TTC for 10+ months, part 4

[eurochick]

Time for a new thread as the other one is just about full.

Fingers crossed for lots of patiently-awaited BFPs on this one!

Quick message from phone as supposed to be helping with tea! I dozed off on the yantra mat today and now my tummy looks like it has a rash. Ha! More counselling and hypnosis today - it has been very very helpful for me.

Sorry bout the bfn nelly. But keep hopeful, I'm willing that second line for you.

Kitty you have every right to moan on here. Being with a bun in the oven colleague must be tough. We will all get there. Weekend love to you and everybody, sorry not proper catch up but sausages and love actually are calling x and wine. And a chocolate macaroon

Hello ladies, hope everyone is having a good weekend.

Ladygee Don't tone down your Xmas stuff because of us grumpies. I'm glad that it is a distraction for some of us! Maybe I would be more into it if I didn't have so much else going on and if my projected AF arrival time wasn't going to be Xmas day or there abouts! Not looking forward to fighting with a turkey in my sister's tiny kitchen, playing the diplomat (she is a bit highly strung!), feigning merriment and seasonal goodwill while dealing with the abject disappointment of AF

stasi Your post upset me a bit. We all deserve a BFP not doubt whatsoever but I just felt like FGS you've been doing the mother bit most of your life but the universe has decided that having your own babies will be a hard slog. It's just not fair is it. In my darkest times I wallow a bit and dwell on the fact that my family was messed up and all I want is to have a better family life than I had but now I'm an adult I can't seem to have it now either. Self pity alert over!

Joycep I think that your work is being bloody inconsiderate, shopping on your own time indeed! Pah
Nobody knows our new address yet so no cards on the horizon thank God. May I suggest binning them before opening or operating a strict a screening process where your DH opens them first and incinerates any offending cards especially those of the personalised variety with pictures of gurning families in santa hats on the front?

I hear you about friends having babies so easily. My university friend told me she was considering having another baby "next year". This was a few months after we first started trying. She is now about to give birth. Unbelievable.

Kitty a birthday as well as Xmas is a grim double milestone. Really hope that you get your BFP before then not least just to avoid dealing with that!

Gin I hate those adverts too. Everything is so perfect. I also hate the pressure it puts on people to buy, buy, buy. We went shopping yesterday for our wedding rings and the place was rammed full of miserable and manic shoppers alot of them moaning about how they hate Xmas. I was saying to DP last night how if it wasn't for my nephew I would have unsubscribed to the whole Xmas gift thing & buying for the sake of it a long time ago.
I don't think that we would do adoption. I'm not a kiddie person (sounds weird) and find most peoples children pretty repulsive! So I'm probably not the best candidate for adopting! I think I would also struggle with taking on an older child. God I sound like the Childcatcher now... I guess what I'm trying to say in a hamfisted way is that I want mine and DP's child not just any child. Would you adopt do you think?

Nelly I'm sorry about your BFN and still have my FX for you. We are well overdue another BFP on here!

Wine Our first Yantra mat injury - yikes!

I was listening to the TV yesterday, not sure what it was because I was pottering, and apparently research has shown that when a woman is at her most futile fertile time of the month she is most attracted to bald, hairless men. So the new Plan Updiff is to forget EWCM watching and temp taking (not that I have done that in a while) and just put Ross Kemp on Gangs on loop on the TV. As soon as I feel a little frisky it's time to jump on DP, wrap him in clingfilm and get him to call me Tiffany in his best East End accent and bingo, Bob's your Uncle, pregnant. Simple.

pout I am dying laughing at the last paragraph of your post!

Oh pout thank you for the laugh . I needed it .

Mentioned I had the PiL's staying this weekend. Well last night OH and I had plans, went out and had an awesome time, saw our favourite band for the 6th time, I was feeling on a mega-high after sludge-gate, plus received something on Friday that made me a bit .( won't go into it here). Had been having a few period rumbles last night but got up this morning with no obvious signs so did another test. BFN. Sure enough full on period arrived about half an hour later. Swiftly followed by fucking MiL skipping downstairs to inform me her daughter had just got a BFP. This fucking morning. There are no words to explain quite how I feel. She has one DC, we've been trying since he was 6 months old. This is her first month trying for Dc2. Oh and her due date is very close to my birthday, so that'll be a lovely birthday present when I'll already be feeling like the barren 38 year old I'll be. I am also shocked at the confidence with which the news has been shared, no concerns at all.

I've had total meltdown. OH has been lovely, but really he doesn't know what to say .

Put my Christmas tree up. It's beautiful but it doesn't feel so shiny today.

. is it too early for ? or Gin? Or both?

nelly you poor poor thing what a shit combination of events, so sorry this has happened like this. I know there is nothing that will make you feel better at the moment but I'm thinking of you xxx and this definitely calls for emergency so get a bottle open ASAP. I know it's so hard but you will get your bfp one of these days, it's just a matter of time. And once the shock of the ERTD/bfp announcement has worn off you will feel stronger again. I cannot believe she told people the same morning she found out :( is it time for your OH to gently hint to your PIL that you are having problems ttc?

Thanks kitty for the hugs and agreement that wine is in order! Just on way home from supermarket stocking up. I don't think I want IL's to know. I realise they aren't being mean and that I can't expect them to be psychic, if one day we decide we've reached the point where we give up TTC I might tell them; but for now I'll just have to learn to deal with the innocently upsetting comments.

I'm still in shock though about telling people on the same day as finding out .

Oh Nelly. I feel for you I really do. That is shitty in the extreme. It is bad enough that you dared feel optimistic this month and then AF goes and ruins it but to have your SIL's news as well is horrendous timing. I can only imagine that you are feeling hugely upset & angry.

I can't believe that anyone would tell people about their BFP as soon as they get it and can only guess that because there have been no TTC issues and just smooth sailing to date that perhaps things are just taken by your SIL as a given & it hasn't occurred to her that sometimes life has a way of kicking you in the teeth (I mean that in the nicest possible way). I think that perhaps when we all get our BFP on here we will a little more guarded and tentative about spreading the news.

I suppose your unsuspecting MIL wasn't to know that skipping down the stairs with the "good news" was massively bad timing but I can understand why you might have wanted to stuff sanitary towels into her mouth until she suffocated to death eject her from your home and have a meltdown.

I don't have any words of wisdom other than that we ladies on here understand more than most where you are coming from and what you are feeling and are thinking of you. I would say let it out, have lots a few drinks, lots of chocolate and a good cry. Kitty is right, while it doesn't feel like it now this AF/cycle will be a dim and distant memory and you will be onto the next one and who knows your own BFP. About the SIL's pregnancy thing, by the time she gives birth there is every chance you will have your own bump. I wonder whether kitty is right about getting your DH to forewarn your MIL about your TTC issues so she doesn't keep going on about your SIL in the meantime.

Why isn't there a hugs smiley?

Oh bloody hell nelly how shit. Why do periods always seem to coincide with preg announcements? I'm sorry you've had this happen and huge hugs. I back up pout and kitty's lovely words that we do understand how rubbish it is and we are all here to support you. I personally think telling people straight away is a bit daft. Also grr for trying for one month. Really nurture yourself and remember that the hormones make it feel even worse. To distract you, did you make the rocky road? I'm making it for a Xmas party soon and wondered how the Xmas one went - is it wrong to want to buy the plastic deers from the photo? I know that if I did, they would look like naff plastic deer rather than glitzy kitch.

kitty I also have Xmas/birthday milestone issue this month. Pah - who'd of thought this was a project of years not months!?!

pout exciting about the wedding rings and at Ross Kemp visualisation!

Stasi the universe must recognise soon that it is your time to be a mum. And you will be an amazing one.

joycep what's happening with your crazy cycle?

Dh went out today for drinks and had a long talk about everything with a friend. He hasn't really done this yet and I didn't know he was thinking about it, but maybe it was the beer. I'm glad he's had the chance to talk, but it was to his best mate and they are planning on trying in the New Year and I didn't want them to know because inevitably there will be a bump before you know it and I worry about being pitied. Understatement really, I hate to think I'm pitied. And maybe we aren't and I have needed to talk to some friends. I don't know why it irks me so much. In fact there are people I wish I'd never told. Anyone else feel like this?

What are people having for tea? I'm making pork fillet with sage and garlic and rhubarb courtesy of Jamie. And mash. The two week wait passes oh so slowly trying distraction by cookery. And reading. And yoga/yantra. I think the rash was just dents! My chart temps are a LOT higher this month than ever, I swear it is yantrafication.

Oh Nelly , that's a horrible thing to happen. I so hope that a flurry of snowy BFPs are on the way for us. We're well & truly overdue.

AF arrived for me this morning, so it's clomid tomorrow (eek!). I'll keep you updated.

It's steak pie & mash here this evening Wine with veggies & gravy - yum. DP's preparing it too - hoorah!

Mm pie and mash. Is this first time clomid pixie? You'll have to keep us posted x

Hello!
Massive hugs nelly. I am also waiting on a BFP announcement from a sister in law (because I know they're trying) and I am sure that will give my MiL the 'permission' she needs to drop lots of hints to me about getting a move on. Yeah, thanks for that.
I hope everyone else is well - sorry I can't mention individuals but I feel like I've missed so much in the few days I've been offline!
xx

It is my first time Wine. I have to take it for 5 days (from cd2-6), and assuming it doesn't do the trick in month 1, I'll have 3 more months to try. Failing that it'll be IVF.

Pie & mash was v good, onto the mince pies next...

Thanks so so much ladies, you really are the best :). I am feeling a little less fragile now, or rather have steeled myself for my best smiley face. Thankfully the IL's didn't stay long today so OH and I have had some time to ourselves. I decorated our tree, made mince pies for the first time ever, mulled wine, and yes the Rocky Road (see below wine ). I will give some thought as to whether I'd want anyone to know but not sure MiL would be the first choice TBH. My sister knows, but that's ok as we are very close. Plus, she's been there. Several years TTC, one IVF that ended in an EMC, then a successful IVF (my GORGEOUS nephew!)

pout I know what you mean about being guarded in the extreme, if we ever get a BFP. I think that's why I don't want people to know, really, as then there will be the pity; or (optimistically) not being able to hide it in the early stages. Again, thanks for making me laugh at the imagery of shutting up MiL in such a charming fashion . Of course it was all innocent, it was all just very bad timing.

wine the Rocky Road is always ace, I've made it a few times. I leave out the Brazil nuts as I don't like them. And once it's made I just keep it in the freezer. It keeps for ages, I just take 2 or 3 bits out at a time to have with coffee or something, they defrost enough to eat in about 10 minutes. Result!
I am glad your OH has had a chance to talk to someone, but hear you completely when you say you want to pick the people you tell very carefully, as above! It's the hardest thing of all when others who have literally just started TTC overtake you with great haste and irritating smugness again, as above! The pork recipe sounds lovely by the way, which book is that? We have a few of his but don't recognise that one. Haha to the rash being just dents .

Sorry about the AF for you too Pixie - we are reluctant cycle buddies I guess! At least the Clomid is A Plan; I think now OH and I have agreed it is time we got proactive, this Just Keep Shagging method (sung to the tune of Dory in Finding Nemo) clearly is a bust. Scientific intervention to the rescue, I hope

Dinner? Mince pies and Mulled wine, washed down with more Mulled wine and a bit of Rocky Road! Real food is for other people; today it's just booze and sweet stuff for me.

Hi everyone

wine I'm going to have a bit of toast for dinner tonight, as I've had this wretched winter vomiting bug this wkd and spent most of last 24 hours with head down the loo :( it has been grim. Sorry to put anyone off your very yummy sounding dinners! I weighed myself before and I've lost half a stone in literally a day. Not good.

I do know what you mean about the telling friends thing. It makes it awkward and a bit cringy when they subsequently, and inevitably, get their bfp's. Has happened to me a few times and I wish we hadn't told as many people.

pixie excited about clomid, really hope it works for you and you don't get too many side effects.

Waves to everyone else. More hugs and to nelly and anyone else who would like one. Plastic deer and edible glitter all round xx

Oh nelly, how totally shit! I would have had a massive meltdown too. Did you manage to hide it from mil? I dread a preg announcement from dh's younger brother and sil. if when it does happen, hope the in laws tell us on the phone cos there would be no hiding my melt down!! Hugs and to you.

Just a quickie from me, so hi and to everyone else

nelly - I have no words. If that is one thing that I have noticed is how The arrival of AF comes at the same time as having to hear pregnancy announcements, having to see pregnant people and having to see babies. It is so shit and I am sorry you had such a crap morning. I don't think I could have coped with a double whammy like that. We all seem to have super fertile SILs - bitches is all I cansay. I cried on the bus home when I found about my SiL but I whailed when I got home. I was beside myself. The thing is that feeling does pass when the hormones and the shock dissapate. The first few days though are tough.

pixie - sorry about AF for you too. I have crossed fingers clomid will work for you. God we flipping need a bfp .

wine - it's good that your DH is talking to someone. I don't know whether people pity us as such, I know they must talk about us and it makes it awkward for people to tell us when they are pregnant but I just think friends are glad that it's not them going through it. I still stand by my theory that we will all end up much stronger people after this.

pout - the whole wallowing thing is very much Allowed. I know life is not fair and it always surprises me just how some people who have been through enough already get hit with problem after problem. Then I know plenty of people who seemingly have it all and they are never faced with difficulties. Poutster you will have your own family , it will happen .

I hope everyone else is ok.

Morning ladies,

Well the first clomid tablet has been popped . Thanks for your good wishes, I'm hoping to avoid any side effects but have pre-warned DP about the possible moodiness, weight gain etc - I'm not sure he'll spot the difference between this & the usual run upto Christmas though!

Nelly, the Just Keep Shagging Method hasn't been working for me either, fingers crossed the mince pie/mulled wine plan has more effect, and failing that, the scientific intervention works its magic. Good to have you as a cycle buddy

I'm not sure whether anyone's already mentioned about Chris Evans, but they're expecting another baby. I knew that they'd been trying as he's been pretty open about it on the radio, and it seems that they've had a difficult time of it with an eptopic pregancy followed by IVF, so fingers crossed everything will be fine now for them. I do like a success story.

I hope the Clomid works, Pixie. We're due to start on Letrozole when AF arrives next week, so I will be a week behind you.

Nelly that is just appalling timing. I am just waiting for my SiL to make another pregnancy announcement. The first one, a couple of years ago, made me cry (and I am a rare crier) as I was still waiting for my then boyfriend (now husband) to propose and we had been together about 5 years before they had even met and they were married with a baby on the way. He got back from an Afghanistan posting in the summer and I think he is broody again so it can't be long now. Meh.

wine I wish my husband had someone to talk to. I think it would help.

pout your bald men paragraph made me laugh.

Morning all. I had a busy weekend sorting through all our wedding presents. We went and picked them up on Saturday, which involved driving through ridiculous traffic, queueing for the car park, and pushing our way through crowds. All which served to make DH impatient and grumpy. Even though I did all the driving while he played on his phone! The rest of the weekend then was spent unpacking individually packed crockery (why, oh why does each plate, bowl etc need wrapping up in paper and bubble wrap??), then washing and packing away all the old stuff. Still, I have lots of lovely new things.

Ov'd on Sat morning (CD16), and managed SWI on Mon/Thur and Sat. So we're in with a chance, though I'm not too optimistic. Focussing on Christmas still, made the Jamie Oliver "Make ahead gravy" last night, very nice. Smelled wonderful while cooking. Going to keep making and freezing things over the next few days/weeks.

Nelly so sorry for AF turning up, and the intensely bad timing of your MIL announcements! You're birthday is still a long way and there's plenty of opportunities for you to get your own BFP by then. I think in your position I would get DH to have a word with MIL - but perhaps ask him to tell her you don't want to talk about it. That way she knows, but shouldn't bring it up with you and try to give stupid advice or pity.

Pout We WILL both get our BFPs, and have lovely, happy families. My family has always been totally broken, but we also sort of work quite well. You just have to be careful what groups of people come together, and I have to do a lot of mediation. Still, excellent training for imminent parenthood for us both.

Wine I know what you mean about worrying what people will think when they know. It's something I've struggled about with other issues. When I see them, I know they know, and I wonder - do they see me and instantly associate me with what they know? I'm maybe not explaining that well, but it's all about being scared people will think of me, and react to me, differently than before they knew. However, I would like my DH to have someone to talk to, he's terrible at talking to me. I have to settle for asking for status updates - "Delete as appropriate are you Ok, stressed, upset, worried? Do you want to talk about it? No, ok." Very occasionally we will talk about things properly, but he's the kind of guy that likes to get on with life as usual until there's something concrete he can do to change things.

Pixie good luck with the clomid. Fingers crossed it works for you straight away.

Kitty drink lots of water, if you can. That much of a weight loss in so short a time will likely be dehydration. Which will also make you feel much worse.

Nelly I'm glad to hear that you feel a little better. The Rocky Road sounds good.

Pixie I'm sorry that AF has arrived in your house too & hope that you are okay. Good luck with your Clomid too.
It's nice that Chris Evans and his wife have come through the other side of the TTC hell. It does make me think though how money talks and does seem to end in a baby. If I win the lottery, sod the holiday, new house or shopping spree, the first thing I will buy is a good consultant (for us all)!

wine I regret having told anyone about the TTC troubles. I thought that it might make me feel better & make people a little more sensitive but this hasn't happened. It seems like they managed an initial bit of understanding, sort of, but now they seem to think that I should be over it because clearly they are! Irrationally & selfishly I also get really irritated by other peoples little dramas that they build up into a huge problem. I just think geez, I wish that was my only problem. That sounds really bad but I just have no patience with my mother for instance sobbing over the fact that she bought the wrong size dress.

Joycep I hadn't thought that people might just be glad that it wasn't them. Fortunately I don't have a SIL and DP's brother isn't the settling down sort so I think I'm safe on that front. Famous last words!
Where are you at in your cycle?

Kitty I hope that you're feeling better and over the bug. It sounds yuk. Still better to get it before Xmas I suppose.

Euro what is Letrozole?

stasi when did you get married? I'm so envious about your presents, it sounds so exciting! I didn't think of that when we decided on just 8 guests at ours
I have a small family & there are lots of rifts so I know what you mean about the mediation thing and find it totally exhausting. My sister and mum can't be in the same room together. Am really looking forward to the post wedding lunch!
My DP hasn't spoken to anybody about our issues. I think he is still in denial and remains steadfast that it will happen in its own good time. Having said that in recent months he is getting a little more antsy and dejected when AF arrives. I think it might do him good to speak to a friend about it but all his friends are kind of free spirits and not into the wife and family thing.

Is it the Jamie Oliver gravy recipe with chicken thighs and veg? I wanted to try that last year but never got around to it.

Waves to everyone else

Pout - My mum and sister aren't quite as bad. They like each other, but just really don't understand one another. My sister is always making my mum cry, and my mum is always making my sister angry. I always end up explaining "mum meant this.." etc. My mum didn't raise us, so doesn't have the intuition I think she would have had. Also, she had lots of trouble with her parents and ended up in a children's home, so she's not very good at being mumsy, and instead tends to try and be our friend. Anyway, totally off topic!

We got married on 5th November, we could have got the gifts earlier, but they said they called to let us know and left a voicemail (which we never got), and DH and I are both far too patient and just kept waiting. I was really excited to get all our new things, but DH had a 'can't be bothered' air about him for the whole thing. He wanted to eat dinner off of the OLD plates, instead of just washing two new ones!

The gravy was the one with chicken wings. However, if you do make it, bash up the wings with a hammer without exposing the bones at all. I ended up making the kitchen look like the scene of an axe murder. As the bone smashed bits went flying everywhere, and bone marrow splattered blood all over me, the kitchen cupboards, work surfaces, and everything on the counter. I went upstairs to DH practically naked, and declared he would be making it next year! The next 7 went much easier as I just bashed them as they were, then cut open the meat/skin after the bones had all been broken.

hahaha stasi the image of you bludgeoning an already dead chicken wing to death has made me chuckle! I'm loving all the Christmas preparedness going on. The couple of years recently I did Christmas I did the Nigella Allspice gravy, made in advance with the turkey giblets, very yummy it was too. Your family sound quite like hard work, and like everyone else I agree you definitely deserve your BFP soon to put all this training into practice :)
I know my birthday is a long way off yet, but I guess the worry now is it's another one of those "milestones" we love to hate! I said to OH yesterday, mid-meltdown, that last Christmas I never dreamed that I'd not even be pregnant by this one, let alone not have a child yet. So 9-ish months to my birthday on the one had sounds a long way away; on the other - well you guys know what I mean. Wedding presents sound fab! I had forgotten about that aspect of getting married, I wonder if you can ask for donations towards IVF on your wedding list....

I hope you feel better kitty. I had a D&V bug after Christmas last year and it was miserable, I totally sympathise.

I sort of managed to hide it from MiL gin. She did probably wonder why I didn't squeal with delight though. .We do all seem to have a very fertile bunch of in-laws don't we? Grrrrrr to them all. euro, joycep and many others.

pixie you also made me giggle at your OH not knowing whether the grumpiness was all-round christmas mentalness or Drug induced! I'd blame it on the drugs, whichever it is . Ah if only mulled wine and mince pies were all we needed to get pregnant. Still, it's as good a theory as any, so that sounds like the perfect excuse for me to get stuck in.

Pout my DP hasn't spoken to anyone either, but then we hardly speak to each other about it! He said as much last night, but I explained that I've been trying not to get into it too much as it's so important we keep the spontaneity in our sex life, which is the on big plus we've had so far. I can't imagine that he will chat to anyone though.

I am feeling a little less murderous today, but possibly gone to the other extreme. Back to the Rocky Road I think

Hello ladies

nelly sorry to hear about AF and the utterly crap pregnancy announcement timing. There's never a good time I guess but that is the kind of thing you just can't make up. Glad you're feeling a bit better. Your rocky road sounds amazing. I'm hoping to get time to make treats this week in preparation for the Christmas decorating next weekend.

stasi - I'm impressed that you have all your wedding presents out and in use already, how lovely. I keep getting mine out one by one but haven't got the crockery out yet. I'm waiting 'til we move house, which we'd planned to do this year but it won't be happening now as the deposit we were saving has turned into funding for IVF.

pixie good luck with the clomid

kitty - hope you're feeling better today

On the telling people front, we've mainly told immediate family to stop endless questions about when we'll have children. It's worked ok so far. We've been more careful about which friends to tell, and haven't told any of the ones that seem to pop kids out on demand. My hubby tends to really think things through before talking about them and hasn't talked to anyone else yet.

Reading all the food talk from yesterday has my mouth watering - though the mulled wine and sweet stuff would win out any day for me! It's snowing here but it isn't sticking yet.

Waves to everyone else on this chilly day

pixie - hope you don?t get any side effects. I think I was quite emotional on clomid and i had the odd hot sweat but apart from that nothing else. I saw that about Chris Evans. By the sounds of it, they had no problem conceiving their first and they had to do ivf because she lost a tube. But money does talk, you?re right Pout.

stasi - that?s great about getting your weddingpresents. That?s the best thing about getting married!

Pout - i am on day 28 today. Totally flummoxed though as still getting ewcm as if i?m about to ovulate . According to my gynae i would have ovulated 2 weeks ago which i know i didn?t. I haven?t had a 28/29 day cycle in well over a year and ihave never had a 30 day cycle in my entire life apart from the bfp month. I keep cursing my doc especially as i keep passing the bills on the stairs. I just can?t understand what this stuff has done to my body. I just want AF to come now (which i never thought i would say). I?m not sure whether I regret telling people or not. I certainly regret telling the MiL as now she has told everyone about our problems...but in an email which has been passed around 15 different people. It?s mortifying. I actually just think that people have no comprehension about what it?s like unless you have been in this position. There are sympathetic people but taht?s different to someone saying, ?i know what you?re going through?. For example my SiL has no qualms in being totally over the top with her kids in front of us and telling us recently how ?xmas is so much more fun with kids?. She knows what we are going through but still she can be highly insensitive. Grrr what a flipping grump i am today. I would blame AF but not sure it?s that.

nelly glad you are less murderous today. Yesterday sounded horrific what you had to deal with.

My friend was showing me pictures of mutual friends babies yesterday on FB. Urggh...some of the postings on FB! ?totally in love mummy?, ?mummy and her gorgeous son?, ?mummy out for a walk?. I keep telling myself to be happy but I find myself getting really cross about everything. Although my friend was laughing at how ?ugly? some of the babies were. Her words not mine... ?oh my god it looks like an alien? she screeched. She?s very outspoken and doesn?t mince her words and doesn?t care for babies much. To be fair some of the pictures of babies did have a weird resemblance to alien creatures! Not a cute look. I prefer the chubby kind.