12

We would like a similar age gap between ds and no. 4 as we have between dd1 and dd2 (17 months), and we are ttc just now which would give us a gap of 14 months and will continue ttc for a few months yet. We may stop though if no.4 does not make an appearance after a certain (so far unspecified) time.

The first three were conceived very easily but I am still b/f ds so I suspect this one won't be as straightforward.

Original poster

Blondeinlondon · 08/01/2006 20:19

So would you recommend starting ttc at the smallest age gap you think you could cope with?

OP posts:

Wallace · 08/01/2006 20:23

Miaou - what age gap is there between dd2 and ds?

tribpot · 08/01/2006 20:25

I wonder if you can really know what's the smallest age gap you can cope with, until it's too late. I mean if you - god forbid - ended up with two under one, you'd basically have to cope, would you not? (Incidentally, the mother of a friend of mine had twins second time out and so had three under one, I would personally have just left the country and never looked back).

cutekids · 08/01/2006 20:27

Do what u want!
I had fertility drugs for my first child.
I was pregnant again when she was 3 months old!
and pregnant again when he was 3 months old!
don't plan too hard...it doesn't work out like that! (Mine were all very much wanted by the way!)just do what you feel is right for you---NOBODY else!!!

futurity · 08/01/2006 20:30

I obsessed about this but in the end you can't plan...first time round got pregnant 1st month of trying...second time it was 7 months so ended up with 3 year gap which has been really good.

Clayhead · 08/01/2006 20:32

Opposite to futurity, took a year 1st time, 1 month second time and have small age gap.

I would never have planned it that way but I love it now and am so glad I didn't get to plan it IYSWIM.

mummygow · 08/01/2006 20:34

We tried for 8 months with our first and decided that we would like a 3 year gap so we would start trying at 2. But 2 came and went and we never spoke about it. Then on 17th Jan 05 when dd was 2.6 we decided we would start trying - I found out I was pregnant on 26th Feb so we have a 3.3 gap.

Bozza · 08/01/2006 20:40

Well it took me until DS was 2 and a half to persuade DH that we should have another. Luckily for me I fell pregnant immediately so I have the same age gap as Twiglett and Aloha. And yes DS was potty trained and sleeping through the night but then he was when I got pregnant - possibly the reason for DH agreeing.

hoxtonchick · 08/01/2006 20:43

we have 3 years 5 months between ds & dd. it's worked brilliantly, they entertain each other pretty well (dd is 6 months now), & ds has been very grown up & sensible. the gap wasn't what we'd intended (it took 6 weeks to conceive ds, but a year for dd) but has worked out really well.

Salsa · 08/01/2006 20:48

I have 13 months between my two. It wasn't planned but has turned out to be a fantastic age gap. They are so close that they are like twins. If I was ever to have anymore (which is not what I am planning) then I would do the same thing again. Have two very close together.

Ragtaggle · 08/01/2006 20:52

I have an age gap of exactly two years and at the moment it's a nightmare.

Dd 1 is 2.2 and my son is two months. My dd is very jealous and confused about the new arrival but not quite old enough for me to explain what he's doing here and how much I still love her etc. They are both in nappies so I'm knee deep in them at the moment and being at home with both is utterly exhausting. Emotionally it's very draining as I feel like I'm always neglecting one of them. I don't feel like I'm spending enough time with my dd and like I'm having a guilty affair with my son - have to steal smiles and coo over him when my jealous daughter isn't watching. She is constantly being sent to her room for biting and hitting him while I'm also trying to not make him the enemy!

I didn't aim for this age gap - I thought it would take much longer to get pregnant and was hoping for about two and a half to three years. But it's very early days and I'm hoping it will pay off in the long run- would love to think that one day they will be close. Don't want to hijack the thread but reassurances from anyone with a similar age gap but older childrenwould be welcome!

hotmama · 08/01/2006 20:55

Dd1 is 15 months and dd2 is due in 3 weeks. Perhaps closer than I originally anticipated but I am nearly 39 so had to get cracking - if I was younger then may have left a little longer.

I have been lucky and got pregnant the first month I tried with both pregnancies.

I'm sure it is going to be really hard for the first year - but will be worth it especially as they are both going to be the same sex - according to other mners! I'll let you know....

Clayhead · 08/01/2006 20:58

Ragtaggle

I have a 20 month gap. I found it really, really hard at first but they are now 2 and 4 and it's great. I am done with nappies, high chairs, daytime naps etc. and they really play well together.

Wishing you luck!

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