TTC for 10+ months, part 4

[eurochick]

Time for a new thread as the other one is just about full.

Fingers crossed for lots of patiently-awaited BFPs on this one!

Thank you everyone for saying nice things. Im so glad of you. I'm sick of ttc today and I'm so tired, I had rubbish worried sleep all night. And tired full stop I think. I think the waiting to find out what's going on inside and when I can do something about it is making me a little unstable. I just want to crawl under the duvet and not come out again. Sorry euro about the bfn. Loves to you all, will post again when I'm feeling more human again.

Dashing to meeting so v quick. MrsD you didn't upset me, it was my decision to look at it! Anyway it's applying stats where I don't think they apply, I am all better now . Sorry about AF though .

Hugs to wine too

Will post properly later

Hello
I know it's been ages since I've posted so I can't possibly name-check everyone and for it to be relevant in meaningful way! I just hope you can accept my 'hellos' :-)
wine I think we all have 'that person'. Mine is one of my best friends and someone who I know from a mutual friend has been receiving treatment. I suspect her pregnancy is as a result of IVF and I am happy for her because she's been trying for yonks, but have to keep quelling the urge to shout and stamp my feet, blub and invect that 'it's not fair'. I also suspect she knows from same friend that I am also having problems - but neither of us want to talk to the other about it it would appear! I think some things are too painful.
I also had a pretty awful night's sleep - I'd got all excited about this cycle because I'd increased my Clomid dose, ovulated earlier than ever before and had managed to hold out until 6/7dpo without spotting. But last night - red breakthrough bleed and now the usual sludgegate that I know some of you have experienced! Temp's through the frickkin ceiling but think that has more to do with my crap night's sleep than anything else.
Have an appt on Feb 19th to talk IVF with my consultant - get one free go on the NHS so let's hope it's a good one.
I have been obsessively stalking you all - even if I haven't been posting - as always, you are all a source of great support :-)

Whereismywine Thanks for the love and hugs, made me feel a bit tearful that someone I've never met is wishing me well. So sorry you're feeling crappy about the pregnancy anoouncement, it sucks doesn't it when inside you're thinking 'why you and not me'. I've had a similar experience this week, will write more after name checking.

Joycep I'll definately keep you all posted! I've done quite well keeping up to date with this thread this week :)

Stasi Glad you and your DH had a good chat, I know what you mean about feeling like you're alone. I tend to ofload a lot to two close friends at work but sometimes I need to know DH is feeling what i'm feeling. Thanks for the ICSI excitement, I just want to get started now!

mrsden Hopefully I'll be a well practiced IVFer by the time you start so will be able to pass on any advice

Ladygee If we had gone NHS we would have ended up at CARE Manchester but we switched our NHS to Jessops Shefield. You musn't be too far away then When do you start ICSI?

Now the ME part
My boobs have been really tender yesterday and today and I've had cramping today, at time's feeling like AF is on it's way. But i'm only on CD24 of a normally 29 day cycle

Had some friends of DHs text to say they were having another boy yesterday, we're happy for them but can't help feeling a bit annoyed. They've had a really tumultuous one-off relationship, have a baby who's less than one now and only live in a one bed house. I just feel like we should be allowed a baby; we've both got good jobs, nice house, good relationship, been together ages. I know I shouldn't think it, but it just creeps up.

Just tuning in to OBEM, wonder if i'll be able to handle it

Hi again

I have missed too much to catch up properly on everything :( sorry. I am home alone and I watched about 30 seconds of OBEM and then switched over as could feel the tears coming. Was it you wine who said it was like whipping yourself? Anyway I woke up with absolutely raging PMT this morning (after feeling fine all week, eating v healthily and having a lovely yoga session last night-which all makes me think that hormones are totally unavoidable sometimes) so I have put the Gold channel on and am watching The Office instead, in an effort to be happy instead of sad. Oh yeah and I had beans on toast and a load of chocolate for dinner :)

Fatima and ladygee, I am v v interested in your fertility clinic experiences in Manchester. I have looked at the Care Manchester site a lot. fatima if you don?t mind me asking, how do you get to be referred to Care via the NHS? I?ve got my NHS consultant appointment at St Mary?s next month to discuss IVF ? can I be asked to be referred to Care instead of having it at St Mary?s? [clueless emoticon]

I am just going to send a big fat wave to everyone and promise to keep up properly from now on. Oh and euro so sorry for your BFN. Wishing you lots of luck for your next cycle.

Kitty I live in West Yorkshire, the nearest ACU is at Calderdale which only acts as a satelite clinic and the actual treatment is done either at Leeds or CARE Manchester.

I've ended up at Manchester Fertility Services privately after researching a few different private clinics in Manchester, Sheffield and Leeds

Thanks Fatima that clears that up. I hope they are good and look after you at mfs. I was looking at their website re IUI the other night. I can't decide whether it's worth paying for some private rounds of iui or whether to just be patient and wait for my free ivf round.

I wasn't allowed to watch OBEM! OH realised it was starting, not just an advert, and insisted we turn over - wimp . Anyway we ended up watching Stella, which I thought was very good, and OBEM has been recorded for indulgent crying and/or shouting at the telly in frustration, at a later date!

Power keeps going off tonight, so I might never post this but hey ho! Sorry about the PMT kitty - are you still waiting for ERTD to turn up? that's my least favourite bit of the whole cycle I think. You are sure it's game over, but at the same time there is this ridiculous bit of hope, or at least I let that happen, perhaps some of you are stronger than me.

I am the wrong person to give any kind of advice about weird cycles and the tricks your body plays on you, Fatima. Mine is dreaming up new medical marvels every month. I hope you get some kind of resolution one way or the other! And I have the exact same feelings of the "why not me" nature. I know we'd make amazing parents, we have so much to give. I see so much bad parenting around - not in a judgey-pants Fruitshoot kind of way, but in a swearing at your children, making them feel like shit manner, and it makes me angry on so many levels.

However on that note it dawned on me today that being pregnant is not the only way to have a child, and I would happily adopt if conceiving my own was not going to happen for me. I think we will go down IVF etc first, but I would certainly feel like a "proper" mother if we adopted. And strangely that realisation (or dose of reality?) has made me feel much better! We're not giving up yet, but I feel like a weight has been lifted a bit, if that makes sense. I think actually, with hindsight, seeing that scary percentage on the IVF website has turned out to be a good thing. It's made me formulate a plan c, and it's fine :)

Better post quick before power goes again!!

nelly that's really positive that you've started feeling good about other options. I really think you've got a long way to go til that point at the moment, but it's good not to feel like it will be the end of the world if you don't conceive naturally. If that makes any sense whatsoever! Me and DH have had a couple of chats about the possibility of adopting from abroad. It does make me feel reassured that there are other ways of having a family.

I know what you mean about the hope. I have a tiny bit each month, but by this point, I know it's game over. My pmt symptoms are unmistakeable. I get this feeling of immense heaviness just before it starts No actual sign of ERTD but it is definitely imminent. Grump.

Anyway me and a friend are covertly plotting a horsey mini holiday over the summer-do you think I'll get an ironic bfp if I pay for it well in advance?!

Hi all.

kitty - book it book it! Would love to do a horsey holiday, envious of that.

nelly - agree with you on the adoption thing. Obviously I want DH's child but I watched that Panorama - The truth about adoption a few months ago and they had the sweetest children on there. ALl of them were desperate for new mums and dads. I know it is not an easy process and I would want to adopt a baby which apparently is nigh on impossible. However, it sort of relaxes me when I think if the worst came to the worst then there are always other options.

wine - i am sorry about the bfp announcement. It's gut wrenching especially in those first few days after you hear. Remember it does get easier though.

I thought I would just tell you all about an appointment I had yesterday with some man who does everything from bones to acupuncture to fertility. He has seen my parents for bone issues and he saw my mother's friend before she had children. My godmother was blind for 8 years and through acupuncture, he got her sight back. Not kidding! There may be nothing in it but he took my pulse and told me when my last cycle was. He told me I had clotty periods. He also told me I was hypoglycaemic which I have always suspected as I get so shaky. I told him that although I apparently had normal progesterone levels on the nhs, my private gynae told me they were too low.
He then asked whether I had sore breasts before my period and I said 'yes' and told him that sometimes they were excruciating. He said that the chinese always say that if a woman has saw breasts before her period then she is infertile. Apparently, a woman should not get sore breasts - it actually indicates a hormone imbalance. In fact a woman should not know when her period is coming and it should take her by surprise. i pointed out that was what i use to be like until I hit 28 yrs old.
So he said that we are to stop trying for a baby for the next 3-6months and concentrate at getting healthy and getting my blood sugar levels right through diet. I am going to start rubbing natural progesterone cream in to my body from day 10 to try and make me less estrogen dominant. I'm not being naive and I don't think this will work but I think it's worth a crack considering no other reason has been discovered for my infertility.

Ok, this may be a lot of BS and when I asked him whether i still had time to get pregnant, his answer was 'it's possible'. I like the fact he gave me no guarantees. There were other things he said to me that made me realise he wasn't talking BS. I have also been limping for the past week and I hadn't mentioned this. He looked at my foot and cracked it and guess what i'm not limping anymore.

I felt really cheerful when I came out. It was kind of a bizarre experience. Apparently he's quite renowned...but more in bone cracking and things like that rather than fertility.

Morning lovely ladies.

Stasi - I'm definitely more excited than worried! Though I am trying to strike a balance between being positive and realistic at the same time.

It all feels even more real after having proper conversations with work yesterday about time off, I thought it would be horrible but they were actually really good and very supportive.

euro - sorry about your bfn, hopefully this next cycle will be a bit more straightforward and will have a better result. I have my fingers crossed for you.

fatima - hmmm... I'm in West Yorkshire too so I'm waving at you from a little closer to home Our only option was going outside of Leeds/Sheffield as DH and I have both worked with/for the NHS for years in those two cities and the thought of bumping into work colleagues didn't appeal. We're still at Calderdale and will be daytripping to Manchester for the final bits! Just had a sneaky look at MFS website - they look really good.

I start on 27th Jan - two weeks tomorrow. Have you heard anything further from the clinic about a start date? Your symptoms sound interesting!

kitty - we had the same option as fatima described too. Someone I know has told me good things about CARE after having pretty horrid experiences in Leeds so we stuck with it. How long is the wait where you are? It was 13 months for us, which just felt too long.

Hope your PMT is subsiding. And, yes, paying for a unsuitable holiday is a certain recipe for a BFP!

joycep - I love the sound of the guy you saw yesterday. I'm a big believer in anything that makes you feel positive about what you are doing and makes sense to you must be good for you. The way you described what he did is similar to what the acupuncture sessions I have - with the pulses etc and she knows when I'm not 100% without me telling her. Will you see him again or just move forward with his advice from yesterday?

Waves to everyone else

Blimey, joycep, that appointment sounds like an experience! How very bizarre but fascinating. Will you need to cut out all refined sugar then? Funnily enough I also never used to get sore boobs before af until a few years ago. Oh man-sore boobs mean you're infertile-aaargh!

It sounds similar to the work my acu lady is doing-she us trying to banish all my pms symptoms. Since I started with her I've had one af that was a surprise but still getting massive build ups usually.

ladygee x post. Am so glad you're feeling excited and that work are being supportive, that will make things so much easier. I don't know what the wait will be for us exactly, but I did ask the doctor last time whether it was a long wait and he said not at all. I wonder if it's short because Manchester pct only fund one cycle now. Anyway I should find out more about it next month hopefully. We'd go private if it was as long as 13 months, as you say that would just feel like too long.

It's good to hear that some of us are moving forward to explore new options. Hopefully we will have more BFPs on this thread soon.

I have to call the clinic where I will be doing my NHS IVF round on day 1 of my next cycle, probably today or tomorrow. I feel like AF is imminent.

joycep that sounds like an odd consultation! My acupuncturist says that sore boobs is just a sign that there is progesterone, which is why you don't feel them until ov or after ov. As you need progesterone to support a pregnancy, I would say it sounds like a good thing. I get sore boobs a couple of days past ov usually, but not severely. I used to get them really badly. Speedbumps would literally bring tears to my eyes. I can remember driving over them with my elbows in to try to stop them bouncing!

Cutting out refined sugars makes lots of sense though. I think I've said on here before that I try to eat a fairly low GI diet. Insulin is a hormone and reacts with other hormones and plays a big role in PCOS.

MrsH it's good to see you dropping back in. I am glad we are a support even when you are just lurking.

kitty the horsey holiday sounds great - book it! We are looking for a Spring holiday at the moment. We want to go somewhere tropical and interesting but non-malarial (so I don't have to take anti-malarials while we are ttc - most of them are not at all compatible with pregnancy). We might opt for Belize - it seems to have it all wildlife, temples, beach, etc and isn't horrendously expensive. I really want to make the most of being childless to do stuff that would be much trickier with young children.

joycep just a quick note on the progesterone cream, if you take it before ovulation (which day 10 is likely to be?) it can stop you ovulating as your body thinks you have ovulated already. If you are going to take a break from trying then I suppose that is ok but just wanted to let you know as I have done a lot research on it.

I also though the sore boobs thing before AF was the progesterone, eeeek!

your bone cracking man sounds interesting joycep. I'm at the stage that I'd try anything so long as it wasn't harmful. Can you get progesterone without a prescription? I asked my Dr about sore boobs and she said it was a sign of progesterone and that some people are sensitive to a change in hormone levels, I didn't think this was bad thing. And interestingly, the month when I know I didn't ovulate because of tracking scans I didn't get sore boobs at all. So I've always thought that they are a good thing and a sign that I have progesterone and have ovulated

Book the horsey holiday kitty sure way to bring on a BFP (although booking a ski trip hasn't worked for me).

Joycep your bone cracking man does sound interesting. Its reassuring of their knowledge when they tell you things that you didn't tell them!

I've just had a mailshot leaflet from Asda about their Baby and Toddler event, filled with all the things you need for your baby- nappies and clothes and moses basket, bathing stuff and feeding related items etc. Now I know I have looked at lots of things, maybe even signed up to things when I was feeling really like this was the month but WTF,,,

Should add I haven't added myself to an Asda baby club or anything like that,,

do you have a loyalty card with Asda cakes and have you bought conception vitamins from there? I know that supermarkets can work out all sorts of stuff about you from the loyalty card and your purchases. My supermarket must have a red flag that comes up on their system that says tumblewomb customer because I've been buying conception vitamins for almost 2 years!

Your bone cracking man does sound interesting Joycep, it inspired me to book my first accupuncture session too so thank you .

No and no lol I buy my vits from Tescos. Think tescos must think the same of me too because I must having been buying vits for about two years cause I started taking them a little before we started ttc.

I don't have any supermarket loyalty cards. I don't like my habits being tracked!

Fuck me, there's a new 'pregnant after sterilisation' thread just started up

Ah kitty I saw that and hurriedly moved on. Jeez.

I am watching that How to Be a Good mother on 4od. I have just watched someone drink a smoothie made out of their own placenta. And also a woman go through the apps on their phone, one of which was Mumsnet . Anyway I have come to the conclusion that all mothers are nuts

Definitely book the holiday kitty - great plan! And even if it doesn't result an in ironic BFP, at least it'll be fun and you'll re-discover muscles in places you never knew you had them Sorry about ERTD almost arriving, though worth knowing that riding is very good for period pain!

Very interesting on the bone cracking man joycep - I really must get a couple of accu sessions sorted I think as I'm getting more and more curious about the spotting I normally get. That said we also need to get some conventional medicine sorted. OH and I both might be working from home tomorrow, so might see if I can get a doc appointment for us both, as requested by the surgery.

That's insanely insensitive of Asda, cakes. I had my own experience of this with Mamas and Papas. I bought stuff for my sister, ticked the box to say it was a gift, but every so often they send me emails about offers on prams or maternity wear or something. It's enough to make me want to boycott them if I ever do get pregnant

Wow ladygee IVF is going to be happening so soon for you! That's very exciting.

Interesting about the insulin etc. I often get dizzy if I haven't eaten enough, though not sure if that's the same thing?

That's a sign of insulin resistance, Nelly. Keeping your blood sugar as stable as possible by avoiding sugar and refined white carbs should help.

at the placenta smoothie. I had just taken a huge bite of my supper when I read that!