TTC/ pregnancy on Prednisolone or similar part 3

[freelancegirl]

For those who are TTC/pregnant undergoing immunotherapy treatment. Current list as it stands, do feel free to come and join us, it's moving quickly round here!:

Tuesday 22nd November

TTC
Waiting to test
Snoopygirl - V High NKC TTC, will be Ist try with Pred, Intralipids on bfp Testing from 21/11
Havingkittens - Upgraded from High to V High NKC TTC #1 after 2 month break/testing 29 Nov -2 Dec depending on my resolve.
Waiting to ovulate
coleyoz - V High NKC. TTC #2 - ov 3 Dec (Pred and Intralipids at BFP)
duggs1976 - High/V High NKC - TTC #1 - Superovulation cycle1
batteryhen - High activation NKC, factor v leiden. TTC#1
Suemays - V High NKC TTC/ov 30th Oct. TTC#2.
Cherrycheeks - V high NKC, TTC#2/ ov 25th-26th Nov/ 4th cycle of pred
pureequeen - High NKC TTC #2 again from November (BFP cycle one but mc)
eurochick - TTC#1 awaiting first appointment (in Nov)/ov expected 28-30 Nov.
BFPSeeker

BFP
2nd Trimester
Stogan - V high NKC - BFP 9/7/11 cycle#2- 24+3 Due 10/03/12 next scan 30/12
Digitalgirl - High NKC - BFP cycle#2 -19+1 Due 16/04/12 anomaly scan 23/11
Coconutfeet - V High NKC, Factor II gene mutation, underactive thyroid - BFP pre-pred, started at 6 weeks ? 16+1 next scan 14/12
Comedy - V High NKC - BFP cycle#2 - 13+3 due 26/5/12 next scan 12/12
Iggi - High NKC & Hypothyroidism - BFP cycle#2 - 12+6 anomaly scan Jan

1st Trimester
BrownieGecko - High NKC, Hypothyroidism, & Glucose Intolerant. BFP on cycle 3 of Clomid - 11+4 next scan 28/11
Scooterchaser - V High NKC - BFP cycle1 - 8+1 Due 01/07/12. Scan 25/11
Freelance - V High NKC TTC#1 Hydroxchloroquine, Pred, Intralipids. Thyroid/hashimotos. MC 1st cycle. LMP18/10 - 4+6 - Scan 3/12
Arianhod - V High NKC, MTHFR homo, hypothyroid, TTC#2 BFP 2nd pred cycle LMP19/10. 4+5 Scan 7/12
Cheerfulcharlie - V High NKC, MTHFR/TTC 1/ (metformin, intralipids, no pred). LMP17/10(Ov'd 3rd Nov) 4+5 Scan 6/12.
ChoccyPud - V High NKC / TTC #1 BFP 4th Pred cycle LMP20/10 4+4. Scan 3/12.

Oh MrChoccy came and posted. Sounds like you have a good man there. Again, we all feel your pain.
If only we had a fast forward button on life.. you are in good company here.
Vent anything on here and we will be there for you.

I just had a "meltdown" at my poor husband. He trotted off to Sainsburys this morning as we have people for dinner tonight (3rd weekend on trott). I had dragged myself out of bed (after my 4.30am wake up) and started to attack the washing, kitchen..collecting up the vase of dead flowers - lilly pollen fell onto my new top (is only a crappy tophsop T shirt I bought yesterday as was in good mood and you guys inspired me to buy something even though I haven't for ages as cant fit into anything). Only had it on for 5 minutes... anyway- when he came back I just had a vision of every saturday morning being about supermarkets and bleach and I freaked out. I mean, if you don't have a child to create a life for, then what is the point of going to work all week and then clearing up at the weekend ! I just saw 40 more years ahead .. childless and holding bleach. AHHHHHH... I went mental and told DH if we didn't manage to have a child I wouldn't be able to live the life we live and wanted to emigrate to Australia, and live in a vinyard. Poor guy. He looked so confused. It sounds funny or ridiclious now, and Im just telling the highlights.. but I kept saying what is the point, what are we all doing here.. and he was looking horrified and confused.

Anyway then the bloody football came on in the background and the video of poor Gary Speed.. and then I felt guilty and shut up. Anyway, we kind of made up, but the strain of 2 years of this is still there.

It will be there for all of us. Mr Choccypud too.

We need to believe we are the kind of women who have enough about us to have found Dr S, then we are the kind who will succeed. Thousands out there wouldn't have the fortune to find him.

Choccy, Scooter... you are both inspirational, already your attitudes.. and Ari although we don't yet know about you. It won't feel like it, but in on the programme it is still early days. There is more fight left in there.

HUGE HUGS xxxxxxxxxx

...errmm, just re -read my post and if a stranger popped into this thread, they would be forgiven for mistaking Dr S as some Salt Lake City cult leader..scary.

duggs i'm sorry you had such a crazy morning but your cult leader comment made me smile and for someone who has not been able to get out of bed today, that's progress :)

X

haa.. ironic thing is .. if there is a child/children in the future..I suspect I'd be surrounded by more bleach and supermarket runs than I could shake a stick at.. Saturday mornings, Saturday afternoons, Saturday evenings.!!

As for fresh flowers (dead or alive) would probably be an ancient luxury that I could look back on..

I'm so sorry to hear of your news Choccy and Mr Choccy. What a terrible shock for you. It's such a tough journey for us recurrent miscarriagers! Wine definitely helps so buys some expensive bottles and try to enjoy.

Free- I'm so glad your scan went well and you are measuring to date.

I liked your comment too duggs!

choccy and DH. So sorry your scan wasn't good, it has been a real up and down week here. I hope we can offer some comfort as sadly we have all been there xx

free yeah!

duggs we are twins I am sure. Come January we also have been TTC for 2 years with nothing to show but 3 mmc. I also told my dp that soon I will give up trying and I want to move to america and take keith and steve (our future dogs) with us. Am with you on the - what is the bloody point??

ari how are you? xx

Oh choccy, am so so sorry to hear that :( :( my thoughts have been with you all day and I have been out and about unable to respond properly.

I really hope it's all gone and there's no ectopic. Hopefully it will be less recovery time if that is the case too. I realise you must be very sad, and it is all still so bloody frustrating. I know what it's like, one minute you are living pregnantly and the next you're eyeing a bottle of numbing wine.

This happened to me on my first cycle of Pred too so I can really relate. You hear all the stories of everyone having a ?found Mr S, took the drugs and had a baby? situation and then suddenly you?re the one that bucks the trend. Still, I know this is no compensation but as we have all said before we are all subject to the same reasons for miscarriage as everyone else in the population and this time might have been ?just one of those things?. Unhelpful as that is right now I know.

I saw some great stats posted by someone once on the babycentre forum about how 85% of people have success on their first round of steroids but then something ridiculous in terms of the majority of the rest had success on their second. Really good odds. It did make me feel that little bit better after my first pregnancy on the Pred.

Scooter, having miscarried on the first round of steroids too I can empathise with the weaning. And maybe this is now something choccy now has to do too. I have to say I went down a little quicker than they said to (every two days) just as I was so bloody fed up of it all. It seems so futile to be still taking the drugs after a miscarriage. It was the week of my ERPC that my body really decided to react to the higher dose Pred and give me moonface. I had the op at 8 weeks so I guess was a week behind you in terms of how long I had been taking them. I did get a few weird limb aches and buzzing though too.

This sounds awful in the light of what choccy is going through today but half of me is feeling like had I been told something negative at least then I would have known something early. I remember last time almost feeling relieved when I actually miscarried as at least I knew where I was!! Is that crazy? I guess I did have a hideous three weeks of no-growth scans so I had had a warning not all would be well. I realise how psychologically screwed up that sounds and I am hoping that as fellow rmc-ers you can kind of relate to my madness. What you went through Scooter must have been pretty hideous at 9 weeks after you had had successful scans. It is the bloody waiting around, the early pregnancy, the not telling anyone, the daring to hope, the getting through another scan... Such a flipping terrible ride.

I too have had the thought of what happens if this doesn?t ever happen ? Duggs, Battery and others - and it strikes me that without kids I might, I dunno, move to the centre of New York in a loft apartment. I would do my damndest to make sure life was exciting and wonderful too. Be that cool aunty to other people?s kids, the one who still knows what she?s talking about in terms of music, fashion and travel. And lots of fresh flowers. And a bloody cleaner.

Having had a few of us all get BFPs around the same time is a weird one too. We are all recurrent mcs here so things are a bit different but I think I?ve told you already that on another thread of friends I made when miscarrying baby number 1 of the year, three or four of us all got a BFP on the same day and they are all now over 20 weeks and I of course am not. It?s strange for all of us when one of the others miscarries. But I do hope that we can all just say how we feel here and know that we?re there for support.

Now, when is Mr S? comet coming round? I?ve got my Nike trainers, my purple shroud and I am ready to start chanting.

free none of what you said sounds mad at all, it's exactly the same as I think/feel. I've had 3 mcs this year alone, 2 v early and one at 8.2, which was the only time I know for sure I've ever implanted. Only this pg was hit with all the drugs though so I'm sure I won't be too despondent about the chances of success with the treatment once I'm through the numb/angry/depressed/etc stages that'll be showing up in the next few weeks or so. Merry fecking Christmas eh?! :(

I do have some good(!) news...we just had a call from Mr S to confirm my hcg is less than 1 so I must've mc'd 10 days ago with that bleeding. As free said, I'm so relieved to know it's definitely gone. Fine, this one's over and I'll deal with that, but I am so relieved I don't have to deal with an ectopic and whatever that involves, which I really don't want to know about.

I'm to wean off the Pred and stop the cyclogest but keep on the vits and aspirin. Funnily enough my last Pred will be on New Year's Eve. Quite literally new year new start. Again- we started ttc from last Jan after a break. In some ways this year is a write off, in another we know so much more than we did a year ago and have a plan of action. And I have met a bunch of lovely ladies who know exactly what this process is all about and who I know will help me through it so I know I shan't be alone. Mr C is the best but he admits he can't know what it feels like as he isn't a bird.

I'll see Mr S in the new year for a review, when I suspect he'll talk about that anti malarial drug free's on amongst whatever other magic he can offer. He was lovely today, as was the nurse who gave me a massive hug. IMO the emotional support you get going private is worth every single penny.

So, I am now sat with Mr Choccypud in front of a DVD with a glass of red that started off all of a millimetre short of the top of the glass. Raising said glass to scooter (hope you've made it out of bed by now and have sorted yourself out some well deserved pampering for Monday - hey we're allowed massages!) and free (seeing as you're not allowed vino!). Gallows humour here, sorry, but I know you guys know where I am right now.

Good news on none eptopic. Huge hugs from cocoon house.

free interesting stat? 85% success rate but then what ???

choccy you're inspirational, I know how gutted you must feel but you're still strong in your attitude. I salute you! Take comfort (such as it is) that first you did do everything within your power to make this work, crappy drugs, lack of sleep and all, and secondly the blessing that your body has got on with it so you're not facing the interminable wait while it clears itself out. I know it's small comfort but at least you start with a clean slate now. Huge hugs to you.

free you're not at all mad, everything you say makes perfect sense.
And choccy yep, this year is a complete write-off for me too, although I'm still facing waiting for my body to catch up with your ultra-efficient one. I've been cramping all afternoon and now dark brown discharge so it's just a matter of time. I had a quick chat with my acupuncturist earlier, I'm due to see her Wed eve and she says she can help my body to clear out whatever is left by then. It's sh*te having to think in such practical terms but for me it's the only way to cope with all this.

hugs and /waves to everyone, we will all pick ourselves up (where needed), keep right on rooting for free and cheerful and all you trailblazing ladies leading the way for the rest of us. I raise a glass of best-vintage hot Ribena to you all, and salute you all in love and friendship for the wonderful people you all are. To us!

So sorry Choccy I hope this is the last time you will have bad news.
Our run of luck seems to have ended.
I had some good news today (low risk results back from the DS test) but am fed up with still getting nothing recognisable on the doppler so have booked a scan for Monday.

choccy I'm so glad you don't have to deal with an ectopic. That really would have been too much. And, crap as it all is, it is fortunate all the messiness is over , no agonising over an D&c or whatever it's called.

iggi - pleased to hear about the results coming back low risk. Another stage passed!

free - not mad at all. My one wish is that if this pregnancy is not going to be successful, please please let it end in the first trimester. I daren't think what it's like to go beyond that then things go wrong. Last time I miscarried at 13 weeks but the last time the baby was seen alive was 9.5 weeks. First time I got to 11 weeks and saw the baby almost 9 wks. I suspect it was alive til the moment it miscarried due to the hematoma. I really really don't want to get that far and it go wrong again. As you say it's all those weeks of being secretive, holding back, not drinking, trying not to get excited, not knowing what or when to plan stuff in the future. And I've only been through the whole mc thing twice so far. I'm not sure I will be as strong as some of you ladies.

ari you're speaking like it's all over- do you really feel there's no hope?

Hey ladies, what a strange day of mixed emotions !

Huge congrats to free on a good scan, YEY !

Massive hugs to choccy and mr choccy, easy to say we all know how u feel but doesn't make it any easier on you Hunni. Your man sounds like a total star who will really help u through this and the thought that it is def not eptopic must be a strange kind of relief in a way. U are so positive and strong and a real inspiration Hunni. Massive thoughts and hugs to u both ????

Hope everyone else is ok on this strange feeling night xxx

Yes cheerful, I am certain it is and the rest is just a formality. I've seen and felt exactly this too many times for it to be anything else. Trust me, I'm not just being unduly pessimistic although it may look that way, I just cannot see any other outcome. This pregnancy just hasn't been right from the start - and as you so very wisely said, if there's something wrong I would rather it ended sooner rather than later.

I'm actually trying to be a bit positive and think if this wasn't right then I would rather end it in order for the right egg to come along. If that doesn't sound too horrible? It's not meant to.

Just catching up quickly on today's posts...

Free fantastic news about your scan today.

Choccy so sorry to hear your sad news. Sending you a big hug and you enjoy your glass, or 3 of wine.

Ari sorry to hear you are still spotting. Sending you a hug too.

I spent today helping my mum sell her miniature 1/12th scale foods at a Doll's House fair in Kensington. Towards the end of the day an Italian friend of hers came over to talk to us and at the end of the conversation she suddenly looked down at my tummy, held one hand out to my tummy and the other over her mouth and said "oh, how lovely! Are you are having a baby?!" My mum looked horrified and i went beetroot red and told her that no, there was no baby in there, just plenty of fat and bloating from steroid medication i had been on! The poor lady was so upset afterwards when she realised her mistake. I was impressed with the fact that i held it together and didn't break down which happened the last time someone asked me that same question on what would have been the due date of my first m/c! I did have to forgive her though since she had brought some lovely italian chocolate and cantuccini biscuits for my mum, which i promptly scoffed as soon as she disappeared off!! What a day...

Waves to everyone else!

So sorry Mr and Mrs Choccy but thankgod it was not an eptopic. As said, the whole miscarriage business is so much worse when you have to go and have the EPRC.

Free fantastic news on the scan, how far have you got before???

Ari I know what you mean about the right egg coming along as I am sure it will happen for us all eventually. It think it's just a question of how many times we can keep going through it emotionally and financially.

Breezy what an awful thing for that woman to do. Do you think she got the wrong idea from your mum??? I used to get so annoyed with my mum as she would tell all the ladies at her workplus countless other friends in the early stages so it got to the point when I wouldnt tell her I was pregnant, only when I miscarried. That saved em having to face all the 'stares' from her friends and colleagues.

Duggs I wonder if Dr S reads our threads??? He would probably like the idea of being a cult leader! Your posts always make me laugh, especially as I can relate to the whole bleach and flowers thing! I very rarely get flowers now plus seem to have my hands constantly in dettol or bleach or wet wipes!

It will also be 2 years in Jan of TTC for us with 4 miscarriages so Battery and Duggs we could be triplets! I have decided that if there is no sign of a healthy pregnancy by Sep 2012 (when DD starts school) I will be getting a Welsh Terrier puppy. DH is not happy about it but it will be my substitute baby and keep my mind off things when DD is at school.

It's funny how we have our 'back-up' plans in place - Free has her apartment in New York, Duggs will emigrate to Australia - any other wild and exciting ideas???

Dh bought me a Christmas pressie today - you will all be glad to know it was a fur coat so I can engage in furry lesbian love action with everyone else now!! Will def have to come to another meeting!

BTW, thanks to the ladies that offered advice and hugs a few days ago. My bleeding only lasted a day and a half but I am sure it is a pred reaction but will still be testing next week just incase.

Iggi well done on the risk results - maybe it is a good idea to ask for help with the doppler or leave it alone for a while as it will make you paranoid?

Ari good luck over the next few days, will be thinking of you

So very sorry Choccy x

Lovely to have you back scooter

So sorry you are playing the waiting game ari

free - delighted that there has been some good news today - congratulations

Duggs - could you pm me about Tuesday please?

A group hug to everyone and let's hope we can get more than three hours sleep tonight! X

My back up plan, if this doesn't all work out, depends very much on whether I've got any of my savings left by the end of it all. I would like to buy a motorbike.

It's just occurred to me that this is the first entire year I've been without being pregnant in 5 years!

Oh now you're talking kittens, I've always ridden motorbikes up until I was 5 months pregnant with DD then it was just too uncomfortable, plus I needed the money for my maternity leave so I had to sell it. I've always said I will buy another when DD is old enough to go on the back, so that's my backup plan.

choccy how are you doing this morning? And scooter, how are you?

Morning all...

breezy I like you already. What a stupid woman..I've been given seats on the tube way before I could blame the Pred. ;0)

AF arrived this morning. CD 24.. early??? It must be the pred and metformin I guess? Am kind of glad as I would rather not get PG with the over ripe egg especially as I have had one trisomy girl baby which got to 12 weeks so I am holiding out for a perfect egg. Dr S letter arrived yesterday and he says between 18 and 23mm is what he is looking for so hoping for that for my ovulation scan in 2 weeks time.

I've updated the sheet as per the PM requests I had through.
Still 9 PG ladies amongst us. Looking at their info most have had 4,5 or 6 MC and most are now in their 2nd or 3rd trimesters.

There are now 14 of us TTC gang. I have added BFP seeker, Hopeful and Euro you are stil about arent you? Most of this bunch have had 3, 4 or 5 MC so it does seem to reflect the trial and error element of getting there eventually.

free you are pretty pionoeering for the V HIGH ladies, if you get through the next 2 weeks we will all have to have a celebration as it could pave the way for others too. (no pressure then) No seriously. It is really interesting.

Not sure when Bettery or cherry are due to ovulate so don't know where to put you on list, but not everyone will want their details all over it so update if you want to otherwise you can sit there in your group.

hope you have a good sunday and choccy and scooter you are both doing ok, as much as can be expected. Ari how are things with you now?

docs.google.com/spreadsheet/ccc?key=0AtEN_z1FdjUMdHd6c0xCd2JRd3hXVmtTZXROYVE1OGc#gid=0

Morning. This post might turn into quite a lengthy train of thought, so apologies for that. I'm in the numb but highly alert stage today... Got to just let things take their course now, physically and emotionally. Started proper AF type bleeding this morning. Could be pure coincidence (it's 12 days since I started bleeding/mc) or it could be my body releasing now it's been told its ok to let go as there's nothing there to look after. I'd like to think there's an element of the latter as it is comforting to think my positive thinking last week had some success in a way.

At least this could be the last bit of clear out. Not that I'm in a rush to start over again - of course I'm on an enforced (and frankly welcome) ttc break until the new year and am still on Pred which may throw my cycle coming back I guess. Not investigated that yet. Anyway.

Yesterday I was all up for going into town to get food and a few bits to get out the house. Woke up (v early) today, had a little meltdown on dh in bed, popped my 35mg, and decided I just feel like vegging in my tracky bottoms all day.

I'll get my game face on for work tomorrow which will be a nice distraction actually at this stage in the process, there's loads of things on over the next couple of weeks. I'll have a chat with my boss tomorrow to update him and line up an ongoing plan B for if (when) I crash as the Pred and adrenaline levels drop. Not having had a mc on Pred I'm not sure how it's going to affect the emotional reaction, I've had horrible enough days when I stopped 25mg Pred and got AF in the last few months never mind post 40mg and mc... It might sound quite weird to plan for if I need time off later on, but to go to work straight after yesterday's news, but I'd rather stay occupied right now. As to the "plan B," given what I do, my professional obligations mean I have to make sure I'm preparing the ground for him to pick up if I need time off. He's been fantastic the last few weeks and I'm sure he'll just say to do what I need to.

Btw Mr Choccypud was very touched by all your lovely comments. He is a total hero and I think he's suffering more with this one than previous, he well we were both so optimistic with the Pred etc and those hopes have been dashed. We are lucky to have an incredibly strong relationship and we always know we'll get through it together, whatever "it" is this time. I just haven't got the strength to comfort him right now, which I feel bad about but he understands where I'm at and I'm sure is bashing out some grief and frustration at the gym as I type!

Life really is an absolute bitch sometimes. I don't even want to think about how difficult Christmas is going to be... One day at a time. Sorry to bang on about me for so long, It's just so comforting to know I can come here and vent/rant in a supportive and understanding place.

Hi Choccy. I just wanted to say that ime, coming off the pred post mc wasn't any worse than when af arrives. However, I was only on the 25 dose. You're right to get yourself prepared, but I do hope that won't be a problem. Have you stopped progesterone, or were you not on it? As soon as I stopped that my mc started in earnest, I think it holds back bleeding.
Thinking of you x

Ahh bless you choccy you are facing things straight on. I am trying to imagine the feelings of mc on pred. Afterall this is our chance drug. I think free and puré and scooter would be able to understand as they've been there. I think the 85% stat for success takes us to a 'normal' risk level. That 15% must make up chromosonal issues. I would like to hear what free read about the rates for 2nd try on pred? They sounded encouraging.
Huge cocoon hug x