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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

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Original poster

Age gap between babies - what to aim for and how to achieve it??

109 replies

Blondeinlondon · 08/01/2006 18:55

What do you consider to be the ideal age gap between siblings and why?

If you decided X months/years was best for you how much leeway did you give yourself for conception? eg how many months before/after??

OP posts:

sweetkitty · 08/01/2006 21:00

DD1 is 17 1/2 months, DD2 is due on Saturday! Had wanted a gap of less than 2 years between them as it took 9 months ttc for DD1, of course the VERY first attempt at ttc no 2 I fell pregnant!! Like hotmama I know it's going to be hard but love the idea of two little girls so close in age. Think we will wait a little longer before ttc no 3 though.

Jasnem · 08/01/2006 21:00

Ragtaggle - mine are 15 months apart, now 5&6. It was very hard in the early days /months, but great now. I did find it hard, (which is why we waited 5 years to try for no3), but it got so much easier, and they are very close.
Hang on in there, it's early days for you, but it will get better.

jenkel · 08/01/2006 22:03

I had no idea what would be the best age gap until we experienced it. I have 18 months between my dd's. Very hard work at the beginning, because at 18 months they still arent very independent, not at nursery etc and you also have a new born baby. But despite the work its been great. They are so close in age that they now play together (youngest is 19 months), dd1 wasnt old enough to understand or be jealous and she now (3 1/2) doesnt remember life before her sister arrived. Having 2 girls close in age helps with the toy situation, didnt plan it to well for clothes, one born in summer, the other in winter. Not sure if we will have a 3rd or not, personally dont think I could cope with 3 under 3. Also great for days out etc as they are so close in age chances are they will like the same thing.

Also, a lot of my friends have just had 2nd babies with a 3+ years age gap, not all but a lot of them had some quite nasty jealousy issues with the older child.

Elf1981 · 09/01/2006 07:28

I'm planning to start trying when my DD is about three years old. Took three months to conceive DD (13 weeks old now) so if the same thing happened, that would give me a minimum of a four year gap.
My reasoning being that there is a gap of three and a half years between me and my eldest sister and five years between my youngest. Growing up we had the usual fights etc but mostly it was great, and we were very very close as kids.
I want to be able to dedicate my full attention to my DD's baby / toddler years, and have her old enough to understand a new family member, to be a little independant and not feel as confused as she may be if she was a baby / toddler. I feel as if I would be able to cope better with this than two under two.
Plus I had a terrible pregnancy with DD, found it such a struggle to stay awake at times, and really don't think I'd cope with being pregnant and looking after a young baby / toddler! I do have a lot of awe for those who have babies close together because I know I would struggle doing it myself.

CarlyP · 09/01/2006 07:33

I have 11 month between my 2 boys. v v v v v v v hard work! but they are now 13mths and 24mths and really playing together. seems to be getting much better now and truly pleased i went through the terrible time i did!

however an 11mth age gap is not something id recommend initially!!!

cathyspam · 09/01/2006 08:11

studies seem to suggest that less than 2 years or more than 4 years is the best gap for your child but i dont know if there is anything in that? I have a 17 month gap between my bos and it has been great, no jealousy and they adore each other (most of the time). [smie]

cathyspam · 09/01/2006 08:15

plan is to wait until ds1 in school and ds2 in nursery before having another 2 close together but know knows what will happen! hope i got emoticon right this time!

Eulalia · 09/01/2006 09:01

In terms of making life easier for yourself then probably a 4 or 5 year gap is best but then they'd not have similar interests. We had mediuum gaps. 2 yrs 3 months between ds1 and dd and then 3 yrs 4 months between dd and ds2. It seems to work OK although dd is still quite difficult with the 'terrible 3's' at times. I feel though this way that I was able to devote more one-one time with the children than I would have with a smaller gap. I have long stretches of no periods when breastfeeding so this seems to be my natural way of conceiving (very fertile when the periods do return).

Also sort of planned it so that we'd have Spring/Summer babies as I couldn't cope in the winter with a baby!

Eulalia · 09/01/2006 09:04

duh have forgotten it was 2 years 9 months between the first two... and got pregnant that 2nd time without trying, 3rd was more planned though

fennel · 09/01/2006 09:05

there are pros and cons for all age gaps. we have small gaps 17m then 2y8m and i found the shorter gap easier in some ways.

especially as they get a bit older, my 5 and 4 year olds are like best friends and all 3 are constant company for each other. so it's probably harder at first with a small gap but it comes into its own as they get a bit older - mine are rarely bored and never need a playmate.

PiccadillyCircus · 09/01/2006 09:11

22 months is working well at the moment (16 week old and 25 month old)

We intended about a three year gap but DD was too impatient to wait that long

AggiePanther · 09/01/2006 09:34

Well there's going to be an 11 year age gap between mine! - I really don't think it matters hugely, there are pros and cons to any age gap...a big plus for me is that I'll have a built in babysitter in a couple of years

expatinscotland · 09/01/2006 09:38

3 years. We've only got 2.5 and it's a rough go, IMO. Would have preferred a longer wait, but it took us months to conceive each girl so we couldn't afford to be too choosy.

Also, if I had to do it again (which I won't!), I'd prefer having one in the late Spring/early Summer.

Had a little girl 10 December - during cold and flu season w/an older sibling - NOT fun.

Pagan · 09/01/2006 10:02

There are 16.5 months between my two. If I had been younger I would have probably gone for a 2-3 year age gap but time was pushing on so I considerer it best to get on with it in case I couldn't conceive a second.

allyco · 09/01/2006 10:08

I have big gaps between first four dds nd a small gap between youngest dd and this baby.

My eldest will be 20 (years!)when the baby is born and the youngest will be 20 months.

Reason being first three dds were terrible terrible sleepers and literally had no sex for years at a time youngest dd turned out to be not a bad sleeper, well, a lot of people say she is a bad sleeper but compared to my others she's not....

and look what happened.

Liked having big gaps though as other dds all had their own lives by the time the next dd came along and there was absolutley no jealousy or anything along those lines, adn they were even able to be of real proper help. Methinks am in for a different experience this time round though!

Enid · 09/01/2006 10:10

you can't really plan

I have ended up having 2.9 between dd1 and 2 and there will be 3.5 between dd2 and new baby

I love a three year gap you get to be a real soppy SAHM with new baby while 3 year old is at nursery

CaptainDippy · 09/01/2006 10:20

Mmmmm, I have a 15 month age gap between DDs 1 and 2 - It is certainly not good for the stress levels and there are times when I think "what have I done!!?", but DH and I are already discussing our next - so it can't be all that bad!!

DD1 is almost 2 now and DD2 is nearly 8 months and a lot of the time they are VERY sweet together - DD1 is very loving and caring of her little sister - passing her toys and making sure that she is ok. She also climbs all over her and is a little "over affectionate" at times cos she is too young to understand what behaviour is appropriate.

I have been told by loads of people that the small age gap is hard at first, but pays off in the end and I am looking forward to that - At the moment I need at least eighteen arms, five brains and eyes in the back of my head - and super human strength (we have about 8 flights of stairs in our house and I often have to carry them both up and down to avoid jealousy induced meltdown!!)

Mmmmmmm, nope I love my small age gap and I am glad that I didn't have to "re-learn" all the new baby stuff again - Would like a slightly bigger age gap next time though - Planning to have next baby when DD2 is 2 (so DD1 will be coming up for 3.5) - Have fallen preggers first time with both - so hoping it'll be as simple next time ......

Clary · 09/01/2006 10:21

well blondinlondon, I have 2 yrs then 22 mo between mine and it has been fine.
FWIW there are arguments on both sides - bigger gap - more independent older child, only 1 in nappies, easier in the short term
Smaller gap - siblings may be closer, never have to get used to not having nappies and pushchair (! sounds bonkers but it is a valid point), hardly need to put the baby stuff away etc...
But I just wanted to say, watch out for trying for too exact an age gap. I know someone who had a DS, planned an exact 3-yr gap then had a stillbirth followed by miscarriages. Finally she had her much-longed-for second child and the gap is actually six years.
Horrible horrible time for her of course (and I am sure there are many other MN-ers with similar stories), and not something which I would wish on anyone, but I'm just trying to make the point that it doesn't always go the way you plan....

mojomummy · 09/01/2006 10:27

good to hear so many positives for the 3 year age gap Pyschologists recommend this gap as by this time child 1 has developed their role in the family, established their personality.

Personally I would have liked a March baby ( had DD is the very hot summer of 2003 & sat around in my nursing bra feeling VERY fat & hot !) with a 2yr 9mth gap. Got pregnant & then had a miscarriage. Baby 2 is due this August, so all being well, there will be 3yrs + 1 month or so.

Only advice is, plan, but don't plan ! Give yourself a min gap & then work from there, if it happens, great. If it doesn't happen, you find that it's great anyway

ShaysMummy · 09/01/2006 10:55

There will be 14 months between mine!! Other people have said it works really well as the kids have so much in common. I was dreading waiting for number 2 till I was out of the baby stage and enjoying sleep and not having to heave bags of baby junk about.

ShaysMummy · 09/01/2006 10:58

after reading captaindippy's post, i am really excited now! sounds like fun!

CaptainDippy · 09/01/2006 11:41

Glad you felt encouraged shaysmummy!!! When are you due!? All the very best!!

poppiesinaline · 09/01/2006 11:53

I think there are pros and cons to any age gap. Also think that whether siblings get on is due to characters not age gaps IMO. I have a 3 year 2 month gap between No 1 and No 2 (planned, I was really lucky and fell pregnant first month both times) and a 5 year gap between No 2 and No 3 (not planned! No 3 was a little 'surprise'!). A 3 year gap was nice. A 5 year gap is nice - feel like I can really enjoy this one, have more time for him. I know people who have had a 13 or 15 month age gap and although its really hard work at first once they get a little older its really easy to go places and do stuff with them. Not quite to easy for me to entertain all 3 kids going out having a 8 year gap between No1 and No3. Turns and roundabouts IYSWIM

Coriander73 · 09/01/2006 12:28

Well, have a 16 month old daughter & am expecting second in September a week after her 2nd birthday.....it's what we wanted!! Get it all out of the way....

Nemo1977 · 09/01/2006 12:41

we wanted a small gap of 18mths and i got pg quite quickly to plan but ended up having a missed mc. Concieved again within 3mths and now have a 2.2yr ds and a 3wk dd. Gap seems to be quite good as DS has been really good with dd and no jealousy as yet, although am also right in the middle of toilet training as quickly realised 2 in nappies is not for me..lol If we have more it will be in about 3yrs that we would try again.

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