TTC for 10+ months, part 3

[joycep]

The other thread was just about to fill up and so here we are again with a slightly different name now as many of us have been trying for well over 12 cycles now. We had a few great successes on Part 2, with a couple of people getting bfp's on their 17th and 19th month of trying. So let's hope for more successes on Part 3. (Moaning, crying, sadness, anxiety & bitterness is certainly allowed on here!)

X-post nelly that sounds quite promising, if it is indeed 14DPO!

Lemon - every sympathy to you, I really feel for you. In fact even when I read things like this and I don't know the people involved, I feel my blood boil slightly! It must make it worse that you don't like her. Are you tempted to say anything to your bro? I have found that people generally don't gloat when they know you are having troubles. Hopefully they aren't gloating yet though -6wks is still v early days.
I tend to look at various people I know and wonder whether they will have trouble conceiveing. I know of a seriously obese couple who have had 3 kids in about 4 years. When she stands her stomach is half way down her legs as is his stomach. I'm not being nasty, I just get annoyed that I eat fairly healthily and I find t perpelxing how everything works for them. I do know a few people who have major ovulation issues and even they have got pregnant relatively quickly.

oh and did anyone see that man who has given birth to 3 kids is now having a hysteroctomy. How can you be pumped full of drugs to change your gender and still get pregnant? you would have thought powerful drugs will have frazzled everything.

sorry I have clearly got AF irritability!

Anyway i read something yesterday that said the key to happiness is to only want what you have already and not want what you don't have. That's my next thing to learn to do.
tra lalala

Sorry I missed your post earlier Lemon. Boo to the annoying SIL news. I am very judgemental about other people and their pregnancies. We're healthy active well balanced, relatively comfortable financially and in a great relationship. Where did we go wrong

Spotting is back but still (tmi) brown, old blood, and still very light. Please someone kipper me as I am allowing myself a moment of optimism; though in my heart of hearts I know it's just a matter of time before the BFD hits. Keep me grounded ladies

Just popping in to say hello to you all.

Nelly I'm going to keep my fingers crossed for you just in case........ What does BFD stand for?

Lemon - Gah! at annoying SIL!! And at the future gushing grandparent stuff. I equally find all this stuff so annoying. I also shudder to think if I've ever been insensitive to anyone in the past that may have been ttc (can't think of anything off hand but I am so much more aware of it after having struggled!).

Even when we've been telling people this time, I've literally thought long and hard about each and every person we've told and if there is the outside outside chance that I think someone might be trying (and there I include anyone who isn't already pregnant or given birth in about the last 6 months, and probably people over 75 or so!) I've made sure that DH and I are very quiet about it, and just really barely mentioned it. Even to his brother and SIL, who it turned out were trying and must have got their bfp a week or two after we told them. But I've still no idea how long they'd been trying, and I was sure when we told them there was that tiny teeny flicker of 'why not us' although they were pleased too.

Joyce - I'm so sorry that the IUI didn't work this time . I know what you mean too about feeling at people who promised you you'd be pregnant. The sensible bit of us knows that of course no-one can make such promises but we so want to believe these people when they say such things. I'm still keeping everything crossed for you that maybe next time will be yours.

Well, obviously I'm keeping everything crossed for all of you!

Euro - cor blimey guv'nor - I too am shocked that the NHS wait is so short! That must be quite intimidating (?) to have it suddenly approaching so fast, but equally nice that something is going to be happening. I'm on stand-by for an ironic bfp now that there is a contingency plan in place .

Sorry for anyone I've missed - but just wanted to pop in and wish you all well. xxx

lemons I totally understand your frustration at SIL's news. Do you think they got pregnant the first month of trying? How do people do it? I don't think I'd want to tell people so soon, isn't it 1 in 3 that end in mc before 12 weeks? I have a colleague who told everyone she knew at 6 weeks and then mc at 10 weeks. She said one of the most painful things was having to tell everyone about it. She's since had a baby but didn't tell friends until she was 14 weeks. I think if I ever get pregnant I might hide it until 9 months and tell everyone I've eaten too many pies .

One of the reasons I'm sceptical about all the food woo stuff is that I know so many people with rubbish and unhealthy lifestyles that have got pregnant easily. The Dr DH saw told him that he couldn't recommend he adopt any new lifestyle because he was already doing all the healthy things. Apparently smoking has a very negative effect on sperm but I know loads of smokers whose partners have got pregnant straight away so it makes me . We follow a healthy diet, exercise moderately, healthy BMI etc but still we can't do it.

joycep I am so sorry the second IUI hasn't worked. Third time lucky? Has Af actually turned up? Do you have a plan for going forward? Are you on a waiting list for fertility treatment on the NHS? Sorry for all the questions!

nelly I have everything crossed for you. This thread is well due a BFP.

I am on CD4. I'm already dreading the SWI period, does anyone else dread it now or is it just me? I really need to summon up some positivity from somewhere, this is our last chance for a BFP before Xmas.

Hi biscuits nice to hear from you. Hope everything is going well, how many weeks are you. BFD = Big Fat Disappointment.

MrsDen I'm sorry you aren't feeling up for the SWI. I don't know what to suggest really - any chance of booking a weekend away or in a hotel or something? I know that does wonders for our sex life! Or, cheaper and more practical, get really drunk and play strip poker or something

So what do you think counts as a symptom? Dropping things (the phone has been a repeat victim)? Cravings for Jaffa Cakes? Ummm- aversion to doing any real work?

ignores rumbling pains in tummy which imply the BFD is imminent

20 weeks now Nelly - scan on Friday which (I'm hoping!) will be reassuring!

Lots of hugs for you too MrsD - I used to dread the SWI-athon too . Just seemed kind of fruitless and hard work. We never quite managed to keep the sparkle alive.....

20 weeks biscuit - wow doesn't time fly! I hope the scan goes well and you get some great waves from mini-biscuit. Will you find out the sex if you can? Have you felt any movements yet do you think? Sorry - questions questions, you can tell I've never been pregnant and am really nosey

I have had tiny bits of spotting during the day but so far still nothing of note. I am resolutely having a glass of tonight though, as I refuse to give countenance to any ridiculous BFP dreams. I have had a couple of sharp twinges which must be the start of AF cramps. But I'm a little terrified every time I go to the loo.

Sorry for the minute by minute updates. I'm sure they will all be over by tomorrow as I fully expect to wake up to bad news. grrrrr.

So, just for fun Nelly how many dpo are you now? Or when was / is AF due?

I'm resolutely not adding anything to the fire here (although desperately keeping everything crossed at the same time!)

I think we're going to hold out for a surprise on the boy / girl front. We did with DS, so will see if we can!

Not really felt any movements yet, which I have to say is one of the things massively worrying me ahead of Friday. I was dopplered at 16 and 18 weeks but need something to reassure me now! I would have though / hoped that there would be movements by now with this being my second .

Well I think 14DPO as I had very obvious cramps and EWCM on the Wednesday. But based on my iphone app, which works on average cycle lengths, I'm only 12DPO, but I'm pretty sure I am having a shorter cycle this month. Today is day 25, the longest I've had is 29 but that was rare, it's usually 25-27.

resolutely ignores Biscuits idly stoking the fire.

I think they normally say movement starts around 20 weeks doesn't it? Of course I have no idea what I'm talking about am no expert, but I don't know that this being your second would mean you'd expect to feel things earlier, would it? Other than perhaps the fact you can identify the tiny flutterings as movement, rather than just wind!

I think they say 18-22 weeks or something for feeling movements, but the general consensus seems to be that you feel then sooner on subsequent pgs. Not always, but often. I guess in the same way your bump 'pops' sooner. I'm sure part of it is being able to identify them sooner, but also proper kicks tend to come sooner I believe.

I'm on another thread too and there are several people who are 4 weeks or more behind me who are getting kicks already . Still, we'll see what they say on Friday....

I'm going to have to go back to read your dates / numbers. Back in a jiffy.....

OK, so AF due between today and Friday most likely, possibly as late as Sunday. Well, I'm keeping my fingers crossed - GOOD LUCK!!!!!!

Thanks. Sadly AF arrived overnight. I really should have known better .

On the plus side, at least I clearly know my fucking useless body well, as I get my OV date spot on. Plus, if I'd have got my bfp this month you'd have all asked "what did you do differently" and I'd have to suspect the mutual climax was to blame. And how much pressure would that have been??

Oh well. Onwards and upwards.

Sorry nelly I reckon I'll be joining you within 24 hours. Spotting is such a headf**k! Hug.

Boooo, nelly (but thanks for taking that pressure off! Organising being at home at the same time around ov is tough enough without having to manage everything else at the same time too!).

I'm due Monday/Tuesday. Meh.

Hi everyone, sorry not posted for a while as not had chance to log in properly, but I have been avidly reading everyone else's on my phone.

Firstly am really sorry to eggnog and joycep on your disappointments. No matter how much you should be used to it, it never quite goes away does it. joycep I am still very hopeful that IUI will work for you, but agree that people (ie doctors and woo doctors) really shouldnt make promises they can't keep. My acupuncture lady said this week that now I am coping better with the psychological side of things, it's 'just a matter of time' for us. I wish I was so certain.

lemons sympathy to you for the shock BFP announcment. I really felt for you when I read your post. It's so much worse when it is a shock, and I always feel like it sets me right back on the coping mentally side of things. I hope you feel better about it soon - I have found it can take quite a while to absorb that kind of news, but you will get there.

euro how are you feeling about IVF now you've had a few days for it to sink in? Agree it does seem drastic - I hope that the immunology testing will throw up some answers for you, but in the meantime, it's probably not a bad idea to get your name on that list.

biscuits as ever, fabulous to hear from you and best of luck for the scan tomorrow, although I'm sure you won't need it.

mrsden and others AAARRGGHHH about all the unhealthy, lardy, smoking people who seem to conceive instantly. It's the kind of thing that just ISN'T FAIR!!

Waves to my bookish pal wine and anyone I have missed.

Lots of us seem to be at the same stage in our cycle. Its 15DPO here, I am expecting the ERTD on Saturday - just in time for the weekend :( It is definitely on its way, so I am going to phone the hospital and attempt to book my HSG tomorrow - boooo, but hopefully another test out of the way soon.

Aside from waiting for AF I have been plotting a mini break for next year. I am determined to make 2012 happier than 2011 - remind me of this on January 1st when I am moaning!!

Hi kitty,

I still feel like it is "too soon" for IVF but I won't be turning down the chance to get on the waiting list. I'll just see what else I can do in the meantime - the immunology guy is a gynae so I will ask him about Clomid and IUI, etc.

I think by the time I get to the top of the IVF waiting list, I will be ok with it. And it does have an advantage if we want a second - assuming we are lucky enough to have embryos to freeze - the second pregnancy would be with those "younger" embryos. Because if I got pregnant at the first IVF attempt, next spring, I wouldn't have the baby until I was turning 37 and perhaps wouldn't be ready to do it all again until maybe 39, so having some 36 yr old embryos saved could be a good thing. We have discussed it and would both prefer two if we can manage it.

that's a good point about the younger frozen embryos euro. The only person I know who has had IVF (and I only know her through a friend) got pregnant using the 4th embryo (so 3 were frozen and the first was fresh). She now has 2 left to try when she is ready for another baby. I have a horrible feeling that the law prevents "extra" embryos being created here so I don't think I will be able to freeze any which means I would have to go through the whole process again. What a PITA. I need to look into it properly though because I might have this wrong. But I'm getting way ahead of myself thinking about siblings for a child not yet conceived.

So sorry about AF nelly. And how annoying for AF to come in the night, does she have no manners?

A mini break for the new year sounds like a good plan kitty. The problem with saving up for IVF is that we can't even plan anything that will be expensive, sigh.

I agree it is getting ahead of ourselves, but when conception didn't happen quickly I started thinking about whether I would be happy with a singleton. I was an only and it was fine but I would prefer two if I can possibly manage it! But I am focusing on #1 first!

euro I am one of 4 but I've always thought that is too many, my ideal is 2. But now just having one child seems so hard that I daren't think too much about having a second because it makes me feel a bit panicky. I really wish I could click my fingers and all of us on this thread would be magically upduffed. We've waited long enough now and I think we've been so patient up until now.

Oh Nelly - I am sorry. I was hoping that your fun swi sessions due to your your engagement had done the trick. Our thread hasn't had any luck in Part3. I just hope Part4 will bring some better news.

Mrsd - oh yes AF is here. I have just picked up syringe and Gonal F drugs which she has wacked up the dose. So start injecting tonight and will get a scan in a week to check I'm not over stimulating. I am then going to call it a day after this 3rd round as most people who are going to conceive with iui will do so on the 3rd go. The plan then is to stop everything and aim for ivf next summer if nothing has happened. I still am foolishly believing it won't amount to that although trying to prepare myself in case. I'm not in the NHS system at all. My GP wanted me to wait another 6 months before she referred me and that would have taken me to 20months of trying. She really believed it was because i was in a state about it but i 'm working on that.

kitty - where are you thinking of a mini break? i really want to go on holiday but we can't until next summer .

So has anyone heard of zumba dancing? I've just signed up for some classes. It looks like a lot of fun and will provide a better alternative to jogging which i hate.

Hello,

Not much going on, on my side. Day 10 to waiting to ov at any point soon. I had my smear today, i'd had 2 borderline ones, and then a normal one, so they are just monitoring me now. The nurse said my cervix looked nice and is to my right side. Interesting huh!

The freezing eggs thing is interesting isnt it. I can remember when I was 34 a colleague/friend of mine said that I should get some eggs frozen. I was single at the time and thought i'd never find a man, so didn't do anything about it... kind of wish I had now.

I'd have loved 3 or 4, but i'd never wanted to be an old mum. I guess 2 is all I can hope for now, I'm sort of secretly hoping that if we go down the IVF route we might get twins! I was once told by a fortune teller than I'd have twins...

Do you have to wait a year after IVF to try again after you have a baby? I'm 38 next month already :((((((

I do understand why GPs tell people to go away and relax but I still find it frustrating when I hear that you were told that joycep. Of course hopefully she was right and you will be pregnant before 20 months. But it doesn't seem right that you're having to pay for IUI when others would get it paid for. Is it worth going back and asking for a referral to a clinic so that you can get on a list for treatment, that hopefully you won't need. Sorry, I'll butt out now .

karbea maybe you need to tell your DH to aim to one side?

karbea I'd love twins too! My best friend has the most gorgeous identical twin boys (via IVF). My gran is a non-ID twin, although that's on my dad's side so I don't think that influences my chances of having twins. My mum was also pregnant with twins after me but lost them.

I don't think you have to wait for a certain time after IVF before going again, but I think I would need that time mentally and physically to recover! Having seen my best friend accidentally end up with 3 close together I am a bit scared of small gaps!

joycep I've heard of zumba. It looks quite fun but I hate gym classes so I have never tried it.

Ladies, do you mind if I have a whinge?

By way of background, I have a good relationship with my mum, although she can be a little difficult about things and set in her ways. She is also a complete stress bunny and in a bad way at the moment because their house purchase has just fallen through, for the 4th time.

When I got engaged (nearly 2 years ago) me and my mum had a conversation where she said she was surprised I was getting married and didn't think I would ever do it and I said we were only really bothering because we were hoping for kids. This was the first time I ever mentioned I might have kids - when I was younger I had always maintained I wouldn't. It wasn't mentioned again for over a year and then when we were starting investigations in the summer I had a conversation with her about her problems. I knew she had had 3 miscarriages after me but I didn't know at what stage and if any explanation had been given for them, etc. We discussed them and she mentioned it had taken her and my dad a year to conceive me (back when they were both in their early 20s). A slightly awkward conversation (done whilst I was driving so we weren't eye to eye!) because we are not really a family that would discuss things like periods or se* openly, but it was fine.

On the phone last night I mentioned that we had had our follow up appointment at the fertility clinic, all test results were normal and they had referred us for IVF but in the meantime we were going to try immunology testing and some other stuff (I had explained the immunology testing in the car conversation). She just sort of said "hmmm" a few times and didn't seem interested at all.

I feel a bit hurt (particularly as I had just listened to her bang on about what bstds estate agents are for 15 minutes....). She has no grandchildren, went through considerable heartache herself to have a family. I would have thought she would have had a bit more empathy?

I was dwelling on it thinking about it last night and she had an odd reaction to my best friend having kids (we've been friends since we were 11 so my mum knows her well). When bf had her first pregnancy and I mentioned that it was IVF, my mum came out with something very odd like "I don't agree with that" or something similar. Best friend offered to bring the baby round to see my mum a few times and my mum just wasn't interested. I ended up having to make excuses. She hasn't shown any interest in the twins either, although I show her photos occasionally. When she met my BIL & SIL's toddler she interracted with her a little bit but a fairly minimal amount.

I'm now quite worried about what she is going to be like with any child I do manage to produce, particularly if its an IVF one.

The annoying thing is that she is so stressed at the moment, I can't broach the subject with her for fear that it would turn nasty. She has a very short fuse and it is even shorter when she is stressed. It's her 60th in a couple of weeks and I want that to be enjoyable for her.

I can think of two possible reasons for her strange behaviour: one is that me and my friends popping out kids will put her in the grandparent generation and she does not deal with ageing well. The second is that being around children brings back painful memories of her own miscarriages and unhappiness at ttc (which I remember well from my childhood). But I feel like I wish she could move on and think about the future.

Sorry this has been such a mammoth post. I just wanted to get that off my chest. I can't even talk about it with my best friend because part of the story is my mum's reaction to IVF and not wanting to meet her babies!

Thanks for "listening".

euro. Mums are funning creatures. I have long since given up trying to understand why my mum reacts or says certain things. Sometimes I think her age is making her awkward and cranky. Sometimes I think she still thinks of me and my siblings as her small children and when we do something "adult-like" it makes her feel strange. It is possible that your mum does not want to get excited or her hopes up about grandchildren yet maybe because she knows of the pain she went through. Her way of coping might be to stay detached. Also, some people just aren't that interested in other people's babies which might explain her reaction to your friend's babies. That does not mean that she won't be really excited about a grand child but for her that might still seem such a long way off and she doesn't want to tempt fate by getting excited. Also, I think people of our parents generation know very little about the process of IVF. I'm sure my mum thinks that the babies are actually made in a test tube and are transferred to the womb looking like fully grown babies. My mum is very anti-intervention generally, she hates doctors, had all home births etc so I know she doesn't think IVF is a good idea. One of the reasons I haven't told her yet is because I really do worry about what her reaction will be. My advice to you is to keep telling her what you feel comfortable with and wait for her to come round to the idea. I bet she is worrying about the impact it will have on you, probably because of the experience she had.