Just MC and ready to try again? Pack your leathers, black nail polish, air guitar and jump in the mosh pit for some serious metalling. All welcome! (Part 18)

[Summerbird73]

New thread for some serious metalling. We are ramping up the amps and churning out some Metallica, Nirvana, ACDC, Stone Temple Pilots... with the occasional 90's rave music!!

If you have miscarried and are ready to TTC again, come and join us in the WTF cycles with the odd VIP ticket to the padded cell for some serious mentalling (now known as Metalling)

Welcome!

marathon yay your still here.....we were getting very worried but glad to hear all is well with you!!! Second you on being huge at the moment but trying to stay focused on the fact the little one is growing and not worrying that I look like a stick with a ball stuck on the front!!!

Currently needing some hand holding from all you as DH has dropped a bit of a bombshell on me today:
had a message from DH to say that he might be on a course when biscuit arrives which means he will have 8 weeks doing 8 till 5 with weekends off - they may allow him to leave class and come with me to hospital for the birth but that isn't guaranteed so I'm currently a bit about how I feel. It is really great for him to be picked but he said - he feels like he is letting me down by not being there for me in the first month like he'd hoped for. I know that mostly this is how it is for people where partners have to work and cant have or take paternity leave for certain reasons so trying not to feel hard done by (trying really hard) but as he will have been away for 14 weeks when he gets back with a possible further month in January I think I'm going to have to try very hard.......especially when I think how hard the course is. I know I will have to encourage him to stay at work to get through the course as having a newborn just isn't great when trying to study for exams ect which means me being on my own during those nights. Then I know that his mother will use this as an excuse to just move in so she can "help" but I think this would drive me insane!!!!!

Tell me that I will be ok - that I can manage without him and shouldn't feel stupid about encouraging him to take the course if it's offered to him!!!

Hello Mill on the Floss, welcome to the thread, sorry you had to join us though.

IQ, have you got friends and family nearby that you could call on to help if you needed it, (not just baby-gazing, or "help" )? Is there someone you could ask to be with you at the birth as a reserve? Also, don't want to freak you out, but if you ended up having a c-section, you could need caring for yourself. I think it would be possible, but you will need good backup plans.

Martha sorry about AF.

Baby, glad you are feeling good about the sickness. Not metal at all! If I get pg again, I will try and draw strength from any symptom no matter how unpleasant. I think mc has completely changed how I feel about pg.

For me, there is plenty of metalling going on here, as getting near AF due day. I am POAS every day at the mo in TWW, lots of -ives. I do think I could be pg tho - I keep getting a carsick feeling, which I had with DD, but not with mc. We will see...

Lots of hugs to everyone, I?m off to bed.

IQ FWIW i think it is appalling how work are treating your DH! YANBU (i know - wrong topic!) for being upset about this. i completely agree with 2weekwonder and think you should have a back up plan, I had an emergency CS and needed help certainly for the first 2-3 weeks. You cant lift ANYTHING heavier than your babba (although mine was a 10 pounder it left a lot to be desired )

I know you dont want MIL interfering helping out but i have to say that you need to consider having someone with you. What about your sister? Although she would have virtual stitches pain and CSection after effects!

Not your DH's fault but bloody hell how insensitive are his employers?? They may give him time off for the birth sorry if i am adding to your anxiety, i am with you sista!

marathon woo hoo! you are back - i nearly did some investigative jounalism on you last night to hunt you out!! (its me summer by the way - bitova name change)

baby good to hear you-are-vomiting all is well! Feeling vom is a good sign!!

Right - off to get some work done but waves to everyone else and thanks for the lion bar marathon! will catch you all later.

ps - and yes i am still pissed off about AF, i snarled at the super tampax this morning!

ahhhh obviously this hasn't been mentioned but to explain my DH is in the forces and so we don't have much choice or control over anything that happens.....unfortunately i cant complain to his boss as i think complaining to her majesty isnt the 'done' thing!!!

on a note i was called in by my boss today and told that if i dont come back to work next week i will have to be placed on part time hours and that because i havent been strict with my reduced hours (meant to do 10 to 4 but if i vom ect i will go in a bit later and stay a bit later) i will be put on a disciplinary. apparently it isnt very good presentationaly that im not here and really cant be expected to be paid full time if im not there.....i did explain that is what the doctor suggested but i dont think they were listening, feel like total shit to be honest!!!

i had a total break down and sobbed uncontrollably in the loos for 20 mins then same manager came in and said "were being fair" and that i could have the rest of the day off if i liked - you just tell me if i have time off i will be on disciplinary and then offer me time off.....somehow im not going to take you up on your offer. im fed up with this week and cant be arsed with it all anymore!!!

oh IQ how awful for you and i am sorry - i feel like a complete doofus now re your DH's - erhem - employers... i can just imagine you having a go at old Queenie!

Do you think you should go and see your GP? Can they write you a letter along with your 'fit note' i am slightly concerned that your employers are veering outside of the law, do you have HR support?

First marathon! Thank feck you popped your head in - I was worried! So glad to hear everything is well.

Second, no, IQ your boss is not being fair at ALL and infact is, as summer martha says wandering into dangerous territory, legally. At this juncture, I would be going back to your doctor and explaining the situation, and how it has you crying in the toilets at work, and how stressful the situation with DH being away (and the new news that he may not be around for the birth/post natal period). Exaggerate a little if you need to (although, personally, I don't think it'll be necessary - that's more than enough stress for a person to be dealing with, let alone a pregnant one). I would be poking your boss in the eye with a sharp stick by getting myself signed off completely. Whatever your boss feels is 'fair' has to fall within the remit of the law, and whether the law is right or not, or how it makes you feel to insist your rights are protected is irrelevant. AND! at giving you rope to hang yourself with! What a fucking knob. Excuse my language but come on, does he take you for a fool?

Then. When you are signed off, make an appointment with, in the first instance CAB to find out EXACTLY what is and isn't acceptable wrt to your employment. They may be able to refer you on to someone in the legal field who specialises in that area (not suggesting you're gearing up to 'sue' them or anything, but you must know where your ground is, so that you can stand it!). I'm sure if you start a thread in the legal section (perhaps pregnancy too) you will get plenty of more specific advice from people who DO know the letter of the law and support from others who have been in your situation. The equality and human rights website is a useful jumping board too (a new equality act came into force on 1st october last year, too. Bet he's not versed in that). They can't make you take part time hours because you're struggling due to pregnancy. It is their LAWFUL duty to support you and not discriminate against you because of pregnancy. I'm seething on your behalf and hope that with a bit of virtual hand holding from us you won't take this laying down (as much as laying down probably seems attractive right now! )

And, then, when you win that battle (as you will) LET'S TAKE ON THE QUEEN! ANARCHY UK 2011!

I won't get thrown in the dungeon for treason for that, will I? I mean... Queenie's probably not a mumsnetter and I highly doubt she's expecting in May 2012 so I think I'm ok. Right? Right. Although if I vanish, ala marathon then it's possible The Firm have gotten to me.

IQ sounds like a bit of a nightmare but you have got plenty of time to plan and make other arrangements. i would get the mil lined up just in case you really need help - you might be that desperate! Does you OH have to do this course at that time or will they run it again in a few months? you employer sounds like a pain. is it a small company? they ususlly think they can do what they want. how about getting signed off for a week or so?

martha i will have to get used to your new name! i have never heard if the song but i am not really into music - i prefer tv!! sorry to hear that af got you. fingers crossed for next month.

welcome to wellies and twoweek and mill sorry you have had to joined us. wellies i am with the other girl, it is better to wait for your bfn then you know where you are at. you don't want to get bfp and find out it's because the last hcg is still in your system.

baby hope everything is ok. have you been to epu yet?

marathon glad you are back. is worrys me when people sneak off. i sneaked off a forum after my last 20 week scan when i found mmc. i never went back and don't even log onto the site anymore. i sometimes wonder if people worried about me - not enough to make me go back though!!

i think i have finally ov'd. i put my temp in fertility friend today and it said ov on friday(cd 20). it makes sense as i had period type cramps and ewcm on thursday night. just hope my temps stay high now. i want to see a proper cycle and have a nice graph like everyone else!! will have to change my expected af date on the stats.

I have taken your good advise martha and contacted HR - they have stated that what my line manager is suggesting (ie trying to discipline me for not is not just against company policy it is against the law!!!

Also he said i have every right to work reduced hours and still claim full pay as it is pregnancy related and not just cos i 'cant be arsed'. He also said that they wont be able to touch me with a disciplinary (sp?) so they might as well get that idea out of their heads. He said that i can have up to 3 months on reduced hours with full pay as long as it is recorded on 'fit to work plan', pregnancy related and signed off by my doctor.

Thank god for useful HR people!!!! I shall be going in to see my doctor hopefully friday to get the ball rolling. I'm got my fighting face back on and I will not allow them to push me around anymore.......they wanted to bring it - not it's on!!!! --> this is me with my angry eyes in!!!

Additionally I don't work for a small firm - i also work for her majesty as a civil servant (don't flame me i promise i do work hard for my money) - to be honest the civil service is the most hard on people for not abiding by the law as the penalties for LM here are apparently very severe.....she will have to 'stick that in her pipe and smoke it'!!!

On the topic of DH's course - he can't delay it as if he does this he can apply to be posted to somewhere sunny (which im really hoping for now) and also its better pay once he finishes and also they dont plot them in regularly they kind of happen when they happen as they dont want too many people trained up for this specific thing.....they like to keep it to the 'best ones' so that they can ensure the job is done correctly!!! but my sister (as usual) has come to the rescue and will be around during the lead up and following birth, the only day she cant do is monday and half of tuesday as she has uni but she will be with me the rest of the time of the time - i suppose the MIL could come on the monday if im desperate as she doesnt work that day but tbh she doesnt really do 'motorway driving' so i dont think she will be up too much.....more likely she will try and convince DH to take me down there so i can stay over - the words im looking for are HELL NO!!! but i now have a back up plan so i feel a bit more ok about the whole thing.

wow some excellent advice from manda there, i was in a bit of a hurry before but everything she has said is spot on. and well done you IQ for sorting it all out with HR. I used to be a civil servant and although their employment policies are great, the managers know fuck all about them. My past experience with HR were fantastic so stick with them. And yes get signed off if you need to.

yep it is taking me some getting used to with this new name, i keep seeing people referring to martha and forgetting it is me and looking for mentions of summer! it was time for a change though

Sorry to hear you are having a time of it at the moment IQ. Hope it all settles down at work, you do not need the extra stress right now. Well done with sorting it out with HR!

I am having such a weird time right now. I keep feeling sick, getting sort of waves of nausea, but whenever I POAS, get BFN . I think I am having a WTF cycle, (usually I am 28days, but OV D18, now on #12POV). By now, I would be late. Is it possible to imagine yourself into sickness?

iq that is unbelievable and so glad you have a decent HR department!!
two I think it is possible to imagine being sick sadly, I manage to convince myself of lots of symptoms in the 2WW. I know its hard not too and hopefully in your case it really is just early preggo symptoms!!

baby great news on the sickness (gosh only on a MC thread would I be writing that!)

Great news from marathon and good that you are ovulating pebs, first part of the battle!!

I have had some initial results back from the tests and I have the MTHFR mutation which can cause probs. High dose folic acid seems to be the treatment, will see what the consultant says! Everything else has come back normal so far. So impatient to start TTC but I know I must be sensible and wait for a plan of action from the consultant depending on results.

Afternoon all

Just back from booking appointment with the midwife and now have my file of notes...feeling quite as i didn't have a booking app last time as it was supposed to be the afternoon after my scan so all feels a bit more real even though there's been no actual physical check of bean yet! Midwife said she thought I was 8+2 today wheras I thought 8 weeks today so am a bit but will wait and see what the scan shows on Thursday!

martha sorry to hear about AF arriving

IQ so glad HR are being helpful...your boss sounds like a total nightmare, but hopefully between HR and your docs you can get it sorted! I have relatives in the forces so know that 'courses' and such can appear at the most inconvenient of times...I'm sure your DH is most upset at the timing but so glad to hear that your Sis can be around to help out...MIL sounds like more stress than she might be worth!!

marathon so good to hear from you and that all is well!!

manda we'll send Tom Cruise to find you if you disappear and it looks like The Firm have got you How are you feeling today?

Welcome millonthefloss so sorry you've had to join us but please pull up a comfy seat and make yourself at home!

shimmery any news? How are you getting on?

Twoweekwonder TBH I think it's possible to have all manner of symptoms and still get a BFN and AF unfortunately! The two times I have got a bfp have been the months when I've not really thought about it, which is odd, but just the way it has been - maybe I was just way too stressed and anxious in my waiting the other times?

pebs yeah to ovulation!! Though that does mean you're now entering the 2ww of fun

baby how's things? You still feeling pukey? The midwife was saying to me earlier that pukey is good as it's often caused by the HCG hormone and feeling nauseaous is therefore a good sign that there's lots of HCG being produced and pumped around our poor bodies!!

Big wave to everyone else...sure there's loads of people I've missed

Hi all,
IQ I am really sorry to read about your work situation, its utterly pants. Thank fuck you have a reasonable HR department though! (When I worked at a, er, well known magazine publishers a decent HR dept was sadly lacking so I know what its like not to have one!) Am now dying to ask loads of questions about your DH and his work too, but realise I can't really as replies would 'out' you! Although, I have to ask, and sorry if you have said before, are you actually a twin...? I ask due to Summer Marthas comment about virtual stitches and c sec after effects!

I think I may have sounded a bit more pukey than I am in previous posts. I am not that bad really, its more like a motion sickness but not like I want to actually be sick, just a mild background one. The same as the majority of my 'symptoms' really, some people's seem far more dramatic and powerful than mine! If I let it this wouldn't help my frame of mind so am sticking fingers in my ears and going la la la instead.

Apt at the ante natal / diabetic patronising session tomorrow. I expect to be in there all day. Super dooper.

IQ I really feel for you, it must be so hard with DH in that position!

Just a quick one from me tonight. Not sure if its the B100/Agnus Castus but things certainly seem a little different this cycle. I had some brown tinged EWCM yesterday - this hasn't happened for years. Can't see any other signs of OV just yet but just noticing it as it hasn't happened recently. I'll keep you posted...

Currently having fun playing with my new phone - upgraded and got the new iphone. Currently trying to figure out how to make it do my ironing....

oh and baby good luck tomorrow, let us know how it goes!

Evening all

Just a quick hello to see how you are :-)

IQ I thought it was going to be forces. DP was in the Navy til last year they were really good when I was expecting, but sadly if they have to be away then there isn't much that can be done. Glad to hear your sister is being support. Once things have settled down you will enjoy your time with the baby and just you. Sorry to hear work are being shit. Go get them tiger :-)

Can't remember anything else now sorry so tired have to be in bed by 9 so a late night for me tonight.

Had appraisal at work which went really well. Talked briefly about my hours and they said it wasn't a big problem but will disucss at my supervision.

The train, tube and the down escalators made me feel REALLY sick. Although had tomoato soup for tea and I am feeling much better.

2 days left to go this week roll on Thursday. Doctors on Monday although I know nothing will happen it will be good to go 'live' :-)

Hope everyone is ok.

Been awake most if the night worrying.....just called welfare and they are going to assign a specialist consultant but this may take a few days. Decided to ring the surgery and get an appointment which they have so will be going to see him today to see what he has to say about it all.

Managed to speak to DH as I as awake at stupid o clock and his words were something along the line of "if anything happens to you or the baby I will be going on a fucking rampage".......clearly he isn't happy!!! I also managed to speak to a HR lady on chat during the night who gave me some good advice and will help me to write grivance letters ect if I need to - can't believe it's come to this during my pregnancy which I have prayed for and now feel like I can't even enjoy because of this ax hanging over my head!!!

Oh IQ I am so so sorry you have to go through all of this and especially working as a CS as well - I would've expected SO much better from them! I think your manager definitely deserves a disciplinary for their treatment of you - it's grossly unfair! Really hope that between HR and your doc you can get this sorted and are able to start relaxing and enjoying your pregnancy. I bet your DH is so cross that he's not there to support you as well and I'm sure would happily go and 'encourage' your boss to get their act together (in the nicest possible way of course ).

I foolishly arranged a meeting for 8:30am this morning which meant I had to get up earlier and as a result feel very sick...and the person for whom I arranged it to be early for send an email late last night to say they won't be in until 9:30am won't be trying to help them out again in future!! Didn't sleep v well either as I think tomorrow's scan is starting to play on my mind! The MW was lovely at the booking yesterday and has put me on the midwife lead care pathway as she couldn't see any reasons for complications which was good but I just want to know bean is ok now...only another 27hours to go and I will be a bag of nerves about to wet myself having drunk too much liquid sat outside the scan room waiting.

How is everyone else this morning?

poppy that is great news about the EWCM mayve b vits really are the way forward! My hair definitely feels thicker already as well!

baby best of luck to you today, has the spotting stopped now?

IQ you poor thing, great that your DH is being so protective. Just try and take it one day at a time, you know your rights and you have HR on your side, they should be treading very carefully indeed. I do find it staggering that people are allowed to behave in such a fashion in this day and age. Just remember that your health is the most important thing right now (easier said than done, I know!)

poppy i just got a HTC and it is driving me mad - i stupidly refused to get the iphone as everyone else has got one, and my friend was making stupid comments like 'there really is no point in ANY other phone' er right thanks.

wish i had got the iphone now!

IQ i have just read your other thread, i have seen katie around the boards before and she seems to be vairy nice. lovely of her to offer to help out, i would take her up on it. good luck and sorry you didnt get any sleep

well AF is in full swing but i woke feeling really sick this morning [hhmm] so unfair as it feels like morning sickness - just another kick in the gut to remind me i am not POAS

Me again......sorry for being me me me at the moment - promise to catch up with the rest of you later!!

Just been to the doctor and he signed me off for 2 weeks - apparently they have treated me "shabbily" and I need a break away. He said come back before the end of the two weeks and we can discuss whether I'm ready to go back and how to manage the process once I have gone through the welfare and HR route!!!!

I'm feeling much better so just gonna grab my duvet, a fresh set of pj's, a hot chocolate and watch some romantic movies!!! Hope everyone else's Tuesday is going well!!! Thanks for all your support with this and love to you all!!!
Xxxxx

you deserve it IQ well done; here have a and a couple of

right they look like boobies clearly not my intention!

Great news IQ have some to enjoy looking at whilst you're snuggled up with your duvet, and martha's strange booby biscuits!!

martha so sorry you've been feeling sick with AF...totally a kick in the teeth! I take it AF is way too heavy to be implantation??

I'm feeling pretty rough...silly meeting went on until 11:15 which meant I missed the canteen and couldn't have any food during the meeting...managed to get a KitKat from the vending machine but feel pretty wobbly and ropey still....and still SO cold...think the air con is still on and it was just 4 degrees outside this morning so is seriously chilly in here! IQ think I could do with a duvet to be sat at my desk!! Just sitting quietly trying to stop feeling sick...