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Conception

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TTC for 10+ months, part 3

999 replies

joycep · 22/08/2011 12:33

The other thread was just about to fill up and so here we are again with a slightly different name now as many of us have been trying for well over 12 cycles now. We had a few great successes on Part 2, with a couple of people getting bfp's on their 17th and 19th month of trying. So let's hope for more successes on Part 3. (Moaning, crying, sadness, anxiety & bitterness is certainly allowed on here!)

OP posts:
eurochick · 10/11/2011 16:24

Thanks, mrsd. Wise words.

My mum couldn't be described as anti-doctors. She has had cancer twice and is only here because of medical technology! But you might be right that she doesn't understand the IVF process.

I won't mention anything for a while (at least not until she has stopped fuming about the house). I might try to talk to my dad to see if he knows what is up with her, although we have one of those father-daughter relationships where we only seem to talk about the superficial stuff, not the more emotive things.

At least I have given her plenty of time to get used to the idea that she might have an IVF grandchild one day!

Karbea · 10/11/2011 17:05

Oh euro I really feel for you. i have a very similar rellie with my mum. I've not even told her we are trying really as i once said I didn't want kids when I was 18 or so, and now if i even mention them she says "but you don't like children", i'm dying to ask her whether she had any tests etc between my bro and i as there is a 8year gap and apparently they were trying all the while.
I often call her to ask her stuff or tell her something and then she bombards me with her news and then says she has to go. i often get off the phone and realise i never actually got round to saying why i'd called..

Mums eh!

But I bet she'll be different when your baby arrives, your baby will be so different to a friends. I was thinking the other day, how awlful it must have been for women of our mums generation, if it didn't work, well all they could do was keep trying.

joycep · 10/11/2011 18:27

Euro ? I really feel for you and i think mums can be a funny bunch. I think I mentioned before that when I told my mum that I was doing IUI , she just sighed and told me it was a complete waste of money. I told her it was the last stop shop before IVF before, cue another big sigh. It is very upsetting when you know what you?re going through and what you may have to go through and you have an unsupportive mother. Of all the people, they should be the ones we can turn too, especially like you say as your mum went through a lot of heartache herself.
Why are they like that with regards to ivf? Well i?m not sure. Perhaps there is a generational gap and a lack of understanding with it. I think ivf was very controversial and had bad publicity. I must say even when I was at Uni I didn?t know what ivf was and i thought this guy in my halls was weird because he was a test tube baby Blush (that?s what he had called himself). The truth of the matter is, if IVF had been more readily available in our parent?s day, they would have done it as well if they needed to. They may say they are against it now but they didn?t have the option then.
Is your mum someone who gets more wrapped up in her own problems or has she always worried about you? Is it out of character to not be concerned with what you are going through? I just wonder whether she is just wrapped up in her housing problem at the moment. Or is she the jealous type?...you have the option and she didn?t? I don?t know why she wouldn?t be interested in your friend?s babies though; does she like babies?

It?s really hard and it?s one thing you don?t want to have to worry about on top of everything else. I?m sure she?ll be very different when you have yours though.

OP posts:
EggNogNelly · 10/11/2011 22:29

Evening ladies. Thanks for the commiserations. I did allow myself a nanosecond of hope; not sure why, but as you said joycep, romantically it would have been nice for the post-engagement sex to have been the winner. Sorry that you think you will be joining me wine. Kitty hope yours stays away; but planning a weekend away is definitely a great idea! I might have to copy that plan to cheer me up :)

Twins are definitely Utopia for me now ? I?m getting way too old to have time to have 2 separately!

Hope the smear is fine karbea, I?m sure it will be but I hate waiting for test results, as I have an overactive imagination Wink

Sorry your Mum is being a bit weird euro. Mine can be generally quite strange, but I think she?d be fine about my TTC woes. But she didn?t have the trauma your Mum had, I am sure that will stay with her forever. I suspect when the time comes, she?ll love her grandchild with a passion that will surprise both of you. :)

So OH and I had a chat about our failure to conceive so far. I started talking about private IVF and he said ?Well don?t we need to apply some science first?? I politely told him we?d been applying quite a lot of science thus far, he just didn?t know about it Hmm. So he got the edited version of timings of ovulation, shagging etc. His suggestion for next month is as much sex as we can muster around the fertile period ? more than once a day if necessary Shock. I reckon we should give it a try ? we?ve failed so far with the ?sex every 2 or 3 days? so we may as well give it all we?ve got this month! Remind me of this in a couple of weeks when I am quite literally shagged out!

munki · 11/11/2011 08:36

Ladies, I've news to share. I've only gone and got an ironic BFP. Just found out this morning, and I'm stunned. It's been 16 months of heartache, and a lot of tears, without a sniff of a BFP up to now. Obviously I'm not taking anything for granted but I just wanted to let you know there's always hope. The only thing that was different this month was we made a conscious effort to totally relax in the week after ov. Yes, I know, that 'just relax' bollocks. Maybe there's something in it after all. The stress of ttc has affected me really badly, this is the first month for ages I feel I managed to occupy my thoughts with other stuff and not obsess about it.

I really hope you don't mind me posting this. It has taken us a very long time - 17 months - and I really want you to take some hope from this. I an convinced it's going to happen for all of you - just don't give up!!

Of course I'm not out of the woods yet, so I'm not taking anything for granted, but thank you for your support. I would have lost the plot without this outlet.

M xxx

Biscuitsandtea · 11/11/2011 08:53

Congratulations munki - that's really super news! Will be keeping my fingers crosse for you xx

whereismywine · 11/11/2011 09:29

Woo hoo Munki! Cheered me right up GrinGrin gives hope that sometimes all you need is patience. Enjoy! X

whereismywine · 11/11/2011 09:36

Oo and do tell us of any symptoms! Still waiting for af my end and spotting vanished. Know it's coming but hate the dragged out waiting. Pregnant friend nursery shopping and the tampax dash feels a bit pants. On the move and on phone, catch up with everyone properly soon BiscuitBiscuit (my hurting boobs)

mrsden · 11/11/2011 09:49

woo hoo munki what fantastic news!!!!! I said it was about time this thread got a BFP. This has given me hope! Will this be your first baby? Sorry, I forget everyone's stories! Had you had any investigations done? And do tell us your symptoms. Congratulations again Grin Grin Grin

wine I do hope AF stays away, fingers crossed for you.

Karbea · 11/11/2011 10:01

Oh Munki congrats!

Nelly Yes I hope so too, I'm not sure what we'd do if it came back borderline (or worse) again, I guess we'd have to stop TTC :S

we are on day 11, so need to get to it. I felt a bit funny after the smear yesterday so we didn't dtd last night, and we were both up early this AM, but have text DH to tell him his luck is in tonight haha!

Pixiepops · 11/11/2011 11:00

Congratulations Munki, that's lovely news Grin.

I've had my second appointment & have been prescribed clomid for the next 4 cycles, to be followed by IVF should we need to. My AMH is low, but after some initial tears I'm determined to stay hopeful. All of the other tests have been ok and I know that I'm ovulating so there's no reason I shouldn't get pregnant, especially if the clomid's having the desired effect.

Sorry to hear about your mum Euro, I'm starting to feel that I'm going to have to say something to mine soon, I'm hopeful that she'll be supportive, though fear that the news will stress her out. It doesn't generally take very much!

Hope we all have nice weekends lined up Smile

eurochick · 11/11/2011 11:08

Congratulations munki. It is always encouraging to hear tales of BFPs after a long while trying.

Thanks for all of your comments re: my mum. I feel a bit better about just it for offloading.

joycep · 11/11/2011 14:00

munki - woohooo, that has bought a massive smile to my face, so it can take ages for apparently no reason! Really pleased for you.
wine - goodness, i am keeping my fingers crossed fr you too...
pixie hopefully the clomid will do the trick. My AMh is low as well but i should just ignore that. It's stressful thinking about it. I've read people can get preggers with really really low Amh levels so don't worry.

OP posts:
EggNogNelly · 11/11/2011 15:22

Hurrah munki that is amazing news Grin. Well timed too, we needed a BFP before our new thread. Fingers crossed for wine too!

munki · 11/11/2011 15:45

Hi all, thanks for your good wishes. I'm just sad it can't be all of us sharing BFP news but I'm confident you all will be soon.

mrsden we have been ttc number 2, I had blood tests which were fine and H had a SA that was disastrous then after stopping smoking and taking vits another SA that was fine. We've been referred to the infertility service and I was about to have a scan during next AF.

So far the only symptom I've had that isn't a normal PMT symptom for me is lots of veins on my boobs - more than normal. Otherwise the sore nipples, nausea, tiredness, backache etc etc are the same as always - they're just not going as they usually do.

I'm sorry to hear about the hard times some of you have been having. Just try to keep your chins up and keep going. Focus on the positive and try to have things to look forward to far beyond the next 2ww - that has helped me.

M xx

whereismywine · 11/11/2011 15:54
Wink
eurochick · 12/11/2011 09:21

Morning ladies. I did a test this morning as I am going to a close friend's wedding later and I know we are going to have vast amounts of booze poured down us and it was BFN. No surprise but still disheartening to see. This is why I am not a frequent tester. Meh. Still at least I can drown my sorrows before AF arrives.

whereismywine · 12/11/2011 10:22

Sad euro the one line test is mean. Loves to you. Enjoy yourself, drink champagne and have a night off this whole ttc malarkey. Those two lines will come x

eurochick · 12/11/2011 11:59

We've got our "bonus cycle" to go.

We started "properly" ttc NYE last year, which was spot on for catching ovulation, so that cycle started mid December. Cycle 12 will end Monday/Tuesday so we can get one more in before our year is up!

Maybe 13 will be lucky rather than unlucky (that was an attempt to be optimistic).

kittysaysmiaow · 12/11/2011 16:46

munki congrats on your bfp, great news! So good to hear of bfp's after over a year.

euro sorry about your test, I've done the same many times for the same reason and it is a pile of poo. I hope you are having a great time at the wedding and LOADS of champagne though.

nelly bless your DH for being totally unaware of all the 'science' that has already been applied to your situation! I'm very impressed you managed to do that without really letting on, I'm definitely guilty of TMI as far as fertile days and EWCM etc goes.

wine how's it going?

Hope everyone else is ok. CD2 here. Of cycle 15, sob. My HSG is now booked in for the week after next and I'm bricking it. It means a month off ttc, and no chance of a bfp in 2011, but I think a month off might be a good thing for us. Am wondering what productive things I can do with it other than getting blind drunk :)

tigersmummy · 13/11/2011 08:26

Hi, I have just read this interesting thread and would like to reply to you all, but I was especially interested in what munki said about relaxing after ovulation. We have decided (again, long story Grin) to TTC DC2, took us 5 months for DS, but I have never heard about trying to relax after ovulation. Can you tell me more?
BIG congratulations by the way, you must be over the moon!

tigersmummy · 13/11/2011 08:32

And Lemon, I've just read your SIL update, how annoying!!! Life just isn't fair. My MIL is like that, she now has another GC and BIL & SIL are always favoured over us, and likewise their DC1 always has taken precedence over our DS and its likely to intensify with the LO. Oh well, take a deep breath and screen those 'helpful update' calls from your SIL Wink!!!

whereismywine · 13/11/2011 12:21

Hello lovelies.

euro I hope your nursing a mild hangover. Sorry to hear your mum has been a bit distant as you've confided. Generally, I find that the majority of people struggle to respond to issues of fertility very well. This is much harder when it's your mum. Maybe it reminds her of a sad time or of aspects that she has found difficult in her own life? Mine is generally ok, but I really only ever want people to tell me that:

  1. it will all be ok in the end and I WILL have a baby.
  2. that they entirely understand how hard it must be
  3. together with lots of stories of success of other people!

If they've had their own struggles all the better. My mum is generally good at 2 and 3 but tends to be a bit too over realistic that I may end up childless.

Sorry to hear of the af visits nelly and kitty. My own period came a visiting this morning in the shower after 5!!! days of pathetic spotting. It is much heavier than normal and extremely painful so I'm making the most of a lazy Sunday to lie on the sofa with a hot water bottle and my new book The Hunger Games, which I'm enjoying a lot. My acupuncturist has debunked my theory that my spotting is because of weak eggs and says it a minor hormonal imbalance, bless her. She said she was working on making my periods heavier which she appears to have done. if someone offered me a heavy period for £115 in non ttc times I would have laughed in their face!

Is it just me, or do you lot tend to find yourselves very weepy the day before and on the first day of af? For me, I'm a grumpy evil cow about a week after ovulation which lessens into easily irritated before shifting to vulnerably weepy just before. Friday was spent maternity shopping with my pregnant friend. Dont want to be too much of a bitch in cyber space but I hated every minute of the experience and cried like a baby the minute I was in a taxi going home. It's not depressed weepy particularly, more like the feeling you get when you watch a sad film. I knew this month was a dud, I've been ill, not shagging with any kind of intent and notably pre-menstrual. But still. A year of no contrception has passed with nothing to show for it. Onto cycle 13 it is. Lap in December so no trying then. This next cycle feels like a last shot attempt before surgery! euro maybe cycle 13 will be actually lucky for us.

kitty a month off ttc felt quite blissful actually! It was also interesting noting 'symptoms' when I knew I wasn't pregnant. Speaking of which, my boobs have not been sore at all this month, they kind of do their own thing? I found the whole month went by much faster too, without day counting.

pixie good luck with the clomid. Let us know how it goes. Sorry to hear about the amh. Remember they're just numbers and the web is awash with people who have low amh or high fsh and conceive.

joycep are you going straight into iui no3?

Hello to folks I've missed and newbies. Do keep visiting munki to tell us how it's going and to rub off pregnantness.

whereismywine · 13/11/2011 12:25

Oh and incase that post wasn't quite long enough Blush my hypochondriac belief of the moment is that I have endometriosis because of my ibs, spotting and pain I get after weeing in the run up to my period, together with general pelvic pain. Does anyone here have that diagnosis? And if found in a lap, would they have a go at removing it do you think?

kittysaysmiaow · 13/11/2011 16:12

Hello everyone

wine I'm sorry your period is making you feel rotten. I usually find they make me feel very wiped out for a couple of days at least. I have always had a hard time with pain, exhaustion, nausea, and really bad PMS up to 10 days before. Things have improved a lot since I started acu though. The worst bit for me is usually a patch of really depression-like feelings round about 9DPO. I'm sorry you had to endure shopping with your pregnant friend 2 days before your af, I think that might've tipped me over the edge! Is that the same friend you mentioned last weekend; did you tell her about your situation in the end?

I've also worried about endo because of the heavy and painful aspect. If they do find any during your lap, they do try and remove it - at least that's what I was told when I was offered the choice between the lap and the HSG. Hopefully everything will be clear for you though, fingers crossed.

Only yesterday I was updating a good friend on my ttc woes and commented that generally the only words I want to hear from people were either 'it'll all be fine', or a story about someone they knew who took ages to concieve but everything was fine in the end! The friend in question responded with a good story about someone she knew who had had unexplained who got a BFP the day before she started taking the IVF drugs :)

But generally yes - this last year has been such an eye opener to me about how other people don't understand fertility issues. It's why this thread is such a huge support.

euro I hope you are feeling better about things with your mum now. Mine is aware of our situation and yesterday started making comments about IVF being horrendous etc. I gently but firmly told her that I considered myself very lucky to live in a time when such treatments and options were available and she conceded I had a point. I have decided that if we do go through IVF I need to be very positive about it etc and am not going to entertain people being funny about it when they don't really understand it. It really annoys me the way people think that women enter into fertility treatment lightly - as if you would go through all of that if there was any alternative Angry

Have decided to use my month off TTC to do some proper exercise. I've never been much of an exerciser but things have really slipped since starting TTC and the 2WW is always a perfect excuse to take it easy. So am going to do a bit of 30-day shredding interspersed with some yoga and pilates to try and shape up a bit.