TTC for 10+ months, part 4

[eurochick]

Time for a new thread as the other one is just about full.

Fingers crossed for lots of patiently-awaited BFPs on this one!

Oo nelly I've been wanting to make that for ages, it might feature next weekend. The Portuguese tarts look pretty. I went wholemeal inspired by this weeks thread chats. It's from a blog called orangette and it gives them a chewy bite that it nice, I wouldn't know it was wholemeal, the brown sugar and chocolate probably have a lot to do with that! I used green and black burnt toffee, yum. Mr Wine is very proud of his loaf, aw. I'm typing from my yantra mat which somehow eases the lump pressure. I've also been cleaning and did a cupboard purge. I have been bemused by how many woo foods I've managed to stockpile. They now have their own cupboard space where I can look at them and not eat them because they are yukky

Ooh I am just about to start Sherlock but couldn't resist a quick foodie post. I absolutely love that piri piri chicken but nelly how you manage to make that in 40 min including tidying up is beyond me-you must be a blur running around. I've never made the tarts, are they worth doing? My kitchen looks like a bombsite after one of jamie's recipes. And wine I ate a bar of that g&b burnt toffee last weekend and it is so lush. And your post about the woo foods cracked me up. I have a big tub of them and at the front of it is an unopened packet of mung beans that look at me accusingly every time I open the cupboard. What was I thinking?

Haha kitty I was a bit! OH came in at one point and asked if he could help. I said, could you put that bowl in the dishwasher and wipe the worksurface down (after making the tarts). 10 seconds later I turned round and shouted at him "WHERE'S THAT PAN ??" as he had put away a saucepan I needed . He told me to chill the feck out and slinked out of the kitchen, leaving me to it! I didn't find it stressful but did have to go all out to do it. I laid out everything I needed first, but that's really because our kitchen is so badly laid out (there is not a single drawer in it, we have a cutlery tray on a shelf in the cupboard!) so it is a real scutter getting stuff out. And then I found at the end that the chicken was still cooking and everything else was done, hence I used the time to tidy up.

Piri Piri. Done! even though that's Gordon

Oh and yes the tarts were really lovely actually. We don't often bother with pudding but these were easy and I always have all those ingredients to hand.

wine your woo cupboard has really made me laugh, thanks for that! We have all gone a bit domestic goddess recently haven't we? Is it the January detox? Surely someone spent the weekend in a drunken stupour

Morning everyone,

All this food talk is making me very hungry. I like the sound of the portugese tarts nelly. How do I make them?

wine I'm sorry the fibroid is causing you discomfort. At least you know they can remove it and then all those annoying things you have had to put up with and IBS type stuff should be gone. How long will it be before you have the op?

pout at your mum and the dress. I suppose she never thought that you wouldn't want to wear the same dress as your mum to your wedding . I hope you find the dress of your dreams, what sort of thing are you looking for? I went to a wedding a few years ago and the bride's SIL turned up wearing an off white strapless dress. Even the reception venue people mistook her for the bride. Apparently she said it had never occurred to her that it looked like a wedding dress .

I've had a fairly awful weekend. I think I've made a massive mistake in telling a friend all about everything. We had gone out for a meal, I haven't seen her in a while since she had her daughter 6 months ago. Anyway, I'd had a bit to drink and then she started asking me in a teasing, poking type way about when I would be getting pregnant. I don't know why but I burst into tears, not the sort of thing I could blame on something getting in my eye but proper sobs and I couldn't stop. So, I had to tell her everything. She was sweet and said lots of soothing things. But she used the infamous phrase "you could always adopt". And she then said something along the lines of "at least you can have a lovely life and go on lots of holidays and really live it up". This didn't make me feel better especially after she'd spent the first half of the evening telling me how fantastic life was being a mum. Later on she started talking about mutual friends of ours who were pregnant and saying things like "she'll be such a natural mum don't you think" and "she looks so amazing, pregnant women are so beautiful". This made me realise that she really didn't understand and it hadn't occurred to her that I wouldn't want to talk about that type of thing. She also told me a story about a friend of a friend of hers who had 5 rounds of ivf, and had 3 mcs but eventually had a baby. I know she was telling it to me to give me hope but I don't like hearing about mcs following ivf and it taking 5 attempts. Anyway, I feel like I shouldn't have told her. I feel worse about everything and I feel like I've betrayed DH because we'd agreed not to tell anyone.

Sorry for the big, long rant there. I hope everyone else is ok.

Nelly I made those cereal bars, and while I was waiting for them to cook I did some calculations based on my ingredients. I used about 50g walnuts, 60g hazelnuts, cranberries, mix of sunflower, pumpkin and sesame seeds. I also put in a little bit of chocolate I had left over. For me (I cut into 24 bits) it's about 137 calories per bar, with 5% of daily sugar, 13% of fat and 14% sat fats. The fat is mostly from the coconut, so if you wanted to make it healthier you could try leaving that out.

wine I hope you're feeling better today with less pain. Two weeks isn't too long to wait, though it will seem like forever.

Euro sorry for AF arriving, though as you say, you've a whole new cycle of possibilities now.

mrsden so sorry your talk with your friend didn't go well. I wouldn't have thought people could be so clueless. Maybe she was just trying to act normal or something, I don't know. Seems very insensitive to me.

I've gone back to watching OBEM series 1 on 4OD, the first two episodes both have lovely IVF babies on them, and the women seem to be the ones who are the best mentally prepared for the births.

I'm trying to actually get some work done in work today, so limited name checking etc. Hope everyone is well, sorry for missing people out.

Hello,

Wonder if I could join your group? I've been ttc #2 for 12mths now following a MC this time last year. I'm 34 and was diagnosed with PCO and possible endometriosis in Nov. Cycles can be anything from 37 to 81 days apart. I'm currently waiting for surgery on the ovaries (booked in for March). Not on any medication and haven't been offered any at any point. Mr Mess is 31 and passed all the relevant fertility tests.

Had a day today which is why I'm home and not at work staring at spreadsheets. Had a massive flood with no prior warning which soaked though just about every layer of clothing. Key rather embarrassing and slightly hysterical chat with male boss to explain why I had to leave immediately. My body certainly knows how to pick it's moments.

Well that's my life at the moment, in a nutshell. Hope you don't mind one more for the group .

Oh FGS MN just lost my post again. It keeps doing that...is it just me?

fatima I love the clothes and really like bright colours on babies.

mrsd I'm sorry that you are feeling crappy. Don't feel bad, sometimes I think we spend so long trying to keep a lid on the stress and pain of all this that inevitably it bubbles up to the surface at some points - especially when you are being grilled by insensitive person somebody. Have you told your DH yet?
I hate being told "at least you can adopt", it actually makes me really angry. Adoption is a wonderful thing but it's not for everyone and it isn't some cure all for infertility. I especially hate being told that by somebody who has no need or intention of considering adoption themselves. Anyway am thinking of you.

wine How are you feeling today, better I hope. I'm so sorry that you are in pain. Any ideas when your op might be?

Euro Sorry that you are out this cycle and sorry that you feel low. I always think how strong you seem and not prone to the meltdowns and crying. I hope the hollow feeling will pass quickly.

Kitty sorry that you too have been visited by the ERTD. I'm glad to hear that you are feeling okay about it. I think that my tears at AF time these days are more to do with sheer frustration than actually believing I could be pregnant.

Ohhhh marmite you have got me craving that. Sometimes I forget how much I like things

Gin Hope that your smear went okay. We too watched Sherlock last night. He is rather dishy, I only just noticed last night!
I like your mum watcher idea. The trouble is I don't think this would work for us because we literally are having a handful of guests and a meal afterwards. This is what I am stressing over (literally panicking and feeling sick at the thought of). If she starts misbehaving there is no way of ignoring it. I am so worried about what my ILS will make of it especially if she starts retching at the table again....mortifiying.

nelly Thank you for the recipe, I will definitely give them a whirl. I made a cinnamon [virtuous smiley] and Nutella [less said about that the better smiley] cake at the weekend. It wasn't a great hit. It was an all in one mix and I think I overworked it because the butter was too cold and wouldn't work in.
I used to watch Jamies 30 Minute Meals and used to think how you might cook dinnder in 30 minutes but you have 3 days worth of washing up disclaimer I am one of those cooks that won't tackle a recipe if I deem there to be a risk of excessive washing up. For instance Gordon Ramsay is a flat out no go area and his book was car booted not so long ago on that basis
Still giggling at the thought of euro booming over the supermarket tannoy "mumsnetter, step away from that iced coffee cake"

lemons am impressed by your virtuous, exercise filled weekend! I haven't had a bike since I was at primary school [ashamed smiley]
BTW I also do the starting arguments with DP for no good reason. It is nuts isn't it but I have no patience with him or anything much lately.
I have done something v. stupid and bought a dress online. A very dangerous strategy given my pear shape and fact that to get a dress to fit my hips it usually gapes at the top. Thing is I loved it and thought give it a go. I can always send it back or get it altered.

ladygee We had a good sorting out weekend too, if you count slinging shite into the loft. We also had much fun and hilarity - NOT- shortening some curtains. Cue lots of shouting, dogs clambering all over the curtains as they were laid out on the floor for cutting, accusations that I can't read a tapemeasure whispers, everything was .5 cm out but lets gloss over that, it was obviously the funnny shaped windows at fault and lots of unpicking because put me behind a sewing machine and my tongue seems to drop out, I jam my foot down on the pedal and zoom off like a mad woman possessed. DP looked quite scared.

stasi wow at your calorie calculations. Could have done with you to help measure me curtains

X-posted with you whatmess , hello.

Sorry to hear about your troubles and very sorry about your mc.

Also sympathies for your embarassing day!

Sneaky post from work to say "Hi" to whatmess. Sorry to hear about your MC last year, but this is the right place to be for some help and support from ladies who know the frustration that is long term ttc.

Will post more later. I'm failing at doing work as usual, but will persevere to prove to myself that slacking won't cause more slacking! I can't reward bad behaviour with more mumsnet.

mrsd - I am sorry that you have had an awful weekend. And I?m sorry that the first person you actually broke down and told, did you a massive disservice by saying all the wrong things. That shouldn?t have happened. You certainly haven?t betrayed DH and I?m sure he would never think that you had. All it shows is the stress that is lying below the surface and under the circumstances all it takes is a bit of booze and an unaware friend to start prodding and probing. In my experience of telling people, I have found that people without kids are supportive and say the right thing but they don?t understand the stress. People with kids can be less sympathetic unless they are naturally empathetic and caring people. As far as I can work out they are always wrapped up in their wonderful, perfect baby world. Your friend didn?t understand at all and to continue to talk about your mutual pregnant friends with you like that after what you told her just says it all really. Talk about salt in the wounds ? she needs a slap of secondary infertility to make her realise how bloody awful it is (sorry, of course I wouldn?t wish that on anyone). I have also been told by a friend about a girl she knows who has had 5 rounds of ivf and still hasn?t had a baby and then she apologised to me for telling me that whilst waving her new born in my face. Friends can be extremely unfriendly sometimes. But I think we just have to suck it up and think it is making us stronger - not that any of us could give a fcuk about that.

wine - goodness i?m sorry you are still not better from your op. How are you feeling today?

pout - sorry about your mum causing probs. In a way at least she told you and so you know to go and get a new one! My MiL turned up to my BiL?s wedding all in white and with a huge white satellite dish on her head. I gulped when I saw her. It was so embarrassing and you could see people whispering and gossiping. She is particularly strange though!

Interesting about all this sugar talk earlier. After my appt with voodoo chap, I now have no sugary foods, no fruit and all low carb foods ? just lots of protein and green veg and I feel SO much better.. I haven?t had the shakes once and eating eggs for breaky means I can get to lunch without getting hungry. Pasta, bread and potatoes never filled me up and I would just end up feeling tired and hungry afterward even though I love them. So all that money I spent on Manuka honey was actually a total waste as it was actually making my blood sugar levels unstable. I am hoping this will improve my focus and concentration as well as I am known to space out a lot!

cakes - i think shakes and grumpiness when hungry is low blood sugar

euro - i?m sorry about AF. I?ve got my fingers crossed for you this cycle god damn it. How come this is your last cycle on Letrozole? Will you continue with the steroids?? Apart from putting on a little bit of weight, anxiety ? have you noticed anything else or has it been fairly ok? Sorry about that evening with your friend. I just don?t want to even imagine a failed ivf cycle and the feelings that go with it.

Waves at everyone else. Sorry I?ve missed a tonne of people.

Welcome whatmess. Sorry to hear about your mc. I hope you get some answers after your surgery. Are you having a lap and dye with ovarian drilling?

pout you sound like a very scary seamstress! Sewing is something that defeats me. I detest it. The only teacher to make me cry in school (you have probably gathered by now that I am now much of a crier!) was the textiles teacher. She decided to humiliate me because I couldn't knit. Cowbag.

Well it seems like the ball is rolling on my NHS IVF [scary]. I left a message over the weekend on CD1 as instructed by the hospital. I have just got a call back (after I tried to get through around 15 times to no avail - hate NHS admin) asking me to come in for a blood test and scan on Wednesday. That will be CD4. I hope they realise that if they are planning on an internal scan, it will look like someone slaughtered a farm animal in the room afterwards.... At this point I really have no shame about most things but I don't particularly like "sharing" my ERTD. Particularly as it is often so heavy that removing "protection" and then hopping up onto the bed could lead to lovely drips everywhere.

One thing that is irritating me (it doesn't take much) is that I don't have any idea what they are planning to do this cycle or what the plan is going forward. Presumably it is just these tests and I will not be starting the IVF treatmet for a while yet but the letter did not actually say and as they called me back in the office, I was not able to ask them anything.

I crossed posts with joycep

I agree completely with what you said to mrsd. I am "lucky" in that I have a bunch of subfertile friends who understand. Even the more fertile ones are pretty good because they know several people who are not so lucky and just seem to "get it". mrsd's friend was insensitive in the extreme.

This is my last cycle on Letrozole if it continues to mess up my cycle. I don't like taking drugs anyway but thought I would give the Letrozole a go as the lesser of 2 evils (the other being all the IVF drugs). My last cycle freaked me out a bit, although it didn't turn out too badly in the end. But every day of that week where ovulation was delayed felt like a month! So I am trying the increased dose this cycle, with monitoring that isn't interrupted by Xmas, and if I still feel uneasy at the end of this cycle I am stopping it. I will be continuing with the steroids either way. The anxious feeling faded after a day or two. The weight gain was only about a pound so definitely a price worth paying. And the sleep disturbance settled down after a horrible first night. I still feel that the problem lies around implantation so I think the steroids give me my best hope.

Thanks to everyone for making me feel welcome.
Eurochick Yes I'm booked in for the ovarian drilling in March. At the same time the consultant is planning to investigate for endometriosis. Although I'm not sure what if anything she can do about it. I'll find out more at the pre-op I hope.

I think they just cut it away if they find any. A friend of mine had two ops for this while she was ttc.

mrsd please don?t beat yourself up about telling your friend. Of course you told her, it was inevitable under the circumstances. Don?t feel guilty. It?s just such a shame she was so crap about it. I could write a very ranty book about friendships and ttc and I think your experience is fairly typical. People just don?t appreciate how bad it is. I?ve found that it?s only been the friends who are generally particularly thoughtful and sensitive that have been good to talk to. One of my supposedly best friends has gone so far out of her way to avoid talking about it that it?s got ridiculous. She has literally never spoken to me about it even though she?s been aware of my situation for months and we?ve had an email exchange about me not being able to do things in the summer because of potential IVF. I can appreciate she might feel awkward talking about it, but I can?t believe it would be so hard just to ask how I?m getting on once in a while. Anyway I have gone off track (ranting!) so will stop. But I hope you are feeling a bit better. As joycep says all the stress you are under will inevitably bubble up somewhere.

stasi you sound as though you are working very hard ? I can?t say the same, I didn?t really seem to get very much done today! That?s interesting about the IVF ladies being well-prepared for birth. It?s not surprising isn?t it, we have all had more than our fair share of preparation time.

whatmess I?m sorry you have had such a tough time and for your loss. You will find a friendly home here.

pout well done on getting a lovely dress. It?s so important to find a dress you love. I hope you love it when it arrives. And I?m sorry your excitement about the wedding is being marred by your mum. If she does misbehave on the day, no-one will see it as a reflection of you I promise. It sounds like everyone is well aware of her previous form.

joycep well done on your new diet, so pleased you are seeing results already, that?s really great. And eggs for brekkie, yummmmmyyyy. What sort of things are you eating for your other meals?

euro as usual the NHS are communicating terribly, but it?s great that the IVF wheels are in motion. Scary but just think how soon you could have a BFP :) , either from your current medicated cycle or from the IVF.

Evening lovely ladies.

I am sorry that your first experience of sharing your troubles went so awry MrsD. I think that's one of the reasons I've put it off (fear of the response) but your friend was spectacularly insensitive to carry on sharing those stories after you told her. I am sure your OH won't mind, and that he'll understand why you felt the need to share. Hope you feel better now and if nothing else, letting all the tension out can be cathartic, whatever the response from the listener.

Recipe for the tarts

I don't want them to be healthier, stasi, I like them just as they are . I do cut them into 16, and sometimes even eat 2 a day but I think the majority of my diet is pretty healthy in terms of saturated fat. Hope you liked them though!

Hello whatmess . Sorry about the MC :( And EEK at the embarrassing flood today!

Very DG of you this weekend pout - curtain making and cake baking! I'm sure the cake was lovely, but sounds like a perfect excuse to try again

Very interesting on the diet joycep and it doesn't sound too tough? How do you do your eggs in the morning? I can't imagine I would have time to cook eggs in the morning, but happy to try. I really can't see them keeping me going till lunch though, I have to say.

Indeed it does sound a bit scary re the IVF euro but hopefully also exciting, a little bit at least? I'm with you on the rubbish at sewing - I never really bothered to learn as my Mum does it professionally, albeit I can just about sew a button on if I have to!

Waves to kitty :)

Now - is it too early for mentalling? I have no idea where I am (app says 6dpo, I think maybe more). Anyway today I have had a weird taste in my mouth all day, I want to say "metallic" but have no idea what metal tastes like . I am definitely not imaging the weird taste, but it's entirely possible I am attributing something rather more important to it. Oh well, it helps the 2ww pass, and I'm sure my made up symptoms/weird body tricks keep you all amused too

Hi ladies, just a short post from my phone.

I'm on cd 18 with no sign of ov. Have had a lot of ewcm which I'm attributing to my new vitamins. We have our clinic app on Fri and as I've lost 13lbs since last one we should qualify for clomid!

Only small downside is I've buggered my back at work (lead coat on theatre for 6hrs per day and then pushing the ii which weighs 42stone!) So we haven't managed any swi for a bit. No sign of ov so hoping we may still manage! I have physio tomorrow to try and help.

No more newa really!

nelly how is the cursor problem?

Morning ladies.

There must have been something in the air this weekend with all the clearing out/cleaning/baking and general homely goodness. Either that or it was just too damn cold to venture outside, I know it was here.

Welcome whatmess sorry to hear of your MC and ttc troubles but glad you've found you're way here

mrsd I'm so sorry about your experience with your friend. Sounds like she couldn't be more insensitive if she tried. Lots of others have already said things more eloquently than I could but I hope you're feeling better now.

euro good luck with the scan/blood test. I hope you find out more about what's happening re IVF too

nelly - Mental away my dear. Weird tastes sound like a legitimate reason to wonder whats going on. Fingers crossed for you.

izzy Ouch, sorry about your back - hope the physio helps and you can get swi back on track. 13lbs is amazing, well done.

kitty, gin and any other sherlock fans - think I've developed a rather inappropriate crush on Mr Cumberbatch. Usually not my type at all... I think it's the voice?!? I'll shut up now as I've probably shared too much already

Waves to everyone else

Morning ladies. Just a quick selfish me post... Had my smear last night. Coped with the whole embarrassment factor but the speculum thing really hurt when opened :( Last time I had a smear I insisted they used the smallest size one but this time the nurse kinda insisted on using the normal size.. I think I'm just kinda 'tight' sorry tmi! Am now v concerned about how I'm gonna cope with all the tests etc I need for ivf. Is a speculum used when you have an internal scan? And how big is the camera?! This just all really upset me last night. Stupid I know. Hugs to all, gotta dash. Have Zumba tonight which should cheer me up!

Morning ladies, how we all diddling?

Joycep I am envious that you have the willpower to follow a new healthy diet. Cutting out pasta would be a bridge too far for me.
I love eggs but never find them filling enough unless I have them with lots of bread and processed cheese. I blame the MacDonalds Egg McMuffin for this particularly disgusting habit
Last word on the dress subject I promise but I only discovered by accident. If the first wedding wasn't postponed she would've just rocked up in said dress and I wouldn't have been able to do anything about it BTW you MIL's antics made me laugh. People can be so strange!

Euro My approach to the sewing machine may stop DP bugging me about learning to drive What is it about Textiles teachers? Mine was a bitch as well. I would love to be able to knit but I am not patient or methodical enough to be any good.

I'm glad that you finally got through to the clinic & it is all systems go. I feel your horror at the prospect of an internal scan on CD4. Though they will have seen it all before I'm sure that doesn't diminish your trepidation at the thought of it. I also understand your frustrations at not knowing what the exact plan for you is. It is something so huge for you and it would be nice for you to be clear on what to expect.

kitty I'm sorry that you have had some duff experiences with your friends reaction to TTC troubles. I have had two friends who have totally ignored it too and it just adds to the "leper" feeling. I am a bit shocked that your BF hasn't even mentioned the IVF.

Nelly I am going to try the cake again but not do the all in one method, just the traditional sponge method of creaming sugar and butter first. Should be alright shouldn't it???
I enjoy your 2ww mentalling We are roughly the same DPO. I hate to say this and noticed last cycle too, that I have a metally/bitter taste on my lips, not in my mouth. It's weird and comes and goes. Really hope that this a positive sign for you but think in my case it will probably be something mundane like tasting my own foundation or doggy foxy gozzle or something!

Izzy How is your back? Sounds horrible as does a lead coat!

ladygee I agree that a Sherlock crush feels a bit inappropriate. I noticed what a nice coat he had and what nice skin and it all started from there - it's the little things! Apparently according to another thread is he a right arse in RL.

Something to throw out there ladies, but on what DPO do you generally know that it is over? I was thinking how my body usually does the same things every month right after ovulation (with a couple of exceptional cycles) so that must be a bad sign because if fertilisation had happened then surely there would be some hormonal changes, albeit subtle. I'm not explaining this very well but I guess I mean that your body wouldn't so rigidly follow the pre AF script if sperm had met egg in terms of boob pain in exact spot, bowel habits, appetite etc...

x-post gin
Sorry that you are upset after your smear. I have to say shamefully that I had my first one only recently-ish and so am not an expert but I don't think it should hurt. Maybe the nurse was too rough or didn't lubricate enough??
As for internal ultrasounds as I remember it was like a thinish wand thing. Think Harry Potter toy wand type thickness.....can't think of a better analogy, sorry. It is well lubricated and the only mild discomfort I felt was because it is rigid IFYSWIM.
Hugs to you and hope that somebody else will come on and be more helpful!

Quick post to gin while I'm at work. Last time I had a smear it was very incomfortable. But when I had the internal scan it was fine. It's a lot slimmer and they just pop it in, no need for a speculum. So I wouldnt worry about your tests.

I'm worried about egg collection where I'll be laying legs akimbo for a good half an hour :( sure it'll be fine though

gin I am sorry to hear your smear was painful. I have had several and only the last one hurt a bit. She just positioned the speculum poorly. I could have asked her to do it again but decided to just take a few deep breaths and get it over with quickly. The dildocam is nothing like a smear and no speculum is involved. It is slimmer and whilst it can be slightly uncomfortable as they angle it from side to side to see what they need to see, it's really not at all painful. One of my ovaries hides low down behind my uterus and finding it can take some sonographers a while but doesn't hurt while they flounder around.

I hope my period calms down a bit by tomorrow. It is extremely heavy today. The scan will be vile if it is still like this tomorrow.

I haven't watched Sherlock but I note that Cumbersnatch seems to be having a strange effect on a lot of women!

pout for me it's probably around 7 dpo when I start getting a shivery feeling that always comes with my period cramps. The shivers start a few days before.

izzy I hope your back is on the mend.

gin sorry you found the smear painful. I've had quite a few over the years and some have been painful and others have been fine. I think it depends on the competence of the Dr or nurse. The bit I always find uncomfortable is when they do that cranking open thing and I can feel a pulling sensation low down on the left of my tummy. Don't worry about the internal scans, IME they are no way as bad as a smear. They use loads of lube and the wand is quite thin. I didn't find any of the scans uncomfortable or painful at all.

euro I'm impressed at how fast your nhs ivf is moving. Is there not much of a waiting list in your area then? Or are they just ultra efficient? Don't worry too much about the blood and gore, I'm sure they've seen it all before. If you're having a very heavy day today that might mean most of it is gone by tomorrow.

fatima the only bit that worries me about IVF really is the egg collection because I've never been sedated or had a GA before. But I'm sure it's fine and over quick.

pout my LP is 15 days, by 6dpo I start to feel really down about ttc. It's the same every month so I think it must be my hormones making me feel down. Then by 10dpo, I realise I have no symptoms which I'm convinced I would have if I was pregnant. Then at 11 or 12dpo, my boobs start to hurt the same as every other month. Then at 12dpo I get ewcm again and then spotting usually on 13, 14 or 15dpo. The same pattern every month.

izzy well done on the weight loss. Sorry your back is bad though.

nelly thanks for the tarts recipe, I might give them a go tonight.

Thanks to everyone who said kind words about my horrible experience telling my friend. You've all made me feel so much better. I told DH when he picked me up because I was still blubbering a bit. He wasn't bothered in the slightest but stupidly I still feel bad about it. I think he was a bit about why it was this particular friend I'd told because we're not that close and she has a baby and I know they conceived within a couple of months. She was a bad choice to tell, but I didn't intend to tell her but once I'd started crying there was no going back. I'm a bit annoyed with her now I think about it, because she was insensitive and clearly doesn't have a clue. But also she saw how upset I was and I would have thought she might have texted me or rung to see how I was but I've heard nothing. Oh well, you live and learn. I've decided I won't be telling anyone else in a hurry.

Gin Sorry to hear your smear was so bad. I've had several, the only time I had problems was a gynae who I think had really bad bed side manners so I wasn't relaxed and he had to change it for the smaller one. All the other gynaes and nurses have been fine just an odd sensation. The dildocam was fine and so was the HSG. My gynae did the dildocam rather than a sonographer. The dildocams condom amused me it never occured to me how they did such things until I saw it.

Hope everyone is feeling ok today!